Hugs mean thousands of things: love, comfort, greeting, etc. but when you've lost something dear to you per-say; your unborn baby, they mean the world. Getting hugs from the crew, besides just Zak meant a lot when we got back together for Ghost Adventures filming. Things as touching as that especially after trying to forget about it and move on are somethings you just can never forget.
We were kinda filming that as I was being hugged. And I actually had to ask the guys to stop because I was crying. I left the hotel room we were in and went to my room. I sat down on the bed and just started crying, uncontrollably: not because I lost the baby weeks before but because I was loved and cared for by the guys.
When we checked in the hotel Zak originally had a room for the two of us and I asked if I could get a room by myself.
"Why? Are you sure?" He asked puzzled.
"Yeah I'm sure. I just need some alone time. I don't mean to be rude but i think it's best right now." I said.
"Okay. I understand." He said and then asked for a separate room next to his for me.
So here I was crying my eyes out on the bed when they needed me most. I heard Zak and the guys outside my door.
"She's just really really emotional right now, with her hormones out of whack and losing something as a part of me and her is really traumatic. And to top it all off how young she is. And how she lost it." Zak was saying.
"Well yeah, we understand that." Aaron said.
"I've considered letting her go and calling off our engagement. Just to see if it will help her. I really worry. She hasn't been the same since then." Zak said.
"Well Zak, after something like that, she ain't going to be the same. Just give her time and she'll be fine. That's why I asked you guys if you'd be okay to film." Nick said.
"She told me yes. Her reason was to forget. But I think she's just trying too hard. I really think she needs to be away from this for a while I mean we can handle some photos can't we?" Zak rambled on.
"Look Zak, we will talk with her. I know you're worried, and that's how you should be. You love her, I can see it, sense it and practically taste it." Nick said.
I listened in for a while until they stopped talking about me and then moved on to the location, then about dinner.
"Let's go get her. Zak shouldn't you have a key to her room?" Aaron said.
"Yeah I do. It's the spare too, don't tell her." Zak answered leaving to come wake me.
He tickled my arms and then moved to my face where he moved hair out of the way. I started to stir and he quit.
"We are going to dinner so if you'd like to join us get up and be ready to go in 10 minutes." Zak said gently to me, because he could see my poofiness.
"Okay." I mumbled and got up.
The first thing I went to work on was my hair. I brushed it then curled it so it was nice. Then I redid my makeup since it was all kinds of messed up. Then I grabbed my coat, my phone, hotel key card and some cash. I opened my door and the guys were waiting for me.
"I'm sorry for earlier, it's just I love you guys. You're my family and to have your support means a lot to me." I said and smiled.
"You're totally fine!" Nick said.
"We understand. It's hard. And we know that you wanted this, and we know how much you love Zak. You two are like perfect. Don't let something like this tear you apart." Aaron said.
"Thanks you guys. Now, where are we going for dinner?" I asked and took Zak's hand grinning from ear to ear.
"That's the Lulu we know!" Aaron said joking and we went to the elevator and went walking to the restaurant because it was close.
It didn't take long for me to forget about losing my baby. I was happy and back to normal, well as normal can get anyway. Zak and I continued to have an intimate relationship. I made sure I was to never get pregnant again. I didn't tell Zak, I didn't care I didn't want this to happen again...
"I love you." I said after exhausting love making.
"I know." Zak said breathlessly.
"Hey, how about that piano playing you promised me a months ago?" I asked.
"In a little bit okay? I'm not quite done here." He said.
I giggled and we started up again. It was nonstop sex after I was okay to have sex.
"Man, I missed this." I said after another break.
"Oh did ya now?" He said coming back into the bedroom with some green tea.
"Yes. Because you're amazing." I said, "Thanks."
"You are such a kiss ass." He said getting back in bed with me and we drank our tea.
"I know." I said and grinned.
"I'm never going to get tired of this." He said.
"Of what?" I asked.
"You. You're amazing at everything. You take care of me, you love me. Just you."
"Awe. Now who's the kiss ass?" I asked jokingly.
"Guilty as charged." He raised his hand, then got out of bed again tossed a blanket at me and dragged me to his piano where he played for me.
After a little down time from filming, and getting into normalish routines again it was like I never was pregnant. But I kept ultrasounds and stuff. I remember I brought a ultrasound picture to Zak's one weekend.
"I've got something for you." I said to Zak after I kissed him, and got in the car.
I buckled up and pulled out the newest ultrasound picture and gave it to him.
"That's your baby." I said and smiled.
He looked at it and he smiled.
Seeing a smile like that on Zak's face was rare...
Ok so I'll admit, forgetting something like that is hard. Even just the little things brings tears to my eyes.
I was remembering this stuff as Zak was playing for me and I started to cry.
He stopped playing, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I just remembered something." I said wiping my tears.
"Tell me, please." He said and took my hand.
"No." I said, "too painful." And I got up and went back to bed.
He followed me into the bedroom, "At least let me hold you. I'll let you cry in my arms."
"Naw I'm okay, but you can hold me. And you can make love to me." I said coming onto him.
So we did it again only breaking for food and people.
"Zak! Let us in! We've got work to do." Aaron yelled up to Zak's room where we were in the middle of something.
"Aaron.." He groaned not quite done with me yet.
"Go, do what to you need to with him. Or do you want me to freak him out?" I said.
"Either one. I'd like to finish this." He said.
"Yell back to Aaron, or text him." I said. Wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him, wanting more because he stopped right in the middle.
Zak used Siri and texted Aaron.
'In the middle of something, there's an extra key under the mat, wait downstairs.'
Aaron and the guys came in and chilled downstairs until Zak and I were done. Then we threw clothes on and went downstairs.
"Are you like crazy and totally in love with each other? Because now you're always having sex it seems like." Aaron said as he saw us making our way down the stairs.
"Well yeah Aaron. We're engaged so yeah we are totally in love." I said.
Aaron laughed,"I'm just messing with y'all."
"Hey guys, just give me at least an hours notice before you decide to just show up, please? So as to not have an incident like this again?" Zak said annoyed.
"Yeah sure, Zak. But maybe you should give us notice when your fiancé is here." Billy counteracted.
"Hey now, I'm as equally part of the Ghost Adventures Crew as anyone else in this room. Maybe a little more with being engaged to Zak." I said putting to use my argumentative side.
"Can we just get to work?" Aaron asked making himself at home.
"Yes. Honey? Can you make us something?" Zak asked me.
"I can, but if y'all want a sandwich you can forget that." I said being a smart ass once more.
They all laughed. I put my hands on my hips and then crossed my arms and stared at them. I shook my head and then left. I went back to Zak's room and decided to put my makeup on. Then I thought not, and went and got my snuggie then headed downstairs and snuggled with Zak in the loveseat.
