How To Prep Coffee Beans
Chapter 7: Pharisäer
Ken could hear rain pattering against the library's windows, and the sound was a great excuse as to why he couldn't concentrate on reading. The book in his hands was a thriller, something that critics across Japan had praised, but he could barely get past the first page. His eyes wouldn't even stay on that page, insisting to look around the massive library and its overwhelming collection instead. The image of the skyscrapers and their lights dotting the night sky outside :re's break room window emerged in his mind, and he put his book down upon realizing how similar the settings were.
Ken lowered himself to the couch and turned so he was facing the back cushions. The couch was way too comfortable to be :re's couch, and the cushions' print was hideously gaudy. It was certainly not the plain brown of the cushions at :re. Ken closed his eyes, and while the pattern was gone, the couch was still too soft and inviting. He had taken Shuu's advice the previous day and napped on it, and the latter certainly had not been exaggerating. That had been one of the best naps of his life.
The familiar feeling of drowsiness began to creep into Ken's body and mind as he imagined himself curled up on :re's break room couch. In the library's silence, he could conjure the sounds of the city outside his window. They had been quiet sounds, and he tried to imagine what they had actually sounded like without the walls filtering their volume. He could remember Tokyo being a large, lively city with people moving in all different directions all at once. Locals going to work, tourists exploring the streets, kids going to school, friends going out, families going home, all of these old memories slowly passed through his mind like an animation flip book. He tried to think back to his human days when he had freely roamed the streets and been one of those people, the nameless, faceless people who all had their own thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears, and lives. He had seen so many people but could barely remember any of them. Did any of them remember him? Had anyone ever passed him in a crowd and actually remembered his face? His hands gently clutched one of the couch cushions at the thought.
His mind then wandered to the text message Shuu had received that one warm, sunny afternoon over sipping coffee in the backyard. Urie Kuki had found :re, and that probably meant that the rest of the old team knew about it, too. Ken's mind shifted to the memory of bringing Tooru and Ginshi there for the first time, how they had all loved the atmosphere, how beautiful they had all thought Touka was, how elegant they had all thought Yomo was, and how delicious the coffee had tasted. Ken could still feel the light tears that had dripped from his eyes upon the drink hitting his lips.
Oh…those were real tears lightly dripping from his eyes.
Ken rubbed his eyes and sniffed, curling up tighter into the cushions. As far as he knew, Shuu hadn't received any other messages from Touka or anyone else at :re. Kuki probably hadn't come back. Touka was good enough at covering for herself and other ghouls, so she had probably fed Kuki a good enough story to end any suspicions.
Another tear threatened to spill at that thought. "I'm sorry, guys," Ken whispered. "Urie, Shirazu, Mutsuki, Saiko, I'm sorry. Akira, Juuzou, everyone…I'm so sorry."
An image of Arima passed through his mind.
"No…!"
He suddenly couldn't see the Reaper, and the memory of a hot, stabbing pain in the back of his head emerged.
"NO!"
Ken grabbed onto his head and buried his face into the couch. "No! No! No! Stop it, leave me alone! I'm not your quinque, and I'm not your pet! You're not my dad! I'm not…I don't…!" He shakily tried to inhale a breath, but only a little air entered his lungs. He tried to exhale anyway, knowing that an in-and-out pattern, no matter how uneven, was better than no pattern at all. He tried to inhale again, but his mind ran wild. Doctor Kanou ordering his assistants to transplant Rize's organs into him. Yamori chaining him to a chair and cutting off his fingers and toes. The disgusting taste of ghoul meat sliding down his throat. The feeling of his skin ripping apart to allow his transformed kagune to burst through. Leaving everyone he loved behind to fight and die in the Anteiku Raid. Being forced to live a lie. He pushed his mouth against a cushion and screamed, but he could barely hear it over the scratching sound in his ear. His dark nails clawed at his ears until tiny blood droplets formed.
But then another thought entered his mind. Calm down. It was quiet and he could barely hear it over the raging chaos, but it was there. He sucked in as much air as he could and then let it all out slowly, and the thought pushed its way to the front of his mind.
