Misaki's breathing increased from fear.
"There is no way you are having that baby, you are getting an abortion NOW."
Misaki was horrified, he was scared. He instinctively put a protective hand on his belly.
"No." he said Misaki firmly.
Usagi was furious. "Didn't you hear me? We are getting rid of it now!" he yelled at Misaki.
"I said NO!" This was exactly what Misaki didn't want to hear. His fear was coming true but he was not going to let Usagi do anything to him. "I'm keeping it."
Usagi closed his eyes and put a hand on his forehead. He approached Misaki and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Misaki you can't have that baby! YOU COULD DIE!"
Misaki pushed Usagi's arms away from him. "I know! But I'm still having it!"
"Misaki are you listening to yourself? You can't be having a baby! You are a man for crying out loud!"
"I don't care! Other men have done it before and they have survived!"
"No Misaki! Your life is at stake here!"
"What about my baby's life Usagi-san? I will never let you do anything to him!" he yelled at Usagi still with a hand protecting his still small belly.
"Misaki you don't understand… "
"I understand everything Usagi-san! I know that I'm a man! I know I'm going to have a baby! I know that there are risks. Do you think I'm not afraid? I know that I could die from this! I know…"
"I CAN'T LOSE YOU." Usagi didn't let Misaki continue and went to hug him. Misaki wasn't expecting that reaction from Usagi, he was paralyzed. Usagi held him tightly but at the same time gently. Misaki felt the warmth of Usagi's arms and the softness of his cheeks.
"Usagi-san…" At that moment, Misaki understood the real reason why Usagi was against keeping the baby. Usagi was afraid of losing Misaki from all the risks of the pregnancy. Misaki hugged him back and comforted him stroking his hair.
"Usagi-san please understand… I think I already love this baby. I've made up my mind and I've decided to keep it with or without your help."
"But Misaki I don't want to lose you! All of this is my fault…" Usagi had teary eyes. "I… I couldn't… I wouldn't be able to keep living knowing that something happened to you because of me."
Misaki saw Usagi's scared expression and put a hand on Usagi's cheek.
"Usagi-san, I love you." Misaki smiling to Usagi. "I would never blame you for anything Usagi-san. These things happen for a reason. Why did it happen and why it happened to me? I don't know the answer to that, all I know is that it's happening and this baby is already depending on me to survive. I love this baby. I love it so much that I will have it… even if it means sacrificing myself Usagi-san."
"Misaki…" Usagi didn't know what else to say. He knew Misaki very well and he knew that nothing he said would make Misaki change his decision. Misaki turned around to face the doctor.
"Doctor Kobayashi, I'm keeping this baby." The doctor had been standing silent, watching the discussion of the two men.
"Takahashi-kun, you do realize the impact this decision is going to have in your life. Right? Knowing all the risks that come with this decision, you are still going to have the baby?" the doctor asked to confirm Misaki's answer.
"Yes." Misaki answered with no hesitation.
The room was silent for a while. Everyone looking at each other's faces as if to see every little detail of that moment to remember it forever.
"Very well then…" The doctor borke the silence. "I will start you on prenatal care. Please come in tomorrow morning at seven for your first control." the doctor wrote all the details in a paper. "Give this to the nurse she will schedule the appointment. I will be seeing you tomorrow."
Misaki nodded. "I'll be here."
Usagi didn't say anything.
After leaving the doctor's office and giving the paper to the nurse to schedule the appointment for the following day, Misaki and Usagi went home. Neither of them said anything during the entire ride. Usagi couldn't look at Misaki, he just kept driving. Misaki didn't know what to say to him either, he did what he had to do. He just looked at the window as Usagi drove. Once they got home Misaki went to the kitchen, he didn't like those kinds of situations. He had to do something.
"Usagi-san… are you hungry? Should I make us something to eat?" Misaki offered, wanting to change Usagi's mood somehow. Usagi who had just come into the house, turned around and headed out again.
"I'm going out for a while… I'll be back late, you can eat without me." he said as he went out and slammed the door behind him.
