Okay, this one took me a while. I was plagued by writers block, but hey, I got it done. :D So...yeah, we had a pep rally yesterday and Juniors won!!! WHOOO!!!! And we won our first football game yesterday HOORAHHH!!! So it sort of inspired me to write, and plus I reread your reviews adn I was like, I gotta do this!

Anyway, here u go!

Nicola

Disclaimer: duh. you know it.


Sasuke had left the village, possibly for good. Raiden, walking through the village, felt a nervous flutter in her stomach. She knew what it was like to leave your home, but she'd always known she'd return eventually, even if it was only to be buried here with her brother. But Sasuke was a different story. No one knew if he was planning on coming back, whether as friend or foe.

She shook her head, running a nervous hand through her flowing blonde hair. It was the day after that horrible anniversary, and here she was fretting about the well-being of a kid she didn't even like all that much. What was wrong with her? She should be more worried about herself, and how she was going to deal with all of this pain and worry all in one day.

Well, maybe the root for her worries was really Naruto. Yeah, that had to be it. Naruto, her nephew. Naruto, her brother's son. Naruto, the one she'd placed all of her hopes on. Okay, so she had already started imagining him as the Hokage someday—she didn't know who was going to take over after Tsunade either retired or passed on. It certainly wouldn't be herself. Though she had the blood for it, she knew she wasn't emotionally stable to take on the role her brother had. And Naruto seemed the only likely candidate left.

Another sigh escaped her lips and she rubbed her forehead, vaguely wondering where she was going. Oh, who cares. Wherever it was, it was probably more interesting than the contents of her screwed-up mind. She was such a freak.

Raiden found herself walking past the gates of Konoha, the gates that she knew Sasuke had walked through as he'd left the village. She saw someone just outside those gates and paused to look. The "someone" was tall, and his entire stature was lazy. She saw him dig a scroll out of his pouch, bite his thumb, and press the scroll to the ground. In a moment, several barking, whining dogs were in front of him, and she could hear the murmur of his voice as he talked to the calmest of the dogs, the one she knew to be named Pakkun.

Raiden wrinkled her nose and turned away, intending on heading back to the temple and seek refuge in her room. But as her feet carried her down the streets, she realized she was going towards Hatake's house. She shrugged; maybe it would be okay to visit his house…even though he wasn't home. She could snoop a bit and see if he still kept a few relics around….

The small wooden house came into view, and she carefully controlled her pace; she knew she was excited, but that didn't mean she was going to risk anyone seeing it. If all went like she hoped, the neighbors would think her visit to Hatake's house was merely one dealing with missions or something. She ambled—with some difficulty—up to his front door and pushed it open.

She was met, once again, by the house's bland interior, and sighed. Hatake had never been one to decorate. She remembered some time many, many years ago when the house had had pictures and paintings and little wooden hangings with sayings on them everywhere. She could visualize the pictures now, each on the exact spots on the walls, the coffee tables, the mantle above the tiny fireplace.

Her eyes raked over one of the far walls; she knew she was getting close to where a certain tender photograph had hung, and she fought to control her heartbeat. She halted her gaze on the spot where it was supposed to be, and her hopes fell. Of course. It wasn't there. Why should it be, anyway? It wasn't as if it meant anything to either of them anymore, definitely not her. Most definitely not her.

She swallowed and walked past the kitchen, not caring to look inside. The room she really wanted to investigate was Hatake's own room, the place where she used to be able to go for comforting words and a good friend's company. As always, his room was green—really, had she expected it to change in a few hours?—and boring, mostly empty except for the bed, bookcase, desk, and plant on the windowsill. And the two pictures.

She took slow steps over to the bed and sat down, hands resting on the rough green comforter. Nothing had really changed from the last time she'd been in here—really been in here—and, considering that Hatake was a creature of habit, she really shouldn't have expected it to. She sighed and surveyed the room, a little smile tugging at her lips as she took in all the little nooks and crannies and shelves and scratches she knew so well. Back then, Hatake had been her best friend. And now, she didn't know what they were.

Rising from the bed and going over to the neat little desk, Raiden tugged one of the small drawer's open and peered inside. It was full of pens, carefully stacked papers, documents, and other paraphernalia Raiden sat down on the desk chair and started shifting through the slips of paper. She saw notes, old mission assignments, receipts, and a lot of other junk she really didn't care about.

