Oh, yeah! I've hit the twenty review mark! I'm aiming for fifty on this story, so you guys should review!

Emily H: Wow! I really like how you stick to my stories, it really helps me out to continue stories like this. And I really hope that Hamtaro is coming back onto Cartoon Network! I sent them, like, five e-mails asking if they could it back on last night. Hope you like this chapter!

ChargingFowardBlind: WASSUP?! Ha, well I'm just happy that you keep reading this story. It always lifts my heart up whenever I see you review, so thanks!

HamtaroXbijouLover: LOVE the way that you think that I'm :cough, cough: funny. Really, I guess it's from my past experiences, shows that I watch, and songs that I listen to. Plus, the randomness always helps me out. So thanks again, I hope you enjoy this one!

SoftballStar: Wow… Just, wow, Kennedy. I can't believe that you actually reviewed and if you even will read this chapter, but I guess that I have to say "thank you" for reviewing with you knowing where I live an whatnot. You're my inspiration for this story, so this chapter is out to you!

BabyBlueHamster: Love those cute little reviews! Keep 'em coming, ok? I know that I keep saying that this isn't funny, but to me, it just isn't. Besides the insiders that I put in these stories that I have from my friends. Anyway, thanks a lot and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! My mind is talking me into writing a sequel to this! Watch out, this story may have only five more chapters or so, which indicates that I'm so ready to write out a sequel. SPOILER: The sequel might have a field trip kind of thing, maybe around the USA road trip kind of thing! In your review, please tell me if you really want a sequel to this and if so, the places that the ham-hams will travel to… Maybe even to your house!

Chapter 7:

Aliens, Holy Steve, and Sharpies

"Why'd we have to get stuck here? AGAIN?!" Hamtaro wept as the ham-hams were once again sitting at the big round table in the daycare. Laura was holding a magazine up to her face, but wasn't really reading it as she peered over the pages to keep an eye on the kids.

"It's like, weird, 'cuz we have a lot of 'agains'. It totally isn't cool," Sandy realized.

"I'm bored," Cappy complained.

"How can you be bored?" Laura interrupted.

"I just am."

Laura rolled her eyes and turned back to her reading. Before, she muttered, "Retard."

"Please? Can you invite a friend over?" Pashmina pleaded with Laura.

"NO!" Laura snapped. "NO ONE wants to babysit YOU people. YOU guys hung me on the playground by the FEET!"

"But it was FUNNY!" Stan laughed.

"NO, it WASN'T. The BLOOD went to my HEAD."

"WHY is EVERYONE yelling like THIS?" Hamtaro said, toning his voice in the way that the others did.

"Because WE just LIKE to," Dexter replied.

"I DON'T like TALKING like THIS," Boss whined.

"Then, DON'T," Bijou ordered.

"FINE, whatever YOU say, BIJOU."

"THAT'S IT! I'M CALLING UP ONE OF MY FRIENDS TO BABYSIT YA'LL!" Laura screamed in frustration and whipped out her cell phone.

"THANK you! WE were SO bored!" Maxwell complimented.

"SHUT! IT!"

"You DIDN'T do it like US," Hamtaro pointed out.

"I SAID SHUT IT!"

The others patiently waited for one of Laura's friends to come over, but as Laura was talking on the phone, the door burst open for everyone to see two people. Everyone had a stunned look on their faces, even Laura.

"Geez, that was fast!" Hamtaro announced.

One boy waltzed in at an easy, slow pace towards the others. He had blonde hair, almost the same shade as Stan or Sandy, but also had a giant, brown Mohawk. Carrying a red guitar, he wore ripped jeans, a plain white long sleeve, and a leather jacket. He also had creamy, honey colored eyes.

The other one was a girl who had light brunette hair tied up in pigtails, similar to Bijou. She had electric baby blue eyes and was wearing pink from head to foot. It was blinding to Laura. If this reader didn't know, Laura hates pink…

"Okay, you two be good now! For the day care lady!" the woman behind them yelled, most likely their babysitter that didn't want to babysit them. She quickly ran out of the room yelping, "THANK THE DEAR LORD! PRAISE HIS PRECIOUS NAME! I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee…"

"Whatever! What is this place? Where am I?" the girl demanded. Everyone backed up/scooted away a couple of feet from her.

"Take a chill pill, I don't understand why you must fight and kill," the boy scolded.

"Why you talk like that, I don't understand."

"HEY! You sound like that green, moldy dude on Star Wars!" Stan called out.

"Enough," Laura declared. "Who are you two?"

"I'M SPARKLE!" the girl announced, flashing a grin and a peace sign. Laura turned to the other boy who was too into his humming for an introduction. Sparkle sighed and explained, "And that's Jingle. But we are SO not related."

"HEY! You're GOOD at THIS yelling STUFF!" Boss said. Laura slapped her forehead.

She shook her head before saying, "Okay, folks. My friends aren't going to be here until the next chapter or so…"

Laura brought a hand to her mouth for saying "chapter". She glanced at the clock and her jaw dropped. Instead of the clock numbers reading "12" or "4", they read "Chapter 1" or "Chapter 6". Laura quickly lurched her head towards her wrist to see that her digital clock read "Chapter 7".

