Disclaimer: I do not own HunterxHunter, and will never…
Setting: After 'Chapter 23 – Scarlet Tears', after meeting Lucian Virgiliu
CAFFEINE OF DOOM
Being a vampire, I have lived for a very long time. In fact, I don't even remember the exact date of my rebirth as a strigoi (undead). Not that I care though. Keeping track of time is not really in my interest. One thing for sure, in my centuries of long life, I have never ever encountered a more entertaining and amusing pair than these two people.
Well, that is not supposed to be something really surprising, seeing that they are people beyond the dictionary description of 'normal'.
One is totally, completely, ridiculously obsessed with the idea of getting her revenge for her massacred tribe people. She will go to great lengths to extract her revenge, though so far she only manages to score one against her offender. If I'm not wrong, that was when she sealed his Nen or something like that. The other one is utterly, incorrigibly unpredictable debonair who carries the air of nonchalance. He does not even mind the company of a very dangerously volatile Kuruta girl who has sworn a bloody oath of vengeance against him. If anything, he seems to like her presence more than anything. Weirdos…
Oh, speak of the devil, here they are.
"This is beyond ridiculous! This is against the law!" Kurapika screeches as she and Lucifer make their way into the kitchen.
There goes a piece of my quietude of the day. There is never a day without them bickering from the most trivial issues to the most ground-shaking matters. I have to admit that it's more entertaining to watch them fighting over small issues though. It shows how much they are into each others' lives. I can never tell this to them, though, because Kurapika will surely try to squeeze the undead life out of me again with her chains. Not that I can actually die again, but still I'd like to avoid that with my best.
I can assure any living souls out there that it is never a pleasant experience. I think Lucifer will agree wholeheartedly with me.
"The Laws? Your laws do not affect people like me, Kurapika. We are non-existence people. Your laws are inconsequential to me." Lucifer gives her another smug grin.
I can't help but to roll my eyes: he knows perfectly well that the girl has something against smug expressions.
"But what about ME?"
"You are considered dead, Kurapika." Lucifer says evenly.
"Nostrad knows I'm alive!" She hisses belligerently at him—that's one of her specialty.
"Generally and globally, you are a dead person. Nostrad is a special issue. Thank you for bringing up the subject. Remind me to take care of it later."
"You, you—you selfish prick!"
Anyway, I think they are arguing something about barging into an unoccupied house and using it as our temporary lodging. I don't see any problems in that, as long as we don't leave any traces of us ever being here, but Kurapika and her sense of justice and conscience can be quite a handful sometimes. It makes things unpractical most of the time.
They continue arguing and quarrelling about the same issue over and over again. I don't know why they decide to hold the fight in the kitchen, in front of me. I guess they need some sort of audience, who knows? I don't mind the entertainment, for sure. Maybe it's just like in those soap operas or dramas where couples tend to wage full-scale marital quarrels in their kitchens, where they can conveniently grab many relatively dangerous items to be used as make-shift weapons—spatula, frying pans, forks, spoons, butcher knifes, dough rollers, and the list goes on. I have been hoping to see real-life flying frying pans, perhaps this time is my chance. Oh, I think I see Kurapika standing near the frying pans hangers. I'll be better off doing something else before Kurapika decides to target me as her stress-reliever. Scary…
I scoot towards the cabinet and rummage through the things there. I find some instant coffees sachets. The owner of the house won't notice a missing instant coffee sachet, will they?
"What do you think you are doing?"
Crap.
Stealing a glance over my shoulder, I see Kurapika glaring at me with suspicion-filled eyes. Lucifer is looking at me with quizzical eyes. No doubt he is expecting me to answer her with some lame excuses.
"Em…Making instant coffee?" A squeak is all I can manage.
Kurapika narrows her eyes into dangerous slits.
"Look here, Kurapika, it's not like they will notice it if they are short one sachet of instant coff—"
"Who says I'm against it?"
"Ce? (what?)"