She noticed the corner of an older, more wrinkled piece of paper sticking out from a bunch of receipts and tugged it free. The side facing her read: Jounin Exams, Raiden. Blinking, Raiden flipped the paper over. Why would Hatake have something from the Jounin Exams involving her?

On the other side, she saw her own young face grinning back at her. She gaped, staring at the two figures on the old photograph and finally realizing what the words on the back meant. It had been the day she'd passed her Jounin exams. She'd just finished the last portion of the test—she didn't even want to think of how hard that had been—and was out celebrating with Minato and a few others. In the picture, her twelve-year-old self was grinning like an idiot with an arm slung around the shoulders of a lazy-postured boy about her age or a year older. Under his mask, you could tell he was grinning. He had his arm around her waist, and was holding her to him.

Raiden stared down at the picture, her mouth agape in shock. She remembered that day exactly. Just after she'd been named a Jounin—won the Jounin exams, really—she'd been swept out for a celebratory night on the town by Hatake, Minato, and her two teammates, who had also become Jounin, Kei and Ben. They went out to the ramen shop, of course, ate as much as they could, gotten ice cream cones, and went out for a night of dancing and hanging out at the bar, although Minato had been the only one old enough to get some sake.

And Hatake—then Kakashi to her—had asked her to dance, and from then on they hadn't been separated the rest of the night, and the next few days, too. She smiled, thinking of the wonderful time spent together. But then her heart wrenched at what had happened two years after that, and she placed the picture back in the drawer, closing it.

Why did she have to be plagued by such terrible thoughts all the time, all those memories she didn't want? Why was she cursed with the remembrance of the day that had ruined her life? Why was it her, and not anyone else? Those questions had nagged her every day since Minato had died, and still did, never relenting in their quest to make her life a living hell. And they were damn good at it, too.

She stood up from the chair and walked out of Hatake's bedroom, not wanting to deal with any more memories right now. She dragged her feet to the living room and was reach for the door when it suddenly opened itself. A gasp escaped her lips as an equally astonished Hatake paused in his entrance to his house.

"Umm…" Hatake tilted his head and gazed curiously at the woman standing in front of him, in his living room, uninvited. "Is there any particular reason you're in my house?"

"N-not really," Raiden stammered, and mentally cursed herself for showing that small sign of weakness. She quickly iced herself over and continued, "Just coming for a visit, is all. I'll be on my way." She brushed past Hatake, but he grabbed her arm and stopped her. She turned, glaring, to stare at him.

"If you came for a visit, why are you leaving the moment I get home?" Hatake wanted to know, and Raiden bit the inside of her mouth.

"To tell you the truth, I wasn't visiting you. I was visiting more…welcome things," she said, having decided that being vague was better than being open about her real reasons for coming to Hatake's house when he wasn't there. "So I'm leaving. Good bye."
But Hatake followed her.

She ground her teeth together in irritation, thinking up ways to possibly get rid of Hatake without being overly kind. Maybe if she brought out the whole "I-have-no-respect-for-you-so-go-away-and-don't-look-back" routine. Or if she just reminded him that he was the reason she'd left in the first place and it wouldn't be good for him to repeat his actions. No, those seemed a little too mean, even if he deserved it.

Deciding the best tactic was, as always, to ignore Hatake into talking, she proceeded to pay attention to everything but the man walking next to her, from the bees in the flowers to the people walking around. But she was still hyper aware of Hatake being just behind and to the left of her, and her nerves were on end from him being so close. She didn't know why—she still resented him with every bone in her body, every part of her telling her that he was not someone to behold trust in or care for. And yet…

She could feel him coming just slightly closer with every step, closing the already tiny gap in between them as inconspicuously as he could. She knew him well, though, and even if he was just as skilled as she was, it wasn't hard to figure out what he was trying to do. Still, her instincts told her to keep acting oblivious to his presence, but it was becoming harder and harder to do, since he kept inching his way closer, and closer.

His arm brushed up against hers, and she struggled to keep from shivering. Though he was dressed in his ANBU clothes, as he was most of the time in public, she could still feel the warmth of his skin. She gnawed on the inside of her mouth, focusing on the pain and not the old, pressed down feelings rising up in her chest. Her right hand rubbed her left arm, where she could feel the slightly lifted skin representing the scars she'd inflicted on herself. Pain, not emotion. Just pain, think of the pain.

Her nails dug into her skin slightly over one of the deep scars, and she let out a sharp gasp of pain. The nerves in her scars, though damaged, were still very sensitive to any prick or pressure. It hurt much more to scratch that one part of her arm than any other part of her body.