"Oh, my golly, this is probably going to get me into a mental institution," she whispered. Deciding to just go with it as the kids looked at her strangely, she said, "Uh, my friend will come around. Now, how about we do something creative!"

"CREATIVE! I WANT TO DO SOMETHING CREATIVE!" Hamtaro yelped and started to hop around the room like a kangaroo.

"Hey, Bijou! I know something creative we can do…" Stan cooed to Bijou.

"Vhat?" Bijou asked. Stan's face went a little pale and he averted his eyes before he let it drop.

"Anyway, you guys can either do something artsy or make music-" Laura started to be interrupted from Hamtaro's constant whoops of what he called "singing".

"AND THAT'S HOW I ENDED UP HERE! 'CUZ MY MOMMY DRAGGED ME FROM MY ROOM AND THREW ME IN THE CAR AND DROVE TO THIS PLAAAAAAAAAAAAACE , OH YEAH! UH, HUH! 'CUZ SHE ILLEGALLY DRAGGED ME INTO A CAR! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!" Hamtaro finished and fell to the floor, arms sprawled and his lungs screaming for air. He lifted his head a little before saying, "I'll be here all week!"

"That's what I was afraid of…" Laura muttered. She regained herself before detailing what the others were going to do.

"Yeah, okay. Well, those of you who want to go into music, just follow me to the music room. Any of you who just want to paint/draw a picture, stay here." Laura flashed a glare at Stan, Sandy, and Maxwell's direction before stressing, "I mean actually STAY here. And DON'T play hunter AGAIN."

"Okay, WE will DO what YOU say," the three chorused.

"WHY are THEY talking like THIS?" Sparkle demanded. Laura hung her head and grabbed Sparkle's wrist. The kids that wanted to go to music were all lined up behind her. Hamtaro, Bijou, Oxnard, Boss, Cappy, Panda, Sparkle, and Jingle were all ready to go to music. That left Dexter, Howdy, Pashmina, Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan in the art room.

"Okay, I'm probably going to regret this later on… But let's head out," Laura announced in a shaky voice. The kids nodded and rushed out the door towards the music room.


"Hey look! It's a big drum thingy!" Hamtaro beckoned Bijou over for her to see the big drum that would fit three kids in it.

Hamtaro said smartly, "Look! It must be really old. We have to be careful or-"

SMACK!

"Oh, zat might be bad," Bijou muttered and covered her eyes as Hamtaro struggled to get his hand out of the now ripped drum.

"Look! It's a pretty shiny… I don't know what it really is though," Oxnard commented as he saw his reflection in the tuba.

"Wow, Oxnard! That thing is huge! You might even be able to fit in it," Cappy laughed, but cowered at the stare from Oxnard.

"Please don't sit on me! I'll probably die if you do that! Like the one time where there was this really fat kid and I threw my shoe at him and it got lost in his stomach… I couldn't find it for weeks and when I got it back, it smelled like skunk," Cappy sniffled.

"LOOK! I'M GOING TO SING!" Sparkle announced as she grabbed a microphone. Laura had been sitting in the corner in the fetal position and plugged her ears from the singing, but that was no use compared to Sparkle's annoying voice.

"I… DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE! OR… WHERE YOU'RE GOING! BUT I KNOW THAT I'M PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETY! AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!"

"THIS BEAT IS BLEEDN' MY EARS AWAY!" Boss yelled as he clasped his hands over his eardrums.

"I'M SORRY! I DON'T THINK THAT I CAN MEET YOU IN FIFTEEN YEARS FROM TODAY! I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT THEN!" Hamtaro shouted over the "singing".

"I REALLY HATE UGLY PEOPLE! I REALLY HATE-" Laura shut off the microphone really fast to leave a fuming Sparkle.

"Hey!" she barked. "How dare you cut off my performance! That was my best song I ever made!"

"Exactly why I don't want to hear any of your other songs," Laura retorted and broke the microphone in two, tossed the pieces across the floor, and went back to the corner with her magazine.

"You are a terrible singer, you know that?" Boss brought up to Sparkle.

SLAP!!!

"Hah, hah! Boss got hurt!" Cappy pointed and laughed at Boss's mangled body twitching on the floor after Sparkle had beaten him up.

"Why is it always me?" Boss coughed.

"Because the weak ones die first," Hamtaro said, rubbing his now red wrist a little from the way he was punching a whole through the drum.

"I don't need this from you, Hamtaro…"


"What should we do now?" Pashmina exclaimed, happy that her group was alone without the daycare lady. Suddenly, all of them heard these hideous screams coming from the music room and a yelling of, "THIS BEAT IS MY BLEEDN' MY EARS AWAY!". Then, another person yelled, "I'M SORRY, I DON'T THINK I CAN MEET YOU IN FIFTEEN YEARS FROM TODAY! I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINMENT THEN!"

