It was tough for the vulpine to imagine what he would feel, but as days wore on the emotions became clearer and clearer.
At first, it was joy. He felt the sense of adventure that he once had as he would get the opportunity to explore such a beautiful place, and he felt a sense of duty knowing that he would be able to use his experience and training in order to finally make a difference in this world. For once... he felt that he belonged in this cruel world, despite life's attempt to bring him down.
He lost his mother. He lost his father. The only family that he would ever come to ever recognize came from a mercenary team that came and went as they pleased. And so, he needed something else to fill that gap in his life. Something that would give him passion and zeal and whatever arduous emotion he would ever need to distract him from his situation, so along came the mercenary life.
He enjoyed that, if only for a little while. But it was a shame to find out that he was no different from the scum that he once sought out to destroy, and that was only the beginning of his dark descent as he realized something that he had come to forget a long long time ago.
That he was truly alone.
As time went on, he would come to re-experience the living hell he hoped to escape from, and quickly did he find out that there was nothing he could do.
Confusion. Sadness. Regret. Frustration. Shame.
Helplessness.
The list went on and on as Fox struggled to come to terms with his fate, but no matter what, he continued to wander to search for those feelings that he longed for.
Thorntail Hollow. Ice Mountain. Cape Claw.
He journeyed to all these places, hoping to envision the remains of his once brave and forthright actions to save this vulnerable place from the cruelest dictator that life could offer, but he couldn't see any of that. He found that he couldn't even admire the natural beauty of these places or even the intricate architecture of the various temples he had once ventured to.
What he saw instead was a coward.
No matter where he went, he would continue to see flashbacks of the mistakes. He no longer felt that bravery, that courage. That feel of adrenaline coursing through this body, knowing that he was the only one who could safeguard the sanctity of this planet and the Lylat System as a whole. No. What he saw now was his arrogance and his deluded ideals. How he felt that he could even possibly hope to make a positive difference in this lifetime.
He would just end up fucking everything up.
Now, he realized that Sauria, just like everywhere else that was left in this Lylat System, served as nothing more than to remind him of his deepest faults and broken promises. But this place, by far, was the worst. It was here that he gave her a second chance at mending the tatters of her ruined life, only to take it all away from her. Krystal, the purest and most compassionate soul that he had ever met.
And so Fox sat, after a long winded journey, on the beaches of Cape Claw, hoping to relax and feel the warmth of the sun on his skin. But he wasn't surprised when his hope didn't come through.
He hadn't had any rest in weeks due to his guilt, and what he had truly envisioned as a vacation of some sorts, quickly became a living nightmare. The vulpine began to feel numb more than anything else. He felt nothing but the emptiness that was inside of him, and at long last, his mind screamed at him to end it. It wouldn't be long before he would.
At any moment now, the vulpine was going to break, but what kept him going was something that nobody could have expected.
His love.
The vulpine longed for Krystal...her feel, her touch, her overall presence. He wanted more than anything to see her again, and to see something that even resembled the sapphire vixen's smiling face would have made him leap for joy, and then he would gladly die...but his heart was fighting a losing battle.
He grimaced at the irony of it all, because he knew that she wouldn't come for him, nor would anyone else for that matter. Soon, he would be forgotten, but that was all part of the plan, he thought.
That was all part of the plan.
Krystal scowled as she clutched her ship's controls in her hands, aiming to hit maximum speed towards Sauria. But other than that, there was nothing she could do but wait.
She hated it.
Whereas the vixen would once use this ample time given in order to meditate the day away, Krystal now knew that time was not to be wasted. Not when her love was in danger.
And here she waited, alone in her own ship save for her own thoughts, continuing to wonder why how this could happen, and what the near future could behold, but her thoughts were just as cruel and relentless as her old self.
How could you do this to him?
What if you let your teammates down?
Why couldn't you just have forgiven him?
How will you find him?
Are you sure he's even here?
The vixen stared blankly ahead through the windshield.
What if he already passed away?
The vixen closed her eyes, a grimace clearly visible on her face, as she struggled to block out her own thoughts while a barrage of question after question continued to assault her mental well-being, and from the feel of it all, it was apparent that ignoring them just wouldn't do.
