Chapter 7
Reliving
It was the last class on the last day of the school year and it was the fourth-year Slytherins and Gryffindors. Snape had no desire to face this most contentious group of students – he wanted to rest. He would have liked to skip the session but of course that was not possible. His plan had been to have the students write out the correct answers to the questions they'd gotten wrong on the final exams they'd sat the previous week. For most of them, it would have taken the whole double period.
As he entered the room and took his place at the front, Snape was surprised to see Potter sitting at a table in the back between Weasley and Granger. He'd only had glimpses of the boy in the week since they'd both returned from their encounters with the Dark Lord. Due to those events the headmaster had excused Potter from the remainder of his classes. The staff had been given instructions that if he chose to attend he was not to be overworked. Upon seeing Potter, Snape's lesson plan changed instantly.
"Today we'll be discussing a potion that you'll learn to make next year." The groan from most of the class was expected. Only the insufferable Granger girl had the lack of sense to be upset. He scowled at each table in turn until the room fell silent. "This potion, along with many others in the same category, is a restoratives used to counteract the effects of some of the most destructive curses that a witch or wizard may encounter."
"Mr. Malfoy, what is an example of a destructive curse?" Snape asked.
The startled expression on the blonde's face as he quickly stopped chatting with Crabbe made it clear Malfoy hadn't expected to have to do any work on his last day. Looking pointedly at Potter, Malfoy smirked, "Avada Kedavra."
With a raised eyebrow Snape commented, "The killing curse is certainly destructive though for most people," Snape caught Potter's eye briefly before the boy looked down, "a restorative potion would not help if you're hit with the Avada Kedavra." Snape felt satisfaction as he noted all the Slytherins and most of the Gryffindors were now staring at Potter. "Mr. Thomas, what is a destructive curse that isn't fatal?"
Struck dumb with fear, Dean turned towards Hermione for an answer.
Snape saw the girl mouthing words. "Granger, stop prompting!" She snapped her mouth shut and faced front. "You won't always have Miss Granger to give you the answers, Mr. Thomas. Anyone?" The girl's hand shot up. "Anyone except Miss Granger?" Some students were glancing at each other, some were whispering, others were looking anywhere except towards him. "Miss Parkinson, Miss Greengrass? No? What about you Mr. Finnigan, Miss Patil?"
Severus crossed his arms over his chest and walked slowly down the aisles pausing by tables and glaring at each student. Sometimes he'd get a blank stare, sometimes a trembling lip, sometimes a head shake, sometimes they turned away. Snape was now standing two rows over from the irritating trio and heard Weasley whisper to Potter, 'Why did you come today? You didn't have to, you know.' Snape was most interested to hear Potter's answer. 'Because I want to be with you guys as much as I can before I have to face the Dursleys'. The boy glanced at each of his friends. 'I don't want to be alone.'
Snape moved into the next aisle so they wouldn't figure out he was listening as Weasley asked, 'Why Snape's class? You saw his Dark Mark. He's a Death Eater.' Granger whispered, 'Was Ron…Dumbledore would never trust a supporter of You-Know-Who.' Weasley again, 'I'm just saying it's nutters for you to be here. You know Snape hates you.' Potter's hissed answer angered Severus. 'If I can face Voldemort, I can face Snape.'
So I'm no different than the Dark Lord, thought Severus with slow-burning anger. Well, if you think that, I'll try to make it be true for you. Gliding silently until he stood behind Potter he asked with icy calm, "Mr. Weasley, please share your thoughts with the whole class." Snape sneered as the red-head jumped and shook his head. "Unfortunately since this is the last day of classes, I can't give you the happy experience of a detention with me." Staring at each of the three in turn, he pointedly rubbed his left forearm. It pleased him to see that they understood the meaning of his gesture. "I can, however, deduct ten points from Gryffindor." He smirked as all the Gryffindors groaned.
"I realize that your instruction in Defense Against the Dark Arts has been abysmal." Snape strode to the front of the class, his black robes billowing behind him. "Until this year you didn't have a professor who knew anything about the Dark Arts." Of course, he reflected suppressing a smirk, having a Death Eater instruct the class had its advantages. He turned to face them so quickly that his robes swirled around him. "If I'd been your Dark Arts teacher you wouldn't now be so ignorant." And, he thought, that would also be because you would have had a Death Eater for a teacher.