After that… it was very quiet.

"I'm scared," Sandy whispered to Maxwell

"I don't blame you. It's sounded like they were all dying," Maxwell muttered back.

"THEY ALL DIED?!" Pashmina screamed. "HOLY, BUT BIJOU IS IN THERE!"

"You know, I'm still here," Sandy said.

"That doesn't help!"

"Max! Sandy! Look at the picture I made with these markers!" Stan beckoned Sandy and Maxwell over and they obliged, leaving a huffing Pashmina, a quiet Dexter, and a Howdy who was laughing at Dexter's facial expression.

"Hey, that's totally cool, Stan." Sandy tilted her head to get a better view of the picture and said, "Like, what's it supposed to be?"

Stan stuck out his tongue and explained hastily, "It's the end of the world scene! I drew it 'cuz I remembered how the world was ending at the pool."

"What'd you use to draw this?" Maxwell asked, curious to see the ink bleeding through the page.

"I don't know. The markers over there," Stan shrugged and pointed to a set of markers. "They smell funny though."

Maxwell took a closer look at the markers. It read Sharpies.

"These are permanent markers-"

Sandy interrupted, "What's permanent?"

"It means it can never go away. Anyway, these are permanent markers called Sharpies." Maxwell took the cap off and smelled one before throwing it back.

"THAT SMELLS AWFUL!" Maxwell yelled at Stan who took at least three and inhaled the scent.

"But dude! It's like, so addicting!" Stan protested as he picked up a lime green Sharpie.

"I like the cherry one!" Sandy exclaimed as she sniffed the red one.

"Not you too, Sandy!" Maxwell sobbed, but Stan had shoved a blue Sharpie in Maxwell's hands. Soon enough, the bookworm found himself inhaling the blue raspberry scent.

"You two were right. These smell good," Maxwell said.

"Hey, look!" Stan lifted his chin up towards the roof and drawled, "I can see the ceiling from here!"

"I'm loopy, I'm loopy!" Sandy chanted as her head swirled around and tossed some of the markers up and they hit her head.

"THESE MARKERS ARE SO ADDICTING! I CAN'T STOP!" Maxwell yelled.

"KEEP SMELLING, DUDE, AND YOU'LL BE FINE!" Stan called over to the bookworm, swaying a little on his feet.

Sandy then shrieked, "GACK! I LOST THE, LIKE, THE PURPLE ONE! MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!"


"Did you hear something?" Panda wondered as the Sandy's scream of "MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!" kicked into the air.

"This is a music room, Panda. You're supposed to hear something!" Boss said matter of factly.

"No! But it was this scary, monster scream thing," Panda objected to be interrupted by a huge fight from Bijou and Sparkle.

"I'm telling you! I am zee better singer, not you, Sparkle!" Bijou spat.

"Get a life, frenchie! Where's the off button on this thing?!" Sparkle snarled.

"WHOA! People have an off button?! How in Cheez-it's name can you people learn about this stuff?! Ooh, ooh, I know! You guys get this off of Facebook, right?"

Bijou and Sparkle shot a glare in Hamtaro's direction with the look that was most likely saying "Shut it or you'll have to learn how to sleep with one eye open". Then again, it could have also read "I want some KFC right now".

"Will you two girls just be quiet?" Laura pleaded, craving dearly a moment of peace today.

"NO!!! WE (VEE) DON'T WANNA (VANNA)!"

Hamtaro gasped, "No yelling! Just like the lifeguards said!"

"Who cares about the lifeguards? They just told me to stop running when I needed to go pee real bad!" Cappy snapped.

Laura threw her magazine down on the ground and prodded a finger at Cappy's chest. "Now you listen here, shortie! Lifeguards-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! IT'S NOT NICE TO CALL PEOPLE SHORT!" Panda sobbed, remembering his torturous hour with the three boys at DDR.

"OR FAT!!" Oxnard joined in.

"Can everyone PLEASE stop yelling?" Laura begged, joining her hands together to emphasize the phrase.

"Like THIS?" Hamtaro asked.

"NO, I MEANT DON'T YELL AT ALL!"

Bijou shot a glare and drabbled, "You completely overdid it. It is supposed to be like ZHIS. AND zhen YOU do ZEE yelling BACK and FORTH. Get IT?"

"Yeah, LAURA. You SHOULD have KNOWN that!" Oxnard laughed.

Laura was near to tears right now, left stuttering and her left eye wincing as Bijou began a brawl with Sparkle, Hamtaro singing "Yankee Doodle", Panda and Oxnard starting their own therapy class for the fat and short, Cappy running around in circles, and Boss laughing at Laura's misery.

Meanwhile, Jingle was setting up for his show. He had his guitar in arms and was closing his eyes, inhaling deep breaths as the tension in the room grew. Soon, Bijou and Sparkle were at each other's throats for Hamtaro's attention and the orange headed boy was obviously clueless as Bijou and Sparkle kept asking him over and over again whose pigtail's were cuter. Oxnard was sitting on Boss while Panda and Cappy laughed at Boss. Laura had her face in her hands and muttering to herself. Jingle took a last deep breath before strumming his guitar and singing the first note of his song.

