Chapter 7: Settling in for the night
Fang's POV
Max always tries to be strong for the little kids. Never showing them how much it hurts. But Max and I – we have this connection that I wouldn't give up for the world. We open ourselves up to each other. Not completely, but we tell each other stuff that we would never share with the others. Anything that's hurting or stressing one – often the case with Max as I rarely ever show my emotions anymore – the other suffers with them, and supports them.
For that reason, the pain and solitude in Max's eyes cuts me sharply; she's way too strong…and beautiful…and kind…and supportive….Anyway, she doesn't deserve this. Show me one father who wouldn't be proud of a daughter like her. There is Jeb for a start; he practically worships the ground she walks on. And didn't he say he was her father? Damn him for keeping her thinking that; I would have been ashamed to have a father like Jeb.
Be careful what you wish for, Fang, I think glumly. Yeah, now I have my own father to be ashamed of. Great.
"Dude. Yo, Fang."
I start out of my self-pity. "Hmm, what?"
Connor Stoll smirks at me, and I try to ignore the not-quite-concealed sympathy in his eyes. "You spaced out for a second, dude. I asked if you were ready, 'cos we're heading off to Hermes cabin now if you want to come?"
I'm grateful that he's giving me the choice; he seems to understand my natural compulsion to be alone, now only amplified by the news of my father. I'm seriously considering saying that I'll stay out for a bit, but then I catch sight of Max again, standing behind the twins. Remembering how she looked just a few moments ago, I realise she needs support as much as I do. I've been her support and confidante for so long now that I can't just abandon her in a time where she may need me more than she ever has. I have to be strong for her.
"Sure, I'm done. Gimme and minute to clear up."
But Connor shakes his head. "It's alright, dude. It's not Hermes' turn to clear away the table. Our cabin is safe for duties for tonight."
Damn; there goes my delay-time to gather my old-self together. Looks like it's a quick cover-up job.
Quietly taking a deep breath, I prepare myself to be impenetrable again, sort of like acting "out of sight, out of mind". If I don't think about it, maybe I'll forget about it, and we can be all back to normal.
And maybe I'm 2% platypus.
Trying not to scowl at myself, I follow the others towards the pavilion exit, stopping on the way to say goodnight to Nudge and Iggy. It's unbearably horrible to actually be with those two and yet not following them in order to stack fists, like my family is walking away from me, not looking back or thinking twice in their own happy state. The one thing that I'm scared of has come faster than I thought it would, leaving me feeling like the carpet has been pulled from beneath my feet before I've had chance to prepare for takeoff.
We walk back to Hermes cabin, with me trying to distance myself away from the others without looking like I'm doing so. Pretty difficult to do with Max constantly glancing back at me. I wish she would just back off; okay, sure I may not be fine with who my dad is, but I want distance so I can freakin' well protect her, and she isn't making it easy if she keeps trying to get closer to me. Sure, now she wants to get close to me, and not when I kiss her. Great, Max, thanks a lot.
Come on, dude. Don't be such a jerk, my brain reminds me. It's right; it's not Max's fault my dad is…well, him. It's not my fault either, but I shouldn't take my frustration out on Max. She's only trying to look out for me, and I had silently admitted to her that I needed help in the pavilion, using our secret sign. It felt so good to connect with her like that again, reminding me of how much we've been through together already. For a moment there, a very short moment, I actually thought I'd be able to come to terms with this, with her help.
Not a chance.
Clutching on to that cursed folder that Percy gave me, I bring up the rear as the others headed into the wooden Hermes cabin. I don't even know why I've kept it; I just…okay, don't call me crazy…but I heard a voice in my head – Max's voice – telling me to think of my family. Thing is, as soon as Max said 'family', I thought of the flock. They are the only family I've known, and yet, deep down, I want my biological family. I guess "Max" and my subconscious told me to keep the folder to keep the opportunity, even if the possibility of meeting my biological family has now gone; there's no way I can meet them, not now I know my lineage. I'm the same danger to my flock as I am to my biological family. Everything I love, everything that means something to me is in danger, and there's nothing I can do about it. I may as well move somewhere far away and remote, isolated. But I won't break my promise to Angel. To Max. Not until I have to anyway.
Inside the Hermes cabin, it's way too cramped. I'd bet anything that most of the kids in here are undetermined, their parents too lazy to say "yeah, they're mine". I wonder if some of the gods even know these are their kids. Some of these kids in here actually have the potential for being my half-siblings.
Don't look so unhappy, I plead them silently. It's not as bad as knowing, as considering…Hades…as a dad.
