Hey! Thanks for the reviews, and I'm glad you guys think that this is one of the funniest Harry Potter stories you've ever read. I was so happy! Anyway I bet you were all waiting anxiously for this chapter so I'll just stop talking right now and give it to you!


Chapter 7: Babies and Chocolate Chip Cookies

At exactly half past six, Hermione and Draco could be seen stomping angrily out of their cottage.

Hermione's arms were crossed tightly about her chest and her brow was knitted in frustration. Draco on the other hand was scowling, his eyes glaring daggers at anything and anyone that got in his way. They were a sight to behold as they stomped over to the dining hall. When they reached the table they shared with their 'neighbors,' Hermione sat amongst the Gryffindors while Draco sat amongst his Slytherin cohorts.

Harry, Ron and Parvati knew not to trouble Hermione when she was in her element of madness.

Blaise and Pansy knew only to well what it meant to annoy Draco when he was drowning in bilious rage.

At that particular moment, Lavender skipped over to the table and grinned before seating herself down next to Harry, "Oh, you just will not believe the conversation Harry and I had before dinner. It was simply-" but no one ever found out what it simply was because a split second later, Draco pulled out his wand and silenced Lavender with a single flick. Hermione had no need to pull out her wand. Her glare had worked its own magic.

Like every other day, Dumbledore said his usual speech before the food appeared in front of the Hogwarts staff and students. Hermione eyed her silverware carefully. Harry was on her right and Ron on her left, if she just inconspicuously-

"Hermione, hand it over right now!" Harry leaped at her right hand and grabbed the knife from her before she was able to hurl it in Malfoy's direction. During that second intermission, Ron managed to take Hermione's fork and spoon and hide it beneath the rounded bench.

"Right, Hermione, what the bloody hell is going on?" Ron said after grabbing hold of her left arm and putting it on the table.

"Why don't you ask the bouncing ferret? Maybe HE could GIVE you a good enough ANSWER!"

"I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this, Granger!" Draco barked from the other side of the table, "It can't even bloody hear me!"

"How do you know!" She fired back, eyes blazing.

"Because it can't even SEE me! It's not ALIVE!"

"Yes it is!"

"NO it's NOT!"

They stood up simultaneously from the table and glared at each other crossly.

"Uh, Hermione, why don't you tell us about it?" Asked Harry as he looked warily from Hermione to Draco.

"Fine." Hermione frowned, "This is what happened. About five minutes into the conversation with the baby, Malfoy began acting like his usual prickly self. He started calling the baby horrendous names like idiot, stupid and many other words that I would never say aloud. I tried to reason with him but NO. He had to go on about how I had to put up with it because he was giving me the advantage of being HIS partner when I'M doing all the WORK!"

"NO, you brittle head! That is NOT how it WENT! First off, I was being very nice to it. I talked to the thing politely-"

"See?" Hermione interrupted, "He's calling the baby it! How would you like it if someone referred to you as it?"

"They already do," Ron said under his breath. Harry began to chuckle and the redhead's grin widened. However the comment didn't go unheard, Pansy was just waiting for a reason to jump the blonde dragon.

"Oh honey, that sewer rat of a Weasley just said that you're referred to as an it!" She grabbed onto Draco's arm and yanked him down into his seat.

"BLOODY HELL, WOMAN! Can't you see I'm trying to talk here!" Malfoy gave one good yank on his arm and it came free from Pansy's clutches. "I was calling it-well...it, because I don't know what gender it is! So instead of having to call it he or she I just thought why not just say it? Besides, it's weird talking to your stomach. It's just abnormal."

"I hate to say it Hermione, but I see his point," Parvati said with a frown.

"But that doesn't give him the right to call the baby names!" Hermione complained.

"I only started calling it names when you started getting on my nerves, Granger! And believe me, you get annoying real fast."

"IS there something wrong here," came the voice from Hermione, Ron, and Harry's least favorite teacher.

"No sir," all eight students responded in unison. Even the Slytherins hated to get on Professor Snape's bad side.

"Very well then, please take your seats and continue with dinner, you have caused quite a commotion in the great hall. Twenty points from Gryffindor for disrupting the peace during dinner," Snape said loudly before turning back and walking to his own table.

The Gryffindors glared murderously at Snape's back, each hoping the professor would fall to the ground convulsing from a sudden unheard of ailment. Blaise, Pansy and Draco however, were writhing in sheer glee.

After dinner all the students went back to their cottages. However, the students living on Phoenix lane had to stop and make sure to give Pansy a strong drought of Exlis to make sure that the young witch wouldn't awaken during the night or have any other outbursts of sleeping walking, talking, singing, etc. Just as the gang was about to head towards their respective cottages, an owl swooped down and dropped an envelope into Harry's hands. The ebony haired boy swallowed hard, wondering what the letter could contain. Straightening his back, Harry opened it and sighed.

"Lavender and I have to go to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey is going to check her and tell us what gender the baby is." Ron and Hermione gave their friend encouraging looks.

