THE SUBSTITUTE

"Morning, Sue," Will greeted as he walked into the school.

"I'm going to stop you right there. It's Principle Sue," she corrected.

"What?" Will asked, scared. "What happened to Figgins?"

"There's a little virus going around," She explained.

Suddenly, a girl of rather large size, named Lauren Zizes walked by and sneezed across Will Schuester's face.

As the day progressed, Will found himself feeling worse and worse. Finally, it was time for glee club and he blinked rapidly as he turned to face his students.

When he turned around, he saw the miniature versions of themselves.

"What is going on?" Will thought.

"Looking good Puckerman. Someone's been eating their Wheaties," Santana stated.

"These guns are fully loaded," Puck stood up showing off his glow in the dark power rangers briefs.

"Wait, why is Puck in his underwear?" Will thought.

"Mr. Schue, are you ok?" Finn asked, also in his white briefs.

"Um… I think I'm going to go see the nurse," Will groaned.

Later on that day, Will was lying in bed, feeling miserable.

"C'mon, get up," Terrie commanded walking in the room.

"What? Why?" Will asked, obeying her orders.

Terri walked over to him and pulled down his sweatpants revealing his white Calvin Klein briefs.

Will instantly moved his hands in front. "What're you doing?" He asked.

"Oh, relax," Terrie responded while pulling off his shirt. "I'm just trying to get your fever down."

"Now…" Terrie began, "bend over so I can take your temperature."

"What? No!" Will replied disgusted as he ran back underneath the covers.

"Oh come on Will. You know, the last time I stuck something up your butt, you kinda enjoy-"

"Terrie!" Will shrieked, cutting her off, turning a slight pink.
"Can you leave now?"

"Fine, but I'll be back later," Terrie exited.

"I can't believe this," Will thought. "I'm sick and miserable. My relationship with Emma still hasn't improved… and that's not really my fault. It's Carl's. That jerk completely owned me during Rocky Horror. I wish I could get him back, but I'm stuck in bed… wait that's it!"

Will picked up the phone and began to dial.

He drew the phone to his and began to speak.

"Hey, it's Will Schuester. I need your help."

-GLEE-

Rachel swung her hips from side to side as she quieted down the Glee Club. She was surprised at how quickly they hushed, it took them about 2 minutes. Rachel anticipated 10, due to their dislike for her. She didn't care, she was their boss during Mr. Schuester's Sick leave. "Okay. So since I'm in charge I have a great lesson for the week. Me." Rachel smiled, as she wrote the word "Me" very largely on the board.

"Oh my god." Kurt sighed.

"Now. What solo should I start with? I think I may perform Not That Girl from Wicked. Or I can Hear The Bell's from Hairspray. Or-" Rachel rambled.

"So Kurt, what are you doing tonight?" Mercedes whispered to Kurt, as Rachel continued speaking.

"Hanging out with Blaine. We're going to Breadstix." Kurt smiled. "Can you help me decide what to wear? Im thinking something black with something bright and striped."

"Kurt. We had plans to go to Breadstix tonight, remember?" Mercedes reminded.

"You can still come silly. You can finally meet Blaine!" Kurt squealed.

"Kurt!" Rachel yelled. "Quiet down, while I'm deciding what song to sing."

"That's it." Kurt coughed, getting up from his chair.

"Where are you going!?" Rachel exclaimed. Rachel tried to grab Kurt as he pushed past her, but lost her grip.

"To get a real teacher!"

-GLEE-

Puck sat next to the door waiting for the teacher to enter the classroom. "What are you doing?" Artie questioned, rolling up to the other side of the door.

"I always play pranks on subs. And I hear this ones hot, I'm pantsing her." Puck grinned. "Hopefully that bitch will be wearing a thong." Puck winked at Artie and asked him one question. "Mrs. Holliday was subbing for calculus today, what color pants was she wearing?"

