Author's Note:

Oh my gosh- 750+ views! Thanks so much y'all! Sorry this chapter took a little longer to write, I ran into some writer's block near the end. Hopefully you'll like it though!

The thing about running is that it can only take you so far. At some point you have to stop, turn around, and face whatever you had been trying to flee.

Sometimes you have to fight to survive.

Chapter Seven: Fear

I knew how Roxas felt when he made the choice to run away from the organization, even though he made his choice for an entirely different reason. I was leaving because I shouldn't really have even been there. I didn't belong. I could never belong, as much as I wanted to- and I did, more than almost anything. I mean, I knew the Organization's real plan and all, but...

OK. I'll admit it. I wanted to stay for Roxas. When I had beat 358/2 Days, I wished for a chance for things to work out happily for him. He didn't deserve to have one of his best friends die. He shouldn't have to suffer so much. Sure, he would forget it later, but still...

I ran faster, aware of nothing but the blur of white hallways flying by, my mess of confusing thoughts, and the sound of my heavy breathing as I raced to escape the castle. I didn't know where I'd go once I left, or how I would avoid the Organization finding me again. I just knew I needed to get away from there.

I turned a corner, stopping abruptly when I saw someone was blocking my way. Saïx.

"Going somewhere?" he asked casually.

Before I became a Nobody, if I had run into Saïx like that I probably would have stuttered out some nervous response or run away. But not anymore. No more running, unless it was for the benefit of others. I'd be doing everyone a favor if I left. I didn't belong here. "It's none of your concern," I answered him bitterly.

"Oh, I believe it is. You weren't thinking of running away, were you? We don't tolerate traitors," the blue-haired man standing before me said.

"I-"

"She was just training, Saïx. Not everyone who runs around the castle is a deserter. I told her to do a few laps as punishment for taking so long on her mission yesterday. Bet Demyx left that out on his report, right? Alexa let it slip today that she almost failed yesterday. Can't let that go uncorrected."

I turned around to find Axel standing just behind me, his arms crossed and a spark in his eyes. Was that anger? Disappointment? I couldn't tell. "A-"

"I see," Saïx interrupted my protest. He and Axel were exchanging glares. "You should keep an eye on her. It almost looked like she was heading toward the exit." I guessed that Saïx knew perfectly well Axel was making all this up (well, except for the part about me almost failing my mission yesterday) but he didn't say anything about that.

Axel shrugged. "She doesn't know her way around the castle yet. Right, Alexa?"

I hesitated, shocked. Axel was covering for me? He must have known I was planning to leave. Why was he lying for me? It's not like we were friends. He barely knew me.

So I told another lie. I nodded. Although, I guess I wasn't exactly lying. I really didn't know how to navigate the castle's confusing hallways yet.

My old self would probably be throwing up about now, but I didn't really feel any guilt. If Axel was willing to lie to keep me in the Organization, well... Maybe I'd stay and try to work things out.

"I think you're good for the day," Axel told me. "C'mon, I'll show you the way back to your room. Unless you've got it memorized already?" He said it. Oh my gosh, I actually heard Axel say his catchphrase in person. I shook my head. "Let's go, then." Axel turned and walked back down the hallway, leaving me no choice but to follow. I swear I could feel Saïx's stare as he watched me leave.

Me and Axel walked for a few minutes in silence before he abruptly stopped, turning towards me angrily. "Leaving our group already? What were you thinking?" he asked me, his voice calm but his eyes definitely not. "You have a death wish?"

"I... I just... I can't stay here," I answered honestly.

"Well, that's too bad. If you leave, Xenmas will just bring you right back." Axel crossed his arms and stared down at me (did I mention that he's really tall?).

"You don't understand. I shouldn't be here. I don't belong here. I..." I looked down at my feet, unable to meet Axel's accusing gaze. I waited for him to say something, but the hall was silent. I hoped no one else was nearby.

"It's your choice, kid. If you want to run away so bad, go ahead. Just don't blame me when you're a Dusk... or dead," Axel said at last.

I hesitated. Suddenly, leaving the Organization didn't seem like such a great idea. Plus, who knew... Maybe if I stayed I'd be able to change something for the better in this world.

"Maybe... Maybe I should stay," I said quietly. "I'd rather not become a Dusk..." I looked up. "Thanks, Le- Axel!" Oops oops oops oops oops! Why had I almost said Axel's original name?! Where did that come from?! I felt my face grow hot and resumed walking.

He followed. "What did you just say?" I could hear the suspicion in his tone.

How did I answer that? Another lie? I was so sick of lying. But I couldn't exactly tell the truth, could I?

So I did it. Again. I said words that were false. "Sorry, I almost called you Lexaeus by mistake. I'm still trying to remember everyone's names."

Axel seemed to accept this. "Well, it's Axel. Get it memorized."

Twice in ten minutes. Was I lucky or what?!

Eventually Axel dropped me off at my room, and I wrote in my dairy for a bit before falling asleep. Life in the Organization was tiring.

When I woke up, the first thought that popped into my mind was four days. My fourth day, Roxas's 21st. It felt like I had been here so much longer than that, though. My old life was like some half-forgotten dream. Maybe it had only been a dream. I honestly didn't know anymore. What is reality, anyway? Maybe it's different depending on which world you're born in. Could there be multiple universes? Weird to think about.

Somehow I was able to easily find my way to the Grey Area, immediately looking around to see who else was there. I saw Demyx sitting on one of the sofas, Roxas talking with Axel by the glass wall, and of course Saïx was there in his usual spot. "Alexa, you'll be with Demyx again today for training," the blue-haired man told me. I nodded.

"'Ey. Ready to go?" My mentor for the day greeted me, standing up. I nodded again. "Cool." A Dark Corridor was summoned and we left.

