So, a bunch of things happen in this chapter. I think it turned out pretty well. I would once again like to thank you all for your reviews and a special thank you to Jenny Crum for helping me out with this.
Enjoy!
''You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.'' Brian Tracy
''... plane crashed ... we need medics over here ... pilot is dead ... woods north of Elko ...'' Erin looks up at me as we listen to the tape. It's the 911 call Hotch made after the plane crashed. The reception out there must be really bad. Most of what was said isn't understandable, it just sounds like he's babbling, not making a lot of sense.
I sigh as the tape comes to an end and press the stop sign. We sit in silence for a few minutes, trying to wrap our minds around what we just heard.
''Wow,'' I hear Strauss say quietly. It's so difficult to hear this tape, hearing how they're struggling to get help. But more importantly: it's concrete evidence that they survived the crash. It doesn't prove that they're alive right now, but... at least it's something. This is the first moment that I realize that deep down I still had some doubts about whether or not they'd survived. But all that's gone now.
I'm ready to go find them; I need to bring them home now. This certainty is only making me more determined.
''Okay, so... what's next?'' I hear Erin ask me and I look up from my laptop back at her.
''I'm going to try and figure out who could've gotten there before the paramedics did,'' I say and immediately start typing again.
''Couldn't they just have started walking away and gotten picked up by somebody who then took them?'' She asks me.
I frown at her. ''If it was taking too long they could've done that,'' she tells me, trying to make me see her point.
I nod, ''they could've. But I don't think they would do that. They know it isn't a very good idea to just leave, and besides; JJ was in too much pain to be able to walk very far,'' I say.
''What?'' I hear her ask and I look back up. I notice the confusion on her face and realize what I just said. ''How would you know JJ was in too much pain?'' She asks me.
''Ehm... I didn't mean that she was in that much pain. I meant that considering the fact that she was nearly seven months pregnant, along with the fact that a plane crash can be very painful... It would just make sense that she would be in a lot of pain after that,'' I say, really fast. There's a mixture of confusion and doubt as to what I'm saying is true on Erin's face. I decide to just look back at my screen and continue looking and let the moment pass, hoping Erin will do the same.
I notice her looking at her watch after I've been searching for a few minutes and she still hasn't said anything. My guess is that she doesn't know what to do; she knows Rossi is still alive, she knows that somehow she should help me in saving him, and everybody else, but there's nothing she can do. She has given me all I need that could help me find them, she's been lying to people back at the bureau so they won't find out, there's nothing else she can do.
I slightly jump when her phone starts ringing; she has a really loud, annoying ringtone. The tune sounds familiar but I can't quite figure out what song it is. ''Strauss,'' I hear her say as she gets up and walks out of earshot.
She comes back less than a minute later. ''I have to go,'' she simply says as she grabs her purse.
''Where?'' I ask her. What can be more urgent than this?
''They need me back at the bureau, I'll come back tomorrow,'' she says and walks out the door without any more words being said.
I look at the time on my laptop. I have a meeting with Dr. Hughes in half an hour. Come to think of it; Erin having to leave couldn't have come at a better time. This way I won't have to lie to her about where I'm going, or explain that I'm seeing a psychologist. Though she might already know that; it's pretty standard protocol after a suicide attempt.
I'm back in my blue chair again.
''Are you sure that's a good idea?'' I hear Dr. Hughes, Ben, ask me.
I've just told him about the fact that I'm looking for the team, hoping to find them alive. Now that I have actual evidence that they survived the crash I think I can tell him. ''I don't care if it's a good idea. This feels like the right thing to do for me,'' I say, letting out a sigh.
''What do you expect to happen when you find them?'' He asks me, he sits back in his oversized black chair and looks at me in concern.
This takes me aback, I hadn't really thought about that. I've been so focused on trying to find them that I hadn't thought about what happened after that. They'll be completely traumatized, in bad shape; they might never work for the FBI again. When I think about it I realize that I just want things to go back to the way it was, with them looking for the bad guys and I'm helping them from afar.
It'll never go back to that, it'll never be the way it was. Nothing I can do will make it that way ever again. I swallow hard, a little at loss of words.
''Penelope,'' Ben leans over, resting his forearms on his upper legs and looking at me, attentively. ''I know that you want what you had. I don't want to risk that you find them, only to be devastated because it doesn't turn out the way you had hoped. I don't want your search of a happy ending getting in the way of living a happy live. When you find them, just be happy that they're there. Cherish that. Don't try to force perfection. You know what it's like to live without them, don't risk that again by trying to make things the way it was.''
I can feel a tear roll down my cheek. I wipe it away as others fall too. ''I haven't even found them and I'm already crying over what things will be like when I do.'' I say to nobody in particular. Just thinking about the words I forget that the person saying them is in the room with me.
He hands me a tissue, ''it's okay,'' he tells me. He must get people in here crying all the time.
''Aren't you worried about what things will be like afterwards?'' He asks me. ''Aren't you worried about that you won't be where you want to be?''
