Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight =(
A/N: I'm finally updating! Sorry it's taken so long, I've just been crazy busy with family over the holidays...i hope to get back to posting at least once a week again, if not more..the goal is to finish this story before my classes start up on January 11th, so I will probably be updating several times a week. With that out of the way, let's get back to the story!
Chapter 7
EPOV
I have a son. I have a son with Bella. Bella and I have a son.
No matter how I word it, I can't seem to wrap my head around it. How is this even possible? We had sex one time. One time! Didn't I use a condom? Wasn't Bella on birth control?
I sat at the breakfast bar, staring at Bella in shock. I didn't think it was possible for me to feel like a bigger fuck up, but apparently I was wrong. Not only did I leave Bella all those years ago after drunkenly stealing her virginity without so much as a goodbye, but I left her pregnant and about to start her senior year of high school. I spent the last four years getting hammered and fucking Tanya, and she was stuck here trying to raise our child while finishing high school and starting college. Well, I'm assuming she started college. Did she start college? Oh God, did I make her miss out on that? Was she going to school? Did she still live here in Forks? Holy fuck, what the hell have I done?
I blinked hard and sucked in a deep breath, my eyes landing on Bella's nervous face, realizing that I must have been lost in thought for quite some time.
"I...have a son?" I finally whispered. She nodded her head slowly, searching my face warily. I was quiet for another moment, letting those words really sink in. I have a son.
Suddenly a blinding smile stretched across my face, and without thinking I reached forward to scoop Bella up in my arms, twirling her in circles around the kitchen. She let out an adorable yelp of surprise, but I continued to spin around the room. As I was reveling in the knowledge that Bella had given me a child, a new realization began to sink in, and my smile faded.
"I have a son. I've had a son for three years, and didn't even know it," I growled. "I've missed three years!" I cried, sinking back onto my stool. My hands immediately sunk into my wild mane of copper hair as I tugged at the roots in frustration, finally realizing how royally I had fucked up.
"I can't believe this. Why am I such an asshole? Why did I have to fuck everything up? If I wasn't such a little bitch I could've spent the last three years with you and our son!" I shouted. As my head spun and the pain welled up in my chest, I felt Bella's small arms drape around my shoulders, pulling my tight into her chest. I took in a deep breath of her intoxicating scent, willing it to calm my nerves, and relaxed into her hold.
"Edward, I know it's a lot to take in, but you can't beat yourself up over this. That's in the past, and there's nothing you can do about that now, so just focus on the present. You have a wonderful little boy, and you can share the rest of your life with him. Don't let your past interfere with that," she murmured.
Her words were spoken gently, meant to calm me, but had the opposite affect. How could she sit here so calmly and comfort me after everything I've done to her? She shouldn't be so understanding. She should want to kill me.
"How can you not hate me? How can you stand here and tell me all of this so calmly? Why are you even letting me in to begin with? You should be screaming at me, keeping me away from him, keeping me away from you. Why?" I questioned, my eyes carefully searching her face, which betrayed no ill will or resentment. She smiled sadly at me, the sparkle in her beautiful brown eyes absent, and shrugged her tiny shoulders. Her shriveled frame and obvious lack of that vibrant Bella essence only dug the whole deeper into my chest. I had done this to her.
"I won't keep him from you, not just because you deserve to know the child you fathered, but because that child deserves to have a father," She began, speaking slowly. "I may not be happy with you, but those are our issues, not his. I won't punish him for something that isn't his fault." I stared at her quietly for a moment, listening to her words. As much as I wanted to disagree with her, I knew she was right to an extent. I didn't deserve to know Anthony or have either of them in my life. But I wasn't about to argue with her, and force her to keep herself and our son away. If she was willing to have me, I would stay for all eternity. I wrapped my arms tightly around her small waist and took another deep breath of her scent before leaning back to look at her face, the excitement finally creeping up in my chest.
"Where is he? Can I meet him?" I asked eagerly. As soon as the words left my mouth, I had another thought. Maybe he didn't want to meet me? I could only imagine what type of horrible things he had heard about me from our friends, and possibly even Bella. No, not Bella; I couldn't picture her saying bad things about anyone, even if I truly deserved it.
"What if he doesn't like me? Does he even know about me? What if I screw up? How do I even know if I can be a good dad?" I finally whimpered, dropping my head onto the bar in frustration.
