WARNING!: Abuse occurs in a flashback. Possibly triggering.
Day 6: Remember When
There are days when you're sitting in a waiting room when everything under the sun is happening. But, then there are days like today. When everything is silent, no conversations spark, and time moves agonizingly slow. It's the time when you wish most that something would happen. It made all their hearts ache, just wanting Jude to wake up. But, that's not what happened.
No, instead they all were forced into silence, but their heads were racketing. Every memory and moment of the boy in the hospital room were coming to the forefront of their brains, and it hurt. The fact that those things couldn't be happening in the present, but instead had already happened and just replayed over and over like a broken record.
Let's start with Callie. She sat, leaning sideways, her legs pulled onto the chair, her head rested against Stef's shoulder. The memory flowing through her brain was... well the one that had started all of this. She hated Jim Pearson with all of her being for nearly killing Jude just because he wore a dress. But still, that had been what led them to the Fosters. To their home.
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Callie's eyes shifted as she heard the door open. She watched Jim move across the living room and toward the hallway, not moving her position from the couch. Not drunk tonight? She thought to herself. She rubbed her arm where a bruise from yesterday had formed. Something she'd gotten used to. She focused her eyes back on the TV that was playing some old soap opera that Callie never really payed attention to.
"What the hell!?" Callie heard Jim shout from somewhere in the house. She was on her feet instantly, knowing Jude might be in trouble. Her feet moved of their own accord, taking her down the hall and into Jim's bedroom. The middle aged man stood over her little brother, steam coming from his ears. Jude cowered at the feet of the man. He was wearing one of the dresses Callie had seen Jim staring at before, one of his ex-wife's. Oh, no, Jude why? She thought to herself, watching silently as Jim grabbed the front of the dress, pulling Jude up, so he was dangling in the air.
"What do you think you're doing?!" Jim shouted, spit flying from his mouth. Jude closed his eyes, tears slipping from his face.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll take it off!" Jude shouted, his voice coming out even higher than usual as he fought against Jim's grasp. Jim lifted Jude higher, then threw the boy down. Jude screamed as he hit the floor.
No. No. No. No. Callie thought, her eyes going wide as she watched. She could handle Jim hurting her. But, Jude? No. No one could touch him. She rushed forward as Jim bent down and began hitting every part of Jude he could reach. Callie choked on a sob as she saw blood come from Jude's broken skin.
"Leave him alone!" she screeched, hurling herself at her foster father. But, her attempt was futile, as Jim just kicked her in the stomach. She gasped, more tears slipping as she fell back on her knees, clutching her stomach.
"Go away!" Jim growled. Callie's face became hard. Her face set, anger clear on her face. She stood up, wobbling from her injury and grabbed the baseball bat from the corner of the room. She gripped it tightly in her hand and ran out of the room, out the door and onto the pavement. She threw her arms up, the baseball bat lifting above her head, then she brought it down on Jim's Trans Am. A satisfied grin spread across her face as she heard the windshield shatter. She lifted the wooden weapon up, bringing it back down on the hood of the car, watching the bat bounce against the metal, leaving a large dent behind.
"Hey, hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Callie heard her foster father shout. She ignored him. He hurt Jude. He deserved it. She continued to hit the bat against the car, hitting every part she could when she felt a hand on her arm.
"Let go of me!" she shouted, turning to Jim and gripping the bat, threatening to swing it at him. Jim dropped his arm and stepped back, instead whipping out his phone and typing furiously against the screen. Callie ignored him and moved to the other side of the car, bringing the bat back and smashing it through the window. She felt glass prick her arms, but she kept going, not caring one bit. She heard the police sirens, but her mind couldn't process anything except the fact that Jim had been beating Jude. She hit the car, and hit the car, and hit the car again until she felt the bat was torn from her numb fingers and her arms were pulled behind her back.