Soon we arrived in the Tram Common of Twilight Town, where I noticed several Heartless were watching us nearby. My Keyblade appeared in my hand without me really even thinking about it; it was like an instinct now. Demyx seemed to notice. "I've heard you have trouble with fighting Heartless. Figured I'd give you some practice today, since I'm supposed to teach you how missions work and stuff." Just as he finished talking, a nearby Dire Plant shot a seed at us. Thinking fast. I held up my Keyblade like Roxas did in the game. Sure enough, the seed bounced right off it and went sailing back towards the Heartless. I have to admit I felt a tiny bit bad watching the flower Heartless disappear as it was killed. All that remained were a few pink blobs of whispy smoke.

"Are those... hearts?" I asked Demyx, who nodded.

"Yep, sure are. And it's your job to collect them with that Keyblade of yours."

"How?" I wondered. In the game, the hearts simply floated up off the screen without you having to do anything. How did that work in the real world? I just called Twilight Town the "real world." Have I gone insane?!

"Dunno. Never done it," my mentor for the day answered with a shrug. "Just walk over there and see what happens."

"O-okay." I timidly walked toward what remained of the Heartless. After only a few steps the pink blobs floated up off the ground and started coming toward me. I flinched and closed my eyes, but they didn't hit me. I opened my eyes and they were gone. My Keyblade felt warmer than usual and was glowing, but it faded after a second. Oh. Of course. The Keyblade absorbed them.

"That's pretty cool!" Demyx commented from behind me. "There are a ton more Heartless out here. Your goal for today is to kill five of 'em. Then I'm supposed to lecture you on how just because you reached your goal, doesn't mean you have to stop, blah blah. Whatever. Just defeat four more of those things and you'll be done." Typical Demyx. I nodded my understanding and looked around, spotting a Scarlet Tango just up ahead. Yesterday I had froze up and almost gotten killed by some of these, but not today. With my Keyblade in my hand, I felt like I could do anything. Even if I was strongly against violence, I had to kill this thing. It was dangerous.

So I ran toward it, holding my weapon out in front of me. As soon as I was close enough, I leapt up to slash at the Heartless and... missed by a good two feet. I hadn't realized how high those things hovered.

I landed heavily, barely keeping my balance. The Tango wasn't even fighting back, it just kept circling me like it didn't quite know what I was. I needed it to fly down just a little lower... There! I lunged at it, feeling guilty for killing this thing that seemed so much more alive than it had on the screen of my 3DS back home. I think I actually might have said "Sorry!" out loud as it disappeared leaving nothing but hearts behind. Yes, I felt pity for a Heartless. But hey wait, didn't pity count as an emotion?

After the hearts had been absorbed into my Keyblade, I continued my search for Heartless. I didn't have to go very far, three Dire Plants were just up ahead, near the hole in the town wall that led to the forest. I just had to defeat this trio of Heartless and then my mission would be complete.

All three plants shot out seeds at the same time, and I didn't know which to block first. I panicked and ran off to the side, avoiding them. Why did I have to be such a coward?! I didn't want to be. I wanted to be brave, but my fear was too great.

Where was Demyx? It would have been nice if he was helping me, but I realized then he had let me run off by myself. Oh well, I had to learn somehow, right?

Because the thing about running is, it can only take you so far. At some point you have to stop, turn around, and face whatever you had been trying to flee. Sometimes you have to fight to survive. That's the cold, harsh truth.

So I turned around, facing those evil flowers that were almost as tall as me. I held up my Keyblade with shaking hands, and even though I was outnumbered, I blocked first one, two, then three seeds. Before I knew it the trio of Heartless was gone. I stared at my hands in astonishment. Where had that bravery come from?

"Hey, not bad!" I spun around toward the voice that had spoken behind me, relieved to see it was Demyx. Wait a second...

"You were watching me all this time?" I asked, already knowing the answer. He nodded.

"I don't know why Axel said you weren't too great at fighting Heartless. You did pretty good. Well, could have done better with the Scarlet Tango, but eh. Ready to head back?"

Still semi-shocked, I nodded. Then I remembered something.

Roxas paused, hesitating. "You know Axel?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I went on a mission with him today. Well, it was more of a training session. You and him are friends, right?"

"Yeah, I guess you could call us that! Anyways, we meet on top the clock tower in Twilight Town every day after our missions. You should join us sometime."

"Actually... You go back without me. I want to stay here for a bit," I told Demyx.

He frowned. "You sure? Can you even summon Dark Corridors?" Oh. I hadn't thought of that.

"Well, I haven't exactly tried yet. But I'll be fine, I know another way back." Another lie. Why did I keep doing that?

Demyx seemed reluctant, but he finally agreed. I waited until after his Dark Corridor closed before running off toward Station Plaza. I remembered how to get there from the game, and I only ran into a few Heartless, which I ignored. I didn't know why I was doing this. It would be better if I stayed away from the Sea-Salt Trio, in case I messed something up. But yet my feet were taking me straight toward the clock tower, and honestly, I wanted this too much to protest. I felt like I belonged on top of that tower with the main trio, which was crazy because they barely knew me- or each other, actually. That tower meant so much to me, even though I had never been there in person. After every mission in the game, every hard boss that took me weeks to defeat, as long as the Sea-Salt Trio met up on top of the clock tower after it was all worth it. Because then I got to hang out with my digital friends. Only now they weren't digital anymore, they were real.

I stopped abruptly just outside the big glass doors leading inside the clock tower building. Was I really ready to become friends with Roxas and Axel? What if they didn't like me? What if...

I sighed, turning away and walking back down the stairs. Going up there was a bad idea.

Or so I told myself. But in reality, I was just too scared.

Author's Note:

Hopefully this chapter was long enough. I always worry they're too short. Please let me know what you think in a review! Thanks for reading!