Slowly she began to consider the premise of each question, but she found that couldn't answer a single one if she tried, or let alone what she would do in order to find out. But if it were true... if Fox, that sweet caring vulpine that she loved with every inch of the being in her heart was really gone from her life...then she wouldn't know what to do. She couldn't go back to living her old life. It was clear that her thoughts wouldn't let her, and to know that she caused a vulpine who treated her with the utmost respect and honesty enough heartache to disappear from this world would cripple her very being.
I would never be able to live with myself.
Fox was the only one who ever truly appreciated her, she thought. He took her in, when nobody else would. He gave her everything she had wanted without a moment's hesitation. He revealed his brokenness to her, to show her that things can, and will get better in the future. And yet, these realizations only made the cobalt vixen that much more desperate to find him, and that much more anxious to see him.
He gave me a second life... but I couldn't even give him a second chance.
She knew it was a long shot for him to be here, and she prayed with every fiber of her being that she was correct. But strangely, somehow she just knew it by the feeling in her gut. "Trust your instincts," she vaguely recalled Fox saying to her. Now here she was, putting it into practice, just like he would have wanted.
But at the end of the day, a faint doubt continued to linger in the back of vixen's head while she mindlessly reached her destination.
What if you fail?
It was hard for the vixen to be so confident and calculated as she had been before, but even her old self would have to agree about the uncertainty of it all. There was no telling where the vulpine could be after all this time, and it would take nothing less than a miracle to find him.
But at least he was there in her thoughts. Because even if he was gone...
I'll never forget what he did for me.
000
The vixen landed her Cloudrunner deftly in a clearing near the outskirts of Thorntail Hollow.
If there was anyone that would've seen Fox, it would have to be Tricky, she deduced. He had eyes and ears everywhere, and he had proven to be an efficient, responsible leader during the Aparoid War, she knew that much. Before she could even leave the cockpit of her aircraft, a large grin found its way to the sapphire vixen's face. A much more mature Tricky was already waiting for her outside, squinting to see through the reinforced glass, as if he were expecting someone to visit.
But Krystal knew she had no time to exchange pleasantries.
She jumped out of her vehicle and quickly landed on her feet, much to the awe of Tricky, before interrogating her witness. Before the Earthwalker could say a word, she questioned him, hoping to receive an answer so she could end this dilemma once and for all.
"Tricky... where is Fox?"
But where she would normally expect an easy, immediate reply, instead she saw a frown creep up to the Earthwalker's face. Something was wrong.
"He's not here." he replied.
She looked at him with panic as she had begun to stammer. "He has to be here! He-"
"Go away," he growled.
Krystal stood in place, wide eyed and full of disbelief. Was she really wrong all this time? Did she really come all the way to this distant planet, just to waste her time in saving her love?
It can't be... there's no way!
"What... What did you say?"
But Tricky didn't relent. He scrunched up his face before turning his tail, pausing in movement just to reiterate his point. "I said... go away."
This was the coldest the vixen had ever seen him. On the surface, he looked stoic and resolute, and his words radiated confidence as his words rolled off the tongue. But she knew. She knew that it was all fake. She knew that he had something to hide, that he was putting on a facade. Krystal could sense his doubt and anxiousness grow each second they spent together.
The vixen bowed her head as she silently fumed. Why? Why was he was wasting her time? This was time that could be spent searching for the vulpine she loved. Time spent reconciling with him, and making everything all better... but a lone Earthwalker decided to stand in her way. And time was running out.
To say that she was furious would be an understatement, and though only a few words were exchanged between the two, the vixen was about to lose her mind. Even a hint of the possibility that Tricky, one of the closest friends she ever had, could ever waste her time on finding the most important person in her life caused her to struggle violently. But at long last, she finally broke the silence, allowing her emotions to pour forth from her heart.
"Tricky..." she muttered.
The Earthwalker froze in his tracks.
"How dare you?"
He turned back to meet her gaze, staring into the most hateful eyes he'd ever seen, with no choice but to reveal a frightened look on his own face.
"How dare you lie to me?"
"I'm not-" he mumbled.
"You know better than to lie to a fucking telepath!" she snarled, refusing to let him speak. "I thought you knew me! I thought you were my friend!"
Tricky hung his head in shame as he took her words in silence. Maybe she was getting through to him?
"Now..." the vixen spoke in a calmer tone, "tell me where he is."
"I can't." he replied softly.
"Why?" she shot back." Why won't you tell me where he is?"
"I...I just can't."