"Edward, take a deep breath and calm down. You are going to be an amazing father, because you are one of the sweetest, smartest, most loving and talented people I have ever met. I know he's going to love you. And he does know about you; I told him that you just went on a long trip, but that you would come back to him someday." Bella's melodic voice was filled with love and compassion, and my eyes snapped up to meet hers. I made up my mind in that second. Bella might say that there is no chance for us, but her heart is betraying her words. I know she still cares for me, no matter how little I deserve it, and I'm not going to give up. I will regain her trust, and the three of us can be the family we were meant to be.
"Bella?" I spoke her name softly, drawing her attention. "I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. I know that's probably hard for you to believe, and I can't blame you for not trusting me. But I will be there for our son, and I will be there for you whenever you need me. I do love you; I always have. I know you can't just welcome me back with open arms, but I just need you to remember one thing: I won't give up. I want you in every way possible, and I'll do whatever it takes to have you." I held her gaze firmly, not allowing her to see how terrified I was that I might lose her for good. Her eyes widened slightly in shock, the brown pools swimming in intensity.
"Fair enough," she mumbled, conceding to my claims. I flashed her a crooked grin, elated that she hadn't shot me down immediately, and watched intently as she pulled out her cell phone.
"Hey, Ali, can you guys head back to the house? Edward wants to meet Anthony." My heart tripled its speed in my chest as her words replayed in my mind. Anthony. She had given him my name.
"You named him after me?" I asked softly. A gorgeous blush filled her beautiful cheeks and she turned her face to avoid my gaze. I quickly hooked a finger under chin, ignoring the jolt of electricity that shot through my arm at the contact, and pulled her face up to meet mine.
"Well, it seemed like a bit much to name him 'Edward', so I settled for your middle name instead. His full name is Anthony Masen Cullen," she finally explained. My heart swelled with pride and I reached out to crush her to my chest, searching for the words to tell her exactly how happy she had just made me.
"I don't deserve you, Bella Swan. After everything I put you through, and despite how difficult it must have been for you while I was off being a drama queen, you never thought poorly of me. I don't deserve your love, but I'm willing to earn it. And thank you, for giving him my name," I finished, my voice catching at the end.
"Well, I will admit it was for selfish reasons. I wanted him to have a piece of you, so I gave him your name. And I wanted to do something for Esme and Carlisle, to thank them for all the help they have given me, so I made him a Cullen," she explained. We broke apart after a few minutes, and I commenced pacing in the kitchen, nervously awaiting my son's arrival. After a few moments, Bella's tinkling laughter filled the room, and I couldn't help but smile at the sound of it. She reached for my hand, causing the hair on my arms to raise on end, and led me out of the kitchen. After instructing me to wait in the family room, she walked out the front door and left me alone in the silent house.
My ears strained to pick up on the conversation taking place outside, but I was too far to discern their words. The light hum of voices floated through the room, and my hands began to drip with sweat as I waited for them to enter. After what seemed like hours, the shuffle of feet alerted me to their arrival, and I spun to face them, my eyes landing on the small child at Bella's side.
He was absolutely perfect. His dark mahogany curls stood in stark contrast to his fair skin, both a perfect match to Bella's. His eyes shone a vibrant green, rivaling my own, and I felt tears begin to spill down my cheeks. This was my son. Our son.
He glanced up at Bella shyly, and she gave him a small nod, and his little legs slowly carried him to where I was standing. His angelic face tipped back to look up at mine, and a small smile graced his little lips as I knelt down to meet him.
"You're my daddy," his beautiful voice chimed confidently. A mixture between a sob and a chuckle broke out of my mouth, and I nodded my head in confirmation, unsure of how to respond. After a moment of silence, Anthony reached his little arms out to wrap them around my neck, placing a loud, wet kiss on my cheek. My arms instinctively pulled him to my chest, and I held him tightly, marveling at how right it felt to be holding him. I pushed him back to search his face, memorizing every square inch, amazed at the perfect combination of mine and Bella's features.
I was broken out of my scrutiny by the sound of laughter, and I turned to grin at my sister, my friend, and my Bella. The three girls wore matching smiles, tears streaming steadily down their faces. Bella quickly made her way across the room, leaning forward to place a kiss on Anthony's cheek. I couldn't resist the urge to place my own lips against her forehead, the taste of her skin causing my heart to beet faster and my head to spin.
"Thank you," I murmured. "He's perfect." She giggled softly and rolled her beautiful eyes.
"You're welcome; but I can't take all the credit."
A/N: Okay, I know it's short, but I just wanted you to see Edward's point of view from the big day. I'll update again tomorrow with the next chapter, so hang in there! As always, leave me some reviews and let me know what you liked, what you hated, and what you want to see =)
