Wow, it has been long since I've updated. And it's probably been a long time since you've read this too, huh? You know what? I'm going to give you a chance to re-read this story so you're not lost.
Go ahead, I'll wait.
Okay? Great! Here we go again!
"You said some pretty mean things to Chula," Phineas told Ezra, as the ghost relaxed in their bedroom.
"Yes," replied Ezra, "and I feel that I am a better person for having done so. That little pest deserved it."
"Maybe, but there's a reason he's that way," said a voice.
The Hitchhiking Ghosts screamed as they realized that they were not the only people in the room. The Swamp Boys sat in the corner.
"How long have you been there?" cried Phineas.
"Not very," replied Banjo, "but that's what an omnipresent narrator does. We come and we go."
"Cut the Muppet Christmas Carol shtick," said Ezra. "What life-changing story are you gonna tell us now?"
"Just the end of Chula's story, of course," said Banjo. "You never let us finish before."
"Seems like that was years ago," mused Gus.
The Swamp Boys began to play their music.
(To the tune of "The Bells of Notre Dame")
Chula was happier than he had been
Yes, our Chula (R and T)
He had much more friends than he'd ever seen
Yes did Chula (R and T)
They travelled into New York City
The scared so many mice easily
They were ready for carving
And Chula was starving
Hungry
Was Chula (R and T)
Cat R. Waul's plan was not terribly complicated. They were to frighten the mice out of the city and into the little town of Green River. There, the cats (and Chula) were to fool the mice into being their friends, have the mice fix up the city, and then eat the mice.
So far, it was working splendidly. There had been a small monkey wrench thrown into the mix when at one point, a young mouse overheard their plans, but Chula had tossed the little bugger off the train and gotten him stranded in the desert where he could do no harm.
One day, while sitting in the saloon Chula heard an awful screech. Someone had stabbed Cat R. Waul in the rear, and sent him shooting up through the ceiling. Waul landed a second later and grabbed the first thing in sight-Chula.
"I want the subversive who tried to assassinate me found!" he ordered the spider.
Chula saluted him. "I just looooooooove finding subversives!" To demonstrate his eagerness, Chula spat a web in Waul's face. "Hey boss, what's a subversive?"
Waul rolled his eyes and dropped Chula. "Someone who doesn't have very long to live."
Waul found the subversive - the same mouse from the train - a second later. "If it isn't my diminutive friend from the train," he smiled sarcastically, picking up the little mouse.
Chula crawled over, a little dazed, to see Waul about to eat the mouse when…
"Dreams to dream in the dark of the night…" sang a heavenly voice from outside. Stunned, Waul dropped the mouse, who scampered away…directly into a bottle that Chula snatched up.
"It's dinner time!" cacked Chula.
With Waul distracted, Chula decided that it was up to him to devour the little subversive.
…
"What's your name, kid?" Chula asked the mouse as he lit a match.
"Fievel," the mouse trembled. Fievel's ears suddenly perked up. Was he going to make friends with this spider like he'd made friends with Tiger?
Chula began to sing in response:
Good to know ya
Nice to meet ya
By the way
I'M GONNA EAT YA!
Chula was on his back in hysterics a second later. Fievel sighed. This spider was NOT like Tiger at all…
Chula grabbed the bottle and began to wave it over a lit candle. "Ah, bottled mouse…hmm…you're not cooking properly-OW!"
Chula had accidently burned his hand. As the spider began trying to cook Fievel again, an earshattering note rang through the bar.
"Do you ever miss the girl you left ?"
Chula covered his ears (do spiders have ears?) in pain. The note was so high, it shattered the bottle that Fievel was in! Taking his chance, Fievel dashed away with Chula at his little mouse heels.
The chase led them all through the bar! They were up, over, under, everywhere! They were even shot at! But Chula just kept chasing Fievel. He screamed every insult he knew at the little toilet head.
Finally, Chula had Fievel cornered at Miss Kitty's makeup table. He grinned slyly and began to sing again:
The itsy-bitsy spider
Caught a mouse in his web
The itsy-bitsy spider
BIT OFF THE MOUSE'S HEAD!
Another fit of laughter made Chula let his guard down. Fievel sprayed perfume in the spider's eyes and scampered off.
"I'm in paaaaaiiiin!" moaned Chula.
…
Chula searched all over the bar when he come to, but to no avail. Fievel had disappeared.
"Chula," said a voice. Chula gulped and turned around to see Cat R. Waul towering over him.
"Did you eliminate that little pest?" Waul asked.
"Yes," cried Chula, "yes I did! He's, uh, gone!"
"Good," replied Waul. "Jolly good."
…
But Fievel was far from being gone. The little mouse found reinforcements and managed to not only ruin Waul's plan, but somehow the little guy stuffed all the cats in a sack and sent them on a train to who knew where?
Chula squirmed around in the sack of cats and poked his head out. In the window of the train, he saw a pampered Cat R. Waul dressed as a baby and being cuddled by a woman with a pair of knockers the size of Alabama.
"Look at you!" giggled Chula. "You're adorable!"
"This is your fault," hissed Waul. "I told you to kill the little bugger, and what do you do? You let him escape, bring a pair of dogs, and destroy my entire scheme!"
"Aww, sorry," said Chula, "I dropped da ball on this one. How about we get some milk and…"
"SPIDER!" shrieked the woman, suddenly noticing Chula. "Kill it, pussy!"
"Gladly," grinned Waul. The cat sprung at Chula and chased him down the train's hallway.
"You ain't gonna kill, are ya, boss?" panted Chula. "It's just a show you're putting on for her, right? We're friends!"
"We were never friends!" yowled Waul. "Now slow down so I can claw you to ribbons!"
Chula hopped out the window and crawled under the train. Surely Waul couldn't get him this way. But Chula was wrong. Waul gripped the bottom of the train and crawled after Chula.
"I'm going to enjoy this," hissed Waul. "You have nowhere to run, Chula. Nowhere to hide. If you escape me, I'll set my whole gang on you."
Chula paused for a moment, then shot a web at Waul's face. Waul clawed at it, losing his grip on the train. Down he fell, onto the rough desert sand. Chula cackled as he watched the figure of wall get farther and farther away as the train chugged on.
"I just love the Flying Aaaahhh!"
…
"By that time," narrated Banjo, "the other cats had abandoned ship, so to speak, so Chula was out of trouble's way. After that, he lived in the city. There was a follow-up TV series made, but they couldn't get Cat R. Waul or Chula to work together, so they had a pair of actors do the parts instead. Eventually, Chula just sort of ended up here, as many cartoon characters do."
"So what's the big deal?" asked Ezra. "Sounds like he got out just fine."
"But he had lost his only friend," said Gee-Tar.
Ezra looked at the ground and then at the others. "Yeah, that does kind of suck. But he was so annoying!"
"Yeah, but we know why he's annoying, at least," said Phineas. "Maybe he doesn't want to get hurt again."
"Maybe," muttered Ezra. "Fine, I'll tell him I'm sorry if I see him, but only because the story was kind of cool."
