"Jesus." James muttered. "This place is huge."
A stranger gave James a funny look as he and Juliet, hand in hand, passed through the doors of the gigantic chain book store. The stranger was going in the opposite direction, and if he'd had the time he might have asked if James had ever been in a book store before. Of course he had; it had just been a while.
Juliet smiled at James' remark, remembering the comfort she'd discovered in big, public places like these after returning from the island. Crowded with strangers, it was a place she could remain anonymous, a place where no one would ask what she was doing, and a place where she didn't have to vehemently defend her book choices. Unless she was feeling particularly argumentative.
"I like it." said Juliet. "Although, I still prefer a library."
James gave the hand he was holding a gentle squeeze. "Me too. Can't beat that old library book funk." Juliet chuckled as they strolled over to see what was new in the young adult section. "But I can't give my only daughter a used book for her birthday, so here we are. Now what the hell do I get her?"
"I don't know, what do little girls like these days?"
"You've got an entire chromosome on me in that department, baby. I was hoping you could tell me."
"Well, vampires seem to be a pretty big deal..." Juliet said wryly.
"Absolutely not." James declared, pulling Juliet along before they could stop in front of that display. Juliet laughed, squeezing his hand to stop him, and reached for an older book.
"She's a little young for Stephen King..." she said, checking out a copy of Dealing With Dragons. She'd let his hand go, and she felt James come up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist as she read the summary on the back.
"Right." he said. "I don't think Cass would consider Carrie a good bedtime story."
Juliet smiled, and James kissed her temple.
"Last night was good, wasn't it?" he whispered. Juliet chuckled again.
"After the nightmares and crying?" Juliet said quietly, sarcastically. She turned her head so she could look at him. "Yeah, it was."
James didn't have to move very far to give her a kiss. He didn't think twice about public displays of affection with Juliet now. She'd been staunchly against them in their days with the Initiative but they didn't seem to bother her anymore either. Now they took any chance they got.
"I love you." Juliet whispered, leaning her head back on his shoulder.
"I love you back." he said, and kissed her again. It lasted until an older woman cleared her throat behind them, and Juliet pulled her lips away.
"Maybe we should move to the romance section." she said, voice hushed for dramatic effect.
"Or we could give the old broad a cough drop." James suggested, just loud enough for the old broad to hear him. Juliet stifled a laugh as the lady straightened her coat and stalked away.
"I'm distracting you." said Juliet, gently pulling James arms from her waist. "Keep looking here, I'll be back."
"Don't go too far." said James, holding on to her as long as possible before letting her slip away. "I miss you already." Juliet looked over her shoulder, and smiled at his almost stricken expression.
"I'll be right back." she reassured him.
When she found the horror section, Juliet was pleased to see they had multiple editions of Carrie on the shelf. She'd only wanted confirmation that it still existed, to know that at least one other thing in her life would never change. When she returned to that other thing, to James, he was still looking at the rows of books, though it seemed he'd already made his choice. Juliet watched him from afar, just for a minute, wondering what the paperback in his hand would be. In her head, he was wearing a tan jumpsuit and a thick pair of glasses, and she could hear him sharing his opinions on the selection in Horace's living room. Horace was giving him an autographed copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, which for some reason amused and also upset James. She'd always meant to ask him why he reacted the way he did, but it was before they'd grown close, and after a while the mystery became too familiar to let go. She still remembered the reaction, though. His parents must have owned a copy; that had always been her theory. She'd have to ask him about it one of these days.
"Moo-oom, Daddy an' Juliet are back!" Clementine shouted when she let them into the house.
"Is Juliet with him?" Cassidy shouted, her voice coming from the kitchen area.
"That's what I said," Clementine shouted impatiently. "Daddy and Juliet!"
"Tell her I need her help!"
Clementine turned to Juliet and, despite the fact that Juliet had to have heard Cassidy just as well as Clementine, said to her in a normal tone, "Mommy says she needs your help." Then she turned to James. "Wudja get me?" Clementine asked her father with hope in her eyes, but James concealed the small bag behind his back. Juliet was on her way to the kitchen, and she smiled when she heard James' response - "If you keep trying to sneak a peek, you ain't gonna get it." It made her happy; he was already comfortable enough to tease her like the pro he was. It helped a lot that Clementine appreciated it more than anyone else he'd known, that she craved any kind of attention from him.
