Disclaimer: I do not own Girl meets World or their characters or the TV shows or Books I reference in this story.

Author's Notes: Warning: This story is almost over but just to let you know this chapter has a LOT of Rucas undertones. So if you are not a Rucas fan, just think of it as friendship but just remember this is PROBABLY not going to end Rucas, there's a 2% chance it could.

btw Santa is real...don't let this story fool you SANTA IS REAL!

XOXOX

With Christmas so close, Riley asked her mom if she would want to go shopping with her this Saturday when they both had some free time. Topanga immediately said yes at the chance of an afternoon bonding day with her daughter and the two of them went to the closest mall.

"Did you know what you were looking for exactly?" The mother asked her daughter as she thought of more things to get her children. She noticed Riley had a somewhat different fashion style now and wanted to buy her some new cloths. One thing she really loved about her daughter's new persona is that it isn't negative like she originally thought it was. Her cloths are somewhat darker but are not under any circumstances inappropriate. She's expressing herself in a new way and as much as hates to admit it, Topanga is not someone who appreciates change like she should.

Riley thinks it over and knows she wants to get more of her friend's gift with her mom, so she can buy what she needs to buy for her mom and Auggie when she goes shopping with her Uncle Josh.

"I think I'm going to browse for anyone at this time except you. I'm finding your gift when I go out with Uncle Josh." She answers and her mom smiles at the mention of her spending more time with her uncle and not just her friends like she used to.

They go shopping for a couple hours; Topanga picks up some "Santa Gifts" for Auggie and even a little something for Ava, who despite being a little bratty, has grown on the older woman. She gets her husband some cloths for him too, and plans on buying him his favorite whiskey he only drinks on special occasions. She notes the things she wants to buy for her daughter and tries to think of the day she can pick them up. She also looks around for somethings for her sister and thinks of things to get Katy and Shawn before and after the wedding.

Riley however wastes no time in getting things for her friends. She buys Zoe a beautiful leather bound journal with the Tree of Life on the front, Lucy a couple records she knows her friend has been eyeing, Mike a nice Nets jersey of his favorite player since they've had so many basketball talks through out their friendship, Octavio a Supernatural shirt from Hot Topic and a POP Castiel as "Steve", she tried finding the original Castiel with his trench coat, but the guy says they didn't have it. For Farkle and Smackle she gets them a gift card to their favorite restaurant and this really cool Science book she knows Farkle wanted. For Zay a couple funny shirts. She looks around for Lucas for a while and decides to get him this Texas themed shirt and a long stainless steel necklace that had the state of New York on it. She knows he'll understand what she means.

She decides she was going to wait till she shops with her uncle to look for something for Maya.

When she moves onto buying for her family, she gets her dad some new pajamas and book on WWII she thinks he would like. Auggie she gets him some new shoes and a game for his DS her mom was planning on giving him for Christmas. For her Uncle Eric she gets him this funny tie she knows he would like and dress shirt she thinks he would look good in. For Uncle Josh, she gets him a new beanie, this one forest green and is going to get him a gift card to Bed Bath & Beyond so he can get more stuff for his dorm next year. She buys a couple more things for her grandparents but saves the rest for later since her arms were getting too full.

"It's a good thing you save up so much for the holidays. You are too generous." Topanga tells her and Riley smiles, taking that as a compliment.

"You can never be too generous during Christmas. I don't want to get people impersonal gifts. Oh by the way, I want to stop by the Disney store and get something for the Toys for Tots!" Riley says as she remembers the older Marines that are seated in the mall, collecting donations or toys so children in need can have a Christmas as well.

Topanga smiles but agrees and they head to the children store and they both buy a Disney figurine set. One of Disney princesses and one Micky Mouse. Riley brings them over to the older military men and thanks them for the service before returning to her mom.

"Have I told you lately that I'm very proud of the woman you're becoming."

Riley smiles and gives her mom a one armed hug. Despite both their arms being full, the hug was just what they needed.

"Thanks mom, I had some good inspiration."

XOXOX

On the last day before winter break, Riley gathers all the gifts she got her friends and brings them to school with her. She is wearing her new lace emerald green long sleeved shirt with her tight black jeans, deep red leg warmers, and black boots. Her hair is curled beautifully, and she decides to forgo any makeup.