"No! No! He was hurting Jude!" Callie shouted as the police shoved her into the police car. Callie blinked, shaking her head as she stared out the window to see her foster father smirking and Jude crying on the lawn, screaming at the police. Then Callie's mind began to process everything. Oh no. What had she done? She was going to be sent to Juvie and Jude was going to be stuck in that house. No. She decided. When she was out, Bill would take her to Jude. She would see him again.
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Callie felt the same as she did when she was in Juvie after that. Helpless to her brother who needed the most help. But, they all felt like that. Brandon sat on the other side of Stef, his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands together. He was thinking of one of his happiest moments with Jude. It was some time after Jude had been adopted when the family was on their camping trip.
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"Okay, Jude, get in the tube," Brandon instructed, laughing. The family had dispersed about the lake and Brandon was planning to give his brother a ride around the lake.
"Do I gotta?" Jude laughed, shaking his wet hair.
Brandon joined his brother's laughter. "Yes, you gotta," he explained, hooking his arm in the tube. Jude rolled his eyes, then dunked his head underwater and Brandon felt Jude's foot kick his leg as the boy resurfaced inside the black tube. "That was just mean," Brandon shook his head. Jude rolled his eyes again, leaning back and hooking both his arms on the tube, then swinging his legs over the opposite side of the tube so he was now laying in the tube.
"Now what?" Jude asked, raising his eyebrows expectantly at Brandon. Brandon grinned and called for Jesus to bring over the rope on the shore. "Rope? I'm not so sure about this, this is getting close to one of those cheesy horror movie plots," Jude commented, sinking lower in the water, slipping one of his arms off the tube.
"Don't worry about it," Brandon rolled his eyes and then wrestled the rope away from Jesus. "Go dive under and see if you can find anything!" Brandon rolled his eyes at Jesus.
"There's nothing down there but leeches," Jesus commented, shaking his head.
"I didn't know Hayley was still here," Brandon jibed earning a glare from Jesus who swam away in the direction of Callie and Stef. Jude laughed, pulling himself back up on the tube.
"Okay, now what do you need the rope for?" Jude asked, raising his eyebrows at Brandon.
"This," Brandon explained, throwing the rope over the side of the tube and pulling the end around. He tied a double knot in the rope, making sure it stayed on the tube.
"Interesting. And why did you need to do that?" Jude asked, looking at Brandon with his eyebrows raised.
"For this," Brandon answered. He gripped the end of the rope he had and turned around, then kicked and swam, gaining as much speed as possible and swimming as fast as he could around the lake.
"Ah!" Jude screamed, laughter filling his voice. He held tightly to the tube.
"Having fun?" Brandon shouted over the sound of laughter and rushing water.
"Maybe!" Jude shouted back. If it had been a half hour ago, Brandon wouldn't have been doing this. But, after Jude's explosion at him and Callie, and rightfully so, Brandon had decided to stop treating Jude like a baby, because he wasn't. Jude was thirteen, he was old enough to be treated just as Brandon treated Jesus.
Brandon slid to a stop as they reached the dock, laughing along with his brother. "Fun, right?" Brandon asked, dropping the rope and looking over at Jude.
"Yeah," Jude agreed, laughing. He dropped his limbs from holding onto the tube and dove under the water. Brandon frowned when he didn't see Jude come back up a few moments later.
"Jude?" Brandon asked, moving forward.
"Bah!" Jude shouted from behind him. Brandon gasped, putting a hand on his bare chest, squeezing his eyes shut and catching his breath. Jude laughed, holding onto the dock to keep himself up.
"Oh, you're in for it now!" Brandon spoke, finally catching his breath. Brandon lunged for Jude, who let out a scream of laughter as they struggled in the water, the dispute from earlier long forgotten.
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Brandon smiled as he thought of it. It had been fun. A good part of the camping trip had. He glanced around at his family, frowning. His eyes settled on Mariana. She was sitting a few chairs down from Brandon, Lena on her side. Her eyes were closed softly, but he doubted she was sleeping. And she wasn't. Her own thoughts were on her favorite memory of Jude, which had only happened a few weeks prior.