"Usagi-san…" Seeing Usagi like that saddened Misaki. He went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. He opened the cabinet where he kept his estrogen pills. He opened the container and took one. He put it in his mouth and drank water. As he was swallowing the pill, tears began to came down Misaki's cheek.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Usagi was driving madly on the highway. He drove feeling the adrenaline through his veins as he pushed the car pedal further down. He span the car wheel from left to right passing all the cars in his way. He didn't know where he was going, he just wanted to get away. He kept blaming himself for getting Misaki pregnant. He thought it was him who had put Misaki in that situation, forcing him to make such a decision. He cried and cried from anger and frustration for what he had done and for not being able to do anything. He exited the freeway into a small street, he skipped all the red lights and stop signs as if they didn't exist. He didn't realize until the last second that he had just turned into a dead end. He pressed the brakes as hard as he could and he stopped just in the nick of time to avoid a crash against a concrete wall. Usagi had both hands holding the wheel, his breathing became faster and faster until it became crying. He couldn't hold it anymore, he buried his face on his hands, closed his eyes and cried his heart out. He couldn't stop thinking that Misaki could die from having that baby, he didn't want that to happen.
Some minutes later, he turned the car back on and went to the nearest hotel he could find. He found one some blocks away from where he was. It wasn't fancy like the ones he used to go for special occasions or meetings from the editorial, but it was what he thought he needed. He got the keys of a room and went out of the hotel again. This time he went to a bar in front of the hotel. He went in and asked for a drink, when he was done, he asked for another one. He kept going bottle by bottle one after the other. The last thing he remembered was seeing the sunrise through the windows of the bar. At that moment, he could only think of one person.
"Misaki…" That was all he remembered from that night. The rest was all blurry.
The next day
Usagi felt somebody shaking him by the shoulder.
"Sir wake up!"
"...Misaki…?" Usagi said confused.
"No sir. I'm the housekeeper. I'm afraid you have to leave, it's already past check out time sir." said the housekeeper. Usagi yawned and moaned as he opened his eyes.
"I can't leave. I just got here… wait.. How did I get here?" Usagi was still half asleep.
"Sir, you had a lot of drinks last night and you passed out. Since you had the key to one of our rooms, the manager of the bar contacted us and we went to get you. It's already five thirty."
"Five thirty?… It's so early… let me sleep…" He covered himself with the blankets. The housekeeper moved him by the shoulders again.
"It's five thirty in the afternoon sir. You really have to go now or we will charge you one more day of stay."
"Five thirty in the afternoon?" said Usagi exalted that he immediately sat down on the edge of the bed. He was still half asleep and his head hurt so much from all the drinking last night. "I have to go home." He rubbed his eyes. 'Misaki must be worried.' he thought.
"Misaki…" then he finally remembered. "Oh shit! The doctor's appointment."
Remembering about the doctor's appointment made him jump out of bed in an instant. He gave a lot of money and the keys of the room to the housekeeper to pay for his stay and he went out of the room tumbling. "It's five thirty. The appointment was at seven in the morning. Damn it!" He went to the hotel's parking lot to get his car, as he was sitting down on the driver's seat, he saw his phone on the passenger's seat. He had left his phone inside the car last night. He grabbed it and there were around six or seven missed calls from Misaki. He quickly redialed to Misaki's phone and right when it started ringing, his phone turned off as it ran out of battery.
"Damn it!" Usagi threw his phone. Since he didn't know where he was, he had to take out his GPS to get the directions home. He drove following the GPS and then once he figured out where he was, and how to get home, he turned the it off and sped home. It took him half an hour to get home. He parked his car and ran to the elevator. He was feeling so bad about oversleeping and letting Misaki go to that appointment all by himself. As soon as the elevator doors opened, he ran towards his penthouse, inserted the key on the knob twisting it and opening the door.
"Misaki!" He went to the kitchen and then checked the living room. There was nobody there. Then he went upstairs and looked for him in his bedroom but he was not there either. He was closing Misaki's bedroom door, when he noticed there was something on the bed. There was a white big Hospital envelope on top of it and a letter with Usagi's name on it. Usagi recognized Misaki's handwriting and opened the letter. He sat down on the bed as he began to read it.
"Dear Usagi-san,
If you are reading this, it means you are home and safe. That makes me happy. I know the news from yesterday had a big impact on you. I'm sorry. You've been so good to me for all these years and yesterday I put a lot of weight on your shoulders and troubled you when I told you I was pregnant. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to cause problems for you. I never did. The main reason why I'm writing this letter is to tell you that you don't have to be responsible for this baby. If you don't want anything to do with it, I'll raise it myself but please don't ask me to get rid of it. I can't do that. That is my decision and it won't change no matter what.