She was staring out the window of their SUV

Complaining, saying, "I can't wait to turn eighteen."

She said, "I'll make my own money and I'll make my own rules."

Mama put the car in park out there in front of the school

And she kissed her head

And said, "I was just like you…

You're gonna miss this,

You're gonna want this back,

You're gonna wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now,

But you're gonna miss this."

"This is the most beautiful song I've ever heard of. My heart is weeping happily right now," Laura sniffled as she wiped a tear. The ham-hams had stop their insane rampaging and terror to listen to Jingle's acoustic guitar and voice.

Five years later, there's a plumber working on the water heater,

Dog's barking,

Phone's ringing,

One kid's crying,

One kid's screaming,

And she keeps apologizing,

He says, "They don't bother me,

I got two babies of my own,

One's thirty-six, one's twenty three

Heh, it's hard to believe…

But you're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back,

You're gonna wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast,

These are some good times,

So take a good look around

You may not know it now,

But you're gonna miss this."

Jingle bowed as he received much applause from the awaiting crowd. Bijou and Laura started to hysterically sob while Boss and Hamtaro slapped Jingle on the back in a way to say "Good job". Laura gave Jingle a hug, jubilant to have some kid who actually wouldn't try to rip her brains apart and flush them down the toilet.

"Oh, Ringle, that was the best and most touching song I've ever heard!" Laura squealed.

"My name is Jingle," he corrected bitterly.

"Whatever! You're my ticket out of this!" Laura squawked and held Jingle tighter.

"Does that mean that he has to get cut?" Hamtaro asked as he raised his hand above his head. "Because on the train that I went on, they punched a hole into my ticket so I wouldn't get yelled at and kicked off of the train. That would have be SO scary-"

"I thought that we agreed that you wouldn't TALK like THIS," Laura roared.

"Geez, SENSITIVE, aren't YOU?"

"YOU, RED HED, WILL SHUT UP OR I WILL BE FORCED TO… Um… USE FORCE!" Laura barked.

"I will be a good kid," Hamtaro cowered as Laura rose above him. Laura gave a curt nod before turning back to Jingle with open arms.

"So, Pringle! We need to get you to, like, a world tour deal and I'll be so rich!" Laura said.

"My name is Jingle!" Jingle reminded.

"Whatever!"

Jingle sighed and shook his head. "Dang, and I thought I couldn't remember names well…"


"Sandy! Snap out of it!"

"I can't! The light is so fuzzy that it makes me so happy, Pashy!" Sandy looked up to Pashmina with big puppy eyes, lip quivering. "Like, can I have a hug, Mommy?"

Pashmina pushed Sandy aside and marveled at how many Sharpies had dried out when Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan had opened them and gorged themselves in the scent. While Pashmina was trying to snap Sandy back into the real world instead of Sandy's little "American Idol Parking Lot A", Maxwell and Stan kept singing.

"SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES!" Maxwell yelled as his eyes slowly blinked and his vision clouded even more.

"SOMETHING, SOMETHING, SOMETHING, GRANDMOTHER WILLOW TEA PARTY!" Stan yipped and leapt on top of the table. "ICE CREAM PIE! RUMPLESTILSKIN! GATORADE! HOMIES! I LIKE CHEESE AND CRACKERS! I COLLECT CREAM PUFFS! THEY FEEL SO SO SO GOOD WHEN THEY GO DOWN MY SHIRT!"

Maxwell held his hand up and said, "Does that include Sharpies on your favorites list?"

Maxwell gasped and threw Stan off of the table to get on top of the wood himself. He took in a deep breath and *ahem* sung, "I LIKE SHARPIES! THEY SMELL GOOD! ALONG WITH EXPRESSO COFFEE AND… um… WOOD!"

Stan, on his rump, started trying to sing along with Maxwell's ridiculous smacked her forehead as Sandy stumbled over.

"THE IRISH ARE COMING, THE IRISH ARE COMING!" Sandy screamed at the top of her lungs and pointed to an imaginary Irish army. Her finger was pointing in the direction of Howdy.

"Hey, isn't it supposed to be the British?" Dexter wondered.

"Naw, Dex. It's supposed to be, THE MORONS ARE COMING, THE MORONS ARE COMING! That's them!" Howdy cackled and jumped up and down for his act.

Maxwell then gasped, "MORNING IS COMING?! BUT IT'S A SATURDAY NIGHT! I DON'T WANT MORNING TO COME!"

"NIGHT IS AWESOME! DUDES, IT'S WHEN I GET TO STREAK!" Stan called to the others.

"WHAT MY BRO SAID! LIKE, BESIDES THE STREAKING PART! THAT'S JUST TOTALLY GROSS!" Sandy giggled loudly and showed one of the Sharpies to Pashmina.

