Chapter 7
Everything I have, everything I am, has been taken from me since the "accident" by those who seek to consume me…
Laura's ruby smile melted into Juli's nude pink in the endless spaces between Ruvik's thoughts.
She put scissors in their spines, gleaming in silver, for it. For Laura… for me…and I forced her to go away.
Gray irises pitched their gaze toward the ceiling in defeat. Ruvik swam in his own misery more than the warm water of the tub. He couldn't shake that feeling. That feeling of self-loathing that ate him from the inside out. It wouldn't leave him alone. He put his fear before his little joy. A fear born in narcissistic strings from his ego.
"You worry so much about your appearance…"
A mind hidden beneath flesh and bone uttered its diagnosis of a bipolar disorder under the surface of schizophrenia. It was always there…lurking like a maniac in the back alley of his brain. It brought highs and lows, moments of passion followed by weeks of depression. Over examination of a situation, racing thoughts becoming intrusive…depriving him of focus and sleep. It was weakness… Weakness that he hoped to cast aside.
STEM…I will regain my face, recover what was taken from me.
It would change everything. It would change him. There were times that it made Ruvik nervous. The idea of who he was just snuffed out by a new face. Yet, every day he was a new person in his head…so it was a dismissible fear.
Yet, it's still there… It holds me back. It has to be what keeps me from completely staying within, keeps me from moving forward with the operation that will allow me to go in directly without needing to be sedated.
Fingers lightly tread the light reflecting off the water as he settled into the tub, nose blowing bubbles just below the surface briefly. An old game that had amused Laura so…
Would my little joy have found the game so amusing had she saw what a freak I've become?
His expression turned to stone, water droplets sliding down the angle his jaw.
It had been three days since she left.
Everything I am…and all she wanted was…me.
Long fingers swept the water in an arch as he dismissed such a novel thing as a woman's affections being anything in his spectrum of interest.
Why do I care? My work, my ideas, my theories… they all will send me to dizzying heights and give me everything I want in the end. It doesn't matter.
It mattered.
It was the only thing he could think about.
She was just a distraction.
A very good distraction; even her absence distracted him. STEM didn't call to him. Neither did his orbitoclast resting on a pile of papers still in his study.
I needed her gone. I was only going to play with her for a few days and then send her away.
He'd sent her away, coward that he was. He could still hear her tears through the walls until those walls eroded and scurried in roaches that swallowed his form with their shiny bodies. He hadn't hallucinated about the hordes of insects since…
Don't go there.
He bit his lower lip; biting back the guilt of memory. Metallic notes only causing memories of her to drip in red from the creases of his mouth into the bath water.
After I hurled her Lucifer heart to the earth…I couldn't face her.
Nicholas assured that therapists were paid for in the city already and she would be fine. A hard to reach psychiatrist, a soft spoken psychologist, and a few councilors of various backgrounds all would be calling to set up appointments. All received checks written by a Ruben Victoriano in fluid cursive from a steady hand.
It didn't stop her embarrassment or her soft sobs.
Nicholas, the saint, had let them both down easy. Their backs rested against the wall dividing them. Ruvik sat in the dark of his hidden passageway with the roaches where he belonged, undoing his tie.
Juli looked down at her hands in the warm light of the room. Young scars warned her to keep it together.
He swore he felt her warmth through the wood.
"Ruvik is eccentric and cut from a very different cloth than you, lovely girl. He is of the old world; sophisticated and his condition is not something to be taken lightly. You signed a non-disclosure agreement during your stay because of how different he is. The papers and the press would disgrace him if ever given the chance. He does so much for the city with donations and charities… it would be a shame if this slight on his part toward you destroyed his good name."
He wondered just what a woman like Juli Kidman would do when scorned, breath held when her muffled voice replied.
"I'm not going to…do anything like that. I'm just…I don't know what I am right now."
He swallowed hard in the dark.
"If it's any consolation, it never would have gone anywhere with him. He will likely marry a woman of wealth if at all. It's how these folks stay wealthy."
It was true. It also infuriated Ruvik to be out made to be as witless and tasteless as his own father. He would avoid Nicholas for a while…until the urge to harm him went away.