The beds are all wooden, and no fancy-schmancy stuff; just ordinary-looking bed-frames that look like they've been polished to a golden gleam to cover up the plainness of them. Mysteriously, there seems to be enough beds to go round, even with us newbies, although some are way close together. Talk about cosy. The Stoll brothers walk to their respective beds – no surprise that they're next to each other; makes dual-thievery missions easier to talk about – whilst Max, Gazzy, Angel and I lay our bags down next to empty-looking beds, which basically means any bed that doesn't have stuff piled on it. The others find beds close to each other, nearer the middle of the large noisy cabin, but I hang back, picking the solitary bed closer to the door; I know that I'll need to sneak out for private midnight flights much more often now, and if I pick the one nearest the door I won't wake anyone up when I get out of bed. Especially Max; I don't want her to wake up and follow me. I'll just want to be alone.
I ignore the feeling of stares into my back as I pretend to sort out the bed-sheets, sighing in comfort as I settle myself on them, hands interlinked behind my head. I know Max and Angel at least will be trying to catch my eye, begging me silently to at least spend the rest of the evening properly in their company. I can't do that yet; I need to relax and trust myself a lot more before I risk anything with them.
"Not bad, huh dude?"
Travis is standing by the foot of my bed – I guess I should call it mine now – and grinning down at my obvious contentment with the softness of a mattress.
I try to act nonchalant, and shrug. "It's alright."
"Dude, you've been sleeping rough for the past gods-know-how-long; I think you've earned the right to say 'it's nice to have a bed'."
I roll my eyes, but admit, "It's nice to have a bed."
"Knew it," he smirks, sitting at the foot of my bed, facing and gazing at Angel and Gazzy as they go around meeting their half-siblings. I turn my head to look at Max, the face of joy as Angel and Gazzy show her more and more of their new family. I can tell though; she wants to do that. She wants to find her own half-brothers and –sisters and introduce them all to us.
What's wrong with your old family? I beg her silently.
"So this place has some perks," Travis continues, breaking me out of my depressive musings and obviously now referring to more than the bed. "Maybe you should stay awhile."
There's something about the way he says that last sentence that spokes my interest. I turn to him again, and he's surprisingly staring me right in the eyes, his electric blue diamonds holding my obsidian circles. Considering this guy's dad is god of thievery, and so a master of deception, Travis is decidedly and deliberately being open with me. Showing me what he knows.
I sit up slowly, never breaking eye contact. "You know about the deal Max and I have?"
He blinks, and the communication is lost. But the intensity isn't. "I can't stop you. I know that. And I also know I can't change your mind for you. But don't shoot me down for giving you friendly advice.
"You think you're a danger to other people 'cos of your specific power, right? Well, each of the gods and goddesses can be dangerous, believe me. I've seen it. Also, duh, they're gods; they're gonna have some serious mortal-, half blood- and monster-destroying mojo. You're only more dangerous than most demi-gods 'cos you're the son of one of the Big Three. But so is Percy, if you look at it.
"And, dude, you want to run from this place 'cos you think you're a danger to people? That's exactly what we help with here. You're worried about losing control of whatever powers you may have, but at Camp Half Blood you're taught control. You'd be running from some of the very few people who could help you."
At the end of his speech, he stops, keeping his eyes on me to watch me take that all in. I kind of get what he's saying, and yeah, I guess I hadn't thought through where I'd learn control after I ran from camp. I could learn to harness my abilities here. But there's still that risk; the part from now, for example, to the time when I've got the hang of my powers. In that time, when my control would still be lacking, someone could get hurt.
"Nice argument," I allow him. "Pretty convincing. But, just so I know my options, you suggested that there were others who could help me control what I can do. So there are others who I could go to?"
"Oh, sure," Travis says, with a cheery voice that isn't exactly fake, just more suspicious. "Sure, I know of one person who would be a great teacher for that stuff."
"Oh yeah?" I ask cautiously. "Who?"
"Your dad."
As much as I had considered him a friend before, cold fury at his malicious teasing sweeps through me at an alarming speed. My muscles seem to coil and tighten in preparation for something, like the pounce of a big cat, but the tingling of something unknown – something immortal – mostly concentrated in my arms claims it wouldn't be just a pounce. I glare at him, trying to keep my anger in check, and even though he seems to realise my struggle he holds my eyes unflinchingly.
"Out of the question," I growl at him eventually.
"Well, those are your options, dude," he snaps at me. My eyebrows shoot up at his tone, the surprise of this formerly-teasing and smiling boy losing his temper cutting through my rage.
But he isn't finished. "It's us or him. Sure, we won't teach you all the cool stuff that you personally can do, but we teach you control enough that you can experiment on your own with fewer risks. If you're worried about the risks before that time, then by all means find a way to the Underworld and have a family reunion."
