It seems the Muse has developed a disturbing obsession with pretzels at the moment...Oh well folks! On with the mission!

Mission Seven - Operation Warm and Fuzzy

Rude dove for cover behind the nearest Pretzel Hut, the remnants of a flower vase decapitating the defenseless little tap dancing ceramic frog atop it. He adjusted his sunglasses and with the practiced calmness of a drugged chocobo, dialed a familiar number.

"Not a good time, Rude," his partner hissed in a whisper.

"Is Rufus okay?"

"How would I know? He wandered off on the escalator to the third floor."

"And you did not follow him?" The bald Turk seemed a bit alarmed at the prospect of Rufus being unattended with a limitless credit card in a location where fuzzy pink slippers were sold on that particular floor.

"I'm hiding under a bench with three little old ladies knitting sweaters blocking my path Rude. My feet hurt, I was knocked over by a lady with five kids in a strolled decked out to look like a chocobo, a rogue kindergartner thinking I was going to steal her Tickle Me Genesis Doll bit me, and I think I need a rabies shot. Not to mention the florist who tried to firaga me on site and the fact that Tseng won't answer his phone. I don't have the time for this right now."

He peered out over the counter of the Pretzel Hut's wagon to see a group of children running wild with sticks and knocking everything in their path over.

"Cissnei, little kids with sticks at ten o'clock past the Pretzel Hut."

He heard a frantic rustling sound. "Son of a-"

The line went dead. He flipped the PHS closed and swore. This was going to involve some work.

At Build a Goblin Workshop, Third Floor…

Reno rubbed the scratches along the sides of his face with a wince. Who knew sparkly purses could do so much damage when in the hands of prom queens trying to find the perfect dress the day before the Academic Shinra School of Elite Students prom?

He listened for the last of the high heels to vanish into the crowd and let out a breath he had not known he had been holding. That had been a close one.

But, he rubbed his hands together at the thought of what he had seen. It had been more than worth it. If only he had a camera. Blackmail at its best.

"Daddy! Daddy! I want this one!" Something tugged violently on his hair.

"Son of a bitch." He snuggled deeper into the clan of furry saviors, watching the hundreds of plastic eyes and button noses cast a critical eye upon him. For the first time, he began to wonder just what stuffed goblins had against him. It wasn't like he had ever torn their heads off and blew them up with sticks of dynamite outside of a certain fellow Turk's dorm at two in the morning. No, not him.

There was another tug on his hair.

"For the love of Holy, let go!" he hissed and tried to bury deeper, his path of escape cut off by a mean looking stuffed chocobo. He did not want to mess with this guy.

The mako enhanced light of the ceiling appeared between the random gaps in the ceiling of goblins he hid beneath, a very familiar hand digging deeper. He blinked and reached for his EMR and turned towards the person trying to turn him into a stuffed animal.

For a moment, both men looked at one another, neither daring to move. Reno ran the images through his head. He had seen this guy and the little girl with him somewhere before, but where? "Uh, hi there."

And realized his mistake a few seconds too late.

"Child molester!"

"No Mr. Terrorist Guy, you have it all wrong I-" he waved his hands sheepishly to prevent himself from being plucked out of the goblins. Too late.

Several liters of pepper spray pelted him like a heavy summer rain, drenching his uniform and stinging his eyes. Did everyone in Midgar carry that stuff?

He flicked the EMR to high out of sheer habit and looked at the leader of AVALANCHE in surprise. "Uh oh."

By at the Fuzzy Slipper Depot Escalator…

Rude adjusted his binoculars and watched the man in the white suit enter the Fuzzy Slipper Depot. He had to be stopped, all of Shinra was at stake.

Adjusting his sunglasses, the bald man sauntered through the glass doors and pretended to be admiring the latest in the Executive Cotton Heel Collection, all while watching Rufus casually gather box after box of the size 6 fluffy menaces. There was something wrong with that boy, he just could not figure out what it was.

Oh what he would not give for a minor act of Holy right about now.