Several students exchanged looks. It was common knowledge that Severus had applied multiple times for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position and been denied the position. At least this pronouncement had stopped their muttering for the moment. Enjoying the discomfort of the class, he was surprised to see a hand hesitantly raised. In a voice dripping with sarcasm Snape said, "Longbottom, I doubt seriously that you have anything intelligent to say. What could you possibly add to this discussion?"
"Th…th…th…" Neville stuttered, all bravery suddenly gone.
"Well, spit it out or shut up and stop wasting my time you stupid boy," Snape snapped.
"The Cruciatus is a destructive curse, Professor Snape," Neville finished in a rush.
It wasn't surprising that he'd been given the correct answer from this normally dreadful student. Severus knew what had been done to Longbottom's parents but was sure his classmates didn't. "Yes," Snape's stared at the frightened young man, "it is. If you're strong…" He seared Neville with his fiercest stare. "…you can endure the Cruciatus Curse. If you're weak…" He curled his upper lip. "…it will drive you insane." Longbottom blanched and appeared he might vomit.
Out of the corner of his eye Snape saw Potter's head snap up and study Longbottom for a brief moment. Then Potter glared at Snape and the boy's green eyes flashed with anger. It seemed there was one member of the class who knew about the idiot's history.
"Destructive curses, like the Cruciatus, are Dark Magic," Snape said in a soft, deadly voice. "The Ministry feels that your fragile young psyches should not be taught about such subjects." Snape drew his wand and pointed it at Potter. "I don't share that opinion. Potter, stand up!" For a moment, Snape thought the boy was going to defy him – he didn't, after all, have to be in class. The hatred hadn't left Potter's face as he got to his feet and drew his wand. "It is my understanding that the headmaster gave Professor Moody permission to demonstrate the Imperius Curse earlier this term and Potter was particularly adept at resisting". Snape sneered. "Shall we have a little demonstration of the Cruciatus Curse and see how he does with it?" The boy visibly paled as he gripped his wand tighter.
"You can't, Professor," Hermione blurted out. "It's illegal." She peered up at Harry with deep concern and then focused on Snape, silently pleading with him.
Every person in the room felt the tension passing between their professor and the trio. The mutterings grew louder as they were all wondering what would happen next. "Regrettably, Miss Granger is correct," Snape said with an exaggerated sigh. He'd never admit it aloud – she was a brilliant witch despite being Muggle-born. He was almost derailed with the realization of another similarity he had with Potter. Granger is exactly like Lily; my best female friend at Hogwarts. Flicking his wand, he asked silkily, "Potter, what can you tell us about the Cruciatus Curse?"
Harry didn't drop his wand as he said with barely suppressed rage, "You must want to inflict pain and suffering." He flicked his wand exactly like Snape had and added through clenched teeth, "It works best if you hate your target."
"That's correct." All the voices had stopped – Severus had never known this class to be so quiet. His eyes gleamed maliciously as he spoke with murderous calm, "The Ministry and the headmaster will not allow students any first-hand experience with the Cruciatus Curse. They feel that inflicting pain on students is wrong." Scanning the upturned faces around him, Snape saw anticipation from most of the Slytherins, and fear from all the Gryffindors. "That may change when Hogwarts has new leadership…" Snape pointed his wand at the floor. "…alas today is not that day." He noted that Potter did not lower his wand – so like he, Snape, would have defiantly done at that age.
"None of you have ever experienced the Cruciatus Curse." Snape kept his focus on Potter and saw an involuntary shudder course through the boy. Snape was delighted that he'd made Potter remember his pain. While the boy had slept comfortably in hospital, Snape had been lying in a pool of his own blood on the floor of the Riddle house. "And it is very unlikely that any of you ever will be subjected to it." Snape walked slowly towards the back table, wondering how long it would be before the boy shouted or did something foolish. Snape hoped he would lose control and cast a curse that he, Snape, could legitimately counter.
Snape's eyes glittered dangerously as he spoke with cold deliberation. "It is a pain beyond anything you can imagine. Your bones feel like they're on fire; you think you're melting from the inside out." Severus was now standing directly in front of Potter. His quiet voice was the only sound in the room. "Your head feels as though it is going to explode like a smashed melon. Your eyes roll, and you scream and scream and scream." Potter's breathing had become shallow and his wand hand had dropped to his side. "White-hot daggers pierce every inch of your skin – and while there is no wound, it feels as if you're being slashed to ribbons. Your legs will not support you and you fall to the ground, jerking and twitching. Your arms flail uselessly, and you continue to scream."