Hatake noticed her little gasp, and took one long stride so he was not walking directly next to her. She saw his eye dart down at the scars on her arm she was rubbing and digging into, but he didn't say anything, and for that she was grateful. She wasn't in the mood to have him lecture her about inflicting purposeful bodily harm to herself just for the rush of endorphins it gave her. Though that wasn't the endorphins that had brought on the cutting. She had never cut another part of her body other than the three gashes in her arm. It was the reminder that there were worse things than having lost a brother, that there was a physical pain that could combat her torn emotions.

Their walking slowed to a turtles pace, and Raiden finally turned to look at her old friend. He was watching her, lazily, of course, but nonetheless watching her. She held the gaze of his gray eye, not noticing that they'd stopped walking altogether. He was so annoying, so irritatingly calm and collected all the time, so well-educated in the workings of her mind. He knew so much about her, too much, really, and probably knew just how to play it to his advantage. And there wasn't anything she could do about it.

Hatake's partially-gloved hand reached and touched her arm, her left arm, where the scars were. She looked down at the pale, cold fingers resting on her skin and watched as he traced the outline of each piece of raised pink skin.

"Where did you get these?" he asked in that bored voice of his. She jerked her arm away and held it protectively at her side.

"Nowhere that you need to know about, Hatake," she growled in as menacing a tone as she could muster, which wasn't much. She tried to concentrate on making herself intimidating, but it wouldn't come, and she swallowed hard, knowing that in a few moments Hatake would have the story out of her.

"You did this to yourself." It wasn't a question, just a statement of fact, and she nodded unwillingly. Hatake looked sharply down at her; she hadn't realized how much taller he was. "Why?"

"Because," she said, meeting his cutting gaze with a firm one of her own. "I had to deal with the pain, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm a lot less of a wreck than I was back then." Okay, it sounded juvenile. But what other choice did she have? She couldn't think of a comeback that fast to a question like his. It was so vague!

"And you just couldn't come to anyone to ask for help." Hatake's tone had turned mocking, angry, and he looked upwards as if he couldn't stand to look at her. "Because you're so damn stubborn about everything, and just refuse to ask for help. Not even from the person who tried to help you, who tried to get you through that swamp you'd thrown yourself in. But you were pigheaded about it. And now you're suffering ten times more because you had to resort to bodily harm to try and help yourself." He looked back at her, and she winced at the viciousness in his sneer. When had he become so hostile?

He turned on his heel to walk away, and foolishly, she called out to him. "Wait, Hatake!"

"What?" he snarled, and she couldn't remember ever seeing him so mean. "You want me to sympathize with you or something?" He scoffed. "Just in case you've forgotten, Namikaze, I don't have anyone left I care about, either. My father's dead, my mother's dead, my teammates are dead, and the only people I have to converse with are a bunch of drunk Jounin and three bratty kids. And now one of them has run off to join Orochimaru, which means I failed my job, and I can't help him. So if you want to be a whiny little child and get some sympathy, go somewhere else, Raiden. We all have our sob stories."

She watched him go in utter shock, never having seen his shoulders shake in anger, or his gray eye narrow so dangerously. She found that she was shivering, probably from the hostile tone of his voice, the malevolent way he'd looked at her. And then, through the shock, she felt guilt.

Hatake was right—she was just a whiny little kid who wanted everyone to sympathize with her just because she'd lost her brother thirteen years ago. That wasn't right, it wasn't fair. She hadn't realized how unkind she'd been to everyone, how unfair and unjust. She'd wanted all the attention, all the kindness, all for herself, and hadn't seen how the other person was living. Especially Hatake.

He'd always been there for her, comforting her, never forgetting a birthday or a holiday, paying her a visit on the thirteenth anniversary of Minato's death, putting up with her snide little comments and cocky attitude, and not protesting her assisting in the training of his team. And here she was, not even seeing that Hatake himself was living in an utter hell. Obito had died for him, Rin soon after, his father had perished when he was a young child, and she wasn't even sure he'd know his mother at all. His friends weren't really friends, his team just a bunch of bantlings, and now one of them had left for good. And he was blaming himself.

She took a shaky breath, feeling the weight of all this pressing down on her. She knew now what a terrible person she was, and that she never had meant for her emotions to get in the way of her relationships, but they did, always.

Fighting the urge to take off after Hatake and apologize ten times over—he wasn't the nicest person when he was in a fury, she was learning—Raiden broke into a run, heading for the one place she knew she'd be really alone to have a one-sided conversation with the one person who would truly listen.



