Chapter Seven
I'm so sorry for the massive delay! The next chapter is already half-written so you don't need to worry about waiting forever for the next one.
Thank you to bexie25 for her input :)
Edward seemed to know my apartment just as well as I did, and the kitchen even more so. I spent the next ten minutes scouring the pantry for something we could cook while he retrieved some utensils that we'd need. To him it seemed routine while for me it was one of the most mundane but most fun things I'd ever done.
After some deliberation, we decided to cook a pot of chicken sti-fry, a quick and easy meal that didn't require a ridiculous amount of washing up and which I luckily had all the ingredients for. He fried the chicken while I chopped the vegetables we needed, the both of us working in sync without discussing who should do what and when, our conversation flowing easily. The only time I felt compelled to change the subject was when he would refer to things that he'd thought we'd experienced but I secretly had no idea about. We have to make our own memories now, I decided.
If he grew suspicious about the way my eyes avoided his whenever he brought up such things, he didn't say anything.
And for that I was relieved.
At the exact moment when I'd realised my feelings for him, I'd also made myself promise something else. My oath was to never tell him of his true identity; I wasn't going to shatter the illusion that he was under. He wouldn't believe me anyway, being as stubborn as he was. Even if I did show him proof he wouldn't even consider what I was telling him, so my promise was just a precaution. It was for the best; the truth would destroy him. I was sure of that.
That got me stuck in a never-ending spiral of thoughts about the fateful word document that had started all of this and the implications but also joy that it had brought. While we ate, I contemplated about how all of this was possible and by the time I'd eaten at least half of my dinner, I was still unable to come up with anything. Besides magic – which was completely stupid and I couldn't even believe I had considered it in the first place – or maybe God, I had no idea how it had occurred. I supposed it didn't matter in the long run, but that didn't suppress my curiosity, not at all. Perhaps if I learned how Edward had come to be then all my reservations would fade away.
I had no desire to change him at all; he was perfect the way he was. But I did feel a little sad that his life was void of anything but me. He didn't have any favourite hobbies because I hadn't given him any, and he had no preferences for anything simply because I'd forgotten to add them. Hell, his thoughts were probably solely centered on me.
That wasn't the only reason why I was fearful of re-opening the document. I was afraid that I'd accidently delete it if I decided to open it again, or I'd fiddle around with it and accidently ruin the document's precise structure, which would perhaps affect Edward.
I couldn't risk that. I couldn't risk him for anything.
At the beginning of our meal Edward didn't seem to notice – or perhaps pretended not to notice – how lost I was in my own thoughts, telling me about something inconsequential, until suddenly he did. He grew silent and appraised me for a few seconds, his expression indecipherable. Without warning, he dropped his fork and leant forward over the small glass table we were seated at, caressing the left side of my face tenderly with the back of his hand. I dropped my own fork with a clatter and leant – automatically – into his touch, willingly.
"What's wrong?" he asked gently.
"Nothing," I assured him with a forced smile. "I just got a little lost in my daydreams, nothing to worry about."
"New story idea?" he guessed.
I sighed, hating the constant lies I had to keep throwing at him. "Yeah, that's it."
His hand left my face unexpectedly and he stood up, pushing his wooden chair back so that he could leave. "Wait a second," he said.
"What?" I asked in confusion, throwing my arm out to grab his but missing by inches as he walked out of the room. Before I could even think to follow after him, he was back, my laptop in his steady grasp.
He grinned crookedly before passing it to me. "I don't want you to forget your idea, it looked like a pretty important one."
I smiled up at him, this time genuinely, my glowing smile formed purely out of the happiness I felt from being exposed to his absolute goodness. Before I could think to stop myself, I stood up just as abruptly as he had, wrapping my arms around his waist, and embracing him tightly.
He laughed quietly into my dark hair. "I just got you your laptop. Nothing big."
"You've done so much more than that," I whispered, mainly to myself. His scorching green eyes grew impossibly brighter with what I assumed to be joy at my words, and he placed two of his fingers under my chin, tilting my face up so I was staring directly into them.
"Because I love you," he murmured before closing the little distance that there was between us and bringing his lips to mine.
This time I didn't pull away.
His succulent lips tasted like heaven, like the most potent substance on earth. I melted into his touch instantaneously, our mouths moving feverishly against the other in a perfectly synchronized dance as if they had been created solely for that purpose. His hands skimmed my back gently, sensually, causing me to moan into his mouth and heat to surge through me in an unrestrained abundance. This caused an even stronger reaction from him and his mouth moved even more frantically with mine, his arms creating a tight stronghold around my waist. As he did this, I pressed my body more firmly against his and gasped. I could feel every ridge, dip and curve of his body. The muscles as they tensed then released… the strength of his abs, which felt as if they'd been chiselled by the angels.
