Chapter 7 - Talk

Spock and his mother returned home from shopping. It was an exceptionally hot day and Spock was impressed with his mother's resiliency.

Spock carried the sacks by the office and into the kitchen. Sarek had two of his assistants in his office gathered around the desk.

"Do you know what is happening?" Spock asked his mother.

"Your father wants to return to earth for a time. He feels it sends the wrong message for him to be here rather than at the embassy on earth."

"He is going alone?"

"With some staff, yes. That is his intent."

Spock helped his mother put things away. He was calm, but he was determined, and he delayed approaching the office in order to verify that the first was not going to overwhelm the second.

Spock knocked on the open door to his father's office. Sarek looked up in question and Spock took this as permission to enter.

"You must let me accompany you to earth," Spock said.

Sarek grew stern. "If I take you, I must take your mother, and that I do not intend to do."

Spock said, "Sgroud, Sten, can you take your leave? I have need of speaking to my father alone."

Having never heard Spock make such a request, no one moved until Sarek nodded at his assistant and servant. They departed and closed the door. Sarek stood stiffly, giving the impression of an unwelcome audience.

Spock said, "I need to be on earth, Father. Commander Kirk has a theory as to what is happening inside Starfleet. Initially I dismissed his theory, but upon further consideration, I cannot continue to utterly dismiss it. And if he is correct, he is likely already in grave danger. I need to be there to assist him."

"He is in grave danger from something that you can protect him from?"

Spock dropped his voice, grateful his calm didn't falter. "There is no need for a patronizing tone, Father."

Sarek was silent for a time, face stony. Spock waited to be chastised for being out of line. Instead, Sarek said, "What is this danger you are so certain that you can protect him from?"

"Your other son."

There was another long silence.

Sarek's voice dropped as well. "Why does Kirk believe he is involved with Starfleet?"

"I informed James that my brother is aiding the Outliers. And that he benefits personally from the Federation being distracted by war."

Sarek stood unmoving. "You saw him."

"Yes. He is the reason I was able to move among the Outliers as trusted as I was. Once I passed his personal evaluation, I was above all suspicion. There is great fear and respect of him among them."

Sarek studied Spock's face. "You fooled your brother? I find that highly improbable."

"I do as well, but I am still here."

"If you had not already subject to a thorough evaluation by one of Vulcan's most revered high priests, I would take you immediately." Sarek's hands fell lax at his sides. He must have tensed up. "Zienn insisted you were not traumatized by recent events."

"I was not mentally traumatized by recent events. Zienn does not custom in emotional strain, only in purity of thought. My thought processes were not changed by my recent experiences.

"In facing my brother I borrowed Commander Kirk's likely attitude in a similar situation and forced myself to be pleased to have the opportunity to face him again. It was fortunate, as that mental stance set my brother on a path of wrong assumptions which I proceeded to support, playing to his ego."

"Which were?"

"His dislike of you. And the family by extension."

"He dislikes anyone who puts limits on him."

"Especially an organization as powerful as the Federation."

Sarek raised his chin. "I see your logic." Sarek fell thoughtful. "If we do all go to earth, I can arrange for a large delegation. The Federation would appreciate the gesture of trust if I bring your mother."

"If I may. That is not necessarily safer. More delegates are simply more vulnerable tools for him to turn to his bidding."

"You believe him that dangerous. Why?"

"I do. But I prefer not recount difficult details."

Sarek stepped around the desk. "Who are you protecting? Me or your brother?"

"You. Unwisely perhaps."

Sarek's control was wavering over the top of anger. "I do not require protecting, Spock. If anything, it is you who does."

Spock made certain his hands were relaxed. It was easy now to find the proper logical state, a joy really. "It is my observation that you tend to protect me from the wrong things. But that is in the past where nothing can be changed."

Spock pleaded slightly, "Father, I was with Sybok for twenty six days. Until I could convince him I was more usefully employed on an Outlier ship. That experience is how I know he benefits directly from the Federation being in chaos. That experience is how I know how very dangerous he is, especially to humans." Spock swallowed, feeling vaguely ill despite his newfound control. He dodged away from the worst of the memories to retain his high level of control.

Sarek stated, "In my years I have seen more than you can imagine, Spock."

"You are baiting me. It will not work."

Sarek sat down at his desk. Switched the monitor off. Steepled his fingers before himself. "Indeed. I am challenging you in an attempt to break your will by enticing you to match me. That was previously highly effective. Sit down, Spock."

