Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Le Chevailer D'Eon or its characters.

Cameo from Getbackers.

7. Beastly Things

The women had changed into the dojo's gis for ease of movement during their workout. Lia would be sitting on the sidelines as she was still busy slathering lotion over her rashes. Ekaterina and Elizaveta had elected to join Umeko in some mild exercises with the naginata. However, Pompadour and Marie had no intention of enjoying a simple workout.

"Marie, the more air you fill your weapon, the harder it will be…" Lia hinted as she assisted Marie in inflating her naginata. Umeko had swapped her inflatable for an actual weapon. It was the traditional Japanese samurai woman's weapon of choice and Katsura Umeko was proud of her heritage. Also, the blade on the weapon could put a stop to any brawls that might break out.

"Block, thrust, block, stab…" Umeko instructed as she led the workout.

Marie hefted her weapon in her hands before bringing it down in a deadly arc. Satisfied, she took a position right behind Pompadour. This did have some promise of sweet revenge.

"So is this like an aerobics workout?" Pompadour regarded the item in her hands doubtfully. Marie's position behind her did not escape her notice. "Thrust…" Pompadour stabbed behind her with her naginata. Marie dodged the thrust and brought her naginata down in an arc onto Pompadour's head, stunning her. "That move is called Whack-the-Hussy," Umeko grinned.

The younger woman soon recovered and lashed out with her weapon, catching Marie on the hip. Marie dropped to her knee. "Watch out, Marie!" Lia shouted a warning as Pompadour bore down with her weapon. Surprisingly, it was Ekaterina who came to the rescue. She nonchalantly rapped Pompadour across the back with the butt end of her naginata without missing a beat of her workout.

"Apologies," she called over her shoulder. Marie took full use of Pompadour's distraction to lash out with her naginata, hooking her rival's calf and unceremoniously dumping her on her rump on the polished wooden floor with a crash.


"Lake Toya…" D'Eon read from the cue boards Robin flashed from behind the camera. "Is a scenic volcanic crater lake." Robin rolled his eyes. D'Eon sounded like some droning teacher. "Smile a little more," Maximilien hinted. Their local guides were watching the shoot from a distance. Sarah was chewing on a riceball while Sakamoto enjoyed some traditional music on his battered walkman. Also with them was their Ainu guide, Fuyuki Shido who had just arrived from the Ainu village on his scooter.

"Is that woman Lia de Beaumont the sexy French anchorwoman?" he sat down beside the pair. "She doesn't look very sexy to me in those overalls…"

"Hey, I thought you were going to meet us at the village with the bear cub," Sarah squeezed more mayo onto her snack. "Problem, the bear cub got sick last night. I just packed the baby off to the vet," Shido took an apple from his jeans and bit into it. "I got another likely bear, about this tall…" he held his hand at the height of his chest. "On all fours…" he added in a deadpan tone. Sakamoto paled. Sarah dropped her riceball. She waved at Durand and Maximilien. "Messieurs, we have a problem," she beckoned them over. "With the bear…" Both men walked over.

"Step backwards a bit, D'Eon!" Teillagory shouted. "Let's get that island in the frame as well." D'Eon obliged by stepping backwards on the bank and promptly slipped off the slippery grass. He landed in the lake with a resounding splash. The lake bottom dropped off steeply here.

"D'Eon, not that much!" the old man admonished as the camera continued to roll. "Say, shouldn't we save him?" Robin asked. "No fear, the boy holds the record for the 500m butterfly…" He stopped his camera and proceeded to change the reel. D'Eon's splashing grew weaker.

"Er, I don't know butterfly stroke from frog-style," Robin said. "But D'Eon is doing a good impression of a dead man's float, face-down."

"Or maybe it was his sister…" Teillagory looked up from his camera with worry. D'Eon had ceased splashing and was floating face-down as Robin had described.

Alarmed, both Durand and Maximilien were running to the lakeside. Durand reached there first and leapt in. He hauled D'Eon out and proceeded to pummel his chest. "Some help here please, Max," Durand said. "CRP." The blond bent over his stepbrother, cleared his mouth but hesitated a few inches over his face. His eyes met Durand's.

"Pretend you are doing CPR on Lia…" Durand suggested. Max bent down and locked lips with D'Eon. The blond man spluttered and sat up, coughing. "Are you alright?" Max asked.

"Max, was that your tongue in my mouth?" D'Eon choked and retched. Durand raised an eyebrow at Maximilien, who kept his deadpan expression. D'Eon retched and coughed up a small fish. "Ah, a cherry salmon. Nice fishing!" Sakamoto joked. As the poor fish jumped about on the grass, Shido strolled over, picked it up and held it up to a ruler which he had in his vest.

"Three inches. Too small, you will have to let it go," Shido shrugged and released it into the lake. "Now, shall we proceed to the village?"


"Well, the traditional Ainu get-up is novel," Durand admitted as D'Eon emerged from the changing room. Shido had managed to procure a spare set of clothes for the anchorwoman. Unfortunately, it was the traditional dress of an Ainu woman. Durand wore the jumpsuit of one of the village's janitors. Shido and his fellow villagers had gone to rustle the bear. Haruki, an Ainu girl, helped 'Lia de Beaumont' adjust her headband. Like D'Eon, she was dressed in the outfit of an Ainu maiden.