Tricky's demeanor pulled completely opposite to his earlier expression, but still he refused to give her the answer. Still he continued to delay her. But this only caused the vixen to enrage even further.
Doesn't he know? Doesn't he know that I'm trying to save him?
"Why are you doing this?!" she growled.
Nothing.
"Don't you know what's going to happen?"
Still nothing.
Everything I've done...everything I've worked for is going to be lost! I can't fail now... not when I'm so close!
The vixen sniveled just before she pulled the Earthwalker's chin up to meet her gaze, revealing to him the emotionally distraught look in her eyes. She was sobbing now, but Tricky continued to resist. He couldn't bear to recognize what he was doing to her, so he looked away, hoping to drown her out.
But it was no use. She was getting through to him.
All she wanted was Fox back. She wanted his touch. She wanted his scent. She wanted him to be back in her arms, safe and sound. She would do anything to have him back, even if she had to beg for it.
For that reason, the vixen knew that she had to succeed. She only had one last chance to figure everything out before it was over for good, and she had to make sure that after what she was about to say... Tricky wouldn't be able to ignore her any longer after hearing it.
So she spoke with every ounce of emotion she had left.
"If you don't tell me where he is... "
The vixen swallowed before she continued.
"Then he is going to die."
It won't be much longer now.
That was what the vulpine thought. Was everything he's lived for worth it? At this point… was life even worth living?
Seconds...minutes...hours passed. Countless memories came and went as he sat with his toes in the sand, staring at the Saurian sunset as he tried to remember all the good and bad times that have occurred over the course of his life.
Was it all worth it?
He saw Slippy and Falco's smiling faces at the academy as they looked back at him. He saw himself wrapped in the arms of his mother and his father at a young age. He saw Tricky, and he saw Katt, and he saw General Pepper, and he even saw Wolf, as he did when they met the vulpine for the first time. He saw their acknowledgements, and even their friendships, putting a grin on the vulpine's face.
And he saw Krystal. Those beautiful pools of turquoise as she stared into his soul the first time they met. He shut his eyes, hoping to relive that memory over and over and over. Oh, how the vulpine longed for her again. Her personality, her presence, her eloquence as her words rolled off the tongue at the very second they were uttered from her muzzle.
These were all cherished thoughts and memories, but the vulpine wouldn't think twice about trading them away in return for the pain they caused.
Peppy, his second father, left to pursue General Pepper's position. Slippy left for his family. Falco left for himself. Then he left again. Krystal, the vixen which he loved with every fiber of his being, left because she hated the very thought of the vulpine.
His parents... they left him behind.
Fox shook uncontrollably as he struggled to process his thoughts. His emotions continued to run rampant throughout the remnants of his twisted psyche as he made some brutal realizations.
His friends were gone.
His parents were gone.
He had nothing left but his life, and he had never felt more alone in his life.
Everything that had happened just these past years was enough to hurt him and to break him enough so that he became a sad shell of his former self, but it wasn't until now that he could truly see the world for what it was... a terrible place full of terrible people.
Like me.
The vulpine clenched his fists and grit his teeth as the gears in his head turned and turned. He realized that he should've just kept to himself... because after looking back on everything... the evidence all pointed to one simple conclusion.
I would rather be dead than to make those same mistakes again.
The vulpine stared at the blaster in his paws, admiring the sleek black frame of the gun as he ran his finger through the metallic cracks and crevices. It was reliable. It was decisive.
It was everything that he wasn't.
And at this point, he no longer felt anything. No happiness. No sorrow. No pain. No guilt. No remorse. All of his emotions washed away until he was left with nothing but confidence. Confidence that once drove him to succeed in the past. Now, it would continue to drive him towards the very end. He swore he would make sure of it.
"Trust your instincts," he mumbled to himself. His father's words always found their way to the vulpine's head at the right times.
Maybe it was time he trusted his instincts... just one last time. After all, nothing mattered anymore.
Not Lylat.
Not his friends and family.
And not Fox McCloud.
"W-What?"
The Earthwalker's voice boomed all throughout the basin despite his hushed tone.
"Why didn't you tell me?!"
The sapphire vixen quickly shot back. "What?! How is this my fault?" She shook her head and sighed in frustration. "What's going on? Where is he?"
She gave Tricky the sternest look that she could manage. "And why did you lie to me?"
