[AN: I feel like I'm just repeating the same OOC shit over and over again, but whatever. Here are some dumb drabbles that are mostly made up of the word 'and'.]
Neil doesn't understand it. Sometimes. Like, most of the time he does, because it's, like, really normal most of the time. But sometimes he doesn't understand.
Like when they agree with each other. And they laugh, not at each other, but together. And they look… happy. And Vyv doesn't hit anyone and Rick doesn't make any heavy remarks and they just sit there and look really pleased with themselves and be… generally… not them.
And, like, sometimes Vyvyan will shift over on the couch to make room for Rick, and won't even try to push him off or anything. Like, Neil knows that it's obviously some sort of prank, but Vyvyan's taking a long time to execute it. So he sort of understands that, but not really, because it's been four months and Vyvyan still moves over for Rick and nothing happens. Nothing but sitting and watching the telly. Most of the time.
And this one time, this one time when Neil was really sick, right, Rick made tea for Vyvyan, and Vyvyan drank it all and didn't even shout or anything. Well, not at Rick. He shouted at Neil, even though it's not even Neil's actual job to brew the tea and he just does that because he's a good guy, you know. Then Vyvyan threw the cup at his head and it really hurt, right, and Vyvyan and Rick just laughed and not even at each other and it was weird.
And they get really, really strange sometimes, like Rick will touch Vyvyan's elbow, or Vyvyan will drive Rick somewhere in his car that no one's allowed to touch, and sometimes they don't even come home for hours and when they do, Rick's got a blood nose and that means that they were together because Rick never gets blood noses unless Vyvyan's behind it. Neil didn't actually think of that himself, Mike pointed it out, but Neil was the one who said it was all really weird in the first place, so he basically thought of it.
And once, like, Neil could deal with it all up until this point, but once, Rick came downstairs and he was wearing Vyvyan's t-shirt and that's the main thing that Neil doesn't understand, because when he tries to think about it his mind just gets all heavy.
So, most of the time, he understands it, but sometimes, he doesn't.
Once every six weeks, sometimes eight, sometimes more, when Mike and Neil are out, Vyvyan will grab Rick by the scruff of the neck and march him down into the kitchen, onto a chair, tilt his head forward and tell him to stay still. And Rick does, because he always takes Vyv's threats to heart, and last time the razor got just a little too close to one of his pigtails for his liking.
Rick can't remember how it first happened, just that it did. Vyv seemed angry that first time, but his hands were sure and Rick didn't bleed at all, not once. Vyv was never angry after that, but he never said anything, so Rick didn't, either.
Rick doesn't talk and he doesn't move, just sits with his head bowed while Vyvyan places one hand against his shoulder and, with the other, shaves slow and methodically. When he's done, he walks a slow circle around Rick to inspect that it's neat, which it always is, because Vyvyan has very precise hands. He has to, for what he wants to do. He's very precise.
Then, sometimes, if Vyv determines it needs to be done, he'll lift Rick's head back up and not say a word, but cut jaggedly into his hair and run it through his fingers until it meets a satisfactory length.
Then Vyv will press his fingers against the back of Rick's neck and say, 'there', and leave, and Rick will stay put until the sensation in his skin dulls down.
Later, when Neil is in the kitchen complaining that the mysterious hair is back, Vyv and Rick will come down to taunt and make up stories, but until then, they don't talk about it. Not yet, not for now.
Rick washed Vyvyan's hair once. Not because he wanted to, but because Vyv was drunk. Well, past that, actually. Passed out, really, just about. And he had sick in his hair, and Rick wouldn't have cared except that Vyvyan would probably find it funny to scrape it all onto Rick in the morning, so Rick had to do it. But not because he wanted to. Seriously.
He didn't even strip him off or anything, so it wasn't weird, okay. He just put him in the bath and dunked his head under the water. And he only sat on the rim behind Vyvyan, with his feet in the water either side and Vyvyan's chin held up by one of his hands because he didn't want the stupid git to drown, and because Vyvyan is so bloody heavy because he's such a fat lump of lard. So that was the only reason Rick did that.
And he had to rub his fingers along Vyvyan's scalp because that was the only way to lather the shampoo up and get the disgusting vom out. And Vyv probably made that noise because he was sick, and he didn't even know that Rick was there, anyway, because his eyes were closed the whole time.
And Rick only touched Vyv's face because he didn't want soap going into his eyes, because then Vyv would probably wake up and smash him into a pulp, and he didn't want that. So he only did it because he had to, you see.
And then, well, then, and you have to understand the circumstances, he only stripped Vyvyan off in a very not poofy way, and he didn't even remove Vyv's underpants or anything because he doesn't want to see that, he only took his stupid clothes off because he was so wet and Rick didn't want to get soaked when he carried Vyv back to his room. Because he couldn't just leave Vyv there, he needed to use the bathroom later!
So he didn't care that Vyvyan was shivering or anything, he only stripped him down so Rick wouldn't get wet, and he only tucked that blanket around him because he wanted to cover up Vyvyan's ugly face.
And that only reason he ever did any of this was for his own wellbeing and definitely had nothing to do with Vyvyan at all, so there. That's what happened. That's all. And if he had trouble getting to sleep, it's only because he was worried that Vyvyan might realise what had happened and beat him up anyway. Not that there was anything wrong with what had happened, it's just… it's just that Vyvyan beats people up at the best of times without really needing a reason and, oh god, Rick doesn't want to talk about this anymore.