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Madam Pomfrey is good at this kind of stuff."

"Take your mitto paper just in case," Hermione said, "I'll put mine on the night table so you could mitto me the results."

Harry nodded to her before turning around and heading back into the dining hall with Lavender.

Slowly everyone returned to their respective cottages. Hermione dressed into her nightgown and robe strolled into the kitchen to fix herself a snack. Hearing the shower start to run, she guessed that Draco was going to have one of his nighttime pampering sessions and sighed. Guess I'll have to wait until he's done to take my FIVE minute shower. Looking around the kitchen she ran her fingers over the smooth surface of the counter when an idea struck her. Walking over to the refrigerator she began taking out eggs, butter and milk. Rummaging through the shelves in the kitchen, she found the rest of the ingredients to her special recipe of chocolate chip cookies and grinned to herself, eyes twinkling.

Twenty minutes later, Hermione opened the oven door and looked at her perfectly sculpted morsels. With her wand, she levitated the cookies onto a baking sheet and set them gently into the oven, setting the enchanted dial to moist and delicious before going to scub the dishes. Humming to herself she put her wand in a safe place before turning on the faucet and starting on the dishes, washing them by hand. She needed to kill some time, knowing that she still had another fifteen minutes for the cookies to bake and another ten for Draco's pampering session to be over.

Just as she finished putting away the last dish her mitto paper came flying out of the bedroom. It landed right in the pocket of Hermione's purple cotton robe. Smiling to herself, she pulled the little parchment out and unfolded it.

To: Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley

From: Harry Potter

Guess what! You guys are never going to believe this! Well first off, it takes like fifteen minutes for Madam Pomfrey to set things up but the actual baby finding gender thing eh...process only takes five seconds! Madam Pomfrey has this paper thing and after she casts a spell it tells her what gender the baby is. Oh, I forgot to tell you, it's a girl. I guess you guys guessed right. Hell, I owe Ron ten galleons. Well, see you two later.

-Harry Potter

Laughing as she finished Harry's message, Hermione put the mitto paper back into her pocket just as the timer on the oven began to buzz. Scurrying over to the oven, Hermione opened it, grabbing her wand to levitate the cookie sheet out of the oven and onto a big white plate on top of the table. She giggled in delight. Her cookies turned out perfect; exactly round! And there were seven chocolate chips in every cookie! In her delight she didn't notice Draco walk into the kitchen while toweling off his hair. Obliviously she walked to the refrigerator to take out some milk when she heard Malfoy speak.

"These are really good, did you make them, Granger?"

To say Hermione was shocked was an understatement. Did Malfoy just compliment me on my cookies? She turned around to find Draco sitting in one of the kitchen chairs with his feet on the table.

Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she looked at Draco stubbornly, "Yes, I did make them- and could you please remove your feet from the table?"

He smirked but did as she asked, not bothering to argue with her over something so simple. Hermione came back to the table with two glasses and the milk jug. Slowly, she poured the milk into the tall glasses and handed one to Draco, keeping one for herself.

After drinking half his milk, Draco looked at Hermione curiously, "What did you put in those cookies? They tasted a bit different from the one's I've had," he said, taking another off the plate and taking a large bite

"Can't say. It's a secret." Hermione smiled. For some reason, she liked the fact that Draco seemed to be interested in her cooking, "All my friends have been hounding me for the recipe but I never told them," she smiled and helped herself, biting into the warm gooey cookie. "Oh, and by the way," she said after swallowing, "Harry and Lavender are going to have a girl."

"Figures, I knew all along that Potter was going to have a girl," he scowled and took another cookie, "Blaise just left for Madam Pomfrey. I bet him thirty galleons that he's going to have a boy. He thinks he's going to have a girl. I don't know why he wants a girl," he said shrugging his shoulders as he bit into his cookie.. Just then Hermione's mitto paper flew out of her pocket and landed on the table. Unfolding it, Hermione read.

To: Hermione Granger

From: Ronald Weasley

Hey Hermione, do you have any snacks lying about. I just found out that Pansy found my secret stash of bloody stoppers and ate them all. Mitto me back if you have any.

- Ron

Hermione sighed and searched the kitchen for a quill. When she found one she wrote a message to Ron.

To: Ronald Weasley (who has an appetite a troll would be jealous of)

From: Hermione Granger (who does have something)

I just baked some cookies. Ron, if I didn't know any better I'd think you'd installed a camera around here somewhere...but you being a wizard that is highly unlikely. Come over now and I'll give you some to take back.

-Hermione

A split second later there was a knock on the door. The portrait whirled around and the little boy and girl said in unison, "There's a red headed boy who goes by the name Ron Weasley here to see you," they said.

Hermione nodded. She put six cookies on a plate and walked over to the door. Opening it, she found Ron leaning against the cottage wall. When he saw the cookies sitting on the plate he smiled at her foolishly.

