Peach
Viewer Mail
Episode 7: Back in Pink
"Welcome to Peach Viewer Mail!" said Peach, tripping over her head. "Ow…"
Nobody laughed, as this wasn't supposed to be funny.
"Okay," said Peach. "Uh… as you can see today, my name is Peach!"
The audience (Yoshi chained to the wall and Ness bound by ropes) stared uncomprehendingly.
Peach giggled and turned on her ice-cream melter. "Letter one!"
"Dear Peach,
Give me my dress back!
From Marth
PS. I'm very angry, now."
Peach's eyes widened. "IT'S NOT TRUE! I didn't steal no dress!" She looked around wildly, then settled on Yoshi. "You… you told them those nasty lies!"
Yoshi shook his head frantically. This could only end in his untimely demise. Yoshi did not want an untimely demise.
Luckily for him, Peach turned around at the last minute, and smeared green lipstick all over her face. "Yay!" she said. "Roller quiche! Uh… letter two!"
"Dear Peach,
Why does Fox always have a PINK Arwing when he visits?
Signed,
The
entire Star Fox team (okay, just Krystal – same thing)."
"It's all lies!" screamed Peach hysterically. "I don't paint people's things pink! How dare you say that?"
"WAUGH!" screamed Mario, who was being kidnapped by a large ball of Dark Matter.
Peach picked up a Chef's frying pan (only $1198!) and started whacking Yoshi the friendly green dinosaur-esque thing with it. "YOSHI!" screamed Yoshi, sensing that this was the end for him. "Arararararararar…"
"Of course you didn't paint Fox's ship pink!" said Ness hurriedly before he, too, met the same fate.
"Oh yeah…" said Peach. "It was Samuuurrrrs's ship, wasn't it?"
"Uh… yes… Samus' ship…" Ness mumbled something which sounded like "kill you if she finds out".
"But that's the end of the talking grapefruit!" protested Peach angrily. "Why the grapefruit? Why the grapefruit?"
"Hey," said Samus, sticking her head through the window, "do either of you know who painted my- Ness, what are you doing all tied- oh. Uh. Bye." Samus ran off.
"So then why has Fox painted his ship pink?" said Ness.
Fox pranced in, noticed that he was wearing lipstick, and left in quite a hurry.
"Letter three!" said Peach, emphasising the word "letter" in case Ness thought that she was referring to the number of brain cells which she had.
"Dear Peach,
What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?
Sincerely,
Zephyr
Analea
P.S.: If i say i am your show's number 1 fan, would you please mail Mewtwo-Sama over? Thanks much "
"AUGH! Email scam!" screamed Peach. "I'm not mailing you anyone!"
"Pika pi…" "Please mail me somewhere else…"
"NO!" shouted Peach. "I own you all! Now put these pretty frilly dresses on!"
Nobody laughed.
"Get it?" said Peach. "Put? As in, I put something… uh… somewhere?"
Ness started. "The answer to life, the universe and everything is-"
"I HATE YOU ALL!" screamed Peach, throwing 6 lots of 9 pencils at Ness' head. Ness screamed in agony, and never saw Peach striking him to death with a parasol.
Peach then went back to the computer, giggling. "Next letter!"
The computer didn't tell Peach how pretty she was.
"GAH! DIE!" screamed Peach. She clubbed the computer to death.
"Ooh… computers can die?" Peach hit herself in the head with a bottle of arsenic.
The end.
I am soooo sorry.
(Hoogiman's brother tikitikirevenge wrote this chapter. He knows that you will read all of his fics now. This is because tikitikirevenge is rather up himself.)
Want to send Peach Mail? Try
visiting:
http/hoogi. brickfilms. com/smashmansion/pvm/submit.
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