DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hollyoaks or it's characters except Alex.
Hiya! Thanks for reading and sticking with the story. Please comment e.c.t. Hope you enjoy it!
Ste
I was in Alex's flat. He was sharing with a guy who was apparently out of town. I sat down on the sofa and winced in pain. Damn you, Brendan Brady.
"Are you okay?" Asked Alex,
"I'll be fine." I reasured him.
"I can't believe you just let him go. Why did you do that?" He questioned.
"Look Alex, it's complicated..."
"Is it because you used to be with him?"
"What?" I said, startled.
"It's pretty obvious Ste. When you's are together there's so much tension, it's unbelievable."
"Okay, fine. We were together, kind of..." I trailed of, unsure of what to tell him.
"Come on, Ste! You're, like, my best mate. You can tell me, you know." He told me.
"Okay, fine." I sighed, "But I don't know where to start."
"Try the begining." He suggested.
I found myself telling Alex mine and Brendan's history. Well, not all of it. Some of it I left out, like Brendan killing Danny and the time he told me he loved me and how much I cared about him. Alex didn't need to know that. I also didn't tell him how good it felt when I was with Brendan and how he understood me so much and how I was one of the only people that could figure Brendan Brady out. Or how he set my skin on fire when he touched me. He definately didn't need to know that.
"Jesus Christ Ste! What the hell've ya got yourself in now." He shook his head, "Most of that's seriously messed up Ste."
"I know it's messed up." I couldn't help wondering what he'd think if he knew everything.
"It's like all you do is hurt each other. I mean he's broke your ribs before and stuff and you've put him in hospital." He sighed, "I can't believe you, Ste."
"Don't start." I told him.
"No Ste, listen. What's happened to you? He's hurt you so many times and he just did it again. And what did you do? Nothing! The way I see it, You have two choices, Ste."
"And what's that?" I asked.
"You can either go to the police, tell them what he's done."
"No." I wasn't going to the police. I didn't want him sent down, not really.
"I didn't really like that option anyway. I don't like the police." He replied.
"And what's the other option?"
"You get even." He grinned.
"What?" I frowned.
"Look, what is Brendan Brady?" He asked. I shrugged, what was he going on about?
"He's a thug. A controling little bully." He explained, "Come on Ste. You know how to deal with them. We dealt with enough of 'em inside jouvie, didn't we?"
"You want me to threaten him."
"No, not just threaten him. You hurt him, show him he isn't in control anymore. You did it when you put 'im in hospital, didn't ya? Well, apparently he didn't get the message. It's time to let him know who you are Ste."
"And who's that?"
"Not this," He said, gesturing to me. "The Ste Hay I knew was tough, a survivor. Someone who didn't let people push 'im around. You just need to get him back."
"I don't want to be that person again." I said, shaking my head.
"There's a difference between sticking up for yourself and going mental. You're not a criminal, you're not a bad person. If you defend yourself against Brendan, that doesn't make you a bad person either." He replied.
"I dunno, Alex." I sighed, head in hands.
"Are you scared? Is that it?" Questioned Alex, "Come on Ste: man up! Don't let him hurt you again. You're not a scared little kid so stop acting like it."
He got up and left me there. Alex had a point, sort of. But should I go though with it? Alex wanted me to, clearly. I knew what Amy would say: something about being better than that. I didn't know what I wanted to do. All I knew is that he wasn't going to hurt me again, no matter what.
Brendan
It was one o' clock in the morning and I'd been home for just over an hour. I was pacing back and forth in the living room. I'd tried to sleep but couldn't. I'd ruined everything, yet again. Not that there was much left to ruin. Stephen hated me, he must do. He couldn't not hate me. Why did I always have to wreck anything good in my life? I wanted to scream. I'd never get him back now. Never touch him, never taste him...I punched the wall. I dimly regestered the pain but most of me hardly even noticed. What the hell was wrong with me? He'd never speak to me again, I'd never see him smile or hear him laugh...I puched it again. I'd never feel his warm body next to mine as he lay there after we slept together... I puched it again. I crumpled down on the floor, my back to the wall and my knees near my chest like I did when I was a kid. If only people could see the dangerous Brendan Brady now. Finally, I decided I needed to get the hell out of here. I needed some fresh air and peace and quiet - something I couldn't have with cheryl snoring upstairs.
Ste
I'd walked home as I couldn't afford a taxi and the fresh air would do me good. Besides, Alex was sharing a flat not that far from where I lived, maybe 10 minutes walk. I was heading through the village when someone shouted of me.
"Stephen!" Well, I wonder who that could be? I thought to myself, angrily. I briefly thought of dashing into the alleyway next to me but decided against it. I turned around to see, of course, Brendan Fucking Brady.
"You better have a hell of a good reason to be talking to me." I called, turning back around and I kept walking.
