Love Hina – Defeated

Fanfic by Steven Biggs

Chapter Seven – Don't! KISS-ME!

Monday Night.

Motoko stands in Su's room staring at the odd combination of technology and tropical forest.

"Your room never fails to amaze me, Su-chan. How you manage to keep all of this, stuff, from shorting out in this humidity is beyond me."

Su blinks her eyes at the sword master.

"What do ya mean stop shorts from happening? Don't ya know that some of the greatest inventions happen by accident?"

Motoko tilts her head.

"Do tell. On second thought do not; I wish to complete our task this month. Where is the device?"

Su jumps over and flourishes her hands at a large station with some writing pads, a can, a few glasses of water, and some bananas on it.

"Here ya go! It's righty here!"

Raising her sword, Motoko approaches the apparatus. At the last moment, Su reaches out and touches her elbow.

"What are ya doin'?"

She turns to the inventor.

"I am going to destroy this desk. That is why we are here."

"If ya do what I think you're gonna do, you'll wreck the station."

Motoko nods her head.

"That is correct."

Su points at the workbench again.

"Aint that a little overboard? Ya only haves to bust that."

"That is what I plan to do."

Su shakes her head.

"Not that. That!"

"What? Please be more specific, Su-chan!"

Su walks over to the table.

"Ya is getting too worked up. Ya don't need to use your sword trick on the whole thing. Just this."

She picks up the can and holds it out to Motoko. The sword master stares at it for a few moments.

"Do you mean to say that this small object is what has been negating Urashima's ability to recover?"

Su nods her head vigorously.

"Aint it great? Or rather, if it worked right it would have been great. I gots no idea what went wrong."

Motoko takes the can and turns it end over end. She shakes it lightly and feels liquid sloshing around inside.

"This is just a can of soda, though I do not recognize the brand. What do these three eye-type things mean?"

"That aint soda-pop. That's KISS-ME! And that's the royal seal of my family."

Motoko looks at Su and then back at KISS-ME.

"How does this device operate? And please, keep it short and in plain Japanese."

Su shakes her head again.

"I don't know."

"What?"

"Like I said earlier, great inventions sometimes happen by accident. It's the same with KISS-ME. There's some liquid phosphorous and a couple of batteries inside for power generation, and a remote switch and a timer. Other than that, I aint sure what's inside."

Motoko furrows her brow.

"But, you created this. How could you not know what is inside or how it works?"

Su blushes.

"Well, there is some of Keitaro's bath water in it too. But, everything else was just stuff that I closed my eyes and stuck in there. Without taking it apart, the odds are 1,984,284,593,293 to 1 against me ever being able to make it again."

Motoko's eyes widen.

"Those are very long and precise odds Su-chan. Did you calculate those numbers yourself?"

"Nah! I just pull them outta MY-ASS."

"Su-chan! Watch your language!"

Su tilts her head, reaches into one of the drawers in the workbench, and pulls an object out which she hands to Motoko.

"Ya misunderstood me. I just used another one of my inventions, MY-ASS. The Mechanical Yardstick - Analytical Statistic System.

Motoko looks at the object for a few moments and slowly blinks her eyes. She looks up at the young inventor and speaks with an exasperated voice.

"Su-chan, this is just a slide-rule. You can get them at any bookstore. I have even seen Urashima use one. Though most of the time he just uses it to scratch behind his ear."

Su purses her lips and walks over to a large chalkboard with a list of her inventions written on it. Grabbing a piece of chalk, she places an X across from the entry for MY-ASS, under the column labeled ALREADY BEEN DONE. She sighs and looks up at Motoko.

"Do ya think they would like to use my name for it instead? I think it sounds better than saying ya pulled it outta a slide rule."

The sword master smiles.

"I do not think they would agree to the change."

Motoko places the slide rule on the table and holds up the can.

"So, you say that it is impossible to recreate this device."

Su nods her head. Motoko places the can on the ground and prepares to destroy it with her blade. Su clears her throat, causing Motoko to turn towards her once more.

"What is it, Su-chan?"

"Are ya sure ya wants to do it that way?"

"Why should I not?"

Su smiles at her.

"I did invent it, remember?"

Motoko looks down at the can, back towards Su, and then back at the can. She slowly takes two steps away from the can."

"I see your point. How do you suggest we dispose of this?"

Su leaps over and picks up KISS-ME.

"We could just flush it down the toilet."

Motoko takes three more steps away as Su starts to shake the can.

"Is it that simple? We can safely empty it down the drain?"