Lucifer is obviously as taken aback as I am, seeing that he grants the girl with one raised eyebrow and a subtly shocked expression on his usually stoic face. Kurapika strides across the kitchen floor directly towards the cabinet where I have discovered the instant coffee. Wordlessly, she takes one and begins making a mug of instant coffee. Meanwhile, Lucifer and I have been staring at her like some thunder-stricken rabbits.
"I thought you are against staying in unoccupied house?" Lucifer finally breaks the silence. He folds his arms across his chest and gives his characteristic smirk. Oh, I see troubles coming. Time to take some safe shelter.
"I am." Kurapika answers curtly.
"So why are you stealing some instant coffees now?" Lucifer asks again as he carelessly approaches Kurapika—the Kuruta time-bomb, in my personal opinion. You never know when she'll explode.
I'm already at the other side of the kitchen table, so I'm relatively in a safe spot to watch the coming disaster.
"Like Lucian said: it won't really make a difference. I will take one only, and I will pay."
"We are not supposed to leave behind any traces of us being here, you know."
"Shut up, will you? You are making my life so hard!" Kurapika snaps as she blindly reaches for a pot that she supposes contain sugars.
"Touché. So what are you going to do?" Lucifer keeps pestering her.
Oh, I see the girl's anger-aka-pissed-off-o-meter reaching the limit. That is so obvious since she starts stirring the coffee so fiercely that she's making a mini black tornado inside the mug. No good. Glancing around, I decide that behind the kitchen counter is a safer spot.
"Keep quiet and let me think!" She practically yells at him, but it doesn't bother Lucifer at the very least. Looks like he has toughened up due to exposure to her yelling at daily basis. Poor guy.
Lucifer only shrugs and leans against the kitchen table casually as he pockets his hands. He waits and observes her as she sighs heavily, closes her eyes and chug down an enormous gulp of that instant coffee. It looks as if she is in need of caffeine to boost her energy in her attempt to have another round of verbal spar with Lucifer. I will never understand their version of entertainment. Like I said before: weirdos…
Apparently, that is a very, very, much regretted move.
Kurapika's eyes instantaneously snap open and in less than a heartbeat she spurts out whatever is inside her mouth—in other words, the remaining coffee that has not made its way into her throat. Kuroro jumps in pure shock and surprise, luckily evading the tirade of black water and thus preventing any stains from his clean shirt and pants. Me? I can only gawk.
Ce dracu '? (What the hell?) Whatever in the blazing hell is happening?
"What's wrong now?" Lucifer asks as he observes Kurapika, who is now busy in her tearful coughing fit.
She lets out a whimper and her eyes are wide in pure terror. When she has spitted the remaining liquid in her mouth, all graces and poises forgotten, she immediately goes to the pots and checks the content of the pot that she has distractedly used for her coffee. Her face visibly blanched when she peers into the pot and she even chokes a squeak.
"What's the problem?" Lucifer asks gingerly, still in his fixed, clean spot. The kitchen floor is virtually flooded by Kurapika's 'spilled' coffee.
Curious, I peer from my hiding place and with my enhanced vision—that is one bonus of being a vampire—I know what the problem is. Hoo boy…
"Fata, you used salt instead of sugar?" I exclaim without second thought.
Lucifer looks at me in undiluted surprise, and then to Kurapika. The girl's face is already blushing furiously upon knowing that how foolish she must look now. A deeply amused smile tugs at Lucifer's pale lips.
"I see. I bet you won't be able to get even a wink of sleep tonight."
"Why do you sound so happy?" Kurapika snaps at him, deeply irritated and embarrassed.
"Do I?" Lucifer gives her an innocent look, and the girl scowls. She immediately begins cleaning after the mess she has created, and Lucifer does nothing to help her. He is not the most charitable person she and I know, anyway.
"Well, at least there is a lesson I learn from this." Lucifer says when she is done cleaning.
"And that is?" She sounds disinterested, but both Lucifer and I know that she is anything but that.
