Chapter 7 - The Unlikely Schwarzenegger

The air crackled, when Callisto's eyes flashed with the light of a dangerous madness. Maenads weren't nicknamed the Raving Ones for nothing!

"Eyes down," Bill said and no one had to be told twice, even Sam. Their eyes fell like the air pressure around them. Sookie's ears popped. As if a heavy cloud blanketed their skin, they were caught at the epicentre of the gathering storm that was Callisto.

Sookie prayed for the wards to work, for God's help, for a distraction, for…

It was another flash of light that caught everyone off guard. It swept over them all where they stood at the side of the house, and the sound of gravel crunching under tyres announced more company.

Distracted, all heads swivelled, as a car pulled up on Sookie's drive. Just when she'd never wanted to see another visitor ever again, Sookie had never been so thankful to see one – actually five, she realised after a quick telepathic head-count. Five humans!

The purr of the car's engine cut out and the lights died. She hoped the maenad hadn't done that.

The front passenger door opened. No one emerged, but they heard the driver say crossly, "This better stop your whining, or we'll be going to Shreveport without you. And mind your manners, it's getting late. Remember, this garden is actually closed, Sheldon."

Sookie remembered the name, Sheldon. He was the tall, slightly-hunched nerd, who had been so unhappy about leaving earlier. He and his friends should have been well on their way to Shreveport by now. Apparently, this Sheldon had a stubborn streak a mile wide.

"But I said I'd be back!" she heard her unlikely Schwarzenegger say. "And I don't see why I have to ask permission to get one little itty-bitty soil sample anyway. They should be giving them away, so people can check the authenticity of their magical claims."

"The leaflet didn't claim the garden was caused by magic, Sheldon. The word was 'magical', a descriptive term used to add colour and atmosphere to text. You know that and you know the law very well, too. We're not going to trespass."

"Well, fine, Leonard. I'll get permission from" there was a rustling of paper "a Miss Stackhouse. While I do that, why don't you organise getting the sample, Bernadette? You're used to doing small biological things. I am a theoretical physicist. I try not to get my hands dirty with actual dirt."

A female voice snarled a reply. "You want the dirt? You get the dirt, before I make you eat the dirt!"

"Bernadette, there's no call for rudeness," Sheldon admonished. "But as you feel so strongly about this, I will do it myself. If I get sick, Leonard, Amy, Penny and you need to nurse me, blame Bernadette. Now, pass me the sample kit."

"Just wear your gloves, follow sampling procedures 101 and you won't get sick."

"Easy for you to say, Leonard! You are only an observer."

Another girl in the car complained, "Would you just hurry it up? I wanna eat sometime tonight. Have a glass of wine or three. Kick back. Relax. There's a hotel bed with my name written on it too."

"Penny, Penny, Penny, things aren't always about you," Sheldon told the woman. "And you should know that the saying 'more haste, less speed' has scientifically been proven to be correct."

"Has it?" asked the other man, Leonard.

"Why, no! Of course, not! What scientist worth his or her salt would waste time researching that little gem of common sense?"

"Why did you say someone had scientifically proven it then?"

"Well, I usually find that when dealing with those of a more mentally-challenged nature, like our Penny here, invoking science or religion lends a credibility to any response, which ensures the less-able, less-questioning members of our society become more malleable."

"That's not nice, Sheldon."

"No? But true, nonetheless."

"Sheldon, honey, you really are a piece of work," said a woman, Sookie thought was Penny. "Get your ass moving, before I … sic Bernadette onto you!"

"Now that's not very nice, Penny. Bernadette is a respected microbiologist, not a dog, or more correctly, a bitch, to be sicced."

This back and forth continued.

Sookie saw the maenad tilt her head, and smile that creepy smile. She appeared to be listening intently to the car full of humans. Sookie wondered if the maenad was simply enjoying the bickering or if she was causing it. Either way, Sookie realised that she shouldn't be happy the visitors were here. They wouldn't stand a chance if the maenad suddenly wanted to party or if she saw them as tribute.

Callisto slid away a little from the shifter, the telepath and the two vampires, towards the human visitors' car.

Bill whispered, "We should go the other way."

Callisto didn't turn, still intent on the newcomers, but her snakes swivelled and hissed at them, fangs out.

"Perhaps not … yet," Karin hissed, and Sookie bet she had her fangs out too.

Sheldon's voice cut through the heavy, night air. He was ready. "Friends note, I am going to do my own dirty work."

"Give that man a gold star someone," said the snarly-voiced woman, Sookie thought was Bernadette.

"Oh, that would be acceptable," said Sheldon, happily.

"Sheldon, just go," said Leonard.

"But Leonard-"

"Go!"

"Alright, I'm going."


Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.