Standing in front of the black memorial stone, looking down at one of the names carved into it, Raiden felt like the whole world was about to come crashing down. She was staring at Minato's name, feeling all those old emotions rushing up on her again, and the tears springing to her eyes. She dropped to her knees at the foot of the stone and took a deep breath.

"Minato," she whispered, finding she couldn't bring her voice any louder, "I really need help. I…I don't know what to do. I came back, I came back for you and for the village, because I knew they'd need help. But now that I'm here…it's all been very difficult." She heard herself babbling and couldn't stop. "Naruto's grown up amazingly well, and even though I know you're terribly disappointed in me, he's been raised right, even if it wasn't the way you'd planned. He's determined, like you, and very outspoken, like Kushina. He looks just like you." She paused.

"And he's got friends now, Hata—Kakashi, I mean, is his sensei, and the Uchiha boy is on his team. There's a girl, too, Haruno Sakura, who he has a huge crush on, and I think they'd make a cute pair if she'd get over Sasuke and realize what an amazing boy Naruto is. And Kakashi is the same as always, boring, lazy, late for everything." She chuckled lightly. "Just like Obito.

"The village is doing great, too," she went on, still wondering why she was telling all this to a stone. "It's up and running, and even though it's still sort of teetering on the scale, I think it can handle it. Besides, that's why I came back. To help Konoha in its time of need, just like you'd want me to. Oh, and I know Jiraiya would want me to add him in here, too, because I know whenever he's here he comes and pays a quiet visit. Tsunade's become a great Hokage, and really knows how to lead the village. She lets Naruto call her Granny Tsunade and Old Lady all the time."

Raiden hesitated, hoping that Minato wouldn't be too disappointed when she continued speaking.

"But Kakashi and I had a pretty bad row today." She took a deep breath again. "I left about six years after the Kyuubi attack, because I couldn't handle the pressure of it. Being your little sister, having people compare my looks to Naruto's, and watching him grow up in a literal hell and knowing I caused it. It all started to become too much for me, so I chickened out and left. And…I resorted to things you wouldn't approve of when I did leave.

"That's why Kakashi and I were fighting. He saw the scars on my arm—only three, I swear, but they're deep, because I kept reopening them whenever I started to feel upset again—and he flipped. He told me exactly what I needed to hear, too. I am a stupid childish brat who just wants everyone to sympathize. I hadn't realized how much he had gone through, too, but now I do, and I see how much of a stuck-up idiot I've been."

She felt the tears slipping out of her eyes and brushed one hastily off her cheek. "Minato, I just don't know what to do anymore. You know that before you…died…Kakashi and I were getting very close. But then all that happened, and he took me away from you." Her voice began turning furious. "He took me away from you when you died! I hated him for it, I still do. I told him to leave me alone, to let me take care of you, but he wouldn't. He dragged me away!" She was reaching hysterics now, and couldn't find the reserves to stop it. "Damn you, Minato! If you hadn't died everyone's lives wouldn't be the way they were! Why did you have to be so stupid and heroic for? You'd only been Hokage for a few months, not even a year! Couldn't you have thought of something else to do, instead of sacrificing yourself?!

"You left me alone! You left Kushina with a child possessed by a demon, and she left! She left me with the baby! I was fourteen, Minato, I couldn't take care of a child, and I didn't want it. Every time I looked at that…that…thing, all I could see was you falling down and your eyes all glassed over, dead. I couldn't look at it! So I gave him to the orphanage, and he grew up in hell. And I watched." She was shaking, not from the sobs, but from bottled up fury. "I watched as he was jeered at and looked down on and ignored by everyone else. I watched when he cried because he didn't have anyone to care about, and when he turned to acting up just to get attention.

"And dammit, I know it was all my fault!" She shoved her fists into the ground, keeping herself from hitting the black stone as hard as she could. "I just stood back and let it all happen. I couldn't stepped in, and told Naruto who I was, and taken him in and raised him and told him all about you and Kushina and the demon inside of him, just like you wanted me to. But I didn't. I just let it all go. And then I left."

She couldn't find the energy to speak any more, but forced herself to. "Now my life's ruined, and I can't blame you, because if only I'd listened everything would have been fine." Her voice was low and husky from the racking sobs. "I don't even have the respect of my best friend any more. I…I can't even call him by his name. I just talk to him like he's and infernal piece of junk, as if he didn't matter to me, but he does. He matters to me more than anything, and now he hates me. I guess that's what I get."