"Never ask you to handle any cooking." He smirks. "You can't even differentiate sugars and salts."
Kurapika gives him an offended look.
"Excuse me? For your information, if you haven't distracted me with your nonsensical quips and talks, I won't be mistaking sugars with salts!"
"So you really don't know how to cook then?" I pipe in, since she didn't deny the part about 'not letting her to handle the cooking' part.
Kurapika looks torn between screaming at me to 'mind my own business'—which is her favourite line—and admitting her inability to cook. I notice Lucifer's grin getting wider. That man always invites danger to himself, does he?
"No." She finally admits. "Since I left my hometown, I either stayed at inns or rented a room in people's houses for short term. They usually provided meals for me, so there was no need for me to do any cooking."
Lucifer snickers, and she glares daggers at him. If I were him, I would have jumped out of my skin or shrink indefinitely when given that kind of look. Looks like my frater is already so immune to her harassment.
"How about YOU, mister?" Kurapika snaps, unwilling to be the only one lacking ability to cook. She knows that Lucifer takes pride in the fact that he is virtually all-knowing and all-capable. She can only hope to blow a bit of his pride in cooking skills.
"What makes you think I can cook?" He answers lightly in his usual no-big-deal kind of style.
Kurapika looks immensely disappointed with his lack of defensive attitude. My kindred spirit, that fata really is. It's so damn hard to bait some interesting emotions or reactions from Lucifer.
"In my free time, my lifestyle isn't that different from yours. In fact, whenever I assume the scholar role for Abelard Constantin with him," Lucifer nods at my direction, I give him one raised eyebrow, "I stay in a dorm and our meals are cooked by the matron."
"Figures…." Kurapika muttered spitefully.
They then decide unanimously to retreat into their self-proclaimed bedroom. I have always wondered why it's so hard for them to get along nicely without quarrels. They make such a cute couple—something I must never mention in front of Kurapika otherwise she'll skin me alive. Then again, that's the same as asking a pig to fly, isn't it? Yeah right, Kuroro Lucifer and Kurapika Kuruta in lovey-dovey mode. That's the day the sun rises from the west.
Oh, and no flying kitchen utensils this time. Darn.
"Offer homage to the people of the Kuruta tribe…"
"..."
"Let our blazing Scarlet Eyes bear witness…"
"…"
"Sun in the sky, trees upon the ground…"
"…"
"Our bodies are from the Earth…"
"…"
"Our souls come from the Heavens above…."
"Kurapika."
"Hm?"
"Can't you pray silently in your heart? You've been repeating that for dozens of time."
"No."
"I'm trying to sleep here."
"So?"
"You are keeping me awake."
"Why should I care?"
"…Insufferable."
"Well, now you know how I sometimes feel about you."
"…I guess I can't blame you for that."
"We are you going?"
"Seeking salvation."
"And why are you coming to me in the dead of the night? Do I look like an angel of salvation to you?"
Lucifer is standing at my doorstep, fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose, obviously tired and is dying to get a decent sleep but unfortunately a certain vengeful Kurapika is absolutely driven to keep him awake all night. Kurapika is standing behind him, grinning herself silly while humming some random songs and looking as cheerful as possible. The sight sends a chill down my spine. Kurapika is rarely in cheerful mode—that only happens when she's drunk. She's either solemn, gloomy, grim, angry, cool, calm, slightly happy, but never cheerful.
Sweet revenge; that must be what is going on in her head. I can only shake my head in disbelief. That, plus the side-effect of that caffeine of DOOM. Mental note: never give Kurapika a concoction of caffeine plus salt—you are only summoning your own personal hellion.
"You are a night prowler. I believe I am not bothering you even at this hour of time." Lucifer says with a very unusual drowsy voice. I raise one amused eyebrow.
Kuroro Lucifer never sounds drowsy or slurry.
I glance at my wristwatch—3 a.m. Geez, Kurapika definitely knows how to hold grudge.
