(A/N) Sorry for the late update! I just lost track of time! I worked hard to get this chapter up as soon as I could. I hope you enjoy!

Notes:

Italics: Dreams, thoughts, flashbacks, emphasis.

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN NARUTO! Hear that, Lawyers?!

Criminal Minds

Scavenger Hunt Pt. 1: Itachi's Underwear and Icha Icha Paradise

'In which Sakura manipulates Itachi.'

I'm standing on a hill, looking down at a huge fire. It would have been nice had it been a campfire and not a federal offense. Naruto was standing next to me cheering, unaware that I was trying to kill him. The only thing preventing me from doing so was Itachi's arm around my waist. As I wriggled in his grasp, he only held me tighter.

"Damn you, Naruto!" I screamed. "I'll friggin' castrate you!"

Still Naruto cheered. He must have been a vegetable. How could be so oblivious to my rage? Despite my pink hair, I could be pretty scary with my temper. The fool was just not getting it.

"Where the Hell is Sasuke?!" I screamed, giving up on Naruto.

I looked around for the deserter. I was after his head, too. The bastard was going to pay.

"Settle down, Sakura," Itachi said.

He was rather calm despite the situation. That only angered me more. I didn't dare threaten him, though. That was just a death wish.

It was starting to get windy. The gusts blew ash from the fire. I was hoping that the wind would douse the flames, but I knew it was impossible. It would only spread it. Besides, the soot would still remain, forever marking this day.

"Yo."

I turned around in Itachi's grasp to see the bastard Uchiha. He came right at the peak of my animosity. I was practically breathing fire.

"You!" I seethed. "I'll castrate you, too!"

I struggled hard, but Itachi didn't give. Steam was now visible coming out of my ears.

"What did I do?" Sasuke asked, irked at my behavior.

He sure does know how to piss me off.

"This is your fault!"

"How is this my fault?" Sasuke asked, even more irked.

"You and your damned list!" I shouted.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you," Naruto said. I didn't even notice he stopped cheering while I was shrieking at Sasuke. "I won!"

"Naruto, you are so dead!" I yelled, a new fury blooming within me. How dare he speak with such amiability when I was so teed off I'd just about throttle him!

You may be wondering what's going on. Me wanting to kill Naruto isn't an odd occurrence, but I'll catch you up anyway. It all started with a scavenger hunt…

-0-

"Hello!" I called into the large space, wondering if it would echo.

Naruto chuckled a bit tiredly and Sasuke glared.

It was nine o'clock in the morning on a Saturday and we were at the Uchiha compound. You may think that nine o'clock is way too early to be getting up on Saturdays, but there's a reason we got up so early. The house was (thankfully) free of Akatsuki. Well, except for one. But he lived there, so there's nothing I could do about it. Naruto was grumbling under his breath about how it wasn't fun without the Akatsuki. He was wearing black and red, abandoning the orange clothing he usually wore. Surprisingly, I miss it.

All in all, it was only the three of us, just like the old times.

"Please refrain from yelling in the house," Itachi said from the couch.

Okay, the four of us.

Before Sasuke could say anything, Naruto and I ransacked the kitchen. He watched us with a twitching eye. You know what they say. Mi casa es tu casa. Well, Sasuke doesn't comply to that. He has bad hospitality (which was mostly due to the fact that we eat all his food). He's usually against us coming over, but we have our ways of manipulating- I mean, convincing him. We always come over because his house so big.

After filling our arms with junk, Naruto and I walked into the living room and sat on the floor. I leaned my back against the couch which Itachi was sitting on, reading a book.

"There's less food than usual," Naruto said, biting down on a chip.

"I wonder why," Sasuke growled, glaring daggers at us.

"So, Sasuke, what are we gonna do?" Naruto asked, ignoring his comment.

We both already knew, so it was pointless to ask. Due to Sasuke's lack of creativity, it was the same thing every time we came over. He held up two sheets of paper.

"Scavenger hunt," he stated, giving both of us a piece of paper. "Sakura will prove she's better than you at everything, Naruto."

Said boy stuck his tongue out. Scavenger hunts sound juvenile, don't they? That's probably because Sasuke came up with the idea when we were children. Let's just say that some of the things have…changed since then.

