I have no excuse for my lack of updates. Just me being lazy. Because of that I decided to give you guys a long chapter. Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush (sobs quietly in the corner)


James continued to stare at the phone with a small smile plastered on his face. I could see his eyes darting back and forth across the screen as he tried to memorize every aspect of Maddie's face. From her slightly pouty lips and hazel eyes she got from James to her button nose and brunette curls she got from me, he analyzed it all, determined to seek out every detail that made up our daughter.

"I bet she has your personality," he says, glancing up to meet my eyes. As soon as the sentence left James' mouth I wanted to laugh. Maddie in no way had my personality.

"Please. What do you think she uses those pouty lips and puppy dog hazel eyes for? She's, one way or another, gotten every boy at preschool wrapped around her finger. Maddie even convinced her teacher last week that she was too old for a nap. But guess who had to clean her up when she fell asleep in her mashed potatoes that night at dinner?" James' laughter filled the small diner as I continued to describe how it was nearly impossible to get the potatoes out of a sleeping Maddie's hair.

"For the record," James spoke up, "I never used my eyes or my 'pouty lips' to manipulate people."

"As if. Maddie can get practically anything she wants with the use of those eyes and I can never say no. Every time she does it I think of you because you would do the same thing to me to get out of dance rehearsal when Gustavo left me in charge."

"Let me rephrase my last statement. I only ever used my eyes to manipulate you," he said leaning forward on the table with a small smirk panting his lips.

"Why?"

"I would like to say it was just the enjoyment of getting you aggravated but, honestly, it was to get out of the dance rehearsals from hell. Do you realize how grueling your routines were? I'd go home every single day feeling like someone had lit my muscles on fire."

"That's because you never stretched when I told you to and when you did, you did it wrong," I remarked. It wasn't my fault he was so damn stubborn.

"That's true," James chuckles.

"I'm sorry, did I just hear James Diamond admit he was wrong? I'm shocked!" I said, theatrically fake gasping.

"Well I'm shocking a lot of people lately," he said while staring at his wrist, playing with the bracelets once again. I wonder what the importance of them was.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when you tell people one day that you have a kid and you were too big of a coward to man up and stick around to support it, you get some shocked looks," he answers quietly.

"You told people? Why?" I asked shocked. The whole reason James left me and Maddie in the first place was because he was afraid that having a baby was going to ruin his career. James' biggest fear in the world, I know for a fact, is that he is going to lose it all. Lose everything that he has worked so hard for. He may seem like an arrogant dick, which he mostly is, but part of that mask was to cover up the fact that he was terrified to make any decision about his career. One wrong move that early on was just a further invitation for his career to crash and burn.

"Because I was tired of hiding. I was tired of having to lie to the guys about you, about Maddie, about everything that was going on between us back then. The band has taken up practically every second of my life for the past six years and I'm tired of it controlling my life."

"Are you saying you're done with the band?"

"As of now, no. I love performing too much. But if me being in the band is going to keep me from living the life I want to live then, yeah, I'll leave," he says somberly.

"What kind of life do you want to live?"

"One that includes you and our daughter. I don't want Maddie to grow up without a father anymore. My dad left when I was little and I never forgave him for it. I never understood how a father could just abandon their child. I swore to myself that I would never become one of those people. I guess I'm eating my own words now…"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but being a parent is a lot harder than it looks. I don't want to bring you into her life if you're just going to disappear again," I say honestly. Maddie just got passed the stage when she asks everyday why she doesn't have a daddy like all the other kids at school, the last thing I want to do is explain why Daddy left again. Not to mention, I don't think I could handle James leaving again. "You do also realize that I can't just go up to her and be like 'Hey Maddie, meet Daddy!' right?"

"Yeah, I realize that. Just introduce me as one of your friends. And as far as me leaving again? I can guarantee you that I will not make that mistake again," he says seriously, staring into my eyes long enough to make me uncomfortable. Pushing that feeing aside, I saw the genuine emotion in his eyes. I could tell he wanted this to work and I did too but there was no way he was getting off the hook that easy.

"How about we catch up first and you can find out whatever you want to find out about Maddie and then we'll talk about where to go from there?"

"Okay," he says with a small smile, "So where do we begin?"

"Wherever you want to. I'm an open book over here."

"When's her birthday?" he asks, looking back down at my cell phone that is still sitting on the table in front of him. Scrolling through more pictures of Maddie, the smile from earlier creeps back onto his face.

"Madeline Hensley Parker, born April 11, 2007 at 6:15 pm. She was 5 pounds 15 ounces."

"Why so tiny?" James asks, glancing up from the phone, with a hint of concern in his voice.

"She was born a month early, her due date was May 10. But she was perfectly fine," I added with a smile to ease his concerns, "just small."

"That's good," he says, handing me my phone back. "Could you send some of those pictures to me?"

"Sure. Your number still the same?" I ask scrolling to his contact that I never deleted.

"Yeah it is. Liz, you still have it in there? I thought that with everything that happened you would have wanted to delete every memory of me."

"I guess I always had this hope that you were going to call and wake me up from my horrible nightmare…" I trailed off. The next few minutes were silent and slightly awkward as I proceeded to send James the photos of Maddie I had on my phone.

"Look Liz, I really am sor-," James was cut short when my phone started ringing. I mumbled out a quick 'sorry' to James before I clicked the accept button.

"Hello?"

"Mommy?" I heard Maddie's voice on the other side of the line. I glanced at the clock on the far wall to look at the time. It was 9:15. What was she still doing up?

"Maddie?" I could see James' face perk up as I mentioned our daughter. "Sweetheart, why are you still up? It's way past your bedtime."

"Not sweepy," she replies even though I can hear the yawn in her voice.

"Why are you not sleepy?" I ask her leaning back against the plastic-covered back of the booth.

"You not read me Bully," she says, disappointment obvious in the tone of her voice. I immediately knew what she was taking about. 'Bully' was Ferdinand the bull. Every night since she was born, I would read her The Story of Ferdinand while she was in bed. Now, she won't go to sleep unless I read it to her. But now it's gotten to the point where I don't need the book anymore because I've memorized the entire thing.

"Do you want me to read you Bully?"

"Uh huh," she muffled as I could hear her getting comfortable in her bed.

"Once upon a time in Spain there was a little bull and his name was Ferdinand. All the other little bulls he lived with would run and jump and butt their heads together, but not Ferdinand. He liked to sit just quietly and smell the flowers. He had a favorite spot out in the pasture under a cork tree. It was his favorite tree and he would sit in its shade all day and smell the flowers." I glanced at James and saw an amused/shocked look on his face. I was about to continue on with the story when Mom came on the line.

"Hey, she's out," she said as I could hear Maddie's bedroom door closing.

"I'll see you when you get home, okay?"

"Okay, bye Mom."

"Bye honey." I hung up the phone and put it back in my apron pocket. When I looked at James again he had a smile plastered on his face.

"What was that about?"

"What? The story? I read it to Maddie every night before she goes to bed."

"I figured that, but in order to read a bedtime story don't you need the book?"

"James, I've read it every night for the past five years. I've got the whole thing memorized by now."

"Really?" he taunts, "Well go ahead Mommy, finish the story."

"Why?" I ask with a chuckle.

"Because I want to hear the rest of the story!" he says, breaking off into a fit of laughter at the end. Eventually I just give in and continue to tell him the rest of the story of Ferdinand the bull.


Thoughts? I feel like a lot of you guys are losing interest in this story…