"A tan skirt." Artie smiled. "I think that's her dude!" Artie saw a blur of Tan enter the room. Only he saw tan shorts, not a skirt.

Puck yanked down Sam's pants instead, revealing his black and white striped boxer-briefs. His underwear was slightly wedged between his cheeks, natural wedgie. Sam tripped over his shorts and fell face first to the floor. "Nice undies, blonde kid." Ms. Holiday laughed while she slid straight by Puck. "I know all the tricks." She smiled at Puck and stood in front of the class. "What was your teacher teaching you?"

"Adult contemporary." Rachel answered.

"Do you guys actually like that? Do you ever sing stuff you want to here?" Mrs. Holiday asked. Every shook their heads in denial. "Well, let's sing something modern."

-GLEE-

Will was still lying in bed when he heard a knock at his door. After putting on his robe, Will opened the door.

"How's it hanging, Schuester?" Bryan Ryan greeted. Will nodded.

"So, on the phone, you said you needed my help to humiliate some guy right? Who and why?" Bryan wondered.

Will recounted everything. How he and Carl met and how Carl humiliated him in front of Emma.

"I want him to feel what I felt," Will explained.

"Ah, gotcha. Now, one last question, why should I help you?" Bryan asked. "Aren't we enemies?"

"You split from your wife, right?" Will asked. Bryan responded with a nod.

"How'd you like a date with my ex-wife? Terrie DelMonico. The one that got away," Will offered.

"You've got yourself a deal, Will Schuester," Bryan responded.

After getting some background information, Bryan showed up at Lima Fitness. Just as Will had told him, Carl would be there.

Carl was in the locker room. He had just finished getting dressed when Bryan walked in.

"Hey man," Bryan greeted. "Can I ask you something?"

"Uh, yeah. Go for it bro," Carl responded.

"Do you have a work out buddy for today? Mine kinda bailed on me and I need someone to spot me," Bryan explained.

"I actually need someone too," Carl smiled.

"Great," Bryan said tossing off his jeans, revealing his red bikini briefs.

Carl raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

After their workout, Bryan and Carl entered the locker room laughing.

They had truly enjoyed each other's company.

As they both began to strip, Bryan asked, "So, what are you doing later tonight?"

"Nothing much bro. Just chilling with the girlfriend at her place for awhile," Carl replied.

"Oh, you have a girlfriend?" Bryan pretended he didn't already know.

"I guess you could call her that," Carl said, disappointed.

"What's that about?" Bryan asked.

"Well, between you and me, she has yet to put out, and it's driving me crazy," Carl explained.

"Why isn't putting out?" Bryan asked.

"That's the thing. I have no idea. I mean, she's into and everything. We're making out, I get down to my boxers and suddenly, she jumps off me like some cat," Carl explained.

"Well, I know you're problem," Bryan responded.

"What is it?" Carl questioned.

"Your boxers," Bryan pointed. "She's turned off by them."

"What? No way," Carl chuckled.

"I recommend a pair of these," Bryan stated slipping off his shorts.

Bryan stood there in just his red bikini briefs.

"Yeah, I'll totally go out and buy a pack," Carl replied sarcastically.

Bryan ignored the sarcasm and dug around his bag. "Here you go," Bryan said as he threw a package of bikini briefs at Carl.

"I'd go with the teal pair," he advised. "See you later."

-GLEE-Me

"Guys, it's not funny to spray athletes foot medicine down someone's underwear before you give them a wedgie!" Bieste scolded. Finn sat uncomfortably, Bieste had seen him get the wedgie, and knew it had been going on. Finn hated when adults yelled at kids for being bullies, it just worsens the embarrassment. So, when Sue walked in he was relieved to see Bieste stop talking.

"Hello Bieste, as you may have heard, in principal now, and as my first official act of business I have decided to dismember the entire football team. Active immediately." Sue grinned.

"Then who are your cheerios supposed to cheer for?" Bieste asked, pointing out a hole in Sue's plan.

