Hello again!
This chapter is Red's dinner. Something is obviously going to go down between Jamie and Nicky, and it probably isn't going to be very pretty. Feel free to leave a review, it'd be greatly appreciated!
Enjoy the chapter!
Today was going to be a shitty day.
I could already tell. Woke up from a fun nightmare drenched in sweat, long ass lines in the shower leaving me with no hot water, and didn't make it in time for breakfast, leaving me with an empty stomach.
So. Today isn't off to a good start.
Not to mention Nicky had completely ignored me these few days. It broke me to think I broke her, but I couldn't let myself get close to anyone. I couldn't let us get close again. She was better off without me.
But I wasn't better off without her.
I walked down the stairs from my bunk, towards the kitchen to get a head start for lunch. A cheap candy bar I bought from commissary was the only thing filling my stomach, and I couldn't ignore its growls any longer.
I stopped halfway down the stairs, seeing Red talking to Nicky beside the window. Red was holding a tray of things, and Nicky was slouching against the wall with an aggravated expression. She didn't like what Red was saying.
But then her eyes caught mine staring. She opened her mouth but never called out to me, never said anything. She looked back at Red just as I quickly looked away and continued walking down the stairs, hoping to pass them without Red saying anything.
Just as I thought, today was going to be shitty.
"Jamie," Red called out, waving me over. I begrudgingly walked towards her, stopping somewhat beside Nicky. She was staring out the window. "I need you to come to the greenhouse tonight at dinnertime."
"Really? She's not fucking family," Nicky snapped, tearing her eyes away from the window.
"Fuck off, Nichols," I snarled. "You aren't the only one Red can be friends with."
"Fighting words, Spencer. Friends doesn't even compare to family."
"Alright, whatever this is, knock it off," Red said, pointing her finger at Nicky. "Make sure everyone is there, and you'll get your oatmeal pies." She moved her finger to point it at me next. "And you, you better - "
The words died on her lips when the double doors behind her were suddenly open. I stared in confusion at a man I've never seen before outfitted in a guard's uniform. From the way Red and Nicky were both staring at him in shock, I could tell he wasn't good news.
Someone bumped into him, and he didn't waste time giving her a shot. In fact, he was giving shots out left and right.
As he walked by us, his eyes lingered on Red, a smirk tugging at his lips. These two definitely had a history together. He moved his eyes to me and I narrowed my eyes at him, but he looked away.
"Mendez is back," he said, turning the corner with a snide smirk. "Bitches."
Red shook her head, mumbling something about this place going to hell as she walked off. I watched her go, ready to leave myself when Nicky's words stopped me.
"Listen.. don't go near him, okay?" she said as I turned around to look at her. "He's trouble waiting to happen, and.. just don't piss him off and be careful. I don't want to see you get
"Be careful? What, do you think I can't handle myself?" I asked. She momentarily appeared hurt by my words, so I quickly said, "Look, I'll watch out for him, okay."
She nodded, slipping past me and walking away. I watched her go, biting my lip to ease my nerves. Dinner tonight was going to be awkward as hell between us. That, or we would be at our throats the entire time.
I was dreading to find out which.
The cold chill of winters breeze blew my hair around my face. I tucked loose strands of it behind my ear as I reached the greenhouse, pulling my hands out of my jacket pocket to open the door.
"This is prison, they aren't caught up in the moment," Red said, glancing at me as I stepped into the greenhouse. I smiled, closing the door behind me and shivering. "Is anyone else with you?"
"Uh, no. Going solo these days," I said, quietly laughing. She motioned towards a chair and I sat down in it just as the doors opened again, Nicky's voice ringing inside my head.
"Man, this took way more convincing than two boxes are worth," Nicky said, walking into the greenhouse with everyone following behind her. She stopped at the chair across from me, locking eyes with me before pulling it out and sitting down.
"Please, sit," Red said, gesturing to the table. "I thought we could enjoy a family meal together."
I crossed my legs, my hands resting in my lap. It didn't feel right to be here. I wasn't a part of Red's family - Nicky was right. I was just a mere friend, though it barely even felt like I was that.
And it's not like Nicky and I were together.. No, that ship sailed long ago.
More like sunk.
"How the fuck you do this without a kitchen?" Boo asked.
"I'm a good improviser," Red answered, her smile never leaving her lips as she glanced over her shoulder. "And I had some help from the baddest bitches around."
When everyone laughed, I quietly joined in. My stomach was in knots just being here. Because I didn't belong here. I wasn't Red's family. Nicky was shooting daggers at me every opportunity she got. I've never really talked to anyone else here, other than Lorna and occasionally Boo.
Why was I here?
"Thank you for coming," Red said. "I know you didn't have to."
"Hey, Red, you gotta let us in on the secret," Boo said, smirking. "I mean, this shit is crazy."
"You're my family," Red flatly said. "All of you are very important to me."
And that's when I really started to feel out of place as Red indulged in a heartfelt speech. These kind of situations made me feel awkward as hell, not to mention I wasn't her family and I wasn't important to her.
Why the fuck was I here?
Boo interrupted her speech and Red paused to stand up and smack her in the hand. My eyes darted around the room, studying each person here. Did they all really mean that much to her?
My view on prison was to never let anyone get close to you. It made you and them a vulnerable target, so why was Red family with all of them?
Finally, my eyes landed on Nicky. She was watching and listening intently to Red. Judging by her expression, she had already forgiven her.
And then she caught me staring. Again. Her eyes locked with mine for the second time this dinner, and I pressed my lips together. She didn't blink, didn't glare, didn't smile. Just blankly stared.
"Gina," Red said, snapping me back to reality. I looked away from Nicky towards her, listening to her words. "I don't know that I'll ever have the words to express the regret I feel for what happened to you. I made a mistake."