"He...he told me not to tell you...to tell you to get lost," he stammered. "I thought he just wanted to be alone!"
"Never mind that, Tricky. Just tell me where he went."
The Earthwalker oriented his head towards a clearing of trees. "He's been here for a while now... but I think he went that way last I saw him! Towards Cape Claw."
Without another word, the vixen began sprinting towards that direction. Cape Claw was not close, and it would take much more time to reach by foot than by air, but the vixen had to face the facts. She didn't want him to see her coming from miles away. Otherwise, he would be able to hide. Not to mention that she was running out time. As of now, Krystal needed every second she could get.
Krystal grimaced with every stride she took. This was her chance! This was her opportunity to make things better! Soon she would find him and they would make up their differences, and everything would be better. Things would be normal. Things would go back to the way before... because that was the way it was supposed to be.
But before she could get away, Tricky managed to seize her attention, if but only for a moment.
"Krystal." he whispered, stopping the vixen in her tracks.
Though the vixen desperately wanted to find the vulpine, she quickly spun around and met the Earthwalker's gaze, hoping to elicit a quick response from him before continuing on her journey.
"He told me he hurt you."
Tricky's expression was one of sadness and discontent.
"What happened?"
Krystal froze, clearly stunned by the question.
What happened?
Isn't it obvious?
She was what happened. She was the cause of all this. She was the source of all his pain, all his suffering, but the worst part was that even now the vulpine wouldn't even come close to realizing it.
In his eyes she was perfect, but that couldn't be any further from the truth. But now was not the time to focus on that. Krystal turned her back before shaking her head. "It's not his fault. He was just doing his best to love me. And I was the one who hurt him."
She stared at the ground for a few moments longer, before she went on her way. No further words were said between the two, but that was as expected. The vixen quickly broke into her stride, hoping to take off as fast as she possibly could, but she could feel the Earthwalker's gaze on her, watching, judging for what she could have possibly done to his best friend. And though the vixen didn't know if he had anything left to say, his expression spoke more about him than his previous words. He looked despondent and hopelessly worried, almost as if his whole world would turn upside down had something happened to the vulpine.
He cared more about Fox than she ever could have. Tricky would never have turned his back on Fox.
So why did I?
Even now she wouldn't know how to answer that question.
For Krystal, every day it gets a little bit clearer why the vulpine did what he did... and every day a little more time was lost in trying to find him. And as the vixen continued to run and jump and climb her way towards Fox, Krystal couldn't help but think the same words over and over again until she mouthed them silently to herself.
"It's not your fault, Fox."
No matter what.
000
After what seemed like weeks of journeying...through forests and caves and jungle and any other obstacle that Sauria could have provided, the vixen finally reached her destination. Cape Claw. She panted and gasped for breath, but she knew she couldn't stop now. She was so close. All she had to do was find him, and bring him back.
He has to be here!
But she had no sight of him. She set her gaze across every aspect of the beach, searching, hoping just one trace of the vulpine. She was so close! But despite the best of her efforts, she continued to find nothing out of the ordinary. The sands seemed as undisturbed as ever, and the bridges and tribal architecture looks as if they haven't been touched in ages. The palm trees on the beach continued to sway to and fro, and there was no sound to enter the vixen's ears but the whispering wind, and the rocking of the ocean waves. It was true, Cape Claw itself seemed as silent as ever, much to her dismay. At first glance, he was nowhere to be seen.
Quickly, the vixen's paranoia set in. Thoughts of doubt and anxiety formed so fast that she started to question the validity of her Earthwalker friend despite how much she trusted him.
What if he was elsewhere?
There's no way! Tricky wouldn't-
What if Tricky was lying?
He's a friend! Why would he lie?
What if Fox is dead?
It always came to this. The vixen scowled deeply at the thought, but she knew she had to stay optimistic if she were to find him, even if she was tired and exhausted. She would scour the landscape once more, twice more, even a hundred times more in order to find him, she would make sure of that! She looked up and down, left and right across the landscape, but it was getting darker by the second. And every second, her hope faded more and more, leaving her to become desperate and bitter. If she couldn't find him now...
Then it will have all been for nothing.
Krystal bowed her head in frustration, tears trailing down her cheeks as she wallowed in desperation, her thoughts beginning to plague her confidence.
What's the point of all this? He doesn't want to see you.
