Disclaimer: Yeah, we still don't own anything. But we're working on fixing that problem... So far all we have to our names is a case of Mountain Dew (That Death-Tori has hidden from Death-Aaya for obvious reasons.

God created man. He gave man the power to create as well. So, what did man choose to make? Some alternative source of energy? A cure for cancer? A way to go back in time? No. Man made Mountain Dew.

Those fools…those damn fools…They have no idea what they've unleashed upon an unsuspecting world…

--In the school, with Shigure--

Shigure was almost dead on his feet that morning. Ayame had kept him up on the phone until 4:30 in the morning, and Hatori had woken them both up at six. What a cruel world…

So, what was he going to do a bout it? Well, at the moment, he was standing in front of a soda machine, debating which caffeinated drink to get.

"Okay, I can get Coca-cola, Dr. Pepper, Sprite, water, or…What the hell is Mountain Dew?" Shigure mused. He'd never heard of this kind of soda before, but he was willing to try it.

Almost immediately after he got his Mountain Dew and opened it, Ayame came bouncing up to him.

"Good morning, Shigure! And how are you this wonderful day?" Ayame asked, smiling without a hint of tiredness.

"You kept me up until 4 in the fucking morning; how do you think I—" Ayame cut Shigure off before he could finish.

"Hey, what are you drinking?" Ayame asked, grabbing the Mountain Dew. "Hmm…What does dew from a mountain taste like?"

"I don't know; you took it before I could—"

He was cut off again.

"Then I will test this beverage for you, in case some evil villain has poisoned it!!" And with that, Ayame Sohma chugged half the can of Mountain Dew.

At first, nothing happened. Ayame stood stock still while Shigure watched him. After about 30 seconds, Ayame started to shake and bounce a little.

"Hey, what's gotten into you?" Shigure asked, taking the empty can of Dew from his cousin.

"SUGAR!!" Ayame burst, jumping so high in the air that he hit his head on the ceiling. Then, acting much like the roadrunner form Looney Tunes, he took off down the hallway, leaving dust and knock-over students in his wake.

Shigure stared after him, wide-eyed and confused. Then, he held up the can of Dew and looked at the nutrition facts.

Other than learning that Mountain Dew had caffeine, he realized that he had allowed Ayame to have a drink with 58 grams of sugar.

Forty-six grams, Shigure thought. Forty-six fucking grams of fucking sugar.

He sighed and started walking the way Ayame had gone. "Hatori is so gonna kill me…"

--Elsewhere in the school--

Sarah sighed. She was a brand-new exchange student and she'd somehow already gotten lost.

"Oh, well. At least my friends aren't here to keep me from drinking this!" She shouted victoriously, holding up a can of Monster.

Right after she opened it, she saw a strange cloud of dust heading in her direction. When it got closer, she realized that it was some crazy-looking silver-haired she-male person. She wasn't entirely sure of the gender.

The person stopped right in front of her and, right when she was about to say "Hi," stole her Monster and chugged it in one go.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!! That was mine!" Sarah exclaimed in outrage.

She lunged at Ayame, who zipped to the side, leaving behind and after-image that Sarah went through. She blinked in confusion, then stared at the real Ayame, who grinned at her like a serial killer.

"…Uh…Dude, what kind of crack are you on?" Sarah asked him.

Ayame took a deep breath and shouted, "OH MY GOD! ILOVETHISSTUFF! IT'SGREAT! IT'SAWESOME!! IT'SCRACKTASTIC!! WHERE'DYOUGETIT? WHAT'SINIT? CANYOUGETMESOME? IWANTMORE!!"

Ayame threw down the Monster can, looked around real quick, and ran off in another direction.

Sarah blinked at Ayame's after-image, then at the empty Monster. "Alright, that's it. I'm swearing off this stuff. No wonder my friends won't let me have it…I'm fucking hallucinating…"

--Somewhere else--

Hatori was pissed. Ayame had been late to the Student council meeting and left him with even more work than normal. In fact, he hadn't seen the dolt since this morning.

"Come to think of it…" Hatori mumbled. "I haven't seen Shigure around either…"

"Shit." Hatori cursed as he bolted out of the Student council room…and into Shigure.

"Oh! Haa-san! I've been looking for you!" Shigure exclaimed.

Hatori sighed with relief. He'd thought the two had been up to no good, painting the school pink, duct- taping people to the ceiling, and the like. "What do you want?"

Shigure gave him a can of Mountain Dew. "Ayame drank this, and it has 46 grams of sugar. I can't find him"

Hatori stared quietly at the can before letting loose a stream of curse words that even Shigure flinched at.

"Okay, time to head to the bunker and wait this out," Hatori said once he'd calmed down. Then, he and Shigure headed to a bomb shelter that was conveniently located on school grounds.

"So long, world! Been nice knowing you!" Shigure called over his shoulder, skipping into the bunker.