"Itachi's underwear?" I read from the paper.

Sasuke shrugged. "Revenge."

I looked up at Itachi. I'd like to know what Sasuke wants revenge for.

"Rules?" I asked.

Naruto scoffed.

"Try not to kill anyone," Sasuke said, eying the two of us.

You may think that's abnormal for a scavenger hunt. But with Naruto, things can get out of hand.

"What's the time limit?" Naruto asked.

"What do you care?" I teased. "You're always late."

We stuck out our tongues at each other. Now you now why Sasuke has us do scavenger hunts all the time; we're just immature.

"Be back here by sunset with everything on the list," Sasuke answered.

"Simple enough," I said. "When do we start?"

I broke open a bag of cookies.

"Now."

Naruto immediately bolted with his bag of chips in hand. He didn't even look at his paper.

"You should check your list!" I called.

And so he did…while sprinting. The fool ran straight into the wall. I chuckled and looked down, reading mine.

Peanut Butter

"Only you, Sasuke," I muttered.

Icha Icha Paradise

Chicken

Tarp

Leek

Stilts

Fake Moustache

Flamethrower

Reef

Cow

Mouse Trap

Top Hat

Cape

Itachi's Underwear

Scythe

Garbage Can

Tomatoes

I felt my eye twitch. "Sasuke, let me address some of these items. First of all, how the Hell am I supposed to get Icha Icha Paradise when I'm underage?"

Sasuke snorted. "Lie."

I shivered at the thought of having buy a perverted novel. Continuing down the list, I said," By a chicken and cow, do you mean live ones?"

Sasuke nodded.

"A flamethrower?! A scythe?! Are you insane?"

"I'm sure you can find them."

I had the urge to smack him.

"You better hurry up," Sasuke stated. "Naruto was in a hurry. He might get everything before you even start."

"Yeah right," I snorted.

I started out with the easy things that I could find in the house. Sasuke always included food and animals in the hunts. The first list had cookies, chocolate, a frog, a slug, and a snake on it. I opened the refrigerator and grabbed peanut butter, a leek, and a bag of tomatoes. I didn't feel any pity for Naruto who ran before he could get anything. He gave me an advantage.

"Have any mouse traps?" I asked, setting the items on the kitchen table and grabbing a plastic bag to put them all in.

Sasuke gestured with his head in the direction of the hallway. I walked out of the kitchen and into the grand corridor, looking at the floor. Surely enough, there was a mousetrap. With a mouse in it.

"I'll go and buy one…" I said, backing up.

I headed back into the kitchen and put the food into the bag. I was stalling. The next obvious thing I could get was the one I dreaded. Itachi's underwear. Well, it wasn't the one I dreaded the most, but it was up there. When I finished putting all of the stuff in the bag, I went upstairs. I bet Itachi knew why I was going up there even though I tried to be inconspicuous. When I reached I took a deep breath. Looking down the ostentatious corridor, I tried to determine which door led to Itachi's room.

'Please don't let him kill me,' I begged to God, who was hopefully listening.

I tried several doors, most leading to vacant rooms. The vacant rooms were nice, though, and I had the fleeting thought of asking Sasuke if I could live there. By the seventh door, I became frustrated and slammed it shut. The house was huge; his room might not even be on this floor! Who knew getting Itachi's underwear would be such a challenge.

I finally reached the last threshold. Crossing my fingers, I turned the knob and opened the door. Walking inside, I looked around. The room was plain with only the bare essentials. I walked over to the dresser and opened the top drawer. Sure enough, there was underwear.

'Let's just hope its Itachi's,' I thought.

I picked up an undergarment with my forefinger and thumb and turned around. I almost had a heart attack. Itachi was standing right there, watching me with what I suppose was amusement. The first thought that came to me was 'How the Hell does he get around so quietly?'

"Say, can I borrow this?" I said nervously.

"Of course," Itachi replied, not the least bit fazed at the sight of me holding his undergarments. "Just keep them away from Sasuke. I don't know what he has planned."

I smiled slowly. "Oh, I will. But there's a condition."