My reaction was hardly voluntary – purely instinctual – but it was magnificent as well. Wetness pooled in my underwear, a feeling of pleasure and need building in my abdomen and I whimpered, needing more. My hands reached up to grasp at his already disarrayed bronze hair and I pulled, gentle enough not to cause him pain, but hard enough to give pleasure. He groaned, and the sound was enough to set me off; neither of us had any intention of stopping our frenzied make-out session now.
I knew this was going further than I'd intended it to but I was beyond caring at the moment.
With all rationality having had left me – and perhaps him also – my hands left his hair and travelled down swiftly to the hem of his button down. At the same time I did this, his skimmed further south, destroying any reluctance I might have had. Without a trace of hesitation, I attempted to rid him of the offending garment. Realising what I desired, he let go of my waist briefly and lifted his arms up so I could take his shirt off. Seconds later and his shirt was tossed meaninglessly to the side, forgotten the second we'd disposed of it. His lips returned to mine more vigorously than before, and his hands rested dangerously upon my hips.
It wasn't just my palms that swept appreciatively over his chest when I realized that his shirt was no longer an issue. His polished abs were definitely a sight to behold, and it was difficult to tear my eyes away from them. But it was the sight of the muscles of his abdomen as they contracted that made me groan. But then his mouth captured mine again, and his kiss swept me away from my thoughts, stealing my attention.
I didn't even realize that we'd physically moved rooms in our passion until he pulled us lightly onto my bed so that I hovered over him, the position giving him better access to every part of me that he thirsted for.
It was then, just as I realized what our positions on my bed could potentially lead to, that my blood ran cold and all rationality returned. I finally realized what I was doing, and fear flooded through me more rapidly than the heat had.
I hardly knew this man.
Yes, I'd agreed to take a chance with him but this was happening too fast.
A kiss was okay; sex was not.
Not yet anyway.
I was still a virgin; I wasn't ready for this.
It wouldn't be fair to Edward; I needed to love him as much as he loved me for this to be right.
One day we would… just not now.
I needed to stop this before I was too far gone.
"Stop," I gasped. "Please."
At first he didn't respond, his warm hands leaving my hips and reaching for my blouse, still kissing me with no sign of stopping. I had to physically pry his hands off my shirt and stand up to get him to realize what I needed. His mouth left mine immediately and he pulled his hands and body back from mine.
I sat myself wordlessly beside him and pretended to be preoccupied with the generic patterns on my bed-sheet, unable to face him. We both panted from lack of oxygen for about a minute before I finally calmed down and got the courage to look at him.
The look of hurt in his usually alight eyes… it killed me, I needed to come up with an excuse and quickly. I couldn't use the headache excuse again; it was one of the biggest lies in the history of cock-blocking.
To try and lessen the pain he was obviously experiencing at my rejection, I grabbed his hand lightly and held it in both of mine, looking up at him apologetically.
"I'm sorry; I just can't do it tonight."
I definitely wasn't ready if I couldn't even say the words.
I might only be twenty-one but sex was a very big thing for me.
He swallowed uncomfortably. "Is something wrong?"
Shit, I needed to think of a plausible reason and quickly. I needed to make him understand that it wasn't him who was preventing me from taking that further step, but that it was me. I wracked my brains for a way to do that but was faced with a complete blank. The only thing I could possibly do now to prevent hurting his feelings was to lie. Knowing I was running out of time I blurted out the first excuse that came to mind.
"I have my period."
Even though my excuse wasn't true, I still blushed an embarrassing shade of scarlet. He nodded slowly but understandably in response. I let out a breath escape that I'd been holding in and smiled at him as apologetically as I could manage. And I was sorry, just not for the reason he thought. My smile grew wider, and became more natural when I noticed that the look of rejection in his eyes had been all but banished.
I wished more than anything that I was ready for him, for this level of intimacy, but if I gave into temptation then undeniably worse things would happen, much worse than Edward getting emotionally hurt, which was bad enough in it-self.
He was perfect; I kept forgetting that.
"Can I get you anything?" He asked, his cheeks turning a little pink.
I laughed.
He really was perfect, and it was a little amusing.
"No, no. I'm fine." I assured him.
Eventually we went to bed, however this time just for sleep, and we both found solace in each other's arms.
I hoped he knew how much I wished I could have fully acted upon my desire for him just… not yet. I hoped the look in my eyes said it all.
If not, my actions worked just as well. I continued to smile at him, despite my fading consciousness. I continued to run my fingertips up and down his bare arm, and continued to hold him as close to me as our bodies allowed. It wasn't long before I succumbed to a dreamless sleep, neither one of joy nor of pain.
Hearing your opinion is very important for this chapter. I haven't written a lime before and I'm pretty nervous about posting this chapter, so please review :)