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Mariana lifted her eyes as she heard the front door open and the sound of two teenage boys singing and laughing as they entered the house. Except the lyrics sounded different from the old song her moms had taught her.
"A little bit of Morgan in my life!" Jude sang doing a three sixty as he made it way into the kitchen.
"A little bit of Eric by my side!" Connor cheered back, grabbing Jude's hand as he slid in on socks, having left his shoes at the door.
"A little bit of Richard is all I need!" Jude followed Connor as he spun around, their hands clasped together.
"A little bit of Timothy is what a see!" Connor laughed mid lyric, taking both Jude's hands and moving them up and down in the air.
"A little bit of Samuel all night long!" The boys moved their feet, bending low, then coming back up.
"A little bit of Jeremy here I am!" Connor exclaimed, twirling Jude around. The two disconnected, pointing at each other as they finished the chorus to their own version of the song.
"A little bit of you makes me your man!" They sang together, bursting into laughter as they finished. Mariana had been watching the two, her hand covering her mouth and her laughs muffled. They apparently hadn't noticed her. She clapped her hands as Jude threw his arm around Connor's shoulder, both of them laughing, as they turned forward. Their faces dropped simultaneously as they saw Mariana and heard her clapping. Jude dropped his arm from Connor's shoulders.
"Nice performance, you guys. Thinking we should call American Idol," Mariana laughed, standing up and walking to the end of the table, leaning against it and watching the two exchange an eye roll.
"Shut up, Mariana, I seem to remember a few morning shower songs that you'd care to forget," Jude countered.
"I'd care to forget them, too," Connor teased, making a disgusted face and shaking his head. Jude snickered, leaning over and nuzzling Connor's cheek with his nose.
"Oh god, that was so sweet, I'm getting a cavity," Mariana commented, watching Jude press his lips on Connor's cheek instead. Connor turned pink while Jude just laughed and rolled his eyes. "But, I do have to ask where you learned to dance like that, and where you got those names from," Mariana stated, shaking her head at her brother and his boyfriend.
"Okay, first off, there's this cool thing. It's called Google, and you can find all these things, like boy names that sound like different girl names for instance," Jude stated sarcastically, making Connor laugh, burying his head in Jude's shoulder. Jude smiled, putting his arm on Connor's waist, laughter filtering his voice as Mariana glared at him. "And second, we just came up with it," he explained. He leaned his head against Connor's smiling softly. Mariana shook her head, smiling at her brother. Ever since Jude had told them Connor was moving to LA, Jude had seemed upset whenever she caught him alone. But, whenever he was with Connor, Jude's face always had a smile that could make anyone's day.
"Well, you have to teach me," she commented, her eyes on the two. Connor had lifted his arms and wrapped them around Jude, clasping them on Jude's shoulder where they met. He had lifted his head from Jude's shoulder, instead resting his chin there and watching Jude laugh. Jude had wrapped both his arms around Connor's waist, pulling him to his side.
"Yeah, maybe. If you bribe us, and find someone to do it with," Connor spoke up, turning his eyes from Jude's face.
Mariana's left eyebrow arched as she looked at the two. "Was that a jab, Stevens?" Mariana asked.
"At the fact that your thirteen year old brother can get a boyfriend and you can't? Yes, yes it was," Connor smirked, confidence lacing his tone. Connor had gotten much more comfortable with teasing Jude's siblings since Jude and him had started dating.
Mariana rolled her eyes, her lips pursed. "We can't all have your sickly sweet love story, though, can we?" Mariana commented.
"Love story? Is that what we're going with here? I like to think of it more as... a Love Adventure!" Jude laughed, looking at Connor with the love-sick look Mariana often saw her mothers give each other.
"Yes, it's a Love Adventure!" Connor agreed, looking back at Jude with the same look.