Itachi looked at me, suspicion in his dark eyes. What I was about to do could get me killed. Let me rephrase. It will get me killed. But I had to take advantage of this very awkward situation.

"You have to help me with the scavenger hunt."

I know what you're thinking. Back it up! Did I just ask an Akatsuki for help? You probably think something's disconnected in my brain, but I had a plan.

"I will help you in return for my underwear," Itachi said.

Wow. I didn't actually expect that to work. It made me wonder what else I could get him to do.

"Let's see what we can get." I looked at the list. "Do you have a reef?"

Itachi didn't answer. He only turned away and walked out of the room. I tucked his underwear in my pocket and followed him downstairs. Sasuke sent me a look when he saw I was with Itachi but I only smiled. We went down into the basement where I guessed the reef was. I searched the room and came across a box labeled 'Christmas'. I rooted it, in search of said reef.

After I found it, I continued down the list. I found most of the things in the basement such as a cape and top hat from one of Sasuke's Halloween costumes, a fake moustache which also belonged to Sasuke, stilts that (not surprisingly) belonged to Sasuke, and a tarp that was for a tent they never used. Outside, I grabbed one of the trashcans in the back of the house. I even found a scythe in the shed.

"I guess we'll have to leave the stuff here," I said. I didn't feel like carrying around all this junk. Especially the scythe.

I looked at the list. My eyes flashed as they fell upon the reason I asked for Itachi for help.

"How old are you?" I asked innocently.

"Eighteen," he answered.

"Good, you're legal," I said. "So you can buy dirty books, right?"

"Where are you going with this?" Itachi asked.

"Sasuke put Icha Icha on here for some reason," I said. "I need you to get it for me."

Itachi glared and I shrunk back. Mustering up my courage, I said," Do you want Sasuke to get your underwear or not?"

-0-

Picture this.

An Akatsuki, Itachi at that, in a bookstore buying an Icha Icha novel. Akatsuki, the most feared group in high school. One of its most fearsome members buying a smutty book. I would have laughed if I wasn't afraid of getting killed by Itachi.

I sat on the curb in front of the store, trying not to have hysterics as Itachi bought the book. I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him, though.

"Ahhhh!"

I turned away from one amusing sight to be met with another. Naruto was running down the street as he was being chased by people in black shirts. On his back was a flamethrower. I should have been more concerned at that moment but I only laughed. Feeling a presence next to me, I looked up to see Itachi holding the orange novel with his thumb and forefinger.

'He needs a bell,' I thought, alarmed at how quiet he was.

"Here," he said, handing me the book.

"Thank you!" I cried, putting it in the plastic bag I brought. "Okay, now we need a chicken and a cow. I'm at a complete loss for those. Have any ideas?"

"Legal or illegal?" Itachi asked.

I sighed. "Do you know anyone who will be willing to lend us a chicken or cow?"

What an awkward conversation; two people trying to obtain farm animals.

"Did you say a chicken and cow?" a man asked, approaching us.

I nodded hesitantly. Iruka taught me never to talk to strangers, and this stranger was very…well, strange. Shocks of white hair peaked out under his blue baseball cap which shadowed his blue eyes. The wrinkles on his face and his short stature showed that he was pretty old. He had a crooked grin on his face, showing several gaps in his teeth.

"I own a farm and would be happy to lend you a cow and chicken," the man said.

I was suspicious. "At what cost?"

"I need you to help me find them first," the man said. "My animals seem to have escaped."

I looked at Itachi, but he kept his placid expression. "I guess there's no other way," I said resignedly.

The man grinned and grabbed my hand, leading me as we walked down the street. "By the way, my name is Sadao."

"Nice to meet you," I said between gritted teeth. "I'm Sakura and this is Itachi."

Sadao looked over to Itachi who was silently following us. "Oh, I know you," he said. "You're a troublemaker, you are. What is a girl like you doing with a guy like him? Surely you two aren't dating or anything."

"I asked him for help," I replied, ignoring his comment. "I'm doing a scavenger hunt."

"That seems a bit childish," he said. "But suit yourself."

As I was being dragged by the strange man, a thought suddenly hit me. I didn't know where we were going. This guy could be a murderer and taking me to a torture chamber or something. I didn't have any idea who he is and yet I let myself go with him. How gullible could I get? And what he said! That's the line child predators use to get kids do go with them. They ask you to find their lost puppy or something.