"Bloody hell Hermione, thanks," he said as she handed the plate to him. As soon as the cookies were in his hands Ron grabbed one from the top and shoved it in his mouth. Chewing, apparently, was an option for some people. "Mmm, chocolate chip."

"Don't eat them all in one sitting Ronald," Hermione warned, "You'll get a stomach ache."

"You worry too much. I'll be fine, oh and Parvati just came back, she said she's going to have a boy," Hermione nodded, watching Ron leave before closing the portrait door. She walked back into the kitchen to find Draco smirking at his mitto parchment.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" she asked taking her seat at the table and picking up another cookie.

"Oh, just that Blaise lost the bet and that he's being driven crazy by that Parvashy girl."

"Her name's Parvati," Hermione corrected.

"Whatever. Why did you give the Weasel cookies? I like them," he said in a more serious tone of voice.

"Pansy found his secret stash of snacks."

Draco grinned conspiratorially, "She's good at that sort of thing."

Hermione smiled involuntarily. Just then they heard a tapping on the window. Draco got up and opened it letting in a small black and brown owl. It carried a white envelope in its beak. As soon as Draco took the letter from its mouth, the bird flew back out the window with a hoot.

Opening the envelope, he read aloud.

Mr. Malfoy and Ms. Granger please report to the hospital wing for your Genderizing.

-Madam Pomfrey

"I'm going to have to go change," Hermione said, started to get up.

"No, you'll be fine." Draco stopped her, "Just throw on a cloak. Nobody cares what you wear after dark anyway," Grabbing his own black cloak the two headed for the door. Within ten minutes they were in the hospital wing being questioned by Madam Pomfrey. Well...Hermione was being questioned. Draco just sat there looking like an empty space.

"How many times have you thrown up since taking the potion?"

"Three."

"Did you use any make up during your pregnancy?"

"Uh…no."

"What size shoe are you?"

"Five,"

"So you have small feet?"

"…Yes."

"How much do you weigh?"

"…"

"How much do you weigh Miss Granger?"

"That's a very personal question Madam Pomfrey?"

"Well it's not like I'm going to go tell anyone."

"Oh alright I weigh a hundred fifteen pounds."

"Is that weight with the baby or without?"

"With."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Positive?"

"Madam Pomfrey I don't see the reason behind all these questions!"

"Oh alright, please lay down on this bed," Hermione looked over at Draco who was grinning evilly.

"Are you going to stick lots of needles in her Madam Pomfrey?" He asked, mischief clear as day in his stormy grey eyes.

"No, but I will need a bit of your blood Mr. Malfoy," Draco scowled at that but held out his arm for Madam Pomfrey to extract some blood. After she did so, she turned back to Hermione, "Now dear, I will need you to lie very still. Mr. Malfoy, please come over here and put your hand on Miss Granger's abdomen," Draco smirked but did as he was told. A minute later Madam Pomfrey cast a complex charm on the both of them. Picking up a piece of parchment she poured the sample of Draco's blood onto it, "Femina un secunlos cava tre die siamdro questa," she chanted.

Draco felt his body ice over, eyes widening as he lost feeling in his toes. Hermione experienced something quite different. Heat flared through her entire body, a burning sensation rushing through every fiber of her being, she gasped. Just as suddenly as it started it was all over, but madam Pomfrey had a confused expression on her face.

"I'm sorry, I must have said the incantation wrong," she began to chant again and Hermione felt herself grow hot once more while Draco felt his body grow cold. Madam Pomfrey looked at the parchment, her confusion apparent. Suddenly her facial features changed from the look of confusion to a blank unreadable mask. "Please stay here," she instructed before disappearing behind a closed door. Hermione began to worry, was something wrong with the baby?

The two of them stayed quiet until Madam Pomfrey returned.

"Is something wrong Madam Pomfrey?" Draco asked

"I don't know Mr. Malfoy, but I have called Dumbledore and your heads of house. They should be here momentarily."

Just as she had said Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall came walking through the door a few minutes later.

"What seems to be the matter, Poppy?" asked Dumbledore.

"Well, see for yourself Albus," Madam Pomfrey began to say the incantation again. Hermione felt herself grow hot for a third time while Draco grew cold.

"Hmm."

"That is interesting."

"I say that's impossible."

"It must be a mistake." said McGonagall.

"I assure you Minerva, that this is the third time I did it and that is how it came out," Madam Pomfrey said, her forehead creased.

"Well children, I guess then we should tell you the news," Dumbledore said as he adjusted his spectacles.

Hermione noticed a twinkle in the aged Headmaster's eye wile Draco stared blank faced at the bearded old man.

"So what is it?" Draco asked.

"A boy and girl," Dumbledore said simply.

"But that can't be unless-" Hermione said sitting up.

"Unless you're having twins. Congratulations, Mr. Malfoy and Ms. Granger, you're going to have twins!"


How are Draco and Hermione going to take that! Some of you had guessed darn you! Anyway, I'm really sorry for not updating but I promise I'll update faster! So review and I'll update! Hope you liked it!

-smartcat