"Touka is alive," he said to himself through tears, his mouth still pressed against the couch. "Yomo is alive. Nishio is alive. They're all at :re. They're probably making coffee. Coffee…" Ken rolled over so he was facing the back cushions again. "Coffee," he repeated quietly. "Coffee…in my cup." He slowly sat up and eventually stood on shaky legs. His shoulders slumped forward and forced him to take a step. His toes tingled with numbness, but he took another step. The steps soon brought him to the doors. He pushed them open and stepped into the hallway, letting out a sigh of relief at its familiarity.
It took longer than usual, but Ken eventually made it to the kitchen. He opened the cup cabinet and felt a bit calmer just by seeing his cup there. It was bigger than the other cups and had no fancy design, but the miscellaneous letters made a smile appear on his desperate face. He carefully took it from the shelf with shaking hands and set it on the counter.
"Don't drop it," he whispered. "Don't break it."
Once he was sure the cup was safe, Ken closed the cabinet and opened another one full of coffee bags. He pushed the bag in front aside and frowned. "Where is the one Matsumae showed me?" he asked as he pushed another bag aside. He felt tears forming in his eyes and brushed them away before pulling a random bag down. He squinted at the brand name and tried to sound it out, but the word was more foreign than even Shuu's vocabulary. "…Whatever," he breathed as he opened the bag. The beans smelled dark and bold, and Ken felt another wave of calm wash over him.
Ken took a sip as soon as the coffee was ready, uncaring of how hot it was. The flavor was deep, tasting as dark and bold as the beans had smelled. "Is it because it's super expensive or something?" he asked, looking at the back of the bag. His eyes widened at the Euro-based price printed there. "Imported," he gasped and he immediately set the bag back down and closed it. "Sorry, Tsukiyama." He put the bag back in the cabinet behind several other bags and then closed the door.
"Touka is alive. Yomo is alive. Nishio is alive," Ken repeated as he walked back to the library on steady legs. "They're all at :re making coffee. Good, delicious coffee. No Doves are there. They are safe. Hinami is with…Ayato. He is taking care of her. Aogiri is gone so they can't get them. They are safe. The Quinx…" He gripped his cup tighter and refused to let the tears fall. "The Quinx are doing their jobs. Akira and Juuzou are watching over them. They are safe. Tsukiyama…" Ken stopped in front of the library doors. "…Tsukiyama is in Kyoto." He opened the doors and walked inside.
Once he was comfortably seated on the couch, Ken took another sip of coffee. "Wow, this is really good," he whispered. "I better not have it too much or else I'll get spoiled." He tried to laugh, but all that left his throat was a pathetic huff. He drank down about half of his coffee before speaking again. "Tsukiyama is supposed to come back today. I wonder how his trip went. I hope the Kyoto branch didn't bother him too much."
Ken looked up at the library doors and imagined them bursting open upon Shuu's return. "Bonsoir, I am home!" he'd probably shout, dramatically posing in the doorway with his arms above his head and dressed in one of his bright suits. He'd smile brightly and strut into the room like a cocky supermodel and sit down next to Ken, wanting to know all about what he did while he was away. Ken smiled sadly at the realization that his answer would be, "Sit in the library being too distracted to read."
"I wonder if he'd bring me back a souvenir," Ken murmured. "Coffee? Is it different in Kyoto? Maybe a book or something with a famous Kyoto temple on it. I don't know." He looked down at his reflection in his coffee. "I shouldn't think about that, he's done too much for me."
Ken's head suddenly jerked up when another thought entered his mind. "Tsukiyama is in Kyoto right now. He's not here. Did I…?" He slowly looked back down at his reflection in the coffee. "…Did I just calm myself down without him?" He bit his lip, closed his eyes, and drank down the remaining coffee.
Despite drinking a full cup of strong coffee, Ken still felt drowsiness creeping into his body and mind, especially after panicking. The continuous rain outside certainly didn't help. He set his cup down on a nearby table and tried to read his book again, but he still couldn't get past the first page. He mentally apologized to the author, knowing they had put so much time and effort into writing it. "Another time," he promised, setting the book down next to his cup. With a sigh, he curled back up on the couch, this time facing the doors.