"C'mon, Pashy! Like, you want a sniff? It smells so good!" Sandy tossed her a yellow Sharpie and Pashmina's reaction was so much different. She threw it across the room and the Sharpie was cracked in two. While Sandy was mourning the loss, Maxwell and Stan started to shout random thoughts and words.

"MONKEY!" Maxwell laughed.

Stan drabbled, "PICKLE!"

"I LOVE TAX PEOPLE!" Maxwell yelled.

"I DON'T! THEY'RE THE REASON WHY I'M BROKE RIGHT NOW! SHINY PEBBLE ON THE STREET SPARLKES!" Stan cheered as he held up a red Sharpie and turned it around to make it "sparkle".

"ZOOLOGISTS CAN DIE IF THE LION BITES THEM!"

"OR THE ELEPHANT STEPS ON THEM!"

"OR IF BUFFALO BURPS AT THEM!"

"OR IF THE PIG THAT MAY HAVE SWINE FLU FARTS AT-"

"THIS IS A MADHOUSE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE MENTAL! PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!! DON'T LET ME DIE LIKE THIS!!!!" Dexter screamed and Howdy tried to pull apart his ears from his head to stop the blaring and idiotic sayings.

"ROAD RUNNERS!" Maxwell hollered at Dexter.

"GARBAGE TRUCK DRIVERS!" Stan spat at Howdy.

"GODZILLA!" Sandy shrieked at Pashmina, but the girl thought that Pashmina really was Godzilla and started to run around the room screaming, "We're all gonna die! Dang it, I haven't even gotten a fight with Stan that would lead me to run away and become part of the circus!"

Maxwell and Stan looked back and forth from Pashmina to each other. Finally realizing what Sandy was saying, they pointed a shaking finger and yelled along with Sandy, "IT'S GODZILLA! HOLY SHAMOLEY, SHE'S AS BIG AS OXNARD! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE…"


"I still hear screaming, guys!" Panda complained to get no recognition from the others so Panda shrugged and went back to playing the piano terribly. Jingle's song had been able to let Laura cry for about twenty minutes while Jingle himself struggled to get away from the spine-crushing hug, but failed in the attempt. The other kids had felt a huge amount of pity for the musician, but decided that it wouldn't get them kicked out of college or land them in jail if they didn't help. The ham-hams decided to keep rummaging throughout the cabinets and drawers to see if they could find anything exciting.

"Bijou! I think I found a drum stick!" Hamtaro gestured Bijou to come. The French girl gladly walked over to him to leave a stuttering Sparkle who was in utter disbelief that Hamtaro chose Bijou over her.

"Um, 'Amtaro, I do not zhink zat is a drumstick," Bijou told him as Hamtaro whipped out a shiny… flute.

"Of course it is! My uncle was in a band called college… Or he was banned from college. I don't know which one," Hamtaro explained as he repeatedly smacked the flute onto the drum. "Besides, what makes you think that's it's not a drum sti-"

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP.

"I don't know," Bijou sighed and folded her arms across her chest as Hamtaro tried to find the missing flute in the drum. "Just a feeling."

"Ah, dang! Why does this kind of stuff happen to me?! Cousin Billy is going to hear about his and… and…" Hamtaro shuddered to think of what Cousin Billy would do to his skull.

"Look, guys!" Cappy yelled from the storage room. The ham-hams followed to were Cappy had been. Only Laura wasn't there because she placed the magazine over her eyes and soon fell asleep. Little did she know that on the ads, the left hand corner one read, "MANIAC ILLEGAL DRIVER WANTED. SPOTTED GOING TWENTY MILES AN HOUR ON THE INTERSTATE AND FOR DRIVNG A HIJACKED SCHOOL BUS AT AN ILLEGAL AGE. REWARD: TO NOT HAVE A RAMPANGING IDIOT DRIVING ON OUR ROADS NEXT TO YOU."

"What is it, Cappy?" Boss asked lazily, not interested to what Cappy had to say.

"I found this weird alien disk thingy!" Cappy announced and showed them all a giant, black disk. "It must be where they keep their information about us all!"

Hamtaro gasped, "Really? This is an excellent finding!"

Boss slapped Hamtaro upside the head.

"OW! Boss, why'd you do that?" Hamtaro wheezed and rubbed the back of his head and neck where Boss had hit him.

"You're starting to sound like Maxwell."

Panda wondered, "Wonder what that genius is up to now…"


"CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE! I WANT SOME!!!!!" Maxwell yelled and waved his arms in the air for Sandy to spray the canned cheese into his mouth, which was exactly what he got.

"Nighty night, beluga whales of the Mississippi!" Maxwell yawned and fell backward into darkness.


Boss chuckled, "He's probably finding out how much bacteria is in water."

Hamtaro tapped his chin before saying, "No. I think that Maxwell sniffed too many Sharpies, got high, and now is having a cheese fight with the others."

The others stared at him for a long time before muttering replies of disagreement.

"Stay with me here! Look, maybe Laura is an alien and she decided to record everything we do in this little disk," Cappy said, exasperated.

The others thought before Panda decided, "She has been keeping a closer eye on us. And I don't even know why she is even here, she keeps trying to stay with us."