"Cassidy?" said Juliet, politely announcing her presence in the kitchen. Cassidy was standing at the counter, in front of a sea of cupcakes, only half of which were frosted.
"Hey," Cassidy replied, looking frazzled. She used the back of her wrist to sweep the loose hair from her forehead, surveying the mess she'd made, then turned to Juliet. "Would you help me with the rest of these? I'm runnin out of time, and I already sent Kate to the store for more party favors."
"How many kids are coming to the party?" asked Juliet, stepping closer.
"Only ten. I think. But most of their mothers are staying too, and now Clementine wants these in the shape of a real cake so I can write her name across them..." Cassidy laughed, waved her hands a little and let out a good natured yelp. "You'd think after seven years practice I'd have it down, but it's always somethin' different."
Juliet smiled and tucked her hair behind her ears, ready to help any way she could. "We'll get it done." she assured Cassidy, who smiled gratefully in return.
When Kate came back from the store a few minutes later, she encountered a sight that was still new, still surprising, but one that already felt oddly familiar. It had only been a week, but it felt right to see James sitting on Cassidy's couch, with Clementine leaning on his shoulder while he read her a book. James looked up when he heard the rustle of plastic bags. Once his soothing voice stopped reading, Clementine looked up too.
"Daddy got me a book." Clementine announced happily.
"For your birthday?" Kate asked. "You gave it to her already?" she said to James, a teasing look in her eye. The party was only hours away.
"You know I can't resist when a girl says pretty please." said James, eliciting a newly gap-toothed smile from Clementine. "I already fronted her the money from the tooth fairy, too."
Kate laughed quietly, shaking her head as she set the bags on the floor.
In the kitchen, Cassidy was taking a short break while Juliet finished the cake. Juliet's help had enabled her to clean up the kitchen while she worked, and all that was left to do now was bag the cheap toys that Kate had just arrived with. They were bonding over kids' birthday party stories. Rachel had a tendency of spoiling Julian around the date of his conception even more than on his birthday.
"Sometimes I wonder how my sister does it." Juliet said, her guard down for some reason. "Our parents split when we were young, but to raise a child from the beginning, all by yourself?"
Cassidy smiled, and watched the slow and steady way Juliet was frosting the cupcakes. Like she needed them to be perfect. "But your sister's got you, doesn't she?"
Juliet smiled. More often, she thought the opposite. She was so grateful having Rachel and Julian in her life.
"Kate's like my sister now," said Cassidy. "I've known her since before Clementine was born. I don't know what I would do without her help. Gee, makes me wonder what we need men in our lives for anyway? Your sister didn't even need one to knock her up."
Juliet laughed at that, and Cassidy could tell it was genuine. She saw Juliet as a type that wouldn't laugh unless she really meant it.
"You think you and James are gonna have any kids?" Cassidy asked her.
Whoa. Loaded question. Juliet almost flinched at it, surprised the spatula she was holding didn't plunge into that last perfect cupcake.
"Clementine keeps buggin me for a sister." Cassidy went on, barely noticing. "I don't know how to explain 'it's too complicated' to a seven-year-old without going into detail."
Juliet hadn't realized until now that Cassidy saw them as a normal couple. Everyone else that knew about them also knew about the circumstances under which their relationship had formed, circumstances that rendered that question and the next one somewhat beside the point.
"So how did you two meet again?" Cassidy asked, the innocent curiosity making Juliet let a short, nervous laugh out loud. Now she really needed to know what Kate had told her of the island.
"I'm sorry," Cassidy said after seeing her grow so nervous. "I ramble when it's quiet. And you are very quiet."
"I'm sorry," Juliet echoed. "I'm-"
"You're private," said Cassidy, understanding. "That's okay. So was Kate when I first met her. She said you might be tough to crack. Maybe when we know each other a little better...?"
"I'll tell you the whole story."
"You promise? Cause if it's a long one, full of stuff no one's supposed to know, Kate can tell ya: I'm good at keepin' secrets."
