Hi guys. I know that this chapter is a little bit pathetic considering how long it took me to write it so i'm sorry. i basically just wanted to show Lia's weaker side (thank you shewolf13 for making me reconsider how Lia reacts :)).

Thanks to shewolf13 and donkeyface for reveiwing on the last chapter. :D

I'm going to try and upload again before i go on holiday next week but no promises.

Anyway, Chapter 5...


Ash's POV

The first thing I notice when Lia comes through the bathroom door is how ill she looks. I look at her worriedly as she leans against the wall. Lia can put on a good show and make you believe that she's fine, she can fool anyone even me. But today her emotionless mask has been broken by Sophie's death. I can almost see the stress rolling of her body, and feel the pain she must be feeling whenever I look into her eyes.

'Are you okay?' I ask her, realising that I haven't done so yet.

'Yeah, I'm fine,' she pauses and starts twirling her hair round her finger. 'I need to go.'

Before now I'd been keeping my gaze anywhere that she wasn't, but now I let my eyes meet hers. Trying to keep my voice calm I ask, 'Where are you going?'

'I'm meeting with Karl,' she tells me, shamefaced. She knows that I'm not going to like this, not that I have any amount of influence over her at all.

'What, now?'

She nods slowly.

I reply slowly, 'I don't think that's such a good idea, Lia.'

'Why not?' her usual near snappiness is back in her voice, but there's also something else that I can't figure out what it is. Regret? Fear? Yeah she's really going to be scared about meeting her Uncle.

'Because Sophie…' I say gently. I study her for a minute before changing course. 'Lia, you do realise what's happened don't you?'

Immediately Lia meets my eye, 'Of course I do.'

'Then you should understand why I'm so worried. Sophie's dead, angel. You're hurt by that, I know you are, so you shouldn't be running off to meet anyone.'

'I… I need something to get my mind of things, to clear my head.' She begs me with her eyes, pleading for me to understand that she wants to be alone. I'm not giving in. I open my mouth to tell her this but she keeps talking, 'You don't know how I feel. How could you? You've never woken up to find someone you love dead.' Her voice breaks painfully mid sentence. I watch as she angrily wipes away the tears running down her face. It's a useless attempt as more quickly replace them. I want nothing more than to tell her that everything is fine, that Sophie's not really dead, that it was all just some cruel prank. I wish I know how to comfort her, but I admit that I'm clueless.

'I do know what it's like,' I whisper. Should I really tell her? I've never told anyone before, but part of me wants to tell her. I hang my head and continue hesitantly, 'Sean and I had thrown a party. You know what it's like, first time alone in a new place and you desperately want to impress everyone. Well, our baby sister, Mary, was asleep in the other room. It was my turn to check on her but I was too wasted to be bothered, Sean didn't bother either. I don't know his reason. The next morning before our parents got home I checked on her,' I stop having second thoughts about telling her. 'She'd stopped breathing and passed away some time during the night.' my voice gets quieter and with anyone else I would wonder whether the can hear me but not with Lia. I look up at her to watch her reaction, my eyes are stinging from the tears that are trying to escape. 'I know exactly how it feels.'

She stands there, speechless and slowly shaking her head, as she processes my story. 'You don't understand,' she says her voice so quiet I have to lean forward to hear what she's saying. 'I can't let my emotions rule over me, I just can't. When you get upset what's the worst that can happen? There's no-one there to comfort you? If I can't control my emotions then much worse things happen than that. I can't let myself feel too much.' I stare in astonishment when she falls quiet, not meeting my gaze. Does she really think that? That it's wrong to feel? I watch the tears running silently down her face, she's stopped bothering to try and hide them from me.

'You're aloud to be upset, no-one will think any less of you.' Lia glances up at me from under her lashes. 'How do you feel?'

'How do I feel?' she repeats, dumbfounded.

'Yeah,' I say rubbing a hand over my mouth. 'What's running through your mind? Do you feel hurt? Angry? Upset?' I explain, thinking back to the counselling sessions my parents had forced me too after my sister's death.

She thinks over the question carefully before slowly answering, 'I feel as though nothing matters and, yet, everything is important,' Lia tries to explain. 'When I first saw Sophie, I felt as though I should have known, like I should have woken up and stopped them from killing her. I feel numb, but at the same time in so much pain I wish I were completely numb. It's as if something's been ripped out my body and now has me gasping in pain on the inside. But I can't show how I feel. I just feel so helpless and alone.' She finishes in a whisper, her voice breaking painfully. She takes a deep breath to calm herself.