Three days of wandering around in a daze followed after that night. He tried setting traps to pit new test subjects against…and ended up just ignoring the slaughter on the monitors. It had once sent him into a fit of shrill laughter between careful notes taken of their behaviors and reasoning skills being put to the fire. Marcelo had been furious. A tired hand flipped off the aged doctor's back when he departed. Prick.
What did I do instead?
The third night, he stood in the doorway of her empty room. The bed was still unmade. That red thing that had been made of silk and lace lay crumpled between the sheets. His hairless brows lifted.
Had she left it intentionally?
He glared at one of the staff who asked, in passing, if he desired the sheets be washed and the room tended to. Ruvik locked himself in the room, threatening a fate worse than death to anyone who jiggled the knob.
It was hard to say just how long he stood in front of the bed feeling naked and afraid under a grimy cowl. Everything felt awkward in the silence. Fingers curling into fists, his nails bit into the scarred skin as he approached…and gave into her.
Lying in the bed, he could smell her.
Everywhere.
One hand pleasured, the other clutched that red wretched thing against his nostrils. He breathed in her… all of her. Every inch of her filled his nose and shattered him.
"Are you really going to settle for those?"
A gray eye peered sidelong to the door and he sat up suddenly. "…You." Ruvik was caught red handed with the red panties.
She didn't seem to care. A sly grin on her features, Juli approached the side of the bed and slid onto it. Prowling right into his lap, her shirt came undone beneath her polished nails. "Don't do that again…"
Pupils enormous, Ruvik nodded slowly. "I promise." He replied, voice graveling the moment her bra slid easily off milky shoulders. Nostrils flaring with each breath, he reached out to her. He wanted to touch her.
Everywhere.
Bite in exchange for bite until she left red dripping down his chin in her aggression, Juli slid into his lap. She played well with him, they shared the domination. Her hands held fast behind her head as he made her moan like a fille de joie in a confession box with pearly teeth. She, in turn, rode him like he was her stallion to whip and spur clear across the finish line, white stone talons snaring his chin—forcing him to look at her.
Their deviance was hidden beneath a mutual dejected outlook toward the world, while they reveling in the beauty of their own gruesome natures behind closed doors. On the outside, she was like everyone else. On the inside, she was like him.
Morbidly like him.
Or like he was…she was younger after all.
It scared him.
It made him smile.
It made him laugh.
It had been what left a mess in his blemished hand.
Reality set in.
And he realized she had been nothing more than a phantom.
He shoved his face into the pillow that smelled most of her perfume and passed out.
Sometimes it's easier to just sleep.
There were some days he never wanted wake up. Sometimes he never wanted to leave the tub. This was one of those days, especially after waking up in that bed with nothing but the smell of his slighted little joy on him. But 30 minutes was the maximum he could do in his state. Even hydrotherapy had its limits for usefulness. It had been one of many of Marcelo's gifts: an old fashioned burn unit tub for treating his skin problems. Tall backed and made of steel with arms that would elevate the tub to a vertical position so the occupant could leave with ease. It was one of the few places Ruvik found solace. He'd taken five more for STEM, writing a check that probably exceeded the value of the items. They were perfect, however. Jimenez didn't need to know that. Ruvik had dismissed question with a claim he wanted to replace all of the tubs he used in the house with them.
Do you still hate yourself when you have to play the fool, Ruben?
His beloved Laura stood at the end of the tub, her hands resting against the rim. She was smiling.
Tired lids dragged over his eyes as a sigh rolled out of him. "No, I just am a fool. Go away, phantom." Both arms came to rest on the sides of the tub, hands hanging off the edges. Water dripped occasionally from his long digits.
Laura sauntered around the tub, to his side. Her fingers trailed up his arm, blue eyes fixed onto him. "You miss her."
He went rigid, gray eyes betraying him. "No." Climbing out of the tub, Ruvik went for all he cared to wear in such a state.
Linen jacket; it went over his shoulders easily.
Linen pants; he forgot the top button.
Laura watched, though said nothing.
"I don't miss her."
Laura's laughter followed him all the way down the passageway of his hidden washroom. Sometimes even the phantom of her couldn't help but laugh at his denials.