Juliet smiled, and made eye contact with Cassidy. Cassidy was actually reminding her of Rachel quite a bit, proving wrong her initial assumption that they were nothing alike, and, as strange as it was to hear, it sounded like Juliet reminded Cassidy of Kate. It was comforting to know that women like them, so difficult on the surface, all had other women to lean on. That, and the fact that a man's fiancee, his ex-lover and the mother of his child were all getting along made it feel like there was some kind of hope for humanity.
"I promise." said Juliet.
In the quiet moment that followed they could both hear the rest of the house approaching the kitchen.
"Look, Mom; Daddy gave me my present!" Clementine said as she rushed into the kitchen. "Ooh." she said at the sight of her cake, her finger in the frosting before any of them could stop her.
"Clementine!" Cassidy scolded her, in that mothery way that didn't really mean anything. "I swear to god!"
"Sor-ry!" Clementine apologized, in that childlike way that didn't really mean anything either. She went over to Kate, hugging her waist and getting frosting on her shirt. Kate didn't mind. Juliet fixed the frosting easily, and Cassidy thanked her while telling her daughter how hard Juliet had worked on it. Juliet tried to shrug it off, but Cassidy wouldn't let her.
"And look at what you did to Kate's shirt, Clementine! Go wash up now, you're not allowed in this kitchen 'til the party's over."
Cassidy followed Kate and Clementine out of the kitchen so she could scold her a little more and threaten to take away all her presents if she didn't behave. Their voices faded, and the kitchen was quiet, leaving James and Juliet alone again in the wake of a happy family hurricane.
"Look at you, frosting cupcakes." James said proudly.
"You gave her the book?" said Juliet, giving him the same look he'd gotten in the other room.
"I know, ain't I adorable?"
"I was going to show you how to wrap it."
"Next time." said James, coming right up to her to wrap his arms around her waist. Juliet leaned back against the counter, and when she put her arms around James, wrists crossing behind his neck, he noticed a flash of something sad in her eyes. Every emotion was beautiful on her face, but he preferred the teasing smile to the sadness; he always knew what it was about.
"Remind you of home?" he asked quietly. Juliet nodded. Their beautiful memories had thorns; sometimes they hurt to hold on to. The hideous green refrigerator and the stove with only two working burners, loose hinged cupboards with peeling paint, a sink that sometimes spit brown or just plain smelly water. Everything wrong had been right, because it had been theirs to share.
"I miss it too." James confided. "We'll find ourselves a new one." he promised. "You and me."
"I like the sound of that." said Juliet.
It was six o'clock, nearer to the end of the party than the beginning. While Clementine and her friends were in her bedroom, getting the rest of the sugar rush out of their systems while Cassidy and James made sure they didn't kill each other or wreck the house, the other mothers had all parked themselves in the living room, and somehow Juliet and Kate had gotten trapped in the mix.
"You're lucky, she's still young enough to boss around. Once she hits thirteen it's all over. My older daughter-"
"Thirteen? My little one stopped listening to me when she learned to talk!"
Juliet and Kate sat among the other women, both silent and each one thinking the other was more comfortable in the situation. Juliet thought Kate must be friends with them, through Cassidy if not friends with them herself. Kate thought Juliet would be used to chatting about these things, that Juliet must have had a group of friends like this wherever she'd come from, wherever she'd been before they knew each other. They were both so painfully wrong, and they couldn't figure it out because they wouldn't talk to each other.
"I wish I was pregnant again." one of the mothers said, beginning a new round of opinion throwing.
"Really? I was miserable during mine. I said never again."
"Oh gosh, yes! I loved being pregnant. I could eat whatever I wanted, my sex drive was up..."
"See that's what killed it for me, all those hormones, they drove me nuts."
"You're already nuts."
"Oh, thanks!"
"We worked so hard to get me pregnant just the once, I don't think I could go through that again."
"Right, but I had the opposite problem, I couldn't stop getting pregnant. Four kids later I said, alright! I'll take the birth control!"