"Oui! She keeps being in the same room with us, so she must be an alien!" Bijou agreed. Quickly, the number of conformity multiplied and everyone decided that Laura was, indeed, an alien from outer space, trying to track down everything in their lives and recording it on the huge, black disk.

"Let's play the disk first. Before we ambush her, you know," Oxnard suggested.

Boss slapped the guy on the back and laughed, "Great idea, Oxy! Why didn't I think of it?"

Hamtaro answered, "'Cuz-"

"If you, Hamtaro, are talking, I don't want to hear it."

"But I-"

Boss thundered, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR HURTFUL WORDS OF HATE! THEY MAKE ME HAVE NIGHTMARES AND I'LL WAKE UP IN THE NIGHT CRYING 'CUZ A GUY WHO IS FIVE INCHES SHORTER THAN ME AND DOESN'T KNOW RIGHT FROM LEFT MADE FUN OF MY SHAPE!"

Boss looked Hamtaro straight in the eye and said, "It's wrong to be racist, you know."

"But I wasn't-"

"Save it!" Boss cried and ran over to the other side of the room.

"Wow. Just… Wow, Boss, wow," Hamtaro murmured.

"I SAID IT WAS WRONG TO BE RACIST!" Boss sniveled.

Bijou covered Hamtaro's mouth before he could do any more damage to Boss's heart… and self esteem.

Cappy clapped his hands together for everyone to pay attention to him. "Listen, we need to ask Laura how to play this alien disk!"

They all nodded in agreement and Cappy, despite how short and unauthorized he was, led the group a snoring Laura.

Cappy took a deep breath and yelled, "WAKE UP!"

"WHO SAID, WE SAID, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?" Laura ripped the magazine from her face. She took one look at the kids and screamed, "MY NIGHTMARE! IT'S COME TRUE, THEY ALL CAME INTO THIS DAYCARE THAT I WAS WORKING FOR AND DECIDED TO DRIVE ME CRAZY BY FREAKING OUT WHEN ONE IDIOT WAS CHOKING ON A STUFFED ELEHPANT, A REALLY REALLY REALLY HYPER KID HUNG ME ON THE PLAYGROUND WITH ROPE, THREE KIDS SHOT EACH OTHER, TWO WALKED IN WHEN I WAS TAKING OUT MY CONTACTS, AND THE SKY TOLD ME THAT A BAZOOKA HAD ENDED THE WORLD! WHY, OH, WHY?!"

"You're awake, not asleep. And we need your help to play this alien-oops, I mean, this disk."

Laura sighed, but then perked her head up to realize that this was actually reality and she wasn't at home snuggled under her covers. It smacked her in the face that this was real, but she complied to Cappy's question. "Uh, yeah. You see, that's a record and you play it on this… Well, I have no idea what it is, but I think it's played on a gramophone. It's really old, you wouldn't know what it was, but you put in on like so…" She led them over to a dusty gramophone and showed them how to play the record. It quickly was playing so Laura, satisfied that she managed to not blow up the instrument, walked back over to her seat. She plopped down on her chair and covered her face with the magazine.

"Okay, so- HOLY, THIS ISN'T AN ALIEN DISK! THIS IS OLD PEOPLE'S MUSIC!" Sparkle shrieked.

"DANG, I THOUGHT THE WORST KIND OF MUSIC WAS SPARKLE'S KIND, BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I LISTENED TO THIS!" Jingle yelled over the lyrics, which weren't very loud, it was just earsplitting to the ham-hams. Jingle even forgot to rhyme.

"Oh, come on! It's not that bad!" Laura complained, fed up with the constant screaming that was replaying in her head for the entire day.

"YES! YES, IT IS THAT BAD!" Panda sobbed, gasping for air.

"ALIEN!" Cappy accused suddenly, piecing together what Laura was planning.

"What?!"

Cappy laughed manically. "Don't play dumb with me! You, filthy scum, decided to lead us to this music room and distract us with the guitar and drums. Then, your fist attempt to kill us and suck our brains out was using Sparkle, your secret spy. She would sing and pop our eardrums so we would be in so much pain that you would be able to kill us. Unfortunately for you, that didn't work, so you led us into the closet, secretly spying on us with the five eyes in the back of your head that you hide with your hair. After we had found the tracking disk, you played it for us so our ears would bleed and then you would be able to weaken us to the point where you could simply rip open Boss's skull and suck out all of the juice in his head."

Laura's expression remained blank for about twenty seconds until she gagged, turning green and looking like she was about to throw up.

"She's building up ammo!" Cappy had lost all of his courage and dove behind the piano. Laura quickly swallowed, trying not to think of heights, sucking out brain juice and/or regurgitation.

"Please give me a break. I'm not an alien and I didn't try to kill you all," Laura said meekly, grabbing onto a desk to not get dizzy.

"Then why are you following us wherever we go? Huh? Bet you don't have an answer to that!" Hamtaro sneered, looking proud of his statement and the way that he had cornered Laura.