Several minutes passed but Ken couldn't relax enough to sleep. His mind still wandered about from thoughts of his friends to thoughts of how he had just helped himself get through a panic attack. "I wonder what Tsukiyama will say," he murmured. He imagined himself mentioning it after Shuu asked about what he had done over the weekend. Shuu's eyes would probably widen, and he'd probably say something like, "Mon dieu, Kaneki, incroyable!" or whatever other European word happened to pass through his mind at the moment. Ken could barely understand any of the foreign words Shuu used, but he had heard them enough to have an idea about what they meant. "Fantastique" and "très bien" were other options. They all worked for Ken, who suddenly realized that he wanted to hear any of those foreign words right at that moment. "Um, très bien," he said quietly, but he sounded nothing like Shuu. His voice lacked the confidence, personality, and melody. With a sniff, he squeezed his eyes closed and rubbed his cheek against the couch cushion.
Nothing. He couldn't push any thoughts from his mind. The library, which had once been silent, was overwhelmingly noisy even though the only sound echoing throughout it was that of the rain outside.
"Tsukiyama," Ken sobbed.
With a shaky breath, Ken stood back up and walked out of the library. He headed down the hallways until he came upon the one with his room, but he did not go for it. Instead, he carefully opened the other doors until he came upon a rather large, extravagantly decorated room. It was dark even though the multiple windows' curtains were drawn, and Ken could detect the faint smell of deep, masculine cologne even though the bottles sat on a dresser pushed up against the opposite wall. The bed had to be three times the size of his own and covered with three more layers of blankets and pillows. Several books were stacked on a wide desk, and treasures from around the world filled numerous display cases.
Swallowing hard, Ken stepped into Shuu's bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him. He first tiptoed to the desk and read the title of the first book he saw. His eyes immediately widened, and he picked the book up to read the title of the book underneath it. He then put all the books back exactly as he had found them and looked at another pile. The title of the top book made him shrink backwards, and he quickly turned so he wouldn't have to look at it. He reached out to touch the bed but suddenly took his hand back and looked towards one of the closets. He tiptoed to it and opened it to find it filled with sweaters of every color and design. Ken took the first one he saw, hot pink with navy blue polka dots, and closed the closet before tiptoeing back to the door. He creaked it open and, once sure he was alone, entered the hallway and closed the door behind him. He rushed back to the library on light feet.
Back in his sanctuary, Ken closed the doors and sat back on the couch. He held the sweater up before hugging it close and breathing in its scent. It was clean but he could very faintly smell Shuu's cologne on it, and that was enough for him, so he slipped it on. It was two sizes too large and twice as soft and warm as any sweater he had ever worn. His mind screamed at him that this was wrong, that he was a hypocrite for sneaking into Shuu's room and taking something of his when he himself had made a huge fuss about not allowing anyone into his own room. Shuu had made sure that no one even so much as touched anything of Ken's without his explicit permission, so wearing one of Shuu's sweaters felt like a terrible sin. Even looking at the door to Shuu's room had felt like a crime. But Ken couldn't resist pulling the sweater up over his nose and mouth and breathing in its scent. With the inhale came several gentle waves of calmness, and the exhale forced all of Ken's previous anxieties out of his body and mind. He once again curled up on the couch, and he was deeply asleep in seconds.
Ken awoke to a light clinking sound. When his eyes opened, he saw the library doors close.
"Hmm…Tsukiyama?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He yawned and surveyed the room, smiling at the thought of Shuu coming in to check on him. "Coffee," he said, turning to take his cup.
Only his cup wasn't there. A yellow rose sat in its place.
Ken's eyes widened and a jolt of fear coursed through his veins. He stood and quickly walked out of the library and down the hallway towards the kitchen. "Cup," he gasped out. "Who took my cup? No one's supposed to take my cup. Even if Tsukiyama is back, he wouldn't take my cup. Where…?" His speed picked up and his legs started to wobble. The world seemed to be spinning around him; he had to lean against the hallway for support.
He froze once he made it to the kitchen. Someone stood in front of the cup cabinet with their back to him.