This was novel. Spock pulled a heavy guest chair forward and sat down. He made himself welcome any forthcoming challenge rather than shrink away as habit inspired him to do.

Sarek sounded fatigued. "I notice it is you who are breaking our normal modes of interaction."

"They were not productive. At least not for me."

"Zienn insisted that any changes I observed in you were due to a gain in confidence, not a shift in personality."

"I partly agree with that. I have also been learning at the feet of a master in social interaction."

"James Kirk?"

"Yes."

"I did not observe that skill in him."

"When he was your guest he avoided acting the leader, which isn't easy or normal for him. You did not see him bringing his skills to bear."

"I see." Sarek paused a long while, stared at his fingertips. "You wish me to trust your opinion about your brother with no further information."

"I do."

"You have a tendency to exaggerate."

"I have a tendency to do exactly the opposite. As a child, if I did not downplay events, leave out the worst of the details, I was never believed at all. Case in point, the many Healers you insisted on taking me to despite my attempts to explain my difficulty with the experience. I tried very hard to frame it in a way that you would believe, leaving out the horror of it as best I could, but you still believed I exaggerated." Spock worried he'd overstepped his side of the argument. He lowered his head. "But that too is in the past."

The silence made Spock raise his head. Sarek's face had lost its sternness, had fallen into a haunted expression.

"Zienn explained that to me." Sarek's voice was low. He was not himself.

Spock had never seen such an expression on his father. Spock emotionlessly insisted, "It is in the past." He did not wish to undermine his father, only gain his understanding. "Without that terrible need to overcome my shortcomings or face yet another Healer, I would not be as strong as I am. Without that ever-present pain, I would not have composed the virus. I would not have stolen a ship to plant the virus. James Kirk would have died on Wolfram Thesus Five. I willingly trade the years of difficulty for that outcome. I should not have framed it in the terms I did. And I apologize."

He sat still while Sarek studied him.

Spock could not bear the silence. "I am somewhat worried Zienn removed too much of the pain. I am accustomed to constantly seeking a way outside of myself, and that desire to escape has been removed. Maybe that's why humans accomplish so much with so little to natively work with. They have no inner peace."

"James Kirk took credit for your virus."

"As I wished him to. I wanted the war to end and that was all."

Sarek pushed to his feet, leaned forward over the desk. "And the war is over. Both of them."

"It isn't. Something is terribly amiss with Starfleet Command. Dangerously so. In ways you have not been made aware but that I observed first-hand. James Kirk could be mistaken about my brother's involvement. But to not act on his assumptions has only downsides, some of which are devastating." Spock resisted standing as well, thinking his father would feel more comfortable with him lower. "Who else can assist him but you and me?"

"You only. As I do not know what we are facing."

Spock let his Vulcan mode go, put his hands on the chair arms, pleaded outright, but in full control. It felt very odd to intentionally open a channel for emotion knowing he could close it again, tune it precisely. "Truly father, you do not wish me to tell you."

Sarek stared at him unmoving.

Spock said, "You may not find trusting me to be logical, but it would be for the best."

Sarek continued to stare.

Spock dropped his hands into his lap. He felt vaguely hopeless, a rare emotion escaping his control since the meld with Zienn. "I will tell you, Father, on one childish condition." Spock waited for a nod. "The condition is that when you regret that I told you, you will openly admit it."

"You act as if this is a battle of wills as opposed to one of information sharing."

"It is a battle of wills. And I concede it." Spock held his hands out as in a martial arts fight, demonstrating that he carried no weapon.

Sarek raised his chin. "So? If you concede. Tell me."

Spock composed his thoughts, tried to find some context for explaining. "Six days after I had been aboard his vessel, Sybok wished to go to Kilpanav Refugava to restock."

"That place is a myth, is it not?"

"Its physical manifestation is not particularly mythical."

Spock waited for Sarek to reply to this since he did not want to begin his retelling from a state of disbelief. Sarek held up a hand indicating Spock should continue.

Spock said, "I am going to regret speaking. I feel I am teaching you a lesson for a change."

Sarek's gaze grew sharp. "You are glaringly out of proper form, Spock. That will not be allowed to continue indefinitely."

Spock put his hand on his chin and rested his head on it. He knew he was mimicking Kirk. "You are forcing me to re-experience this to describe it to you."