"Well, I am a vampire. Of course I don't sleep at night."
"What, so you don't sleep at all?" Kurapika asks, her voice unnervingly excited and joyful.
I almost cringe upon hearing her voice, but refrain myself from doing so for fear she may misinterpret that gesture and decide to spend her excessive energy on torturing me. That will be giving Lucifer an easy escape at my expense. No thanks.
"So what exactly do you require from me?" I ask after clearing my throat.
Lucifer gives me a hard glare, as if silently chastising me for my lack of understanding of the dire situation and the immediate solution it requires. Well, we have known each other for years and by right I should have known the general idea and the solution the moment he steps into my room all sleepy and tired with a hyper girl in tow. After all, I am not an imbecile. In fact, I can safely say that I have the same level of intelligence as those two.
"How silly of me. Fine, fine…"
I roll my eyes at my own thoughtlessness and begin rummaging through my belongings. My only concern is the girl in question. I give Lucifer one look, and he understands my message despite being sleep-deprived.
"When you are ready…" He says, not bothering to conceal the tiredness.
"Anytime, frater."
"What are you guys up to?" Kurapika chirps, still hyper and all.
She steps into the room, unsuspecting and like an innocent little girl—which is our greatest advantage of the moment! From the corner of my eyes, I see Lucifer tackling her, twisting her arms behind her back and pinning her down as hard as he can without breaking any bones. In response, I try to act as quick as I can but the girl still manages to thrash around in resistance for a few seconds.
Without wasting any precious seconds, I take out a syringe containing my self-made sedative and jab the needles into the flesh of her upper arm. Luckily she doesn't trash hard enough to break the needle. In no time, Kurapika lies motionless on the floor, the drug taking effect in her system and so giving peace to us at long last.
Sighing in relief, I let myself slid down to the floor while carefully extracting the needles from her tender flesh.
"Out like a light in no time. What is the dosage of your sedative?" Lucifer asks curiously. He looks at the sleeping girl with relaxed face, his visage looking less tired and strained. I dare to swear that I notice his fingers twitching a bit as if he's itching to brush a few strands of her golden hair from her face.
"Hmmm…Să vedem (Let'see)… I think it's enough to sedate a full-grown werewolf in rampaging mode." I say with an uncaring shrug.
Lucifer looks up and gives me a very subtle look that says: I can't believe you'll apply such dosage to a human. Pfft. Like he is one to talk; I know his Benz knife is treated with a paralyzing drug that can easily paralyse a mature whale with only, say, 0.01 mg of it?
"Termină cu prostiile (cut the crap), Lucifer. You need her sedated. I give you what you want. My drug is not life-threatening." I wave a dismissive hand.
Lucifer only shrugs, signalling that he more or less agrees with me. He gathers the Kuruta girl from the floor, and I daresay that he does that with utmost care. Not that I dare to utter a word about it, though. In this matter, sometimes Lucifer can be as dangerous as Kurapika is, though in less life-threatening extent. He walks quietly towards the door, about to return to their bedroom, when he tentatively stops at the doorway.
He spares me one last glance over his shoulder.
"Remind me in the future never to let her drink caffeine with salt added in it."
I can only snort in dry amusement.
"That is exactly what I've just told myself a few minutes ago."
Kurapika plus caffeine plus salt irrefutably equals to DISASTER. No doubts about it—it's a first hand experience after all.
Author's Note: Well, another random event. It's based on inspiration by Ongaku no Usagi, regarding the question on whether they can cook or not. Well, there you go. I hope my answer satisfies you, and other people who're wondering about the same thing. This is only my version of the story though. I don't know the truth, that one you can ask the author himself. And, Romanian-speaking people out there, did I use the correct words and sentences? This is the first chapter that is ever written from a third party's point of view. It's kind of fun, especially since it's Lucian's perspective (that guy is another weirdo in the pack, he shouldn't have the right to call Kuroro and Kurapika weirdos) Any other suggestions, people?