Glass shattered from across the corridor, flaming chocobos, goblins, and disturbingly life-like tonberries flying through the air. Rude removed his sunglasses and looked towards the ceiling. He had not meant it literally.

He had just enough time to lunge for the president's son as the ball of flaming fluff strangely shaped like Reno rocketed through the corridor and down the escalator towards the fountain.

By the Mall Fountain…

Freedom was so close. Just three strollers and a ten person mall walkers club away. She made a casual stroll around the fountain, preparing to run for it. Rude could handle rounding up Rufus this time. And once he was secured, then they could worry about the corsage that had gotten them into this mess to begin with.

"Just a little farther-" The force of one very conveniently timed fellow Turk rocketing through the air was all she needed to ruin this escape. "For the love of Holy!"

Water and fake pond lilies rushed up around her as she was shoved into the fountain.

Now she remembered why she hated the mall so much.

"Heh heh, hi Cissnei," Reno struggled to pick himself off of the young Turk he had collided with, sheepishly blushing as he remembered her in the dress. She glared and reached for the piece of fully mastered Ultima materia she carried on her for such emergencies.

"You have exactly five seconds to explain why you have half of a stuffed goblin sticking out of your shirt, a chocobo feather in your hair, a plastic Tonberry knife down the back of your pants, and sparkles on your forehead."

In Reeve's Office….

He wasn't exactly certain how to handle the current crisis affecting his office. It was bad enough there was an operative from AVALANCHE nesting behind the file cabinet containing the files on every Shinra employee's personal hobbies, and he was required to provide a saucer of water and a baloney sandwich twice daily until it decided to leave. But now this?

Just what was Shinra doing to its specialty employees that he had missed?

A hiss and two pairs of glowing eyes reflected from within the crawlspace as the head of the Department of Urban Development tried to retrieve the file he had dropped. He paused and blinked.

They were coexisting now? This was something he had not expected, especially after the snarls and pieces of tattered uniform, one familiar blue and the other ratty, that came flying out streamed with blood. He was half expecting a dismembered arm to coming flying out next.

Great, now he would have to put down two saucers of coffee and a ham and cheese sandwich down as well. And unlike half of the other creature on the floor, this one was not attracted to bright, sparkly objects, preferably the bug zapper he often used to hold them at bay. This was far worse.

"Just how long do you intend on living back there, Sir?" He inquired from a safe distance.

"Forever."

Reeve rubbed his forehead in frustration. "If they really are that much of a problem, I can have them assassinated free of charge. It will be a lot quicker than waiting for them to hurry up and die, and we can hire new, brainless ones who will shine your shoes and not try to put laxatives in your coffee. How about a bunch of blonde ones? I hear they're even tempered and easily controlled by shiny objects."

There was a shuffling sound in the darkness of someone approaching the edge of the light.

"No," Tseng hung his head in shame. "For once it has nothing to do with my subordinates."

"Oh?" Reeve settled upon a cup of apple juice and sat down in his swivel chair with a pen and notepad. "Then, what exactly is the problem?"

The PHS rang.

The leader of the Turks then did something that Reeve had never thought he was capable of - he picked it up from its spot against the side of the metal filing cabinet, crept upon hands and knees underneath of the desk, and pitched the ringing piece of metal and plastic out of the partially open window. "You take any phone calls for me, and Shinra will be looking for a new Head of Urban Development. Understood?"

And Reeve began to wonder, just what great force on the planet could drive Tseng against the telephone.

His first stop on the way back to the cafeteria was by the phone records room.

--

On the next One Hundred Tiny Missions:

Rufus's prom date is having cold feet about the whole thing and it's up to Rude and Cissnei to ensure that the blond-haired brat who's father signs their pay checks has the perfect night - regardless of who's wearing the dress. Who knew that a routine kidnapping could be anything but routine? Why is Reno carrying a cactus through the Sector Seven slums?

And Reeve makes a discovery that will give him nightmares for weeks.

Until next time,

SageQuill