Sue almost turned red with anger, instead she just said. "I'll get back to you on this." Sue turned and word away from the locker room. She grabbed a student by the shirt and pushed him as she entered her office.

Pulling out her journal she began to write. "Humiliation! I have been humiliated by one, The Bieste. I'm principal now, new power! How could this have happened? Maybe I need something new to fight against, some new spark to light my fire. I need a new enemy. But what?" That's web she saw it. One gigantic girl splitting a chocolate bar with another. Around them were two more overweight students. Sue had found exactly what she needed.

-GLEE-You

Will walked onto the Stage where he saw Mike. "Glad you're back Mr. Schue." He said flatly. Will looked down at him. Mike was covered only by a pair of skimpy leopard Bikini briefs, tight enough that half his ass was out.

"Mike what are you wearing?" Will asked, looking puzzled, and looking away from Mike.

"The outfit principal Sylvester wants us to wear? Like how she makes you wear that?" Mike sang as he pointed down at his teachers legs.

Will looked down to see his legs covered by only a zebra -skin thong. Will suddenly felt the cold breeze on his bare butt. Will tried to cover his ass as he heard Mike repeat his name. Except it wasn't Mike's voice coming from his mouth. It was Rachel's.

Within a few seconds Will had awoken from his sleep, to realize it was all a dream. And to find Rachel sitting in front him. Will tore off his blanket and stood up. "Rachel what are you doing here?" He rubbed his sleepy eyes.

"Mr. Schue, when I came in you we're in your underwear, so I put on that blanket to cover you..." Rachel said lightly.

Will quickly covered himself back in the blanket as he began to speak again. "So, why are you here?"

"We need you back. Mrs. Holladay, is taking complete control and we aren't prepared for the next competition at all."

"Wait, but I gave you authority?" Will responded. "How did she get the position?"

"Kurt."

"We'll. I'll be back very soon." Will stated.

-GLEE-You

Rachel and Holly had just finished their performance of Nowadays, when Rachel spotted Mr. Schue walking down the hallway. "Mr. Schue!" Rachel called as she ran towards her sick teacher. "Are you back already?"

"No. I'm fired, the positions Holly's. So do everything she says, and win this year, for me." Will said, giving Rachel a pat in the shoulder. "I'll be in the audience. Watching."

As her teacher walked away, Rachel stood motionless in the hallway. She needed Mr. Schue back, more than she needed Ms. Holladay.

-GLEE- You

"Will? Will?" Mr. Schue heard in the hallway of his house as he sat in his living room with Bryan Ryan.

"Emma, is that you?" Will asked. When Emma's face appeared in the hallway, he lit up. Until he saw Carl strut in behind him.

"Hey, I just wanted to check and make sure you were okay." Emma smiled. "And I brought you some Key Lime Pie. I'll go cut you a piece."

"Thanks." Will grinned as Emma made her way to the kitchen. Then he turned to Carl. "I'd like you to meet Bryan Ryan."

"We've met." Carl said stiffly. "So was that in the gym you're plan?"

"All ours." Will leaned back. "I designed it from an old plan of yours. Bryan, could you tell the story again?"

"I'd be delighted." Bryan smirked.

Bryan walked in the Locker room of the gym to find Carl opening up a locker. "Fan of the Phillies?" Bryan asked, noticing Carl's bag.

"Yeah. I've always wanted to take my girlfriend to a game, but she's not into it. She's more a Broadway kinda gal." Carl said, taking off his shirt.

"My girlfriend too." Bryan lied. "I take her to a show, I get my present."

Carl slipped out of his pants, leaving him in only his blue plaid boxers. "Not mine. She won't put out for shit." Carl chuckled a bit.

"Your problem is those things, boxers." Bryan said.

"What? No way?"

"Yeah! Believe me, I used to be a boxer man. My gay best friend, told me Bikini Briefs were the way. The day I switched was the day I lost my virginity." Bran told. As he looked over, he saw Carl with a skeptical look on his face.