With eyes constantly on Potter, Snape walked slowly around the back table so he faced the whole class. The boy rotated with him and while pain was evident in his expression, he never once broke eye contact. Snape noted with satisfaction that every student was watching his little demonstration, and it was having its desired effect. "You want it to end…you want to die so the pain will stop, except it doesn't stop and you scream until your throat is raw." Snape saw tears running down Granger's cheeks; some of the girls, both Gryffindor and Slytherin, were holding their hands over their mouths. Thomas, Weasley, and Finnigan seemed ready to throw something; Longbottom's breathing was shallow; his hands clenched into fists; Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle looked pleased.
"The pain is intense…all consuming, you can't feel your body separate from its pain, your vision is blurred so you no longer see your tormentor, and then…" he spoke loudly and clapped, "…it stops!" Snape was pleased that everyone including Potter jumped. "Is it over?" No one spoke; the class hardly breathed. Raising an eyebrow he asked, "What do you think, Potter?" The boy was very white.
"No," Harry said softly.
"Louder, so everyone can hear." Snape was ecstatic that he'd been able to make Potter relive his experience so completely. If, after all Snape had endured, the obnoxious boy was going to compare him to the Dark Lord, then Snape was going to inflict as much pain as he could short of actually casting the curse. That he would never do even if allowed.
"No, it's not over," Harry said resolutely. "Your muscles shake uncontrollably; you can't stand; you can't think." For the first time since the ordeal began, Harry dropped his gaze to the floor and he began to shake. "You ache all over and you're exhausted."
As the boy collapsed into his seat, Severus stalked ahead speaking firmly as he went. "Potter is, surprisingly, correct on all accounts." When Snape reached his desk he picked up a vial, turned on his heel and held it up. "There is a potion that counters the effects of the Cruciatus Curse if you take it soon after. If you don't…" Unsure whether it would sink in, Snape tried with an expression alone to make Potter understand the difference between their experiences, "…the exhaustion and aching are long-lasting and it takes many days to recover."
A raised hand on the left side of the room caught his eye. "You have a question, Miss Brown?"
"Well, no, sir. It's just that your description of the Cruciatus Curse made me feel like you were doing it to me." She crossed her arms in front of herself and rubbed her hands up and down her upper arms. "It made me hurt."
Several students nodded in agreement. Potter was whispering to Granger. Another raised hand kept Severus from making a biting comment. "Yes, Miss Parkinson?"
The girl hesitated and glanced across the room at her classmate. It seemed she didn't want to agree with a Gryffindor nevertheless in the end said, "I felt it too. It was so vivid and…and chilling." She paused, and then faced front. There was a tremor in her voice not usually present. "Professor Snape, was it…was your description…was it from experience?" The fear of punishment was obvious in her expression as she almost whispered such a personal question. "Has someone cast the Cruciatus Curse on you?"
While he didn't want to discuss himself, he felt they deserved an honest answer. He, after all, had started this discussion. "Yes," he said calmly, "and worse." There was a collective gasp from the students. He observed the class and noted they were all watching him intently. Malfoy looked impressed. Potter's expression was unreadable. Granger was angry. "You think the Cruciatus is the worst it can get?" Fixing his glare on Potter he added harshly, "Then, you're wrong."
These young people needed intensive instruction now more than ever. Severus scanned the fourteen and fifteen year-old faces seated in front of him. He knew some of them would be lost in the coming conflict. He didn't want it to be because they weren't taught the skills that would keep them alive. Some might think he was cruel; however he knew better than most what they would face.
Placing the vial on the desk, he uncharacteristically leaned against it as his knees suddenly threatened to buckle. "You can be sure this and the other potions in this category of restoratives will be included in the O.W.L. exams you sit in your fifth year. It will benefit you all to study them during the summer break." And then he did something that surprised them all – he dismissed them early. As he watched them gather their things and hastily depart – he was certain they thought it was a trick – Severus observed the Golden Trio most closely. Granger and Weasley flanked Potter like guards.
The early dismissal hadn't been for the students, it was for him. Snape needed some time to rest before the Leaving Feast. He had recovered completely from the prior week's ordeal, yet reliving the effects of the Cruciatus Curse had drained him as much as it had Potter. Was he getting old or had he merely forgotten how much it hurt? Did Potter feel it like he did, or were the youthful bones and nerves more forgiving of the torture? Potter was even younger than Snape had been the first time he'd felt the curse. And Snape's first hadn't been cast by the Dark Lord who took great pleasure in it. He was particularly vicious, especially when angry.
