The next day...

It was lunchtime and just about everyone was there, including the Gryffindor Jokers - Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Seamus Finnigan, Lee Jordan, and Dean Thomas.

George whined, "Christ, it's only noon and I've already got a detention."

"What's it for this time?" Seamus asked.

"I called Snape 'Professor Needs-Shampoo' behind his back and he heard."

The other four started laughing, and George yelled, "Quit laughing! I had to go to freaking Umbridge's office... I hate blood quills..."

Fred said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Lee said, "Report Umbridge to the Ministry?"

"No! Remember that song we made up last year?"

"Oh yeah," Dean said. "That 'Gee, Officer Krupke' parody!"

"Let's sing it."

"You first, dude."

Fred shrugged, jumped up on the table, and started singing,

"Dear kindly Professor Umbridge,

You gotta understand

It's just the bringing up-idge

That gets us out of hand!

Our mothers all are loonies,

Our fathers all are lunks,

Great Merlin's beard, naturally we're punks!"

All 5 of them jumped up (by now, the other students were cheering them on) and sang,

"Gee, Professor Umbridge, we're very upset -

We never had respect that every student oughta get,

We aren't delinquents, we're misunderstood,

Deep down inside us there is good!

There is good!

There is good, there is good, there is untapped good,

Inside the worst of us is good!"

George, mimicking Umbridge, said, "What a good story!"

Fred declared, "Lemme tell it to the world!"

George hit him on the back of the head. "First tell it to Judge Fudge!"

Once they had decided that Dean should be Cornelius Fudge, Fred sang,

"Dear kindly judge, Your Honor,

My parents treat me rough -

With all that Firewhiskey,

I think they've had enough!

They didn't wanna have me,

But somehow I was had -

Phoenix feathers, that's why I'm so bad!"

Dean sang, "Professor Umbridge, you're really a square,

This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care!

It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed -

He's psychologically disturbed!"

Fred sang, "I'm disturbed!"

All 5 of them sang, "We're disturbed, we're disturbed,

We're the most disturbed,

Like we're pyschologically disturbed!"

Dean said, "In the opinion of the Ministry, this child is depraved on account of he ain't had a normal home."

Fred yelled, "Hey, I'm depraved on account of I'm deprived!"

Dean head him on the back of the head. "So take him to a headshrinker!"

Lee decided to be the shrink. Fred sang,

"My dad's a Muggle-lover,

My mom's over-protective of me,

My grandpa just keeled over,

My grandma pushes tea,

My sister wears a moustache,

My brother wears a dress -

Holy griffins, that's why I'm a mess!"

Lee sang, "Professor Umbridge, you're really a slob,

This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job -

Society's played him a terrible trick,

And sociologically, he's sick!"

Fred sang, "I am sick!"

All 5 of them sang, "We are sick, we are sick,

We are sick, sick, sick,

Like we're sociologically sick!"

Lee said, "In my opinion, this child doesn't need to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease!"

Fred said, "Hey, I got a social disease!"

Lee hit him on the back of the head. "So take him to a social worker!"

Seamus decided to be the social worker. Fred sang,

"Dear kindly social worker,

They say go earn some dough,
Like be Hogwarts caretaker,

Which means like be a schmo -

It's not I'm anti-social, I'm only anti-work!

Leaping hippogriffs, that's why I'm a jerk!"

Seamus sang, "Professor Umbridge, you've done it again,

This boy don't a job, he needs a year in Azkaban!

It ain't just a question of misunderstood -

Deep down inside, he's no good!"

Fred sang, "I'm no good!"

All 5 of them sang, "We're no good, we're no good,

We're no earthly good,

Like the best of us is no damn good!"

George sang, "The trouble is he's crazy!"

Seamus sang, "The trouble is he drinks!"

Dean sang, "The trouble is he's lazy!"

Lee sang, "The trouble is he stinks!"

Both George and Seamus sang, "The trouble is he's growing!"

Dean and Lee sang, "The trouble is he's grown!"

All 5 of them sang, "Umbridge, we've got troubles of our own!

Gee, Professor Umbridge, we're down on our knees,

'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease!

Gee, Professor Umbridge, what are we to do...?

Gee, Professor Umbridge - ump you!"