She happily says goodbye to her dad until class starts, looking at everyone in the halls with a smile. Many people have already exchanged gifts and were in a good mood. It seemed like it would be a good day.

She puts all the gifts she could in her locker and decides to talk to Zoe a little before the bell would ring. She walks to her locker and is expecting to see her half asleep as usual with a gallon of coffee in her hand. However, instead of half asleep. Her friend was decked out in green and red, including a glittering Santa hat with a tiara. As soon as Zoe sees her she squeals and gives her a giant hug almost dropping her coffee!

"Riley! I'm so happy to see you!" She says before pulling away and digging into her locker. She pulls out a hat just like hers and shoves it at her.

"Here I bought this for you! Oh it sucks I won't see you after today, mi familia and I are going to Jersey to see my Tia and Tio and their new baby." Zoe won't stop rambling and Riley smiles before putting the Santa hat she was given onto her head.

"I know what you mean, but we have today and a couple hours after school. I don't know about you but I want to make the most of it." Riley says before giving her another hug just as the bell is about to ring.

They tell each other they will see each other during free period and go their separate ways.

When she gets to her father's class, he has the word growth on the board. She looks at him and he just gives her a small smile and a look that was asking her to trust him. She nodded at him as she sat in her usual seat and turning to give Farkle and Smackle a smile.

"Look guys, I know no one today is going to be paying attention with winter break tomorrow but I just want to say one quick thing. This year I think you all can agree that you have been growing since you got to high school." Corey started to tell his students. Most of them he's already had the pleasure of teaching but some he's just meeting and he can tell he's already started to have an effect on them. He takes the lessons from Mr. Feeny and tries and teach this new generation.

"Yeah! I grew like a foot since I started here." A boy named Nathan jokes and Corey smiles and shakes his head.

"But it's more than that! You guys are growing up. Learning more, making new friends, and experiencing more than you thought possible. It's rough though right?" He asked everyone and can see the understanding in each of his student's eyes. He looked at Maya a little longer than everyone else and saw the effect his words were already having on her.

She just seemed so lost now and that kills him. He's known Maya since she crawled into Riley's window when they were seven. She had such fire, such spirit, but it seemed like losing Riley who was always attached to her hip made her start second guess herself. He always had a parental instinct to protect Maya and wanted to make sure she felt accepted and loved at all times. However, that instinct almost cost him a relationship with his own daughter Riley so he stepped back and trusted Shawn to watch out for Maya but it seemed like she was getting worse. She seemed so determined to stay the same and watch everyone else try new things.

"Is it always good to grow though? What's wrong with things staying the same?" Maya asked her favorite teacher softly. Ever since the ski lounge, Maya has been thinking more and more about what Riley must have felt like during the end of middle school. She knows she can be a little...demanding. Coming from a family where her dad left and her mom had to work so much she never saw her made Maya seem invisible to her family so she did everything she could to make sure everyone else saw her. It's just in herself to be the leader and have a lot of spot light and she always thought that Riley was okay with that. However, when she realized that the way she was feeling now might be how Riley was feeling for so long... she can't help but feel like her heart was being ripped out of her chest.

Riley was her best friend. She knew the moment she heard Riley singing in Bay Window all those years ago, there was a ray of light surrounding her and Maya, coming from a broken home, wanted some of that light. All these years past and she never noticed that she may have stolen all of Riley's light just so she could feel loved. Riley was supposed to be her always and forever and she hurt her that she went to find something more than her.

Corey looks at Maya softly and understands why she would ask such a question. Yes, sometimes he wishes he was back at high school with Topanga as his girlfriend not his wife, Shawn attached to his hip with Angela attached to his. They had so much less responsibility and had more time for fun. They had the time of their lives, but that doesn't mean he would trade his present to go back in the past.

"No. Sometimes growing can lead you to do bad things. Drugs maybe. Rushing into a relationship with the wrong person, making friends with people who want you to be untrue to who you really are, things like that. That's why it's so important to be educated. Some of the biggest mistakes people make at your age is because of a lack of education! That's why I teach you all these kinds of lessons, for you all to be prepared for the real world. This world is just beginning for you, you have so much to learn still." Corey lectures and everyone seems mesmerized with his words.