"Oh, look at that, admitting you love each other already!" Mariana teased, smirking. The two turned scarlet, sharing another look. Mariana's eyes went wide, and she sat up straight. "Oh my god, you have, haven't you!" she squealed, her hands going to cover her mouth. Connor was staring at Jude's chest, finding interest in the stripes on his boyfriend's shirt. Jude, however was looking at Mariana, biting his lip.
"Don't tell Moms, they'll never let us live it down," Jude stated. Mariana squealed, jumping up and down and then pulling the two flushed boys into a hug.
"Oh my god, I can't believe this! I thought you two seemed closer!" she giggled as the two pulled away from her, mumbling 'shut up's and 'oh my god, Mariana's. But, even though they were pulled away from Mariana, their arms were still tangled around each other.
"Can you not make this a big deal," Connor mumbled, his eyes on the ground. Mariana frowned, but then nodded.
"Yeah, of course! Your secret is safe with me!" Mariana exclaimed, turning and running out of the kitchen. And safe with Brandon, and Callie, and Jesus, and Tia, and everyone except Stef and Lena. Did they really except Mariana not to tell anyone?
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Mariana doubted that Jude and Connor knew she had told the rest of the family, except their Moms. But, they were all aware of the way the two felt about each other, so it's not like the other Adams Fosters were going to act any different. Jesus sat on her other side, his fingers tapping mindlessly against his phone screen. He was thinking of something that had happened nearly a year ago. Callie was still at Girls United, waiting to come home, when, as Jude called it, "The Pumpkin Goop War" had occurred.
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"You're telling me Moms trust a twelve year old with a sharp knife?" Jude questioned, raising his eyebrows at Jesus.
"No. You don't get to use the knife till next year, but you get to draw the design and I carve it out," Jesus explained. It was a Fosters family tradition for each of the family members to carve a pumpkin. Stef, Lena and Brandon had already done their's, and Mariana was waiting for the day Callie was allowed to visit so they could do their's together. Today, Jesus was helping Jude do his.
Jesus turned and grabbed a sharpie the mess of pumpkin guts on the table and handed it to Jude. "See, the trick is," Jesus started, uncapping his own sharpie and sticking the cap on the back of the marker. "to make it look as scary as possible. It's all about the eyes. Make them angry, evil. Give them eyebrows if you want. Then, the mouth has to have as many missing teeth as possible," Jesus explained, biting his lip as he drew on his pumpkin, watching Jude tilt his up and start carefully drawing.
"If were going for scary, I could just put a picture of you waking up on the pumpkin," Jude teased, laughing softly as he moved from the eyes of the pumpkin to the nose.
"Hey! I'm helping you with this, the least you could do is be nice!" Jesus laughed, rolling his eyes and recapping his sharpie, tossing it to the side.
"Fine," Jude mumbled, his eyes concentrating as he worked on the mouth. His eyebrows were knit together tightly, his eyes narrowed, and his mouth forming a small frown.
"Woah, calm down, Picasso, we're going for scary, not beautiful," Jesus laughed as Jude finished the last detail and capped his marker, placing it beside the pumpkin.
"Sue me for wanting it to look good!" Jude rolled his eyes, throwing his arms up.
Jesus laughed, shaking his head at his brother. He reached over, grabbing the knife off the counter. "Watch the attitude!" Jesus threatened, jabbing the knife in Jude's general direction.
"Hey!" Jude shouted, jumping away from the sharp object.
"I'm kidding, calm down little bro," Jesus rolled his eyes and stabbed the knife into his pumpkin, starting to carve. He popped out the eyes, nose, and mouth of his pumpkin, then placed the knife down. He moved the jack-o-lantern to the side, then brought Jude's in front of him. "Now watch, so you can do this next year," Jesus instructed, picking the knife back up. He gently pushed the tip of the knife into the top of the pumpkin's eye, then drew the knife around the eyes. He popped out the eye, then put it beside him. He continued with the other eye, the nose, the mouth, and the eyebrows. Jesus stood up and placed the knife in the sink, then turned back around. "Tada!" Jesus exclaimed, putting the pumpkins next to each other on the table.