"Excuse me," Ken said breathlessly, "do you…have you seen my cup? It's kind of off-white and has a bunch of letters on it."
The person's head turned, and Ken nearly let out a terrified squeak. "You…from the auction…Mutsuki…"
"Looking for this?" Kanae asked, turning around to face Ken fully, the latter's cup dangling from his finger by its handle.
"That's mine!" Ken cried. "Give it back!"
"Really now?" Kanae asked. "It's yours? Did you buy it? Did you make it?"
"…Tsukiyama gave it to me."
"Master Shuu did?" Kanae's eyes widened in mock amazement. "Well, that was awfully nice of him. What, were our cups not good enough for you? Was the Tsukiyama Family's fine china not to your taste?"
Ken trembled, bracing himself against the doorframe. "No…I just…"
"I seem to remember hearing that you broke one of our cups on your first night here. You certainly didn't waste any time fucking everything up."
"No, I…that was an accident."
"An accident?" Kanae asked, his voice suddenly much more accusatory. It made Ken flinch. "Oh, and I guess destroying your original room was an accident, too? You accidentally let your kagune run wild and smash everything in there? You accidentally let it hurt Master Shuu? Lügner!"
The breath caught in Ken's throat, and his voice was a tiny squeak. "He never said…"
"And let me guess," Kanae continued, holding up the imported bag of coffee beans, "drinking my coffee was an accident, too. So was grabbing Master Shuu's neck when he tried to protect you from the truth about how you destroyed your room. So was shouting at him when he politely offered to bring you food or coffee or literally anything else you wanted. So was making a huge deal out of a maid coming to do your laundry for you. So was sobbing all over Master Shuu like a Dummkopf and ruining his shirt. So was screaming about wanting to die after everything he's done for you. So was nearly dropping this cup after all the trouble he went through to get it for you. So was interrupting him when he was trying to play the piano. So was accusing him of lying to you when you were frightened by a measly little rodent. And—don't tell me—so was sneaking into Master Shuu's room, taking one of his sweaters, and wearing that sweater yourself after all your little temper tantrums about how no one is allowed to even look at your stuff without your permission. All of that was just an accident, right? Just a little accident that you in no way meant to happen at all. Just an accident, right? RIGHT? JUST AN ACCIDENT! LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT!"
Ken couldn't speak through the waterfalls pouring from his eyes and the gasping sobs flooding from his throat. He crumbled to the floor, a shaking, sweating mess.
"Scheiße," Kanae snorted. "Widerlich Scheiße, that's all you are. You take advantage of Master Shuu's kindness and don't thank him for anything. You play the innocent victim when all you are is a Schlampe. A Schlampe, you understand me? A slut! A disgusting piece of shit slut! You can try to fool everyone here, but you can't fool me! Kaneki Ken, Sasaki Haise, whoever the fuck you are."
"…Cup…"
Kanae glared. "What did you say?"
"Cup…" Ken repeated, looking up at the other. His entire face was pink and puffy, tears and mucus and saliva running down it. "Just…my cup…please…"
"YOU SELFISH PIG!" Kanae screamed, attracting the attention of the nearby servants. They ran to the kitchen, but neither Ken nor Kanae paid them any attention. Kanae slammed the bag of coffee beans on the counter and took Ken's cup in both hands. "I tell you the list of everything you should be apologizing for, I expose you for the fraud you are, and all you can do is beg me for this stupid cup back? This cup means more to you than anything, huh? More than paying Master Shuu back for everything he's done for you and more than at least attempting to be a decent person. Disgusting. Disgusting! You're disgusting! This cup is disgusting!"
"My cup…!"
Kanae lifted the cup above his head. "GET OUT, YOU DISGUSTING, SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT!" And he brought his hands down.
A kagune burst forward and impaled Kanae in the shoulder. He screamed and fumbled, the cup falling from his hands and sent plummeting to the floor. Ken squeezed his eyes shut and tried to scream, but no sound came, and neither did the crash. When Ken opened his eyes, he saw Shuu on the floor cradling the cup like it was a newborn baby. He looked up and saw Matsumae holding her kagune, still firmly planted in Kanae's shoulder, like a sword. Behind Ken stood the large man he had seen in the hallway earlier that week.
