Whoops, did I say sixteen chapters last time? It's actually fourteen. There's still lots more come, though. We're only halfway through. :)
67
Darcy began genuinely looking forward to it, those two mornings a week when he was afforded three or four minutes of Lizzie. There were no longer any direct barbs at him, and she was generally buoyant, evidence that he had not permanently marred her happiness.
He was bemused to see that Lizzie was still holding out hope for Jane and Bing. Did she not recognize a lost cause when she saw it? He had himself decided against telling Bing about the videos. Lizzie had not authorized him to, and it could only cause further pain for everyone involved.
But she was done with Wickham. That was all that mattered.
68
Lizzie was uncomfortable when Charlotte pried about Wickham. He supposed there were many ways to interpret this, but he preferred to assume she didn't want to betray his confidences or expose his sister. And she didn't. She offered just enough veiled explanation about the college fund to satisfy Charlotte, and that was it.
Did she express doubt about whether Darcy was telling the truth? It didn't bother him as much as he would have thought. It seemed less a matter of being distrustful of him and more a hesitancy to propagate stories without knowing whether they were true or not. She had been burned once before; he didn't blame her for being wary.
The admission that she was grateful for his letter put him in a cheerful mood for three days straight.
69
No Lizzie? Darcy closed the browser window in disappointment, paused, then opened the window again. Lizzie had criticized him for being so judgmental of her family. Forcing himself to see things from her little sister's perspective might be a way to make amends.
And the video, as grating as it was, did prove useful. For one thing, he saw how Lydia perceived Lizzie, at least in an exaggerated way via costume theater. He also had the bizarre entertainment of Jane's impersonation of Lydia.
Mostly, he learned that those at Netherfield had affected Lydia as well as Lizzie and Jane. And she had not appreciated the intrusion into her comfortable world.
Darcy had resolved two things after leaving Collins and Collins. The first, of course, was to leave Lizzie alone to ensure he would no longer infringe upon her happiness. But the other was to take serious stock of his patterns of behavior and begin to amend them. It was not out of some misguided attempt to "win her over," as Fitz would put it. After so much selfishness, he must now act regarding Lizzie only as far as it concerned her own happiness, never his.
It was not enough to behave well toward those he liked or had a vested interest in pleasing. He needed to behave better toward everyone, even someone like Lydia. It was a matter of principle.
70
Darcy had definitely made the right choice not to tell Bing about the videos. As fond as he was of his friend, Darcy was beginning to think that Jane deserved someone who was willing to actually assert himself for the sake of a relationship.
He was as taken aback as Lizzie when Jane intimated that she lacked courage. Of all the words he could have used to describe Lizzie, cowardly was certainly not one of them. Not that it did anything to lessen his opinion of her. She agreed to think about Jane's advice, and that in itself showed courage.
71
Darcy didn't know what to make of Lizzie and Lydia's interplay. It was nothing like the relationship between himself and Gigi. Of course it would be different for them, with less of an age difference and the fact that Lizzie had not needed to serve as a solitary parent figure for Lydia. Still, was it typical for siblings to be so casually unkind to each other?
He was thankful Gigi had never shown an interest in throwing wild parties.
72
Speaking of Gigi, she had been calling him on a daily basis demanding to know if it was finally time for that serious discussion. He finally placated her by promising the full story once they were at the resort for Christmas. He had less than two weeks to plan out how to relate one of most difficult and yet most illuminating experiences of his life.
The video filmed during Lydia's party had a few unexpected bits of illumination.
He had to pause it partway through to tame the grin threatening to spread its way across her face. Lizzie said he had virtues. She said he had virtues to George Wickham.
"Darcy's not so bad." Usually, that would hardly qualify as ringing praise. In this context, even with Mary's stilted delivery, it was cause for open rejoicing.
73-74
He wasn't rejoicing the next week when he witnessed the argument. It was as he feared. His thoughtless words had wounded Lydia. And now he was indirectly responsible for a rift between Lizzie and her sister. Lizzie must at least partly blame him for it. He deserved it.
He was choosing his words more carefully now, weighing the potential effect before speaking it. And he was trying to say more things that, while not of any practical purpose, might help to put people more at ease when they seemed intimidated by him. Hopefully, with time he would be able to improve future interactions. But there was no way to undo the damage of the past.
When Lizzie watched Lydia's video and was so visibly hurt by it, he realized he would need to search for the video and watch it himself. Short as it was, it was very difficult to get through. How long had this resentment been building up?
He had largely skimmed over Lydia's appearances on Lizzie's vlog. Her brazen exuberance was difficult for him to stomach. But that was no excuse.
Thankfully, his weekend was free. So he spent it re-watching all of Lizzie's videos with appearances from Lydia. He learned a great deal.
He spent the next few days finishing up any work that needed to be taken care of before Christmas and preparing for his trip with Gigi. On the 23rd he picked her up directly after her last class and they headed for the airport. His sister showed admirable restraint, at least for her, by waiting until they had arrived at their destination to demand that he tell her everything.
It did not take as long as he expected. He briefly explained how he and Lizzie had met, how he gave her ample reason to dislike him while he struggled with his own growing affections, how her rejection had confounded him, and how her videos had offered the painful enlightenment he required.
Gigi absorbed all of this with wide, sympathetic eyes, then said, "Can I watch them? Sorry, may I?"
"You don't need my permission. They're not my videos."
"Still. Is it okay?"
"Yes. They will explain things more thoroughly than I can. But there are some you'll need to skip, I think."
"Why? Is she that mean to you?"
"No, it has nothing to do with Lizzie. There's someone else who appears in a handful of her videos."
"What, Bing? Caroline?"
He looked down. They hadn't spoken his name between them for months, and he preferred to keep it that way.
Gigi drew a sharp breath. "No. Him? Lizzie knows him? She let him in her videos?"
"Only briefly. I'm happy to say there was no lasting damage. But you don't need to see it."
"I'm – I'm not made of glass, you know," she said falteringly.
He gave her a warm look. "Of course not. You've handled the whole incident with admirable strength. I just wanted to give you a fair warning."
His sister bounded up and gave him a suffocating hug. "Thank you. I love you, William. Any girl who doesn't like you is crazy."
"Not at all." He grimaced. "Upon our first meeting, I regarded the prospect of dancing with her as if she were infested with fleas."
"No! Really? It couldn't have been that bad – Oh, I'll just watch the videos and figure it out for myself."
"Go ahead," he said, indicating the phone she was already eagerly clutching in her hands.
"No, no, not now." She set down the phone firmly. "This is our time. I'll wait till we get back."
"Set aside a full day for it. There are more than a few videos."
75
While Gigi bustled around the kitchenette on Christmas Eve, boiling water for hot chocolate and producing a towering stack of toast, Darcy holed himself away in his room with his laptop and watched Lizzie's holiday greeting. His heart sank to learn that she and Lydia still hadn't mended their breach, but there was nothing he could do about it other than keep well away from their family and not inflict any more harm than he already had.
He did have to admit some pleasure at hearing Lizzie speak his name without any rancor or judgment.