I cross the room in two strides and put my arms protectively around her small body. Lia buries her face in my shirt and sobs loudly for the second time that day. Part of me feels like screaming. A tight knot of pain and hurt throbs in my stomach is a constant reminder that Sophie's gone. Sophie Baine, the chatty blonde haired girl from pre school is dead, never to laugh or to smile again. My throat tightens as I think back to the day we'd met. A couple of boys had stolen her Mickey Mouse pen so Sean and I had got it back for her, earning the three of us a time out and therefore starting a friendship that kept us together all through elementary, high school and collage. I look down at Lia. Sophie was always one of those people that needed someone to give them a gentle push in the right direction and was always surrounded by friends and her countless boyfriends. When we first arrived at the University of Central Florida I admit that I'd been worried at my slightly over-the-top friend, but then Lia had arrived and got roomed with Sophie. Lia had been a good friend to Sophie, a better friend than I ever was. She'd been patient and treated Sophie almost like a little sister at times. And now this had happened. 'The good people in this world always die young.' I remember my father's words from years ago. He was right, Sophie deserved better than what she got, she deserved a long and happy life with someone that cared a bout her.

I think all that while murmuring soft reassurances and comforts to Lia. I don't know whether she can hear them but it seems to calm her down. Slowly her sobs quieten into hiccupping. She moves away from me, putting some distance between us. Reluctantly, I let her while wanting to keep her close to me where I know she'll be safe.

'She wouldn't want to see us upset,' I tell Lia.

She nods distractedly. 'I know,' she sighs. I watch a tear start to run down her face. Without thinking, I lean forward and wipe it away. Too my surprise, she doesn't flinch or try to avoid the contact.

'There will be a funeral.'

She laughs softly and humorously, 'I don't think we'll be invited.'

'You will be,' I whisper.

Lia looks at me confused. 'How do you know that?'

'Sophie and I have known each other since we were four and I've never seen her get on with anyone as well as she got on with you. You were a really good friend to her.'

'You knew Sophie since you were four?' asks Lia bewildered.

I'm slightly surprised that she had asked about that. 'Yes,' I reply slowly.

'And she still couldn't tell you and Sean apart,' she laughs softly. I smile. 'I wasn't that good of a friend to her,' Lia continues seriously.

'Give me three reasons as to why you weren't,' I demand. Why can't Lia ever accept that she's not a bad person? What person made her think that she is? My mind flickers to her family in New York for a second. The wanting to know and to understand what had happened flares strong.

Lia opens her mouth to give me her three reasons then snaps it shut again. I hate it when she does that, keeps secrets from me. I think back to what she said last night – 'I can't be honest with you. No matter how close we get I can never be completely honest with you.' 'I just know that I wasn't.'

'It's not your fault that she's dead.' I can tell by the almost dead look that has crept into her eyes that she somehow blames herself for what has happened.

'What if it was my fault? What if it was me who'd killed those people?' Lia avoids my eyes as she asks me.

I'm shocked. Does she really think that she could have done this to anyone, whether they are her best friend or a stranger? I want to demand of her what she's hiding from me but know that she won't tell me. 'You wouldn't do that. That's not the kind of person you are. I know that you wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, you've been hurt too much by others and now don't want the people you love to suffer. You didn't kill those people, Lia.'

Lia smiles sadly, not the reaction I'd been expecting but much better than the anger and worry I had been expecting after I revealed how much I notice about her. 'Thank you,' she says, with a small smile still on her face.

'I love you, Lia,' I tell her for the first time.

'I love you too, Ash,' she whispers.

I press my lips to hers and pull away instantly as a volt of electricity sparks through me. I look at her, confusion, shock and probably a little bit of fear showing on my face. Lia's expression mirrors mine for a second before it melts away into understanding and joy.

'I love you Ash,' she whispers again. 'I'm still going to go see Karl.'

Before I can protest she gets up and leaves, leaving me dazed and content. Sean walks in and raises an eyebrow at my dreamy features.

'What –'

'Doesn't matter,' I tell him.

'Okay. Where's Lia going?'

'To meet her Uncle,' I inform him distractedly.

'And you let her go?' Sean asks surprised.

Realisation dawns on me. 'Shit,' I murmur jumping up and running out the door to stop Lia before she does something stupid, again.