Okay, now that is pushing on my last nerve. I stand up, as if to make myself more powerful than him. "If that…asshole wanted a family reunion," I hiss at him, "he would have come to me sooner and explained things. He would have helped me. Sure, you may have heard of me and the flock through Percy and Annabeth somehow gathering information on us all, but you have no idea the kinds of things we've been through. Sometimes, when the whitecoats took me back to my dog-crate – I repeat, dog-crate – I was crying, or shaking, or something else horrible, or a mixture. But I was always wishing that someone would come along and actually treat us like the people with feelings we were. My dad's a freaking god, so he should have been able to hear me, and if he'd had any heart or care for me, his son, then he would have saved me and my family, and taken the bastards who did this to us down to hell with him when he had to go back!"
I'm breathing hard by the end of this, getting right up in Travis's face so he can see my anger, confusion and pain as to why my own father never helped me in any way. I can feel the hate welling up, slowly snaking around my entire body, claiming me with its scorching heat. I want to fight someone. I want Hades to rise up from the ground right now so I can leap on him and punch him and kick him until I have a god on the floor and begging me to stop. I want him to suffer as he let me suffer at the School. I want–
"Fang?"
The sound of my name jerks me back down to earth, and I glance towards the source; Max and the others have stopped what they're doing and are staring at me. No, not really at me; behind me. I peek over my shoulder, not really knowing if I want to see whatever's there, and my precognition is right. The shadows of the cabin were never that thick when I first came in, and they seem too tangible now. I need to look at them closer. No sooner have I had that thought though do the shadows actually move forward, closer to me as it I had called to them. I wish they hadn't come forward; they look horrific. Pure blackness, like the heart of evil itself…and sharp. Ready to cut any of the people staring silently at me now should I command them to. Ready to lash forwards at anyone who I'm merely annoyed with. Ready to hurt someone I could care about…
I can't let that happen. For fear of the shadows – my shadows – reacting hair-trigger at the first person I lay my eyes on, I shut my eyes tight, conjuring their looks in my head instead. In the place where I can't hurt them. I remember how happy I had been just minutes before this whole messed up world interfered with my old one, how I'd been laughing and playing with Max before that…thing…came and ripped up one of the very few people I cared about in the world. I remember how we'd all been a family in the Big House when Max was still recovering, all huddled together and promising to protect each other simply by being there. The times when I've kissed Max come rushing back at my beckon, and I relish in the warmth I had felt then, of the feeling of her lips – unresponsive, yes, but still against mine.
As I feel myself calming down, I open my eyes cautiously. I don't dare look behind me, but I'm encouraged by the fact I can no longer see those ghastly shadows in my peripheral vision. I wait a few more seconds before I let relief and achievement wash over me. They're not the only things that overtake me though; complete and utter exhaustion – the likes of which I haven't felt in a long time – threatens to pull me into unconsciousness, but I struggle hold my metaphorical body above the waves even as my physical body sinks to its knees. My vision goes black for just a few seconds before I stubbornly push my way back to the surface.
The first thing I notice is my family, with Max closest. They all seem to be shaking a bit, looking at me worriedly as they war with their instinct of protecting each other and my desire to be left alone. I'm honoured they even consider the latter. The second thing I notice is a set of hands around each of my wrists, holding my body upwards so I don't fall sideways. I'm still on my knees, so when I look to my wrists I also have to look up…into the smiling and proud face of Travis. I have just enough strength to move my face into a confused expression.
"Lesson one, dude," he explains. "We often use our powers when our emotions go haywire, especially anger. Anger is the most dangerous though, as you often can't control it once it's out. The only thing you had a hope of doing as a newbie was reining it back in. And you did it seriously well; I'm impressed. So there you go; as long as you keep your emotions in check, you're fine here."
He lifts me onto the bed, pats my back, then walks over to his bed as if it was just another day in the life, as if everyone in the cabin wasn't staring at me. I decide to try and ignore them all as I flop sideways to lie on my bed again, relief flooding my body as my head hits the pillow. Just a few seconds away from a blissful slumber, where I can get my strength back…
"Oof!"
Half-expecting an Eraser or Flyboy or one of those big black dog-things to be the one above me and punching all the air from my lungs, I'm slightly startled when I hear a joyful excited voice, much too loud for that blissful slumber I was after.
"Told you, told you, told you…"
"Angel," I groan tiredly and breathlessly.
"Yes, Fang?" Her voice, right in my face, is way to chipper for her own good.
Once I've got breathing under control again, I crack my eyes open slightly, looking up into her bright blue eyes and even brighter – and too goddamn smug – smile. I try not to smile back in pride of my accomplishment.