Lucas raises his hand hesitantly and Corey nods at him to ask his question.

"You never answered the second question: what's wrong with things staying the same?" Lucas smiles at him and knows he is trying to help one of his kids. Not Riley this time but Maya. The blonde was not in a good place right now and no one knew what to do to help her. They wanted her to be apart of their lives changing. Adding new friends to their group, doing things they never have before, broadening their horizons.

Corey nodded and thought for a second on how to say what he wanted to say. He was okay, but he was no Mr. Feeny.

"What do you learn when things stay the same? What can you accomplish if you do not grow?" He asked him instead but is looking at Maya.

Maya has tears in her eyes and she can feel Riley's eyes staring at her.

"Nothing, you can't do anything with yourself if nothing changes." She whispers and Corey nods sadly at her.

"Exactly right. Yeah, it's nice to be in a world where things are simple and everyone gets along, but that's not the real world. The world is complicated, messy, and filled with more drama than we probably need but it's the world we have. By staying the same and not giving yourself room to grow you trap yourself while everyone else grows bigger and bigger, leaving you feeling 2 feet tall." He finishes and Maya wipes her eyes and looks at Riley.

Riley was still staring at her and she had tears welling up in her eyes as well.

XOXOX

That day at lunch Riley walks to her usual table with everyone's gifts in her hands. She knows she will probably see them after today and before the holiday's but she really wanted them to get her gifts now. She saw Farkle and Smackle were already there with some gifts of their own to hand out.

"Hey guys! Happy early Christmas!" Riley says happily and plops all her bags on the table. She wasn't even buying lunch today she wanted to remember today. She put her journal down next to her placed it on her lap. She didn't think she was going to write anything yet but she liked to know it was close to her.

"Riley, you're a New Yorker, you don't need to say Happy Christmas." Farkle jokes and makes her laugh.

"Oh I'm sorry Smackle, I should have said Happy Hanuka too. How's your holiday going?" Riley asked politely and Smackle smiles a little happy her holiday and her family's beliefs aren't being ignored.

"It's okay to say Merry Christmas. Hanuka doesn't start till the 24th this year but when it does I will inform you." She replies and Riley nods before placing a small Hanuka bag in front of her, a Rudolf bag in front of her Farkle with an envelope in between.

"I got you guys a group gift since you both are so cute together." Riley says casually and smirks at the blush on both their faces.

Just as they were about to open their gifts, Zay, Lucas, and Maya come to the table with some gifts in their hands as well. Well Zay had a pile of envelopes on top of his lunch tray. They all greeted each other and smiled. Everyone seems like they are in a good mood as they handed out everyone's gifts out. Riley gently places a small box with an envelope in front of Maya. She doesn't look at her but instead thanks Farkle for the faux baby's breath hair piece and crescent moon necklace and thanks Smackle for a galaxy print infinity scarf and crescent moon stud earrings.

"I'm sensing a pattern here." She smiles at them and they nod while they open their gifts from her.

"Yeah well we figure you didn't want to be a ray of sunshine anymore, so moon child seemed like a safe assumption." Smackle says and Riley smiles.

"Not that you aren't a ray of sunshine but you have some moonlight in you. Thank you so much for this book, I've been wanting it forever." Farkle says.

She opens her gift from Zay and it's a $30 gift card to Barnes and Noble. She thanks him and watches while he opens her gifts which are tee shirts, one from The Dark Knight with the Joker, and the second a funny and only slightly inappropriate saying.

"Haha thanks Riley, I was almost afraid it was going to be a book." He jokes but she could tell he was only kidding and didn't hate reading as much as he says.

She looks over at Lucas and is surprised he didn't open his gifts yet, and was a little hurt when he didn't give her one. She already figured Maya wouldn't get her anything. Of course Christmas isn't about gifts and even if it was, it's about giving them not receiving. She thinks of last year when Maya's gift to her was Riley's donation to Maya getting a new winter coat and that honestly was fine with her. If Maya couldn't get her anything she wasn't going to be upset about it especially if she needed a new coat for winter.