I was in deep shit.

"Calm down," Itachi said, sensing my distress. "This man isn't dangerous."

"You talkin' about me?" Sadao asked, pointing a finger at himself.

"He doesn't seem dangerous," I whispered to Itachi. "That's how child predators work. They act all nice to fool you and then they kill you."

"Calm down," Itachi repeated smoothly.

"This was a bad idea," I said, ignoring Itachi's words and pulling my hand out of Sadao's grasp. "We should go."

Seeing me struggle, Itachi grabbed Sadao's hand and pulled it off mine. I would have made a run for it then, but Itachi's hand replaced the old man's. His fingers tangled with mine and Sadao grinned.

"Was I making you jealous?" he asked.

Itachi gave him a hard look and Sadao immediately shut his mouth.

'Great,' I thought cynically, looking down at our entwined fingers. 'Now I can't escape.'

I didn't argue or try to pull away, though. Instead, I asked," Why are you being so persistent?"

Itachi didn't respond but I already knew. He wanted to get this over with. Little did he know, I was planning to use his underwear in the future.

"We're here!" Sadao called in a sing-song voice.

I was so focused on Itachi's hand gripping mine, I didn't even notice we arrived. I looked around a little dazed and saw that we were standing in front of a farmhouse. Surrounding us was healthy looking grass that was uncommon for town. Behind the farmhouse, fences partitioned pens for different animals. Horses roamed in their pen and pigs rolled in the mud. The only strange thing was that the fences for two of the pens were destroyed.

Itachi was right. This man wasn't dangerous. He actually owned a farm. But still…

"I'm guessing that's where the chickens and cows were," I said, pointing to the mangled fences.

Sadao nodded. "The fences were already busted. I was going to get them repaired, but it was too late. They ran out of here. I need you to search for them."

I looked around and gawked. "This place is huge!"

"I know," he said proudly. "You'd better get started."

Just to make sure he wouldn't try to escape, I pulled out Itachi's underwear with my free hand and waved it in front of him.

"May I ask why you have underwear in your pocket?" Sadao asked, clearly thinking I was insane. That might just be the case.

"I use it to manipulate him," I responded with a smile.

I walked away, pulling Itachi by the hand. Sadao looked at us and grinned. I knew what he was thinking and wanted to wipe that grin off his face.

"We are not dating, dammit!"

-0-

"Come back here, you squirt!"

Naruto ran as fast as his legs could carry him. The flamethrower was slowing him down, but there was no way he was leaving it behind. He had worked too hard; he wasn't just going to abandon it. The kleptomaniac had stolen it from Till Lindemann and was now running from his security. He had to get back to Sasuke's house where it was safe.

Dodging pedestrians, Naruto sprinted down the streets. He eventually lost the angry mob in the throng of people. He was in the clear for now. Just to be safe, he ran down alleys that people wouldn't dare tread.

"Hey, is that you, Naruto?"

Said boy skidded to a halt and turned around to see Hidan. He had gotten to know the Akatsuki well, and was pretty close with him.

"Hey!" Naruto called, walking up to the Akatsuki who was leaning against a wall.

"Why do you have a flamethrower?" Hidan asked. He wasn't surprised, though. The kid had a knack for obtaining strange items.

"It's for a scavenger hunt," Naruto said with a grin.

He unconsciously aimed the igniter at Hidan.

"Watch where you're pointing that thing!" he said, pushing the igniter down carefully. "What asshole came up with this?"

"Sasuke."

"Of course," Hidan muttered. Inspiration suddenly hit him. "Hey kid, I got an idea."

Naruto leaned in close conspiratorially. He knew if Hidan had an idea, it was probably illegal and fun.

"Here's the plan…"

(A/N) Till Lindemann is the lead singer of Rammstein, a German metal band. He often uses flamethrowers in his concerts for special effects. Now hopefully you get that little joke.

I'm…so…tired. I consumed three pounds of candy just to get this finished.

-Falls asleep-

Naruto: -poke- I think she's dead. I guess I'll have to do the review thingy! Review for a flamethrower!