She sat there and sobbed dryly, the tears never coming, her face hot and flushed, and yet still cold. She shivered and stared blankly at the name carved into the stone. It was all her fault, and she'd brought this all on herself. There was nothing Minato could do about it, nothing she could do about it. She'd just have to live with what she'd done.

It wasn't long before her sides and chest ached too much to cry anymore, and she shifted until she was kneeling, ignoring the protests of her stiff limbs. She reached out and touched the carving, tracing the name with her fingers, wondering if he had heard her. No, he probably hadn't. But that didn't matter—she had still said it, still gotten it off of her chest.

Sniffling, she got to her feet, her mouth dry, her throat throbbing, feeling like she'd been clubbed by a thousand bowling balls. She slowly began to drag herself down the path back to the village, her mind utterly foggy and blank. There wasn't anything she had to think about anymore. It was all set in stone now. Hatake and herself would never be anything more than hateful acquaintances, there was nothing she could do to make up for what she'd done to Naruto, and she would never get rid of the guilt that plagued her.

Halfway to Konoha, she realized that it was dimly bright, the kind of colorful brightness you only got at sunrise, and she halted, staring up at the sky. Had she been here all night? Probably, she didn't know how long she'd screamed at the deaf stone or lay at its feet, weeping without tears. She sighed, feeling worn and longing for her bed, and continued on the way back to Konoha.

But near there, she stopped her reluctant plunge to the village and listened, her head cocked to the side. She could hear rustling, like leaves, like someone jumping through the trees in an obvious rush. Blinking in confusion she stared up in the direction the noise was coming from, and was barely able to catch a glimpse of a tall figure carrying another, smaller person before they disappeared.

She sighed and shook her head. Who could that have been? As she pondered over the possibilities in her hazy mind, she heard a tiny but urged woof from somewhere near her feet. She looked down, and saw to her amazement Pakkun sitting there, an urgent look on her face.

"What's the matter?" Raided asked, instantly alert. If Pakkun was here, then that must mean the figure rushing by had been Hatake, and that the person he'd been carrying must have been…

"We tracked down the Uchiha kid and Naruto," Pakkun said in her scratchy, deep voice, "and we managed to bring Naruto back, but he's pretty beat up. I figured you'd want to know." Pakkun turned to leave, then looked over her shoulder. "Come on. I'll explain on the way there."



Raiden paced impatiently in the waiting room of the hospital, Pakkun watching from her place on the chair. It had been two hours, and yet they still wouldn't let Raiden in to see her nephew, and she was getting irritated.

She shot a nasty look at the receptionist, who promptly ignored her and continued scribbling on her paper. Raiden huffed out a breath and looked up at the clock for the umpteenth time, all previous tiredness and depression forgotten, for the moment, at least.

Soon after she'd arrived with Pakkun, other ninja had brought in the other members of the team that had gone after Sasuke. Neji was in the worst condition—nearly dead, from what she'd gathered. The others would most likely pull through, but Naruto and Neji had gotten the butt of the attacks. Although Naruto's demon would probably help him heal faster.

Again, she glared at the receptionist, who shot her a nasty look in return. She curled her lip in a snarl and returned to her pacing. She needed to see Naruto, and now. He had been through hell and back, taking Sasuke on by himself and facing the curse seal head on. He was a brave kid, she'd give him that. Definitely his parents' son.

The doors to the intensive care unit opened, and Raiden turned hastily to look, only to glance down again in embarrassment and shame. Hatake had come back into the waiting room, and now nodded at Pakkun, who disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Raiden heard him walking over to her, and stopped her pacing to look up at him.

He looked drawn, tired, worried, and apologetic. She didn't know why he had this sorry little look on his face, but she knew she had to tell him something.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, locking her blue eyes on his gray one. "I was stupid, and reckless, and thoughtless, and wallowing in self-pity. I know I did wrong, and I'm sorry for it. I should be over Minato by now, and even if I'm not, I shouldn't make others bear the burden, too. Really, Hata—Kakashi, I'm sorry."

For a moment, the Copy ninja looked slightly taken aback, and then he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "It's alright, Raiden," he murmured. "Come on. We need to take a walk."


Awww! they're going to go take a walk!!! how sweet! Lol, anyway, I know you wanted to have Sasuke come back, btu I couldn't do it. Now I gotta go bathe my pony, so read and review!

Luv ya

Nicola