Max pondered the effect before waving to Sarah. "Make-up." Sarah took over with her makeup kit.

They then adjourned to the main lodge for 'Lia' to do her bit on introducing Ainu culture with the help of Haruki. The lodge they were in had dried salmon hanging from the rafters over a central fireplace. "Wow, that is a lot of smoked fish," Robin observed. He coughed from the smoke. "Don't get too close, Robin, or you'll be smoked as well." Teillagory warned as he lit a cigarette. Durand grinned. Teillagory was doing a bang-up job smoking his own lungs with any aid from the Ainu fireplace.

"Durand, you in there still? We got a laundry on-site. We have both your clothes in the washer. They should be dry enough to collect in two hours or so…" Sakamoto explained as he stepped into the hut. "Saw the boys bringing the bear over…"

"Ready for the shoot?" Durand asked as he stuck his head out the door. The colour fled from his face when he saw the beast Shido had on a leash. Two more villagers hovered nearby. One had a heavy staff in his hand.

"Max, about the bear…" Durand grabbed Robin by the collar to stop him from stepping outside. The boy would be a mere mouthful for that furry beast. An oblivious D'Eon stepped out of the lodge and almost fainted when he saw the size of the bear. "I am NOT going to do a shoot with that!" he declared.

"Shido says he is the most docile bear they got here," Sarah reassured D'Eon with a mischievous wink. She remained safely inside the wooden lodge. Max cautiously inched along the lodge wall with Robin's camera in hand. He would be the cameraman for this part. "Go stand beside the bear, Lia…" D'Eon cautiously approached the bear. "Closer, please…"

D'Eon tried hard not to flee when the bear turned his direction and snorted in disdain. Haruki showed no such fear. The lithe Ainu girl walked over and ruffled the top of the bear's large head. She tossed an apple into the air which the bear snapped his jaws around, spraying D'Eon with apple juice. "Good boy," she laughed and hugged the bear once before stepping out of the camera frame.

"Go on, read the script!" Max reminded D'Eon. "The Hokkaido brown bear is the largest land carnivore on the Japanese islands…" His voice wavered as the bear sniffed at his elbow. He could smell the fish on the creature's breath.

"Poor D'Eon," Durand grinned at the blond man's discomfort. He did not notice the raccoon dog that had emerged from a large wicker basket behind him. The raccoon dog sniffed the air thoughtfully and climbed out of hiding. It tottered over to Durand's back unnoticed and leapt up.

"AAAIIIEEE!" Durand yelped in agony as sharp teeth sank into his backside. Startled by the commotion, the bear growled and knocked D'Eon over with a large paw before his minder could react.

"Down! Heel, boy!" Shido yanked on the leash and dug his heels into the earth. The bear huffed nervously and stood up on its hind legs. It was more than two metres tall. Shido shouted out calming words to the bear even as the creature considered the Frenchman lying on the ground.

"D'EON!" Max dropped the camera in alarm and ran to his stepbrother's aid. He seized D'Eon by the arm and yanked him away to safety even as the Ainu tried to calm the distressed bear down. The bear's claws had shredded the sleeve of D'Eon's outfit. Thankfully, no blood had been drawn.

"Max, darling. I have only one kid brother and I am entrusting him to your care…" Lia had said to him that morning before they left the resort. "If anything untoward should happen to him…"

If Lia knew how close D'Eon came to being scalped by a bear, Maximilien shuddered. The bear finally calmed down and allowed Shido to lead him over to a cage.

"Get it off!" Durand was still spinning about trying to shake off the raccoon dog on his rear. The critter had a bite as strong as a bear-trap and would not be easily dislodged.

"Natsuki, call your raccoon dog off!" Shido ordered. A young Ainu with dyed blond hair apologised profusely as he ran up to the group. He whistled shrilly and the raccoon dog released its grip on the Frenchman. Natsuki seized the critter by the scruff of the neck and stuffed it into a sack. He secured the neck of the sack before joining his companions. There was a quiet discussion among Natsuki, Haruki and Shido. Shido called out to Sarah, who joined them.

She returned to the Frenchmen with some bad news. "Problem, they suspect that raccoon dog may be rabid and suggest we get you to their clinic for a shot. You will need monthly jabs for rabies for half a year."

"Jabs? Can we skip that?" Durand moaned.

"Well, mon ami, if you do catch rabies, you will die raving and foaming at the mouth like a mad dog," Maximilien said calmly. "Alright! I'll take those damned shots!" Durand limped off escorted by Haruki and Sakamoto. "Haruki's the resident nurse. She says she will be delighted to stitch up your wounds, after she had washed them out with disinfectant and given you that jab. It wouldn't hurt a bit."

Author's Notes:

Fuyuki Shido – Getbacker's beast-master. He has the power to control animals. He is described as an aboriginal. Here, he is an Ainu villager.

Haruki and Natsuki – Shido's fellow aboriginals. (Getbackers manga series)