He's gone, and it's all your fault.
You could have saved him, had you cared.
And though these thoughts were far from helpful... she couldn't help but agree with every single one, she knew that much... because they were right. He really didn't want to see her. It really was her fault. And she was selfish enough to turn her back on him, so so long ago.
But she could never feel sorrier in her life. Sorry for causing him pain and suffering. Sorry for mistreating him when his only flaw was loving her too much. Sorry for causing him heartache. Wasn't that enough? Wasn't there another way to repay him?
No. It was too late now. She had already done so much damage to that handsome, confident fox which she had loved so much, that not even a million sorry's could even fix a fraction of the hurt she had done to him. She wanted him back, so desperately, that she would give anything to see him again. To see the signature white stripe on his forehead, or his smiling muzzle, or even just the tip of his ear would cause the vixen's heart to skip a beat. Why?
Because she loved him.
It was hard to deny now, and every little leg in the step of this long, arduous journey gave her more insight into what she wanted, and what she had lost. And looking back, the amount of care and love she had received from him alone was second to none.
How could I actually have left him?
Negative thoughts and feelings lurked in every single corner of her mind. Her doubt, her frustration, her fear, her depression... they all began to hit her mentality in one fell swoop, until the vixen was brought down to her knees in shame. She had let her friends down. She had let herself down. But worst of all, she had let him down, and not once did her mind fail to remind her.
Why did I even bother coming here?
What difference will any of this make?
She's gone now... and it's all my fault.
I hate myself.
That is, until she suddenly realized... that these thoughts were not her own.
That's his voice!
She had no idea how long it had taken for her to realize this, but she began to examine her surroundings more and more.
Just one more time. I'll find him, I promise!
It was always see the vulpine that she loved, and now that she could hear him... there would be no mistake that he would turn up. With a surge of confidence and certainty the vixen searched and searched and searched for him as she scoured yet another sand dune or tree... and as if a higher being had suddenly answered her call, Krystal had suddenly spotted a lone figure as the sun's dying rays obstructed her vision. She didn't know who, or what she was squinting at... but somehow she knew it was him.
There was Fox McCloud, the hero of Lylat. He sat staring at the sunset across the horizon, watching the vibrant orange tints of the sun merge into the cool blue of the ocean.
There was Fox McCloud, in one of his most vulnerable moments.
"Oh gods..." came the vixen's voice as she saw the state of mind he was in. From his expression alone, she could see that he was as tired and exhausted as she was... not to mention how depressed and morose he looked. His physical health was failing, she knew that much... but his thoughts told the vixen much more than at first glance. She sensed so much of his emotion: the anger, the guilt, the pain, and especially the regret in waves yet to come, that it was no other conclusion to make at this point.
Fox truly wanted his life to end.
She desperately wanted to comfort him, to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but she knew that it would be a lie. The past was in the past, and as much as she would like to believe otherwise, there was no changing the pain that they've inflicted to each other.
But still her feet were glued to the ground.
Now's your chance to make things right!
What if he hates you?
He can't hate you! He loves you more than anything!
You were the one that did this to him!
She muttered under her breath as she cursed this world.
How could this happen?
You made this happen.
It wasn't supposed to be this way!
It's too late. Look at what you've done.
Even now... the vixen continued to hide, locked in everlasting battle against her own twisted psyche as she observed the suffering vulpine who was so fixated on the sunset. She didn't know what to say or what to do. Every second of deliberation lead to a minute, and every minute an hour for the vixen at odds with herself. That is... until a thought so subtle breezed past the vixen, that she wouldn't have any other choice but to do something about it.
Mom...Dad... I'm sorry.
She couldn't understand. But after what seemed like an eternity... after she was lost inside the storm of thoughts thrashing around in her head... a split second allowed the sapphire vixen to recognize the metallic object that was lodged within the vulpine's fingers.
And it was pointed directly at his chest.
It was then that she finally understood what he had meant. Krystal snapped back to reality in an instant, and screamed his name with all the strength that she had left, causing the vulpine's ears to perk up, if only but for a second.
But it was too late.
A thundering crack echoed across the beach in all directions, the unmistakable sound of a gunshot, before it all went silent.
Sorry for the late upload guys. I try to upload a chapter within 2 weeks, but I've had a couple of issues this past week.
Anyway, leave a review if you can please. Thanks for reading.