"Wait, Stephen, wait." He ran after me and grabbed my arm, spinning me around.
"Get your 'ands of me." I growled.
"Fine okay, okay." He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I'm sorry okay. I shouldn't of touched ya."
"Aww, is Brendan Brady actually apologising. Someone grab the bloody camera."
"I know that you're angry wi' me."
"Shut up, Brendan! You hit me for no fucking reason and if you touch me again I swear I'll kill ya." I shouted. My stomach hurt when I yelled but I ignored the pain.
"Things weren't supposed to end up like this." He said, almost to himself.
"And how were they supposed to end up, eh Brendan? Did you think we could be friends? Maybe you thought I'd just wait for whenever you decided you wanted me and then just get over it every single time you pushed me away. No Brendan. You did this. You're a psycho. A fucking crazy psycho. I hate you! I absolutely hate your guts!"
"No," He shook his head as if to push my words away.
"Yes! I. hate. you."
"No!" He shouted and pushed me into the alley.
"What are you doing? Are you mental?" I shouted. He had me pinned to the wall, his arm across me chest.
"You can't hate me." He whispered. I suddenly noticed how close were we. With his free hand, he trailed a finger down my cheek.
"Yes I can Brendan." I insisted, though my voice had lost most of it's power and volume. "Get of me. Just leave me alone."
"I can't." He replied, looking in my eyes.
"Can't what?"
"Leave you alone." He said, there wasn't an ounce of deciet in his eyes. I didn't think that this was a game. This was him being genuine. Yes, it was desperate and stupid but this was Brendan and this was his way of trying to get me back.
"No, Brendan, no." I whispered. He ignored me and slowly, ever so slowly, kissed me. It was tentative and gentle and full of questions.
He kissed me again, more passionately this time, his tounge traced the seam of my lips and I knew if I gave in now, that was it. But something stopped me. Something Alex said echoed through my mind
"Come on Ste: man up! Don't let him hurt you again."
What was I doing? I couldn't be doing this. Everything was only going to fall apart again.
I shoved Brendan away, "Stop. I can't do this okay. I really can't do this."
"Yes you can. I'm sorry for everything I've done. I didn't mean to hurt you. I care about you."
"Stop." I pleaded. I couldn't hear him say things like this. It was too much.
"I need you Stephen." He told me.
"Stop." I repeated. I needed him to leave, to let me think. I felt trapped, like everywhere I turned all I could see was Brendan. Everytime we kissed. Everynight we spent together. And everytime he broke me.
"I love you Stephen."
"No!" I snapped. It was a knee-jerk reaction, something I hadn't done in ages. I punched him in the stomach, ironically where he'd puched me, before puching him in the jaw. It was so much like the old Ste that it scared me. He stumbled backwards. He looked up and I could see that his lip was bleeding.
"You pushed me too far, Brendan. You shouldn't 'av. Everyone has a limit, I've finally reached mine."
I walked away. I wasn't scared of what he'd do or anything. I just didn't know what to do. If it had got into a proper fight, I would have defended myself but, other than that, I didn't know what to do. So I left.
Brendan
He'd took me by suprise. I hadn't had time to react. One minute we were kissing and it felt like maybe, just maybe, everything would be alright. An then he was pushing me away, telling me that he couldn't do it. What did he mean? We were perfect for each other. Yes, we fought but I loved him. Honestly, I did. I tried to tell him but he wouldn't listen. My mind was dazed, I wasn't thinking straight. If it had been anyone else, they wouldn't have managed to touch me but this wasn't anyone else. It was him. I was drunk on Stephen and hadn't been expecting it. I hadn't known the lad had it in 'im. Shit, he was tougher than I'd thought. I coughed and tasted blood in my mouth. I should have been angry or something. But I wasn't. I'd deserved it and, more importantly, I was proud. I was proud of Stephen because he'd stuck up for himself and proven that he was much more than I'd thought he was. In my mind, this just meant we were even better fitted for each other.
I remembered when I'd first met him. I'd thought he was just a cocky kid then I started to respect him - he had two kids who he would do anything for and he'd done alright for himself considering how young he was and everything. Then I'd realized how strong he was, how resilient and brave, how caring and gentle he was even though he was tough as well. That was when I started to love him. It was real love; real, messy, mental, unbearable, passionate, terrifying, magical, unstoppable love. He was mine. I was his. It didn't matter that were broke each other into pieces because we would always be there to put the other back together again. It didn't matter that we hated each other sometimes because we loved each other always. So it didn't matter that he'd hit me or that I'd hit him because he meant everything to me and I was never going to let him go. I couldn't even comprehand life without Steven Hay. We'd end up back together again, we always did. No amount of pain, or anger, or hate, or mistakes was going to change it. We were meant for each other. That's just the way it was.
Rachey Ayy xx
