Hello everyone, I'm sorry I'm taking more time than expected to update, when I started this story I promised myself that it would be different because I like it a lot, however I have a confession to make and that is that I have been diagnosed with Depression recently and being a psychologist myself, it's not the kind of thing you're prepared to hear, I'm having trouble dealing with it and I think my escape is writing my stories, so I'll do my best to update as much as I can.

Thank you for your understanding, I hope you can enjoy this new release and also, I hope to update again on Thursday or Friday.


Because of Her

Chapter 7

Hey there! Welcome to the mess that is my mind. Yes, I know, it's been a while since I last gave you updates of how absurd my life has become, I hope you're enjoying it, I mean, someone has to do it, right? To be honest with you, my loyal readers, after the curve ball that Calliope Torres threw at me three days ago, my mind has been wandering everywhere, feeling unable to make a concrete idea, so I have taken the liberty to not say or do anything until that happens, which I think will not happen in a while.

You see, I am Arizona Robbins, I'm an organized, practiced, an almost methodical person, don't get me wrong, I can also be very careless sometimes, especially in my love life and this fact had never bothered me ... until I met her and then everything is chaos, especially in my mind, nothing makes sense, everything is different, I no longer recognize myself.

It's like every day I wake up, it's always the same question, how did I get to this point? How did I go from being the player to being the one played on? How come I agreed to be part of this game in the first place? So many questions and most of them are answerless... I could go on and on about this.

I have come to some conclusions, though, all this started with the idea that I had about this some kind of almighty woman, who were so out of all molds or standard that I have ever had about a woman, you can say, from my previous observations, she is one of a kind, not that my opinion is very objective enough, but she is for me ... unique.

And that conclusion brings me to the second one... Love.

I know, the stupidest thing ever made, the mirage created by humanity to transform fantasies and eventually into the idealism of a feeling that is not as perfect as they make us believe. We are taught to believe that one day we will meet that person who will transform our lives, that will alter us spiritually and emotionally, that someday you will find that person who will bring you happiness, as if happiness were something to aspire to, something to achieve... What can I say, I am a psychologist, my duty is to question everything, so bear with me.

The thing is that Love? as people sell it, is only an illusion and therefore disappointing or so I thought... until I met her and then I knew it was even worse!

I idealized Callie, so much, that I must say everything that happened from the night we made our deal, it's my responsibility, I could have said no, I could have walked away at that moment when I still could, because now, now I can still do it, the issue here is that I'm not sure I want to and I know, it's easy for you to judge, since you are from the general point of view, you guys are outsiders, but I, who lived and continue to live this odyssey, I cannot do the same.

She may have a wife and a partner named Nicolas, but when she was with me, it was like we were just her and me and that was the best feeling of all.

"So, tell me a little about your family?" Callie asked as she ate one of the strawberries from the basket that she brought for this little date in the park near the Center. Being the boss, I took a few minutes in the afternoon, just to see her.

I smiled at her mannerism, she took the strawberry and bit into three different sections before removing the sheet, I thought it was cute. "What do you want to know?" I asked back, taking some strawberries myself.

"Everything." It was her short and honest answer.

I let out a chuckle when I noticed her sincere interest, "Well my dad is retired from a telecommunications company, he and my mom divorced years ago, my mom is a psychologist too, but she specializes in children with special needs, She doesn't work as much as before but she is still active in the working world, I have an older brother, Timothy, he's in the army, he's the son of my dad's first marriage and I have a little sister, Elli, she's something like a troublemaker, she is ten years younger than me, so you can imagine, we did not get along when I was still at home." I ended up summarizing important aspects of my family, "What about yours?"

"Well, you know petty much everything, my parents wanted me to be part of the family business, but I wasn't interested so started my own business, my sister Aria and I, we're close, but not that close." She said shrugging.

I couldn't help asking, "Do they know? About your wife and the open marriage?" I couldn't hurt to ask, right?

Callie took a deep breath and wiped her hands, as if preparing for a more serious response, "If you're asking if they know about my sexuality, the answer is yes, I never tried to hide it, the issue is that my parents are ultra-religious people, they know but choose to not acknowledge it, we do not talk about it, like never. So, no, they don't know about my open marriage with Sarah, they were invited to the wedding, of course, and they went because my sister begged them to, not because they wanted to, the version I give myself is that they went because they wanted to celebrate my happiness, which, should be every parent's goal, right? For your children to have happiness?" She asked rhetorically and there was that trick word ... happiness.

I nodded understanding what she was saying, "Yeah, you're right."