Lucas gets up and looks over to Riley.

"Can you walk with me to my locker? I want to talk to you." Lucas says softly and Riley nods before getting up to follow him. Once they leave the cafeteria Lucas looks back to her.

"I know you're probably wondering why I didn't bring you anything..." He starts to say and she shakes her head.

"Not at all. I don't expect a gift from anyone, I just like giving things to people to try and make them happy." She answers and he can't help but smile at her answer. Some things about Riley will never change.

"Regardless, I did get you something. It's just I want to give it to you in private. Would it be okay if I stopped by your house tomorrow?" He asked her hopefully. Recently, he's felt so much closer to her and to have her so close and know he's still not where they were before still kills him.

"Sure. Morning okay?" She asked softly and he nodded in confirmation.

"Are you going to open your gift?" She asked him quietly. She wanted him to open it.

He shook his head.

"No, I'm going to wait till tomorrow so we can open them together."

Riley smiled as they reached into his locker so he can put the gifts from everyone else in there. However, before he could put hers she took it from him.

"Just so you aren't tempted." She smiles and walks away.

She doesn't see the pure happiness on his face as he walks away.

As soon as lunch was over, Riley practically ran to the library where Zoe and the gang were. She already had all her gifts for them in her hands but when she sees them, she runs right into Mike's arms for a big hug.

"Oh I'm so happy to see you guys!" She said once she broke apart from Mike and placed the gifts on their usual table.

She gives everyone else a hug and they end up talking about what they wanted to do during winter break instead of exchanging gifts.

"We should go to your mom's shop to hang out one day." Lucy suggested and Octavio snorts.

"Yes my dear, let's become even bigger nerd stereotypes." He jokes and everyone else laughs.

"I get what you mean Octavio but it's not the worst idea. I'd personally love to see the place. If it's anything like Riley's house, it's going to be awesome." Zoe says and winks at Riley.

They talk for another half hour before they realize that free period was about to be over. Mike quickly hands out everyone's gifts and they all give joyous thanks.

Riley holds on tightly to the black La Luna shirt (very ironic since all her other friends gave her something with a moon on it) Mike gave her, the set of The 100 pins and a Bellarke shirt from Lucy, the silver earrings and messenger bag from Octavio who wrote "hermanita" on the strap which she knew meant little sister and photo album with the many snap shots of Book Club and fun times with her new friends with a beautiful wrap around hair piece from Zoe.

These people, these amazing people she has only known for four months have helped her so much in no time at all. She has become so much stronger since she's met them and not because she leans on them but because they helped her stand on her own. They gave her the power of words and she found that in books, she was not only like everyone else but that it was possible for her to have a voice. It was possible for her be a more independent person as opposed to the girl she was who followed the shadows of Maya, Farkle, and Lucas.

"I love you guys so much!" Riley says to them as she hugs them all in thanks.

"And we love you." Mike says affectionately and she smiles at him.

Zoe can see something in her friend's eyes, something was going on and she knew that Riley needed to talk to someone about it.

"Come on mi vida, talk to me." Zoe gently pulls her to the side to where the shelves where. She leads Riley to the fiction section where they first met.

"Lucas wants to come over tomorrow to exchange gifts...privately." Riley admits and Zoe finally understands why Riley looks so nervous.

"And you're afraid of what exactly? That he's going to tell you he chose Maya?" She asks softly. She knows Riley still has some feelings for Lucas but she doesn't even think Riley knows how those feelings have changed since high school. But no matter what, Lucas will always hold a piece of Riley's heart. Just like Maya always will.

Riley thinks about it but shakes her head. "No that's not it. I think I'm afraid that he's going to say he chooses me." Riley finally admits that to someone. It's something that has been on her mind since her uncle told her he thinks Lucas will choose her.

"Go on sweetie...tell me more." Zoe pushes her friend a little as she puts a hand on her shoulder.