Back in real time, Will have an obnoxious laugh to his friends story. "So tell me how did those Bikini Briefs work out for you?"

"Well, you tell me?" Carl said looking smug. He quickly pulled the waistband of his bikini briefs about an Inch in the air.

"What?" Will spat.

"She loved them." Carl smiled.

-GLEE-Me

Holly Holiday walked into Sue's office to find Sam sitting, waiting for her. Sam looked a little dazed and disappointed. "What's up yo?" She greeted, trying to sound cool.

"Sam here Wedgied Jacob Ben Israel in class today. He's facing detention." Sue explained.

"A wedgie? Please, their kids, I see it happen here all the time!" Holly giggled. "It's not actual violence."

"Mrs. Holliday. They happen without supervision. It isn't funny, it is violence. " Sue said sternly.

"Dude." Holly chuckled. "Chill."

"Three days detention!" Sue yelled. "Maybe thatll teach you not to dude me again!"

"Dude. Now seriously chillax." Holly said.

"Four!" Sue screamed.

"Shut up." Sam snarled at Holly.

Holly sat motionless. She was never one for discipline she had no clue what to do. Watching Sam's angry face, she knew what she had to do...

An hour later she say across from Will, who sat in his apartment. "So, Sam was just in trouble. And I was just making it worse. They need you, you have to come back."

"Holly. You can learn. The kids love you more anyway." Will comforted.

"Will, I'm a good break. But you're the good teacher the one who helps. You have them to show for your work, that shows you're a better teacher to me. Please come back." Holly begged. "What's keeping you here?"

"Okay. Baby I have some soup." Terri said in we baby voice, she was all smily and bubbly until she saw Holly, then looked surprise. "Oh you have company."

"Yes. And Terri I think it's time you leave." Will said, still looking at Holly. "My kids need me. And we're divorced."

"Excuse me? Who's been taking care of you? Things were going great!" She fought.

"No, you thought things were going great. Leave." Will commanded as sternly as he could.

Terri scoffed and shot him the finger right before she exited the room. "Time for me to return." He shot a smile at Holly. "And thank you."

-GLEE- Me

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Finn asked walking back from football practice.

"Yeah. Karofsky is officially one of the coolest guy in school. If the football guys see you give him a wedgie, you'll be cooler." Sam replied, with a smile. "But make it good."

"Are you sure? This seems like trouble waiting to happen." Finn expressed his doubt.

"Do it dude!" Sam pushed him as they entered the locker room.

Finn walked up behind Karofsky and looked back at Sam, who was shooting him a thumbs up.

-GLEE-Me

Kurt was getting changed in the locker room. He had gym 8th period, and was talking to Bieste for a few minutes, causing him to be the last one in the locker room. Kurt slipped on a shirt, then off his pants. He stood in a cardigan and a pair of pink Bikini Briefs. Suddenly, his underwear was shoved up, causing his ass to burn and reveal it. His underwear felt and looked like a thong. His entire front was squished as the pain in his ass continued. When Kurt turned around he saw Karofsky, who had gym
9th period. "Hey. I've been meaning to talk you. Tell anyone else what happened the other day, and I'll kill you!" He threatened, walking towards the back of the locker room. Kurt sat for a minute scared and
Didn't pick his wedgie. Until he got dressed quicker than anything, rushing from the room.

-GLEE-You
Will walked into the Glee Club to many claps and cheers. "Glad, to be back." Will smiled. "Thank you so much, because of your kind words, Sue let me back. What did you say?"

"You know stuff." Finn smiled, as he remembered everyone's kind words.

"Mr. Schue is the only teacher at this school who has the decency to stop students from getting wedgies." Finn said.

"Mr. Schue saw my pants fall down. And taught me how to tie my belt, and my shoes." Sam spoke.

"Mr. Schue helped me improve my vocal range." Rachel smiled.

And as Finn watched Mr. Schue bring Holly into the room, he was even more excited for the Glee year.