I take a deep breath, ''I may not be where I want to be by then, but I'll thank God every single day that I won't be where I used to be. Where I was less than a month ago.'' I say, promising myself this.
When I look back up I can see a satisfied smile on Ben's face. ''You really know how to make a girl cry, don't you?'' I ask him with a semi-smile.
''So I've been told,'' he says, smiling back. My breath stops for a second when we make eye contact. I swallow hard, trying to look away.
We are broken out of our little trance when my phone rings. I immediately grab my purse and fumble around in it, taking a deep breath. ''I swear I thought I had turned this damn thing off,'' I say to Ben. I read the name on the screen: 'Strauss'.
I look back at Ben, ''actually, this is kind of important,'' I say, trying not to sound guilty.
''It's okay,'' he assures me. ''I'll just go get some more coffee,'' he holds up his mug, ''do you want some too?''
I shake my head and he walks out of the room. I wait for the door to close behind him before I answer my phone. Before I have a change to say 'hi' Strauss already starts talking. ''Garcia, I need you to come down here now.'' She says to me, I can't remember her ever sounding so serious.
''What? Why?'' I ask her confused.
''A problem has come up, you have to get here as soon as possible,'' she tells me.
''O-okay,'' I manage to get out. I don't know what she's talking about but it sounds very serious.
Before I can say anything else she hangs up. I sit there looking at my phone for about a minute when there's a light knock at the door. I turn around and can see Ben peep his head through the small door opening. ''I couldn't hear anything. Are you still on the phone?'' He asks me.
I shake my head and he walks in, closing the door behind him again. ''Are you okay? You look... confused and a little stressed,'' he says as he studies my face and walks over to his chair.
I slightly nod my head, ''I'm okay, but I have to go,'' I say. I stand up and grab my coat from the back of the chair, putting it on.
''We still have twenty minutes left,'' he says as he looks at his watch and walks over to me.
I let out a frustrated sigh, ''can't we just add those twenty minutes to the next session?'' I ask him as I grab my purse which was next to my chair.
He puts his hands in his pockets, ''that's not how therapy works. Maybe if this was voluntarily I could do that, but you don't have much of a choice.'' He says.
''Ben,'' I say, not sure what to say. The way I say his name almost sounds like I'm begging him to let me leave.
He lets out a deep breath and looks at me for a second. ''Do you promise that you won't hurt yourself?'' He asks me despite the fact that he already knows the answer.
''I promise,'' I say anyway.
''Okay, fine. You can go,'' I hear him say and I immediately turn and walk out the door. As I'm walking down the hallway to the entrance I can hear him say, or rather yell, at me: ''just this one time, though!''
I don't bother to respond.
I'm a little out of breath as I walk through the entrance door of the FBI. I'm met by Erin as well as two other employees. ''Miss Garcia, if you'll come with us,'' I hear one of them say and I glance over at Erin.
They walk in front of us as we go over to the elevator and go up a few floors. We get out on the floor where the team used to sit. I can see a bunch of people sitting there. Erin and I are walking behind the two men. ''Who are they?'' I ask Erin as I nod over to the people sitting the behind the desks.
''They are the new behavioral analysis unit,'' she tells me in a way that sounds like she's not very impressed by them.
We follow the two men into one of the conference rooms, the same one where I sat less than a week ago with Erin. ''Take a seat,'' the taller man says.
Erin and I both sit down. Clearly she already knows what this is about, she looks very uncomfortable knowing what they're going to tell me. She looks mad, disappointment, sad and confused all at the same time. This can't be good...
We walk back out about a half hour later. I feel a little tired and weak all of a sudden. ''I can't believe this,'' I say as we sit down in two chairs that are randomly standing there.
''I know,'' Erin says. ''But we can still...''
''No!'' I say, interrupting her. ''This, all the information they have in their database, all the things you gave me access too... it's all we had. It was why I was able to figure out what I could.'' I tell her.
The men told us that some FBI technical analyst had discovered that I was going through all the files related to the crash. They had managed to track down my IP address and find my name.
They had decided that Strauss would be suspended for a yet to be decided amount of time.
Besides that they had managed to add extra barricades to the system. When I had heard what they had done I immediately recognized it as one of the most difficult things to crack. Almost impossible. Pretty easy to add to a system, but nearly impossible to crack. There would be 'round the clock surveillance to look for any hackers.
But the thing that pissed me off the most is that I know there's just one person in this entire building who knows how those kind of systems works, just one person who would be able to add it to their system. And I used to date him...
I look up as if I can feel him coming; I can see him walk on the other side of the hallway, Kevin Lynch. I can feel rage fill my body and I try to stand up before Erin stops me, ''he's not worth it,'' she says.
I glance over, knowing she's right. I sink back into my chair, ''this is going to take forever,'' I say quietly, wanting to cry. ''Why is this all taking so long?''
''Do not wonder why things are ''taking so long.'' In fact, everything is rolling out exactly as it needs to, using not a minute more than perfection requires. Rest easy and be at peace. Life is working its magic even as you take your very next breath.'' Neale Donald Walsh
I hope you all liked the chapter and please review!
