7 | Learning Lessons
Before I go on I want to just say that I wish I truly did possess the power to rewind time. If I had that luxury I'd use it to return to a much simpler era, one that wasn't so riddled with complete idiocy. Unfortunately I'm not so blessed, and as such I have to deal with my opponents on one hand who are hell-bent on killing random innocent people and my senshi on the other who see no problem in doing the exact same thing.
It's… infuriating.
Yes, I know, it's also absurdly hypocritical coming from me. Normally I'd be the first one to sacrifice anyone and everyone to ensure that evil does not expand throughout this little sector of the universe. And yes, I'm very much guilty of that, and not just in eliminating the old senshi when their time is done. But, the key phrase that guides me is "when absolutely necessary," and I strongly doubt we've come to a time during this arc of the war where killing anyone is necessary at all. In fact, I'm not sure that any of the deaths these girls have caused were unavoidable. Certainly the first one wasn't, and neither were the two that happened yesterday.
My horribly brief time with Usagi has taught me an extremely valuable lesson. Even when I was merely watching her and her friends from the shadows I could tell that she was special. Indeed she was, for never before had Luna, Artemis, and I endured a campaign as long as those five years without incurring a single death. Well, not a single permanent death, mind you. Those girls had to suffer a brutal death twice, and I was not spared such an indignity myself. Ironically, she was the one who saved me—who saved all of us—despite the fact she never would have had the capability had I not recognized her powers in the first place.
Hmm… Maybe that's yet another reason why I regard that angel so highly. She was by far the most powerful Sailor Moon I have ever seen. I have to believe that it was her love for everyone and her desire to protect everyone, no matter what, that enhanced her powers well beyond what I had intended for her. And if that's not special enough, she managed to have the same effect on her comrades. She instilled in them the same love of life that she had, which is quite the impossible feat otherwise. Good thing, too, since those vile creatures I call my enemy decided that time to escalate the conflict to an intensity I hadn't seen in centuries. Needless to say, it's even worse now.
I vaguely remember comparing Yukina to Usagi some time ago, and saying something to the effect of I wish Yukina is not like Usagi. The exact words I don't quite remember and I don't feel like interrupting this to look them up, but the main gist is that I was afraid of what damage my psyche would endure if I had to subject Yukina to the same horrible death. Well, the good news is Yukina's definitely not another Usagi.
The bad news is she's definitely not another Usagi. She's far, far from it in the most important ways possible.
If you're still not convinced, and if you're reading any of this I honestly don't know how that could be, then I'll explain.
Let's say, for the sake of my argument, our enemy was just a tiny bit craftier in the past and subjected Usagi to the same attack Yukina faced several weeks ago, the one that ended the life of that innocent woman. The result would have been a horribly devastated Usagi. That's perfectly fine and natural. However, when faced with a similar situation the second time, I'm sure she would've done everything in her power to avoid killing another innocent soul.
And, yes, I know… I know damned well that Yukina could have been prevented from killing two more innocent people had I been there to tell her what to do. My anger is not directed solely at the senshi. But, I want to finish this thought while I still can before I forget to mention anything vital.
Anyway, had Usagi failed a second time in saving innocent lives, she certainly would not have tried to rationalize the deaths in her mind as something useful or even good. No. Absolutely not. Her heart wouldn't have accepted such an outcome, and she would have been rendered inconsolable for days on end, if not far longer. Afterward she would contemplate giving herself up to the enemy with the idea that her own death would prevent any others. It's not exactly the smartest idea, sure, but she would think it, and her friends would try their hardest to talk her out of it. Then, they would continue fighting even more carefully than before until the enemy that forced them into such an awful situation was eradicated. Granted, this is all speculation on my part, and Usagi was extremely lucky to avoid such a fate so we'll never truly know how she'd react. It's just how I believe someone as pure-hearted her would handle it. She would never think of death—of wanton killing—as justified under any circumstance, ever.
Apparently Yukina disagrees, and so do those other stupid girls.
Yes, they hide behind the guise of it being a necessary sacrifice, but knowing what I know now it's all pointless. There is no such thing. Maybe when I meet with them they'll finally learn that same lesson. I can only hope they take it to heart.
Oh, I guess that finally brings me to my other point, which is why I wasn't there for my senshi when they needed me. Had I not run after that guy—I don't know what to call such entities yet. For lack of a better word I could use "general," though it might be too reminiscent of their past tactics. Anyway, had I not chased him I wouldn't have found the answers I needed. It makes sense, right?
Yeah… no. It doesn't.
Sure I learned a lot, but it came at too great a price. Not only that, the more I think about just how that particular battle was set up, the more I'm convinced it was a trap from the very beginning. I never noticed a general or whatever lurking nearby the battles before, even when I knew there should be one. Then, what do you know, like magic he finally shows up right on the eve of the most crucial battle we've ever faced. Of course, I didn't know that at the time and neither did the girls. I have this sneaking suspicion that they planned it that way from the very beginning. They knew I would have been drawn to such a general once he finally appeared, and…
Gah! Yeah, his incessant taunting makes a lot more sense now. Fucking hell. I should have realized what he was doing. Dammit, I can be so stupid at times.
I really should stop. The whole reason I'm here on the other side of the planet is to find some hint of inner peace before I meet with those girls tomorrow. Continuing this rant is just going to piss me off again. After all, it's the first time they'll learn of my existence, and the last thing I want is for that to be a catastrophe as well.