The rolling conversation paused for laughter. It felt like they were trapped in a bad sitcom. Kate shut down inside, as thoughts of Aaron and her brief motherhood began to surface. 'He was never yours to begin with' never helped, so she tried her hardest not to think about it at all. Instead she thought about how she and Cassidy always mocked these women behind their backs. They were only here because their daughters were friends with Clementine. She couldn't wait to tell Cassidy some of the things they were saying; once the party was over she'd be able to relax and laugh about it all.
Juliet tried to shut down, but there was a feeling scratching at her heart as the women around her kept yammering on and on about their fertility. She couldn't relate to them or to their stories and it was bothering her deeply. She'd been an expert, a genius, at making babies, but she'd never made one of her own. I'll never be a mother. I shouldn't. I can't. What if James wants another...
Kate was staring at Juliet, studying her reactions. She was fascinated by them. She could tell Juliet was faking it just like her. She was trying to, at least. The facade wasn't in place; her polite smile was no longer convincing. Something was wrong.
Juliet glanced at Kate. They'd been spying on each other all day, narrowly missing stolen glances, but Juliet caught her looking and the scratching feeling tore a hole. She can tell. She knows what a horrible mother I'd make. I stole her boyfriend. I held a gun to her head. I'm a mess. I never realized what a horrible mess I still am.
Does she know I had to give my baby away? Kate wondered, tearing her gaze away from the fascination now that she'd been spotted. Does she know I stole Claire's baby in the first place? I must seem like such a child to her. I knew him before she did. That has to bother her. Doesn't it?
"Excuse me." Juliet murmured as she stood. The room took notice, because she was the new girl.
What's her problem?
Oh, are we boring you?
Imagined or real, their thoughts followed her out of the room. Kate could hear those thoughts too, and for a moment she contemplated going after Juliet. She didn't have a clue as to what she would say or how to begin comforting Juliet, but she felt the urge nonetheless, and it would have gotten her away from those stupid women. Unfortunately, before she could go, one of them snared her with a rude and difficult question. It was all the excuse Kate needed to stay in her seat and leave Juliet alone. She knew what that felt like, the desperate need to be alone.
"Kate." said Tina, the mother of four, in an excited and hushed voice. "Tell us about James and Juliet."
"Why did he come back all of a sudden?"
"Cassidy won't tell us, you're our only hope!"
The weight of their curiosity was crushing her, so she played dumb.
"I don't know." said Kate. "I don't really know them."
A lie and the truth, two for one deal. A few minutes later, Cassidy came back to the living room. The women all did a mental aboutface, and pretended they'd been talking about something else the entire time. When Kate and Cassidy's eyes met, they both gave each other knowing looks. Kate got up, walking toward Cassidy so she could go find James.
"Where's Juliet?" Cassidy whispered.
"She went outside," Kate whispered back. "She seemed upset, something's bothering her."
"Yeah, these crazy bitches. Alright, go and tell James, but don't leave me alone too long."
"I won't."
Kate walked to the back of the house, toward Clementine's room and the sound of laughing girls. "James?" she said, her voice a little sharper than she'd intended. She could only see his legs as James struggled to free himself from the pile of girls that were climbing all over him. "Girls." Kate addressed them with surprising authority. Must have learned that from Cassidy thought James as he reached out a hand for Kate to grab. She helped pull him off the floor, and the party guests giggled, moving on to another game. James gave Kate a questioning look.
"Juliet's out back. I think you should go talk to her."
"Something happen?"
"I don't know, the women in there were all talking about their babies..."
A look of instant recognition crossed his face, confirming what Kate had sensed while watching Juliet. He put his hand on her upper arm and squeezed gently in thanks as he passed her and left the room to find his Blondie. The feeling of his hand on her arm remained. Kate knew in her heart that she and James never would have worked, that he belonged with Juliet truly and completely, but when she saw the way he cared for Juliet, it made her wonder. It made her long for someone that understood her so deeply, someone that needed so few words to know what was wrong and how to fix it. It made her wonder what ever happened to Jack.
Kate knew she had to go back out to save Cassidy from the flock of squawking hens in her living room, but she needed a moment too. So she stayed with the younger girls, finding a small comfort in their innocence. She hoped they'd get to stay young longer than she had.