Laura stared at Hamtaro for a while before saying, "It's my summer job. I work to take care of you all and get paid to do it."

Hamtaro's shoulders drooped and Bijou patted him on the back saying, "Do not vorry! You vill make a good lawyer!"


Twenty two years later…

Hamtaro, in a full suit, got up for his opening statement in the courtroom. He adjusted his tie a little before speaking.

"Uh… Uh, your… your… What am I supposed to call you again?" Hamtaro turned to the judge who lazily rested his head on his hand.

"Your honor," the judge replied.

Hamtaro perked up and his eyes widened, "Oh, yeah! I knew that! So, members of the… the…"

"Jury," the jury replied.

"Jury! Hi, Jury!" Hamtaro gave a quick wave at them.

Maxwell, who was under the ACCUSED section banged his head onto the desk and groaned, "I'm doomed…"

"Well, my name is Hamtaro! I'll tell you about myself! First of all, I collect pies. My favorties are cherry, blueberry, and key lime pie. But I don't like lemon. Lemon is disgusting! It's too sour, plus it could damage your tongue-"

"Could you please just make your opening statement, Mr. Hamtaro?" the judge interrupted bitterly.

"Oh, yes! Anyway, my client, Maxwell Noppo, was speeding on Green Valley Way," Hamtaro stated. "I KNOW that he was speeding his Lexus, without a doubt. Not only that, but he didn't stop at a stop sign. Thank you, members of the Judy and Your Majesty."

Hamtaro made his way back to seat and nudged Maxwell's ribcage and sniggered, "We got 'em now, eh, Maxy? I'm provoking them, but also telling the truth!"

Maxwell, hands gripping his hair, cast a dark look at him.

"Who the heck told you to become a lawyer again?"


"Thanks, Bijou! When I become a lawyer, I'll tell them that you thought of the idea!" Hamtaro cheered and gave Bijou a hug that left the French girl speechless. Little did the girl know that she had caused mayhem for the future…

"I'm NOT an-" Laura covered her mouth before the others started to yell like her. But it was, of course, too late.

"YAY! We GET to YELL like THIS again BECAUSE Laura GOT to!"

"YOU ALL WILL HAVE A MEETING WITH MY ETERNY, I TELL YOU, MY ETERNY!" Laura shrieked as the room was filled with the yells.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"PAINT FIGHT!" Howdy yelled and flung a glob of paint at Dexter's face.

"I'M OPEN, I'M OPEN!" Stan hooted and jumped up and down. He laughed as red paint thrown by Pashmina was flung at his face and said, "Again! Again!"

"I GOT THE GIANT CD CASE SNATCHER, MAXY!" Sandy screamed to Maxwell as she tackled Pashmina to the ground. Maxwell, who was fighting Dexter by throwing clay at his face, quickly smashed some red Play Doh into Dexter's eyes and ran over to Sandy. Pashmina's mouth was covered and Sandy was sitting on her back.

"Good work, Sergeant Sandy! Now, bring her to the brig!" Maxwell ordered.

"Totally affirmative, Major Maxwell!" Sandy saluted Maxwell and Pashmina looked at the both of them with wide, frightened eyes.

"To the brig!" Sandy screamed and tugged Pashmina over by grabbing a lock of her long, dirty blonde hair. While Pashmina was screaming and swatting Sandy's hand for the girl to stop "damaging the roots", Maxwell went back to the art fight with Howdy, Dexter, and Stan.

"Stan!" Maxwell barked. "You're with me!"

Behind an art easel, Stan giggled, "Never! I work solo!"

Screaming, Maxwell ducked as the paint can almost hit him the face. Then, the clay bombs started to attack and Dexter and Howdy cackled manically as Maxwell covered his head and dove under a table for safety.

Suddenly, the bookish boy hatched an idea and grabbed a couple of Sharpies. He emerged from his hiding space at tackled Howdy and Dexter to the ground. Quickly, he whipped out a black Sharpie and waved it over their noses. Tears welled up in Howdy and Dexter's eyes at first, but they started to smell them and grab a fistful of the markers.

"SMELLY MARKERS MAKE HOWDY FEEL ALL HAPPY INSIDE!" Howdy yipped and waved three or four Sharpies in front of his face.

"DEXTER WANT MORE! PEACE OUT, HOMEDOGS!" Dexter yelled before falling to the floor from Sharpie overdose.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE, SANDY! I PROMISE THAT I WON'T BE TOO MEAN TO YOU!" Pashmina begged as Sandy was ready to push her into the dumpster.

"You will address me as Sergeant Sandy, maggot!" Sandy yelled and shoved Pashmina into the dumpster.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"


"Holy! There's a country singer called Steve Holy?! I WANNA BE HOLY!" Hamtaro whined and got down on the ground, trying to become holy.

"Holy Steve, that guy's an idiot," Boss muttered as they all walked back into the daycare room. Laura had just told them about all of the country singers that she had liked, including Steve Holy.

