"Because your speech is slurred enough that you just might swallow your tongue. I'm sure you'd want, want to give up the ghost
With just a little more poise than that "
-"Nails for Breakfast Tacks For Snacks" Panic! At The Disco
"Who's Jake?" I ask after a long period of silence. We have been driving for quite some time now and I choose to start a conversation with this.
Clare sighs and presses her fingers to her temple, massaging it gently. "He's just a guy that works for my dad."
"That you're on a first name basis with?"
She turns her head sharply. "What are you implying?" I shrug. "Maybe I'm on a first name basis with all of my father's employees." She says. "And Coyne?" I say, not taking my eyes off of the road. I can't look at her eyes and this bothers me greatly, but I hear her sigh. "I wasn't completely honest with you." My heart drops into my stomach at her words. "What do you mean?" I try to keep my voice steady.
"When I told you that KC was my only ex-boyfriend…I lied. I dated Jake." Relief washes over me at the word dated. "For how long?" I try to sound casual. "Three years." Clare squeaks out and I almost hit the car in front of me. "Three years." I repeat. "That long, huh?" Out of the corner of my eye, I see Clare nod. "Why did it end?" She looks down at her fingernails. "I decided to swear off anything that had to do with my father's business. That included Jake."
We are silent for a moment before I say "You're lying."
She looks up and blinks. "No, I'm not." I bob my head. "You are. You bite your lip and look at your hands when you lie. It's so you don't have to look people in the eyes." I raise my eyebrows and she shakes her head. "I think I know my own girlfriend Clare Edwards. Now, why are you lying?"
She looks out the window and mumbles something, but I catch it. "Because the truth hurts."
"Why is that?" I ask, growing impatient of her being so damn cryptic.
"He cheated on me with my best friend." Her voice sounds broken and I actually turn to look at her. When I do, I see that her blue eyes are shiny with tears. "Oh." I say, because I cannot think of anything better. She wipes away the tears and says "I'm over it. It's just a sensitive subject when brought up." I reach one of my hands over and grasp her own. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed it." She shakes her head again. "It's fine. You didn't know."
We smile at each other and she clears her throat. "So how long was your last relationship?"
Oh. Fuck.
My stomach churns and I fight to keep my lunch down. "Uh…five years."
"Wow" Clare says and smiles. "Looks like you have me beat."
I laugh nervously "Yeah. Guess I do."
"Who was she?"
"…You don't know her."
"No, but I'd like to know about her."
I cough. "Why? How is that relevant to this?" I gesture wildly with my hand between us and try breathing in and out through my nose to settle my nausea. Clare's eyebrows slant downwards. "Eli. What are you hiding?"
I'm going to puke.
"Nothing! Why are you so questioning all of a sudden?"
"Why are you so questionable all of a sudden?"
"You're being ridiculous Clare."
"No, I think you're being suspicious. I tell you everything about me and you can't give away one detail about your past? That isn't fair."
"Life isn't fair." I snap at her and she falls silent.
"Why are you being so mean?" she asks quietly and again I feel guilty. "I'm sorry." I mumble and I reach for her hand, but she pulls away and looks out the window. "Fine." I grit out and we are silent for the rest of the drive.
. . .
"Yeah Adam. Yeah we're fine. You ok? Alright. How's Fiona? Good. Alright. Give Drew my best. Bye." I hang up the phone and turn to Clare, who is reading a book on the bed. "Everyone at the base is fine. Your dad and his team escaped a bit after we did." She looks relieved, but still remains silent. "Adam is going to meet with us in about a week, along with Drew and Simpson."
Quiet.
Are you just going to ignore me this entire time?" I ask her desperately
"Are you going to tell me who your ex girlfriend was?" she asks, not looking away from her book.
"No" I state. I can't tell her. I haven't told anyone in years, and I'm certainly not about to start now.
Silence is her answer and I sigh in frustration. "I'm going out." I state and this catches her attention. The door swings open and she asks "Where?"
I laugh dryly. "Why do you care?" and the door slams shut.
. . .
"Excuse me." The middle aged man at the front desk looks up. "Yes sir?"
"I don't mean to be a bother, but my sister is upstairs in our room. And she isn't very well in the mind, if you know what I'm saying."
"Oh dear."
"Mhm. She's a bit delusional. If you could keep an eye on her, send her back up to her room if she tries to leave?"
"Of course, of course."
"Thank you."
"And are we talking about the female that walked in with you?"
"Yes sir."
"Her name please?"
"Clara Edwin."
"I'll take care of it for you."
"Thank you so much. And sir?"
"Yes?"
"I understand that you have a bar in the restaurant?"
. . .
"You guys a grreeaatt!" I slur to the three men I have met at the bar an hour earlier. They laugh in agreement.
"Excuse me gentleman?" The bartender says to me and I turn my head to him. "Yess my good man?"
"I'm afraid we're closing." and the three men and I groan. I chug whatever is left of my drink and it warms my insides and makes my legs feel like jelly. "Whatever bro." I say, stumbling as I try to get off my chair and begin to walk. "I've got to go back to my room anyway. Got a nice lady waiting for me up there." I wiggle my eyebrows at the guys, but stop as the realization sinks in.
"Oh no." I whisper. "Clare!"
. . .
I stumble into the room and yell "Claarree!"
I see that she is still on the bed where I left her except now she has a laptop sitting on her thighs and she is typing quickly. "Eli?" she asks questioningly and she snaps the computer shut. "Claaaaarreee." I slur out again and jump onto the bed. "Did you miss me baby?" She pushes me away with a look of disgust. "You reek of alcohol." and I fall backwards on the bed. "Oh thats right! You're still maadd at me cause I won't tell you about my ex-girlfriendd!" Clare chuckles at my drunken state.
"Lay down Eli."
"Don't be mad at me Claarree! I loveee youu!" and through my drunken haze I can see that she looks hurt. "Then why won't you tell me?"
I respond by kissing her fiercely and push her body back onto the bed. "Eli" she mumbles against my lips and I know that she can taste the alcohol and smoke on my lips, but she kisses me anyways. My fingers inch up her skin, trailing up her stomach. "Mmm?" I ask.
She pushes me away and the pain is back in her eyes. "Who is she?" she asks. I sigh. "Was."
"Was?" she looks confused.
"Not who she iss Clare. Who she wasss."
Her eyes widen and I laugh at her expression. "Does that mean that she's…"
"Dead!" I yell, finishing the sentence for her. Suddenly I'm crying and laughing at the same time. "She's dead! Ohhh my sweet Julia Hawthorne! She's gone Clareee!" I place my lips beside her ear and sing softly to her, reciting a song lyric that I had replayed over and over in my dark room as a teenager. My tears touch her cheek and my vision starts to blur, darkness threatening to consume me. But I still sing, the ghost of my past creeping up on my like an old friend.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia."
And then I black out.
. . .
Yay! Early update! I might update again on Sunday, just to make up for my leaving. And plus, something big is happening next chapter. BIG. It was actually supposed to be a part of this chapter, but I cut it out. That's actually the reason as to why I cut it out. I want it to be an entire chapter of it's own. Plus I want the song to fit. Teehee. Anyways, I loves you guys sooo much for leaving me a bunch of reviews. I know this isn't the most popular fan fiction, but it still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know that people ready and enjoy my work.
Tumblr is verbal-acuity