Yesterday you left and you didn't come home today. I'm sorry. It was me the one who should have left, not you. I know you have a lot to think about and you need time by yourself to sort out your thoughts; that's why for the time being I'm leaving your side. The next time we meet I'm hoping that you will tell me your decision if you want or not to be part of this baby's life. I'm leaving you in this envelope some pictures and the DVD of the first ultrasound we did a few days ago. The doctor told me this morning that the baby is doing good so far. He says it measures a little more than three centimeters. We listened to his heartbeat today, it beats very fast and the doctor says that's good. I also left some pictures. You don't have to see them or watch the DVD if you don't want to but since you weren't in the appointment, I thought that maybe you might have wanted to see them too.
Please don't call me because I won't answer your calls. At least not until after two weeks, that's why I want you to take your time and make the best decision for your future. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.
Take care.
Misaki"
Usagi's eyes were welling up with tears. Even in a situation like this, Misaki worried more about Usagi than himself. Misaki was willing to accept any decision Usagi made, even if it meant raising that baby all by himself. Usagi felt like the worst man in the world.
Then he looked at the envelope Misaki had left and grabbed it. He opened it and he put everything out on the bed. The first thing that caught his attention were the pictures. He had seen Takahiro's kid ultrasound pictures before but this pictures were different. This was his baby. Having kids was something that never crossed his mind. In the pictures he clearly saw a little being, he could see its head and its body. Then he grabbed the DVD, it had Misaki's name written on it. He went downstairs to the living room and put it on the DVD. There he saw it in black and white images. He could hear and see the baby and its heartbeat, beating so fast and strong it sounded like a galloping horse. Usagi felt his legs weaken that he had to sit on the sofa. He couldn't believe his eyes, it was all so surreal. He never imagined he would become a dad someday and now he was looking at his future son or daughter. He let tears stream down his face.
He finally understood why Misaki didn't want to abort it. That baby was a human being, it's heart was beating loud and strong.
"I am a fool." he said to himself. Misaki's pregnancy was very risky. Usagi feared for Misaki's life but, for some reason now he also feared for the baby's life. He didn't know what was this feeling coming over him but all he knew was that he couldn't leave Misaki alone through all this. He had to protect him and that baby.
He took out his phone from his pocket and he took it to the nearest socket he found. He plugged in the phone and it began charging. As soon as it turned on he called Misaki. It rang and rang, but nobody answered. Then after it ringed a couple of times, the voicemail activated. He hanged up and called again. But still Misaki wouldn't answer.
"I made him do this." Then he decided to call again and leave a message.
"Misaki…" Then Usagi made a pause trying to figure out how to say it, but he just said it as it came to his mind. "I can't be without you… I'm so sorry I was terrible to you yesterday. We can have the baby but please come back… I love you." Then he hanged up.
He left his phone on the table and went back to the sofa to keep watching the ultrasound video until he fell asleep. Some hours had passed and Usagi woke up. He couldn't tell how long he had slept but as soon as he woke up he heard his phone ring.
"Misaki!" He ran to the table to answer the phone.
"MISAKI! Where are you?" It really was Misaki.
"Usagi-san. Are you okay? I'm so relieved now that you are home…" Misaki sighed.
"Misaki why did you leave? Why did you do this? I'll raise the baby with you but please come back!"
"Usagi-san… I know that right now you are worried about me. But you need to think this thoroughly and you need time. It'll be better if you take more time to think about it."
"I already decided! I'll-"
"No Usagi-san. I'll get back to you in two weeks, so please take care and eat well okay? I have to go now." said Misaki and he hanged up.
"Wait...- Damn it!" Misaki had already hanged up. Usagi threw the phone to the floor and it almost broke. He felt so bad, he wanted Misaki back. He wanted to go look for him but his legs felt numb and his head was spinning from all the alcohol he had drunk last night. His body wouldn't let him do anything. He laid down on the sofa thinking about looking for Misaki as soon as his legs regained their strength.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
A/N: HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYBODY! I hope you liked this week's chapter ^^. I had a lot of fun reading your reviews for last chapter, everyone was like: "BAD USAGI-SAN!" XD. But now you know his main reason why he was so against it (and some of you guessed it ;) ). This chapter was my Christmas present to you guys. I hope you have an awesome day with your loved ones. I'll see you guys next week. Thanks for your reviews! Merry Christmas!