"I remember who I was when I knew I loved Lucas. I knew I loved him not too long after we met, the way we talked about our hopes in dreams in the library...it was magical. He is so special, so amazing, so...good. You know he brought a white horse to school and took me for a stroll through the halls, saying that to him I was a princess? It was one of the greatest moments of my life and he still said that was not HIS moment. I waited for so long for that moment to come but it never did and then Maya admitted she wanted him and I backed off so she could try and get happiness. How can I be the person I am now if I get together with Lucas? Will I go back to being the girl I was before? Overshadowed by someone that shines so much brighter than me?" She asks her friend lost and Zoe looks at her with such empathy.

"I know you're afraid...hell I would be too. Pero isn't that what love is? Jumping into something so scary yet so amazing?! Do you want me real opinion?" Zoe asks her and Riley immediately nods.

"If he does say he chooses you and you are not ready, you need to be honest with him. When you tried to tell him you thought of him as a brother, that was Maya talking, not you and that almost ruined you. You need to tell him how you felt then and how you feel now, in your heart, not anyone else's. If you still have feelings for him maybe it's a better idea to get to know each other more intimately before you even think about dating. Go out just you two but not as a date, just as friends. You told me you used to talk about anything and everything with him; maybe it's time to go back to that." Zoe says shrugging and she can see her words echoing in her friend's head.

As the bell rings, Riley gives her friend a giant hug and thanks her for everything. She gets her things and promises to see her friends soon before giving them yet another hug goodbye.

Maybe Zoe was right. However, Riley was not holding her breath on Lucas choosing her.

XOXOX

That morning, Riley woke up with knots in her stomach. She paced all around her room, debated with herself on what to wear, texted Zoe to try and calm herself but she didn't answer so Zoe must still be asleep and she didn't want to call her friend and wake her.

She rushed into her kitchen and saw her mom sitting, drinking her coffee slowly.

"Mom, I need your help." Riley stated almost frantically and Topanga's eyes go wide before she gets up.

"Can I take my coffee or does this require physical labor?" She asks her daughter seriously and Riley lets out a little smile.

"You can take the coffee. I just wanna talk to you and need some help." She says and Topanga follows her into her room and sees Riley hesitantly sit on the bay window, a place Riley hasn't been for advice in a long time.

"What's wrong sweetie?" The older woman asks and Riley tells her everything. Tells her Lucas is coming over soon, how she is kind of confused about her feelings for him but is still hoping he chooses her, how she isn't sure she is ready, and finally...

"I miss Maya. If by some chance, Lucas chooses me, I don't want to lose her completely. I don't want our only chance at becoming kind of friends again to be ruined over a boy." She admits and Topanga nods in understanding.

"Do you think your friendship was already ruined over Lucas?" She had to ask her daughter. She means that she saw Maya and Riley grow up together and grow even closer through out the years, that is, until Lucas. While she liked the boy, Topanga had to ask herself logically if he was the reason Riley felt depressed and alone.

"No. I mean, he was part of the reason of course, but no, he was not the reason I broke away from Maya. You know her mom, Maya is brighter than the Sun, and she casts a big shadow and I was in her shadow for a long time. With Maya around, I felt like I had no light and nothing I did caused anyone to really see me. I was considered Riley the Super Klutz and yet I know I can dance, yes I'm clumsy but I have some grace to me. People thought of me as naive and ditzy when I was second in my class with only Farkle being ahead of me. I just felt like a nothing. At times I felt worse than when I was being bullied by Missy. It just became too much." She tells her mom how it really felt all those months ago.

Riley talks about the last two years like it was a life time ago. It felt like it's been too long since she felt that way about herself and about others.

Topanga had tears in her eyes while she remembered Eric and Josh telling her that as her mother she was bias to Maya over Riley because she would comfort Maya over Riley, call Maya a warrior while treating her daughter like she WAS a ditz. It was a horrible realization for two people that she admittedly never took seriously to tell her something she was so blind to.

Riley also tells her what Zoe's advice is and Topanga feels a bit of jealousy at how well a freshman girl who's only known Riley since September has better advice than she does.

"I think Zoe is right. You have to go with your instincts; they haven't failed you yet."

Riley nods before standing up from the bay window.

"Can you help me find something to wear?" She asks her mom and Topanga gives a small smile before she stands up and makes her way to her little girl's closet.

"Let's see what we can find"

TBC!