"Well now," the man said calmly, "I was wondering why no one had come to welcome us home."
"My deepest apologies, Master Mirumo," Matsumae said. "Unfortunately, the situation here was quite urgent."
Mirumo nodded. "I can see that."
Kanae tried to grab at Matsumae's kagune, squinting out of pain as he attempted to focus. "Master Mirumo…"
"Care to explain yourself, Kanae?"
"I…"
"Because it certainly sounds like you're the disgusting, selfish one who hasn't thanked us for all we've done for you."
Kanae opened his mouth to speak, but his throat was tight and dry. Matsumae removed her kagune, and he finally let out a pained cry as he fell to the floor, blood dripping everywhere. He clutched his shoulder and looked up only to see Shuu glaring down at him, eyes blazing and tense jaw trembling with anger. Shuu turned to Ken before Kanae could speak.
"Kaneki," Shuu cooed, kneeling down in front of the sobbing man, "Kaneki, look, I have your cup. It's right here. It's fine, it isn't broken. Here." He gently touched Ken's shoulder, and Ken slowly raised his head to see that Shuu was right. His cup was in one piece, like nothing had happened. But the sight of Shuu looking at him with such adoration and care made him lower his head again, and Ken sobbed harder as Kanae's words repeatedly echoed in his mind.
"…Kaneki?"
Ken jumped at the new yet familiar voice. Breathing heavily, he turned, eyes wide.
"…Banjou?"
"Kaneki," Banjou repeated, voice breathy. He looked back and forth between Ken and Shuu before stepping aside. "And…"
"Big Brother," Hinami said softly.
Ken stared at the two of them before looking back at Shuu, looking like he was about to scream again. Shuu swallowed thickly. "The project the Little Mouse was working on," he said. "When you told me you didn't know where Monsieur Banjou was, I asked her to look for him. That was why she said I owed her a cake. I received a text from her on the way home that she had found him in the 6th ward. We picked him up and stopped at Monsieur Kirishima's place to pick up the Little Lady, too, so that's why we were late coming home. I thought it would be a nice surprise. And…" Shuu looked past Banjou, Hinami, and the servants at a bouquet of gardenias and a small bag on the floor. "…I had some souvenirs from Kyoto for you. I thought…we could all enjoy them together."
The servants began whispering amongst themselves, many of them shooting Kanae disappointed looks while Shuu helped Ken stand. Ken immediately fell into Shuu's arms, burying his face in his chest. "Wanna die," he choked out, "wanna die…"
Shuu glared at Kanae one last time before picking Ken up and carrying him to his room, Banjou and Hinami close behind. The servants dispersed while Matsumae picked up the bouquet and bag, following her master to drop them off in Ken's room.
"Master Mirumo…"
Mirumo looked down at Kanae, who clutched his shoulder and looked back at him with pleading eyes.
"Please…"
Mirumo took a rag from the sink and threw it into Kanae's face. "Clean yourself up."
Kanae's tears dripped into the blood puddles on the floor as Mirumo left him behind.
Pharisäer
The Pharisäer is the national drink of North Frisia, which is today part of Schleswig-Holstein, the northernmost state in Germany. It consists of coffee, rum, sugar, and whipped cream. It dates back to 1872 and was invented to sneak alcohol behind the back of a pastor who constantly berated people for drinking. His congregation snuck the rum into their own drinks and used the whipped cream to mask the alcohol's scent while serving him a version without rum. Eventually though, he caught on to what was happening, and he shouted, "Ihr Pharisäer!," referring to the sect that heckled Jesus in the Temple.
You will need:
1 part strong coffee
Sugar cubes
1 part rum
Whipped cream
1. Brew your coffee and pour it into your cup (usually a large, glass tumbler with a saucer, but any cup will do).
2. Sweeten the coffee to taste. Do not stir.
3. Add the rum. Do not stir!
4. Place the whipped cream on top and serve. Traditionally, you're supposed to sip this drink through the whipped cream. And if you stirred it? Then you're buying the next round of drinks.
Recipe courtesy of About Food.