"C'mon, 'Amtaro. Vee must go back to zee room, non?" Bijou urged and lifted Hamtaro from the ground. The rest got back to the room, but Laura, who was leading the way, stopped dead at the doorway.

"Ouch! You trying to kill us?" Cappy spat at her, bumping into Boss.

"No… Should she be?"

"Shuddup, Hamtaro," Cappy murmured.

"Oh… No…" Laura mouthed.

"ATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!" Maxwell yelled at Stan. Howdy, Dexter, Sandy, and Maxwell charged headfirst at Stan. Stan girlishly screamed and started running to the window.

"I DIDN'T DO IT, I TELL YOU! I DIDN'T DO IT!" Stan sobbed as Dexter tackled him to the ground and handcuffed him with a bendy eraser that was at least two feet long.

"Tell us what your war plan is!" Maxwell ordered.

Stan, sobbing on the floor, wailed, "I don't know! The general didn't tell me anything! I'm just the spy!"

"So, like, we have a double agent on our hands?" Sandy asked.

Maxwell replied resentfully, "It seems so. Now, Stan, tell me what your plan is!"

"I said I don't know!" Stan howled.

"You will submit to… tickling!" Maxwell said through gritted teeth and Sandy started to tickle her brother.

"NO! AH, HA! SANDY, I'M YOUR BROTHER, NO HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Stan laughed as Dexter untied him while Sandy continued the torture that any five year old would hate.

"This is one jacked up soap opera," Boss said aloud. Laura was twitching while the others looked on as if this was some kind of play.

"TELL US!" Maxwell roared.

"I SAID, AHA, I SAID- SANDY, STOP IT!!!! I DON'T KNOW!"

"No matter, we have other ways of making you talk," Maxwell sneered.

"This is very entertaining! The actors really know what they're doing!" Hamtaro complimented.

"Oui! Zhey do take zheir roles very seriously. Maxvell is amazing at his villainous role in the play," Bijou agreed.

"And Sandy is really bold to betray her only brother while Dexter and Howdy are kind of funny. They add the classic taste of a classic story, don't they?" Oxnard said.

Laura, staring at them the entire time, shuddered and decided it was time to do something.

"Okay, whatever hit your head, it couldn't have been that bad," Laura jeered as she carried Sandy over to the table. Stan, weeping with gratitude that his torture was over, got down on his knees and thanked her over and over again. Maxwell didn't look too excited though.

"What are you doing!" Maxwell asked desperately.

"Yeah! That's our prisoner you just helped out," Howdy said.

"The enemy!" Dexter agreed.

"Hey, 'as anyone seem Pashmina?" Bijou asked.

"OOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOO…"

The ominous voice coming from the hallway could only spell trouble.

"It's a ghost!" Hamtaro screeched.

"OOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOoooo."

"What is that?" Laura was kind of worried that the ghost might rip up her paycheck. But she smiled at the thought of the ghost taking one of the kids away to its cave.

"OOOOOOoooooooooo…. Hey, guys."

Pashmina was covered in everyone piece of garbage, the muck over her eyelids, and the moldy gunk getting into the stitches of her scarf. It really was a sad sight, but everyone took it a much different way.

"IT'S THE SWAMP MONSTER!" Laura screamed, let go of Sandy, and ran into the broom closet down the hall.

"SWAMP MONSTER?!" the kids sounded all at once.

"Oh, I'm not a swamp monster. Sandy pushed me into the dumpster," Pashmina explained.

"DIE, SWAMP MONSTER, DIE!" Maxwell yelled and hit Pashmina upside the head with a giant fish that he found mounted on the wall.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Pashmina moaned as she slowly got up, the room spinning in her eyes.

"I'll like, take it from here, Major Maxwell," Sandy said. She picked up a golf club and smacked Pashmina's forehead. "DIE, SWAMP MONSTER, DIE!"

"Is the swamp monster gone?" Laura appeared through the doorway to scream at the sight. Maxwell and Sandy were shaking hands while Pashmina tried to get up again.

"OH NOES! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T DIE! I'LL GET FIRED IF YOU DIE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAPERWORK I'D HAVE TO FILL OUT THEN?!" Laura helped Pashmina up and shot a death glare at Maxwell and Sandy who just shrugged, going back to their celebration.

"Are you okay?" Laura asked Pashmina.

"Surrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee…."

Laura, finally realizing what Pashmina smelled like, gasped, "OH, HOLY SWISS CHEESE, YOU NEED A BATH!"


Yay! I loved that chapter, it was pretty fun to write about. Oh, just so you guys know, I don't own the song "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Atkins. Really, that song did make me tear up a little. It's a great song, you guys should to listen to it. And there really is a singer called Steve Holy. I've never listened to him, but I'll try. And I don't own Hamtaro.

Reveiws make me happy. Please make me happy or I'm not a good writer. PLEASE?! I JUST NEED A "GOOD JOB" OR "I LIKE THIS STORY" OR "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS. I HATE THIS STORY. THIS IS CHILD ABUSE". PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! OR YOU'LL END UP LIKE PASHMINA, I SWEAR!