Nicky's eyes were still on me. Everyone started chuckling again, and it felt like the walls were closing in on me.. Suffocating me. I inhaled a deep breath, but it didn't calm me down.
Red had turned to Norma and was giving another heartwarming speech about her always being by her side. This was too much.
Fuck, I had to get out of here.
"I'm going outside, I need some air," I suddenly said to Red, standing up and ignoring everyone's stares. Red stood up and I had just reached the doors when Nicky suddenly spoke.
"Yeah, do what you always do best and leave."
I stopped, my hand mere inches from the door. It would be easy to just leave and ignore what she said. It would be easier to not start a fight with her and not ruin Red's dinner. But, like always, Nicky's words provoked anger inside me.
"Excuse me?"
"I said do what you always do best," she said as I glanced over my shoulder at her. "Isn't that running away? Avoiding your problems like a fucking coward ass?"
"Avoiding my problems? God, do you even hear yourself? You're so full of it."
"You two, take your drama outside," Red said, interrupting us. "We're trying to have a dinner here."
"There's nothing to talk about," Nicky defended.
"Really? Then why are you still bringing it up?" I said, raising my eyebrows. "Clearly you aren't over anything."
"That's a load of bullshit, even for you! But I guess you're the one who has perfected letting shit go!"
"Because I had to!" I yelled. The room fell silent, everyone either watching Nicky and I or keeping their eyes low. "Because I fucking had to! I wouldn't expect you to understand."
"The fuck you had to for?" Nicky said, standing up and coldly laughing. "No, you left me high and dry because you already got what you fucking wanted, right? You just used me for your own comfort!"
"Just fuck off, Nichols! You were the one who came onto me!"
"Not to mention the bang off," Boo suddenly added, smirking. Nicky shot her a nasty look, and she raised her hands. "Hey, don't shoot the peasant."
"You two should take this outside," Red hissed, looking between us. "I brought you both here to work through your shit, not ruin my dinner. If you're going to act like two year old's then by all means, leave."
"Then why did you even fucking invite her?" Nicky spat. "She's not fucking family."
I clenched my fists together but didn't say anything. The greenhouse was deadly quiet again, until Lorna spoke.
"Nichols, maybe you should sit back down," Lorna quietly said.
"I don't want to fucking sit," she said, walking towards me. "I want fucking answers!"
She grabbed my shoulders and pressed me against the doors. I narrowed my eyes at her as I heard footsteps approach us. Her jaw was shaking and her eyes pierced through me.
"I just want answers," she quietly said.
"Yeah, well, you can get them from Vee," I said, pushing her off me. She didn't say anything so I used the opportunity to escape through the doors into the chilly winter night. I closed the door behind me and kicked at the ground with my boot, wishing I had left when I had the opportunity.
What a great fucking dinner, I'd say. Red must be pissed.
The doors opened behind me. I closed my eyes, quietly chuckling.
"I swear, Nichols, leave me the fuck alone," I said, without turning around. When someone's hand touched my arm, I glanced over my shoulder at them. "Oh. Sorry, I just thought you'd be.. you know."
"It's okay," Lorna said, softly smiling. "Things got a bit rough in there."
"Yeah, being with her always brings that out of me, I guess. The yelling and screaming and pushing. I hate it."
"I've never seen her like that before. It kinda scared me."
"It's just for show," I said, shrugging. "She buries her sadness and instead turns to anger. It's how she copes, at least with me.. I guess only with me."
"Well, you're definitely the only person who can fire her up like that," she said, chuckling. "But, you're also the only person I've seen make her smile the most."
I frowned, looking back over at her. "Really?"
Lorna nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I mean, loneliness was what only really attracted us together. But now she has you, and you have her."
"I don't have her. Not even close."
"Things can change," she said, shrugging. "You two have this chemistry that even I've noticed. It makes me miss Christopher, you know?"
I paused, staring at the greenhouse as if I could see through it. Nicky was probably sitting again, not talking or listening while Red tried to fix her dinner. She was probably trying to make sense of this situation in her head, or maybe even wondering why she ever hooked up with me in the first place.
God, I really fucked that right up.
"You should probably get back in there," I said, stiffly smiling. "I think I'm just gonna go lie down or something."
She nodded again and stepped back inside the greenhouse. I walked back towards the prison, shoving my hands in my pockets. It felt much warmer inside, and my breathing was starting to even out.
Only Nicky could rile be up that much. She held so much power over me, and I fucking hated it. Because I knew, no matter how persistent I was or how hard I tried, we couldn't live under the same roof and not be drawn to each other.
Some days we could put up with each other, and it felt like we could finally be friends. Other days our claws were out and we weren't holding anything back. I just wanted the old us back, the ones who could make any situation less shitty.
The old us who were in love.
It was later that night when I went to use the bathrooms before calling it a night. Nicky wasn't in our bunk all night, but the dinner had to be over. The bathrooms were fairly empty, and as I was walking back to my bunk I saw Boo walking out of a different bathroom.
"Spencer, I'm surprised there aren't any claw marks on you," she said, grinning. I only furrowed my eyebrows at her - she was acting weird. "Keep your enemies close, am I right?"
She chuckled, sauntering by me with an extra perk in her step. I watched her go before glancing over my shoulder, seeing Vee standing there watching me. She was smiling, but it felt more like a warning.
Great. Nicky is pissed at me and will probably be ignoring me the next time I see her. Boo was acting fucking strange and I couldn't help but feel like it had something to do with Vee.
Which brings me to Vee. I definitely wasn't on her good side, and I was sort of afraid to see what she did to those who crossed her bad side. Choke them in their sleep?
I knew today would be a shitty day.