Su stops shaking the can.

"Oh, ya wants a safe way to do it! Ya should have said something before I started shaking it."

Su drops the can on the ground and jumps behind the workbench.

"Fire in the hole!"

Motoko kneels down, grabs the can, and throws it across the room. It bounces off two trees and lands in the distance. She then dives behind the bench to join Su. After thirty seconds, she uncovers her ears and looks at the girl from Molmol.

"I thought that it would explode."

Su stands up and walks around the bench.

"Shoot, I was kinda hoping it would! That woulda been keen! I guess it's a dud."

They walk over to the area where the can landed. After searching for a few minutes, Motoko pushes aside some brush. She spots the can, but also sees next to it Kanako, who is kneeling on the ground and rubbing her head. Motoko drops down next to her.

"Kanako-san! What are you doing here?"

Su peeks through the brush.

"So there ya is Manager Lady! We aint seen ya since yesterday morning!"

Kanako looks up and wipes a tear from her eye.

"Well, after Oni-chan left, I went around to inspect all the rooms. When I came in here I, well, what the heck is a jungle doing INSIDE an inn? Anyway, I wandered around and got lost. I've been trying to find a way out since yesterday and I'm so hungry!"

Kanako stops rubbing her head and looks down at the can.

"A soda! Thank goodness!"

She grabs the can and pulls the ring on the top. As she raises it to her lips she pauses. The can begins to rumble and shake. Kanako looks up at Motoko.

"Aoyama-san, what is this?"

"Well, I threw it over . . ."

At that moment, the can explodes.

Keitaro and the girls rush upstairs and slide to a halt outside of Su's room. Keitaro holds an arm out to block the others and reaches for the door. He slowly slides it open and thick, white smoke pours out into the hallway. Naru and Kitsune open a few of the outside panels and the wind helps to clear the air. They stand close behind Keitaro as he slowly moves through the entrance. A few steps into the room, they halt as three figures become visible. Keitaro waves his hand to try to clear the air further.

"Su-chan? Motoko-chan?"

"Oni-chan!"

"Kanako-chan?"

Kanako leaps through the smoke and hugs Keitaro.

"That beast-woman tried to kill me! First she hurt you, and now she's after me!"

Keitaro grabs Kanako's shoulders and pushes her back so he can look at her. Other than being covered with soot and a few rips in her blouse and skirt, she seems whole.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

Motoko steps from the smoke and coughs.

"It was an accident, really! It was not my fault, Urashima!"

Su follows close behind, brushing at her blackened uniform.

"KISS-ME is kaput. Ya shoulda been here Keitaro! It was the coolest explosion I ever saw!"

Kitsune covers her mouth with a handkerchief and looks at Kanako.

"Where have ya'll been?"

Kanako looks out into the hallway and spots Shinobu. She pulls away from Keitaro and staggers over to her. Falling to her knees, she wraps her hands in the young cook's sweater.

"Is it dinner time yet? I'm so hungry!"

Shinobu nods her head.

"We were just getting ready to eat. Aaauuuuu. Did you get lost in Su-chan's room too?"

Kanako nods her head and sniffles.

"I thought that I'd starve to death in there!"

Shinobu looks back and points into the room.

"Why didn't you eat some of the bananas?"

Kanako follows her arm and looks into the room.

"What bananas? I didn't see anything to eat in there!"

Shinobu raises her hand.

"On the trees!"

Kanako looks up into the foliage. The smoke has now mostly cleared and she spots some of the yellow fruit among the leaves.

"Bananas grow on trees?"

Kitsune leans over and yells at her.

"Of course they grow on trees! Where'd ya'll think they came from?"

Kanako sniffles again and looks at Keitaro.

"Oni-chan told me that they come from the market. That's where we always got them when we were younger."

Naru looks over at Keitaro.

"Why would you tell your sister a silly thing like that?"

Keitaro blushes.

"Well, it was a long time ago and I never got around to, well . . ."

Motoko straightens her gi and walks past Keitaro and down the hallway.

"Urashima does not want to admit that he did not know where they came from either. Obviously, he did not want to appear to be an idiot in his sister's eyes."

Mutsumi smiles at Keitaro.

"Oh my! You really are very stupid! No wonder you failed getting into Toudai so many times!"

Keitaro hangs his head and stands at the door as the girls head downstairs. Naru calls for him to follow. He slides the door closed, hesitating for a moment and as he peeks inside.

"So, they really do grow on trees. Fancy that!"

End of Chapter Seven.