"Get off my bed, missy."
"Not a chance. It's too comfy."
"You'll be appreciating just how comfy the floor is in a moment if you don't shift you rear," I grin evilly at her.
"You wouldn't," she challenges. "Not to me." She bats her eyelashes in a way I've seen many times before. The familiarity of it relaxes me even more.
"Don't you dare use that mind-controlling shit on me," I threaten in my best voice while I use my eyes to tell her I'm kidding.
"Fang," Max warns me of my language, half-heartedly because she's happy now that I'm more myself. You and me, both.
"What?" I complain with a smile. "If I wasn't harsh enough on her, she'd be having me at the front doing the freakin' Macarena."
Max can't help but burst into laughter at the image I put into her head. I grin hat her, happy that she might not worry too much about me now.
"Hold up." Both Stoll brothers now come to my bed, eyes bright. "I could swear to the gods you just said something about my new baby sister being able to control your mind."
"Yep," the not-so-angelic Angel beams up at them. "I got a lady to buy me Celeste." She scrambles off the bed and reaches by her own bed, standing up again with her bear hugged between her forearms and her chest. Connor shifts his features to display the appropriate degree of joy to be convincing to the six-year-old.
"Well, isn't that just the best present you've ever seen?" Connor's voice is so sincere I even start to believe him as he takes both Angel and Celeste in his arms.
"Yeah," Travis grins, "and the bear's pretty cool too."
I can't stop the tired chuckle that escapes my lips; of course, the sons of Hermes are more interested in gaining and mind-reader and –controller into their cabin.
"Hey, but what about our new baby brother?" Travis suddenly realises, turning to the now-shocked blonde boy. "If your sister's so talented, you're bound to have skills, right?" A slow smile spreads across Gazzy's face as he looks down shyly.
"I have something cool with my insides; I can…incapacitate people by using…noxious gases." He stutters over his words as Max glares at him. "Oh, and I'm awesome with explosives."
"Yes!" Travis punches the air, and I can tell Connor would be too if his arms weren't still occupied by Angel.
"Oh, man!" Connor exclaims. "We'll give all of the cabins a run for their money."
Shaking my head slightly, I turn over so I'm lying on my stomach, my face turned to the left, and I close my eyes, relishing in the relief it brings me. I hear something beside me, a pressure appearing on the left side of my neck before a set of fingers soothingly scrape along the back of my scalp. I can't help but sigh softly in delight, electric tingles spreading all over my body from my head, somehow exciting and relaxing at the same time, and I push my eyelids open to stare at Max's smiling and now-scarred face. With a huge effort, I haul my arm up, drawing my index finger gently across the scar trail, and Max's smile fades slowly as if she's just remembered what has happened to her face. I can't let her be worried. I just can't leave her feeling self-conscious.
"You're still beautiful," I barely manage to force the words out, but by some miracle she hears me and eyes widen just before mine close and remain so.
Max's POV
My scar still prickles from when Fang touched it, but it's a good prickle. I rest my head on his mattress, just staring at his face which is so much more carefree and happy compared to when he's awake. I wish I could turn back time, and go back to when we were in that clearing just a day ago, when he wasn't worrying about who his dad was. I also want to turn back time to just a few moments ago; I want to hear him say it again. Somehow being told you're beautiful has more weight when it comes from Fang.
A hand on my shoulder snaps me out of my ridiculously mushy day-dream, and I turn to see Connor looking down at me. "Time for lights out."
"Okay," I smile at him, then turn back to Fang, not really wanting to leave his side. Tentatively, I trail my fingers lightly across his own face, mirroring where a scar similar to mine would have been, and remember how I felt when he got his face scratched by Ari on the beach in New York. I had been angry that his perfect skin had been messed up. Could he possibly feel that same way about me now?
Before I can talk myself out of it, I lean over and brush my lips against his cheek, trying to stop my heart from swelling pathetically when he sighs and smiles ever-so-slightly. I know if any of the flock or others in the cabin were watching that, they're staring at me opening right now, so I avoid their eyes and simply make my way over to my own bed. I lie down quickly, close my eyes, and practically will myself to fall asleep, using the covers as a shield against their curious glances. For once, my body listens to me, and I slip comfortably under, a warm kind of darkness over-taking me.
Wow, I'm all for the Faxness, aren't I? Anyway, I am SO SORRY for not updating sooner (especially to whoever sent me the PM – who's name I can't check at the moment). I seriously did not think schoolwork would be this bad, and I've been stupid enough to start all my fanfic ideas at once; you try juggling all the ones I've posted so far lol. Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it.
Fly on,
NitnatRide