--China--

Mei-Lin was walking to the restaurant where she worked, munching on a candy bar. It wasn't that far a walk, considering she had just come out of the candy store next door to the restaurant.

Suddenly, she heard a whoosh sound and looked behind her to see the door to the candy store open. She heard a lot of crashes, glasses shattering, the owner screaming his head off, and the maniacal laughter of what could have been a demon.

Her eyes wide, Mei-Lin turned around, just as the noised stopped, and found herself facing a silver-haired teen whose face was smeared with chocolate and bright colors.

After a few seconds of staring intently at Mei-Lin, he snatched her candy bar, shoved it in his mouth, and swallowed it whole.

He giggled gleefully before sprinting off in another direction. He was soon out of sight, but Mei-Lin could hear the distant sound of glass shattering and people screaming.

--India--

Mr. Raj was a poor farmer from India. Usually, he stayed home to be with his family or to tend his crops. But today, he had decided it would be nice to visit the city.

Now, he was wishing he had never woken up this morning.

The city was in flames, and people were everywhere, running and screaming. Police were also running, but only in an attempt to find the terrorist responsible for the destruction of the capitol.

Suddenly, there was an enormous explosion, and Mr. Raj turned around only to see that the Taj Mahal now had a gaping hole in it. And pouring out of this hole were elephants.

Yes. Elephants.

Mr. Raj ducked into an alley as the stampede of elephants stormed past. There was another explosion, and now the Taj Mahal had a hole in it and was missing its top.

When Mr. Raj peeked around the corner, he was met by a strange sight.

There was a dirty silver-haired boy (whose shirt was now in shreds) riding a Bengal tiger like a horse and chasing the elephants.

The tiger reared up o his hind paws, and the boy screamed, "RUN LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!"

Then the tiger resumed chasing after the elephants, the boy shouting what sounded like "Run, Forrest! Run!"

Mr. Raj stared after them, then sank into a fetal position in the alley.

He really wished he hadn't gotten up this morning.

--France--

France had been ready for him by the tie Ayame had shown up. Their entire army had been at the borders, blocking all chances of getting into the country by land.

Of course, they didn't consider that Ayame would invade them by water.

Ayame was now so full of caffeine, sugar, Swedish chocolate, and German ale, that he literally ran on top of the water all the way to Paris.

Right now, he was at the top-most point of the Eiffel Tower, news helicopters circling him, and what was left of the French army down at the bottom.

Ayame waved insanely at the news cameras in the helicopters, shouting, "Hey, Tori! Tori! Tooorriiii!! Lookit me, lookit me! I'm on that pointy tower thingy!"

He jumped up and down excitedly, earning horrified gasps from the crowd below.

Aaya turned back to the cameras. "Heyheyheyheyhey! Guess what, guys. I CAN FLY!!"

With that, he began to flap his arms like wings and jumped off the Eiffel Tower.

No, he didn't fall down and go splat.

In fact, he was flapping his arms so fast that he actually did begin to fly. He circled around the tower a couple of times, then flew away from France and toward England.

--In the bomb shelter--

Hatori and Shigure breathed a sigh of relief as they watched Ayame fly away on the tv screen. It was set to CNN, so they both knew everything he'd done…including breaking the Great Wall of China and turning the Red Sea pink.

Hatori grabbed a random dictionary and smacked Shigure in the head with it. "Now look what you did. Because of you, millions of kids are going to jump off their roofs, trying to fly."

"But Aaya did it! I didn't make him jump!" Hatori protested, holding his sore head.

"But you gave Ayame Mountain Dew, which made him hyper enough to jump off the fucking Eiffel Tower.

"…yeah, good point…"

--London, England--

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! THAT'S IT! FLEE! FLEE! SCURRY AWAY FROM THE GREATNESS OF AYAME THE SNAKE!!" Ayame screamed from inside the tornado he had created by flying in circles really fast. He was also riding a bike in the tornado, which made him seem like a somewhat-modern Wicked Witch of the West.

London was in ruins.

Big Ben's clock face had long since shattered, raining glass down onto the people below. The minute hand had even pierced a blimp advertising some sport and had made it crash into the Parliament building.

Most of the buildings, especially the tall ones, had been reduced to piles of rubble by Ayame's tornado. The people of London might have retreated to the Underground to get away from the tornado…if Ayame hadn't already managed to fill the entire thing up with sewage and shit.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Ayame had even managed to set fire to the Thames. A fucking river!

"I MUNT DA PRETTY SHINY!!" Ayame crashed his tornado into another building and almost instantly afterward managed to steal all the Royal Crowns, scepters, jewelry, and other 'pretty shinies' within.

Aaya put a rather gaudy and fantastic crown on and watched the Londoners scramble in his wake.

"That's right. Dance…Dance, my puppets! DANCE UNTIL YOU DIIIEE!!" He cackled evilly, but then stopped. Briefly he sobered up and said, "Or at least until you get tired and have to sit down."