"Humans have been a terrible influence on you."

Spock waited for Sarek to say more, but he did not.

Spock sat properly again and said, "Kilpanav Refugava is a large place, a planet circling a dead sun but still with a molten core which is used for power. I do not know if my brother was attempting to shock me or was simply going about doing what he normally would, but he perused the slave markets at great length, and he saw a Romulan for sale. And over the next hour proceeded to hypothesize about the possible differences between Romulans and Vulcans, especially in the mind."

Spock fell silent, remembering the confusion on the Romulan's face. His age was probably thirty or so in Vulcan years. Sybok had taken the slave by the arm and he had fallen into a strange calm that was almost happy.

"The slave was already rather damaged. One might expect that. There are better markets for selling beings. The Gatling Outpost has a much better stock."

"You are attempting to be funny."

"Humans successfully use humor to smooth over horror."

"Humans shouldn't create so much horror to smooth over."

Spock steepled his fingers. "Very little of the horror I observed was created by humans. I watched T'Grux of Voroth snap a human's neck and drop him without a further thought. I saw Skoyv and Sewrtov of Raal nearly cut each other to ribbons in a bloodlust. All of which, by the way, are minor incidents in comparison to your other son."

"What became of T'Grux?"

"She was killed when the USS Ticonderoga blew up their ship. A fitting instant death. I can only assume that was the sort she preferred."

Sarek wasn't baited this time. He nodded that Spock should continue.

Spock said, "Sybok took the Romulan back to his ship, which is masquerading as a Tellarite rapid transport trading vessel, complete with crew and goods. He put the Romulan to sleep . . ." Spock waved his hand in the air the way Sybok had, putting his victim under by force of psychic will. ". . . . Or something like sleep, and melded with him a very long time. I do not know if one could consider it mind rape, the Romulan had no will to resist."

Spock tried to find words to describe what happened next. A feeling had come over the air in the cabin, like nothing Spock had ever experienced, a tearing away of the perceived fabric of reality. Spock had been unable to continue standing and had lowered himself to sit on the deck with his legs to his chest, holding to himself as an anchor as the world around him dissolved and something seeped through, overlaid on the physical reality he could perceive through his eyes and ears and sense of touch.

"Spock?" Sarek was standing right before him.

"Strange. It is as if I can repeat it."

"Repeat what?"

"Not repeat it. Recall the state of awareness, perhaps." Spock swallowed. "I could not repeat the manifestation. I did not understand it."

There had been something like agony beyond physical pain. Sybok hadn't been the source of the breakdown in reality, the Romulan had been. He had projected out an altered state of mind as a result of what was happening to him. His body had contorted into an arch from a dream state, or something like a dream state, a pose matching his distressful mental projection. Reality had wavered around Spock. Something, whatever it was, leaked in around them. Spock could feel it now, almost. It was there waiting. If he just put his mind into the same state, it would seep in again.

Sarek had hold of Spock's arm. Spock jerked, but he wasn't released.

"If you do that again, I will send the shuttle for Healer Zienn, who claims you were not harmed."

"I am unharmed. The memory is not just a memory. It is a psychic state. Zienn examined it and declared it unusual for one not trained in his arts but not unprecedented."

Sarek released him. Stepped back behind his desk.

"You are of the priest class."

"That is part of why he dismissed it."

"Tell me without remembering so fully."

Spock nodded, remembered the physical events without letting himself return to that place. "Sybok tore away the Romulan's katra. Slowly. Over the course of hours. He peeled it away from its physical anchor, but instead of releasing it, or storing it . . ." Spock closed his eyes, unable to resist the queerly twisted memory of one soul sucking down another. " . . . he consumed it."

Spock opened his eyes. Sarek's were closed and he rocked faintly on his feet.

A long minute later, Sarek opened his eyes. "Harmed or not. I do hope you have not become inured to anything you should be properly appalled by."

"Quite the contrary, I cannot bear death. I feel directly that loosening of the spirit and I don't like it." Spock sounded too young as he said this. He straightened. Interlocked his fingers. He felt relieved for having confessed this last detail to his father, rather than regretful of admitting a weakness.

Sarek said, "I fulfill my end of the agreement. I regret hearing what you've told me. But I needed to understand. And yes, if there is any chance, even a very small one, that he is influencing Starfleet, we can lose no time."