We kept quiet for a few seconds before she asked again, "I have to ask," She started with an apologetic smile that made me frown, "Psychology, why?" I remember letting out a laugh to her question, because it's what people always ask me and I don't understand why that is. "It's just that I don't picture you as a psychologist by profession" She continued saying with a giggle.

I laughed even more, "How do you picture me then?"

She shrugged smiling, "I don't know, maybe being a doctor, even a surgeon."

"Then you got it all wrong because I can't be anywhere close to anything that looks like blood or open bodies, just no. Besides doctors, especially surgeons are especially arrogant, self-centered smug people, I'm not at all like that." I said with confidence, to this day I firmly believe that this is true, and guess why? My sister will become a medical surgeon in the near future and she is exactly every one of the adjectives I mentioned earlier.

"I'm sure not all doctors and surgeons are like that, Arizona." We laughed again at her comment, and I remember that laugh, those looks with such longing. Our talks used to be effortless, simple, drama-free. Only she and I sharing strawberries in the park one afternoon ... then, what we call happiness, was scarce little by little. "No, but seriously, if you were not a psychologist, what would you be today?" She asked with genuine interest.

"Probably what I wasn't allowed to be when I wanted to." I answered and now it was her turn to be confused by my response. "I wanted to be part of the military force, regardless of whether it was the police, the army or the navy, I just wanted to belong, in the end I decided on the Navy, but I graduated a year younger from school and to start the process of enlisting I needed the approval of both my parents, my parents had already been divorced by then and my relationship with my dad was not the best, I just came out of the closet to him and he didn't have the best reaction when he found out" I commented quickly.

"I'm sorry to hear that," She said empathetically.

"Anyway, things got worse between my dad and me because he refused to give me his approval, so being part of the Navy, has always been my frustrated dream." I remember feeling melancholy when telling my story, very few people know this about me, even my closest friends don't know, "I didn't want to wait a whole year to be able to enlist, I just wanted to get out of my house, so I went to my second-best option."

"Psychology." Callie said knowingly.

"Yes, psychology." I laughed lightly, "But don't get me wrong, I love my career, I love being a psychologist and helping my patients brings me happiness." There was that word again. "I don't know, maybe it was not meant to be."

Callie gave me a sweet smile and the way she looked at me, God, the way she looks at me will always be my greatest weakness, calm and intense at the same time, as if she could read me with just a glance, it was intimidating, but also exalting, "Maybe, but either way, I bet you would have been just as amazing as who you are now, so be proud." She took my hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

"Oh I am, I love my job, I love working with patients from time to time, now that I'm the boss, I wouldn't change a thing." I said with my head held high with pride.

Callie leaned closer to me, I vividly remember the smell of her perfume invading my senses, that was a common practice for her ... invading my personal space. " That's great." She said and I could see her eyes drifting to my lips for a microsecond there before returning to my blue eyes.

I broke the tension by asking, "So you're going to tell me what the origin of your full name is, Calliope?" Immediately Callie hid her face in my neck as being embarrassed.

"Who told you that?!" She asked and by her tone, she was mortified which made me smile broadly.

"Who do you think?" I asked rhetorically laughing this time.

She growled even more with her face still on my neck, "I'm going to kill Aria."

Her comment made me laugh wildly. "Why? Why don't you like your full name? It's a beautiful name. "

"No, it is not!"

"Okay, look at me please," I waited for her to lift her face from my neck and shoulder, "It suits you just great, it's a beautiful name." I said confidently before adding, "You're beautiful." We were so close I remember fighting my desire to kiss her there not caring at all, but I remembered our deal, the one imposed by myself and so I refrained, choosing the easy way out, I leaned over and kissed her cheek.

When we distanced ourselves, I remember seeing disappointment in her eyes, but I wanted to do things right and one of them was not to succumb to temptation ... by now you know very well how did that worked out for me.

Being able to resist her has never been an easy task and over time it only got worse and when we started to have intimacy everything was more different, it was like I didn't know the meaning of the word 'NO', at least not when it comes to her.

I used to be an organized person, my ideas always in order, always strategic, always with a plan, never a stitch without a thimble and here I was, with my head being a mess for a woman… but not just any woman, she was the woman.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard someone knocking on my door, "Come on in" I replied, not bothering to look up from the documents in front of me, I assumed it was Jo or my assistant, I would never have imagined that this person would be in front of me, today of all days.

"Arizona Robbins? Hello, my name is Sarah James, I believe you are the one who's screwing my wife, I think it's time you and I have a talk."


O.M.G … Sarah is finally here!