Then he resumed laughing and destroying London.

--Ohio, USA--

Two young high school girls were crossing the railroad tracks as they walked to the library. They had just gotten off the phone with their new boss, who had confused the fucking shit out of them.

The brown-haired one noticed a five-dollar bill stuck between the rail and the support beam beneath it. "Money!" she screamed, diving for it.

The slightly shorter red-haired girl, who was slightly ahead of her friend and had already crossed the second set of tracks, turned around in time to see her friend get knocked forward, off the tracks, by a passing silver-haired speed demon on a bike just before a train went speeding along on the track she had been sitting on.

"What the hell was that for?!" The brown-haired girl yelled at the biker, who just kept going, despite her yelling.

"HOLY SHIT!" the red-head yelled. "The railroad lights here suck! You ready to go to the library? We might actually get there before they put away the pocky."

"Pocky? Where?" The brunette jumped up and ran toward the library, her friend following behind.

--California, USA--

The Californians hadn't been all that worried about Ayame's arrival. Really, between putting out fires, getting stuck in traffic, and the 100-degree weather, they didn't have enough time.

Beside, what was the worst he could do? Change the HOLLYWOOD sign and kidnap the governor?

"I'M WALKIN ON SUNSHIIIN! WOOOAAH!! I'M WALKIN OF SUNSHINE! AND DON'T IT FEEL GOOD!! Ayame sang, poorly and loudly, as he zoomed past the HOLLYWOOD sign.

The random tourists who had been looking at it when he passed now stared, completely confused.

The sign no longer said 'HOLLYWOOD.'

Now, it said 'AYAMELAND.'

One woman turned to her husband. "Where did he get the A's and the E's and the N?"

The man shrugged. "I dunno…Let's check Ebay later."

"Oh, buy me the H! That woman from Wisconsin will rub it in my face if she gets it!" the woman said. The Wisconsin woman glared, then told her husband to buy it.

There will be blood on Ebay tonight…

--Bomb shelter--

"Where did the other letters come from?" Shigure asked Hatori, munching on some popcorn.

"Shh!" Hatori hushed him. "Simon Cowell just told Ayame that his singing sucks!'

On the tv, Aaya screeched incredulously, "What did you just say?!"

"I said that you sound like a litter of kittens being drowned. You are an insult to music as we—"

Simon didn't get a chance to finish because Ayame bashed his head in with the H from the HOLLYWOOD sign.

Shigure and Hatori winced in sympathy.

The tv now showed Aaya riding down the Walk of Fame on his bicycle, with a wagon carrying an unconscious Schwarzenegger, a possibly-dead Simon, two O's from the HOLLYWOOD sign, and Elvis Presley's star from the Walk of Fame. He was also now singing 'The Ultimate Showdown.'

Suddenly Ayame turned to the cameraman, which meant that to Shigure and Hatori, he was looking at them.

"Hey, mister! Is this being broadcast worldwide?"

"Yeah…" the cameraman answered. Suddenly Aaya's face was up against the camera.

"HEYHEYHEYHEYHEY!! GUUURREE-CHAAAAN! TOORRIII-CHAAAAN!! I'M COMING HOME NOOOOOWW!!" Ayame shouted. Then the camera suddenly went fuzzy and the tv screen declared that they were having technical difficulties.

Gure and Tori were quiet for a moment before shouting, "FUCK!" in unison.

Before they could start piling things in front of the door someone started pounding frantically on the door.

Shigure looked between the tv and the door. "How did he get here so fast?!"

The tv turned back on. A news reporter said, "This just in: The silver-haired boy who has been terrorizing the world has depleted the USA's supply of Mountain Dew! I repeat: The USA is out of Mountain Dew! That is all." The tv turned itself off.

"Well, that was convenient," Shigure muttered.

The knocking at the door stopped, and immediately afterward, imploded. It didn't just get busted down; it blew the fuck up.

Ayame trudged in, dragging his wagon of stuff behind him. He stopped in front of his cousins, not doing anything.

"Aaya?" Shigure asked cautiously. He poked the snake. "You alive?"

Without warning, Ayame glomped them, causing them to fall in a heap on the ground.

"Get off, Ayame!" Hatori ordered, trying to shove Aaya off. When Ayame wouldn't budge, he realized two things:

Ayame's caffeine/sugar high had finally worn off and he was now passed out

Ayame was so thickly coated in sticky drinks, candy, gum, and sugar that the three Sohmas were practically glued together

Hatori sighed, resting his head on one hand; the other was tangled in Ayame's hair, thanks to a wad of gum.

"Shigure?"

Shigure gulped nervously. "Yeah?"

"When Ayame wakes up and we get unstuck, I'm going to kill you."

Shigure raised an eyebrow. "Why are you telling me that you're going to kill me?"

Hatori exploded.

"Just shut up! You're dead!! YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!"