Here is another chapter! hope you guys enjoy!
After many weeks of healing and getting ready to go back to the team I avoided Aaron as much as possible. I occasionally got the little phone call here and there, the smallest email's and occasional text and yet I just avoided it. I had to keep this professional, even though I wanted to talk to him even though I yearned to be held in his arms and feel the safety that I felt before.
I walked into the office building and I slowly walked towards the elevator in the main lobby. As I heard the ding of the elevator door opening I stepped inside and pressed the button to go to the floor of the BAU. As I waited for my ascension images flashed in my mind. The whip that Steven Johnson used flashed in my mind and when the elevator made the familiar ding I jumped a little. I quickly walked down the hall and I saw myself tied up to one of the doors and I saw Aaron running towards me. The feeling of helplessness was there and yet I pushed those images away from my mind and I continued to walk. I saw my desk and everyone was smiling at me and saying welcome back. I just smiled at them and I proceeded to write my reports I was behind, and to finish up on some last minute paper work. Everything was almost normal until I saw Aaron. He walked into his office right away and he closed the door. I just looked up from my desk and I watched as the oak door closed shut. As I was finishing up my paper work more images flashed in my mind of me being tied up. I tried to move them out of my head or at least the back of my mind and yet it was hard to. I could still feel the pain of the whip as he repeatedly struck me. My screams echoed in my mind and the screams of the little girl. I closed my eyes for a moment and that was when I felt the pain yet again. I tried to block it from my mind however it was impossible and before I could get up to leave I heard Aaron. He was talking with Derek about a case and when he looked at me he saw I was in distress. He quickly walked over to me and he looked into my eyes. His deep brown eyes pierced mine as I looked up at him. I could feel the warmth from his hand surge through my body as he made contact with my shoulder.
"Are you alright?" he asked gently.
I could hear the firmness in his voice as he asked me and yet I could sense a small amount of concern hidden within. He just looked at me while I looked at him. Our eyes making contact and never breaking. I felt safe in that moment and I just simply nodded at him.
"Yeah I'm fine, I'm just a little tired that's all" I said with a fake smile.
Maybe I wasn't ready for this yet. Maybe I still needed time to heal with the images that I have still popping in my head. Maybe I needed to leave this job forever and figure out what to do with the rest of my life. But no, I needed to continue on with my life like I would any other day before that little bump happened in my life that almost changed me.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, never better" I said happily.
"Can I have a word with you in my office please" he said firmly again.
I just looked at him and Spencer and Emily were both looking at me. They then looked at each other and back to me. I slowly got up and walked with Aaron back to his office and he gently closed the door. I could see that his room needed something light in it. Everything was dark red wood and he even had a black couch. The only thing that was light in colour was the dark tan carpet within. I sat down on a chair that was in front of his desk and he looked at me and took a deep breath. I looked at him and again I could feel the fierceness in his eyes as he looked into mine. What was it that I did?
"Why have you not returned any of my phone calls or emails or even text messages?" he asked firmly.
"I thought you wanted to keep this professional" I answered softly.
"Jean I know, I am just worried about you. What happened to you is not something you can easily forget"
"Nor can I forget what you said...Aaron I understand what I am going through and I am sorry I worried you. What is it you want me to do?" I asked him.
"I...I Don't know" he said to me.
I looked at him and I got up from my chair. That moment when he grabbed me and kissed me in the middle of my apartment was still playing in my mind. If I was not thinking about the torture I went through then I was thinking about the kiss that he gave me, I was thinking about the kiss that my boss gave me. My heart was torn apart. I knew Aaron wanted to keep his work and personal life separate which is why he was always firm and never showed emotion. And yet now if I was to come into the picture then his work and personal life would collide and I did not want that. I yearned to be beside him almost every day, I yearned for him to kiss me when ever he wanted and yet I wanted what was best for both of us, and if that was to give him up then that was what I was going to do.
"Aaron I understand what you said and I understand what you want, I understand what I want. But you told me that you kept your work and personal life separate, you told me that because of your wife's death and your son losing his mother you never wanted that to happen again. Aaron our job is dangerous enough as it is. I can not and will not allow you to compromise that because of your feelings for me. I do not know the future and whether or not I will be injured again or even worse killed. I need to know that you will not compromise anything because of you feelings for me. This job is hard enough and stressful enough as it is. Do you still want this?" I asked him.
He looked at me and grabbed my arm gently yet firm enough that I knew he was serious. He stared into my eyes and I could feel the warmth from his breath leave his body as he was close enough for yet another kiss. Before he could answer JJ quickly opened the door to his office and looked at both of us. I turned to look at her and she told us that we have a new case. I looked at him and I stepped back.
"We will be there in a moment" said Aaron.
I just looked at him and he let me go. I could tell he was frustrated and confused and yet I just watched him, I was waiting for an answer and yet he never gave one.
"Jean I-"
"Maybe we should go and solve this case" I said interrupting him.
I then walked away not knowing what he was going to say. Not knowing what he wanted. I needed him to focus more on this case and not on me. I needed him to bring justice to this family that was hurting more then I was right now. I could hear him walking behind me and then he said something that shocked me even more.
"I love you" he said.
I stopped walking towards the conference room and he brushed passed me as I heard those words. They lingered in my mind as he walked into the room. I was frozen in time as those simple words echoed in my mind. Why did he have to say that now?