"Cool!" Jude grinned.
"I know, right?" Jesus laughed, ruffling Jude's hair. "I'm gonna go put these with Moms' and Brandon's. Don't get into trouble, okay?" Jesus told his brother, picking up the jack-o-lanterns by the bottom, knowing they would fall if he held the tops.
"What am I gonna do, make pumpkin seeds?" Jude asked, lifting some of the pumpkin guts in his hand.
"Yes," Jesus teased, shaking his head as he walked out of the kitchen. He walked outside and placed the two pumpkins beside the other three on the steps. Jesus jogged back up the stairs and inside, making his way back in the kitchen. He gasped when he turned his head and felt something hit his shirt. He looked down and saw pumpkin guts sticking to his shirt.
Jesus lifted his head slowly, his mouth open and his eyes fixed in a glare. Jude sat beside the table, giggling, his hands sticky with orange goop. "Oh, you're in for it now!" Jesus shouted, moving forward and grabbing his own handful. And the Pumpkin Goop War began.
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Jesus thought it was funny how much things could change in a single year. In a single month, week, day, minute, second. So many things could change in so little time, it was ridiculous. When Jude had first come to the Foster household he had been an innocent, shy little boy who never talked back. Now he was a confident, sassy teenager who was in love with and dating his best friend. Crazy. Jesus glanced over at the boy who sat in one of the few chairs between Brandon and Lena, curled into it. Connor was hurting as he thought of Jude. Everything about him. Everything from when they met to the day of the accident. The one that seemed to stand out most, though, was the night of the LGBTQ+ prom.
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"Hey," Connor heard Jude speak. Connor turned to face him. "I'm Jude. And I'm gay," Jude stated confidently. Connor felt happiness rise in him, but he forced it down. Jude had assured him close to this before. It wasn't any different. Connor faced Jude fully.
"You know what, I don't... think I can keep doing this," Connor admitted, holding his breath, knowing what he would have to do. He avoided Jude's eyes.
"I know." Connor looked up, his eyebrows furrowed. What? "And you won't have to. I promise," Connor was confused. Where was this coming from? He searched Jude's eyes for answers. "Because I am super gay. For you," Jude emphasized 'you'. Connor felt his resolve break. A grin broke out on his face. He laughed, his eyes dropping to the ground, his cheeks turning a light pink. He couldn't help the happiness that came over him as he looked at Jude who had started smiling as well. He realized a slow song was playing.
"You wanna dance?" Connor offered, tilting his head and moving closer to Jude. Jude looked at him with a smile and clear fondness in his eyes.
"I'd love to," he spoke with complete confidence. Connor didn't know what happened, but he was glad it did, because he had Jude now. And he never had to worry about doubting Jude's feelings for him again. Connor smiled, reaching forward and grabbing Jude's hand and leading the boy who was willing onto the dance floor. They weaved their way through the couples dancing together and found a spot in the center. Connor stopped, allowing Jude to walk around in front of him. Connor let Jude's hand fall from his, lifting the hand onto Jude's shoulder and his opposite onto Jude's waist. Jude placed the hand Connor had been holding on Connor's waist and his other on Connor's shoulder.
The goofy grins don't leave their faces as they adjusted and got comfortable in their position, looking each other up and down and giggling when they met eyes. Connor kept his eyes on the ground, trying to keep his feet from stepping over Jude's. When he looked back up, he saw Jude staring at him and smiling wider than Connor has ever seen. His own smile grew when he caught Jude. They swayed gently, keeping time with the slow music. It's a moment before Connor realizes that Cole and Callie had started dancing beside them. But, his attention is more on Jude.
How Jude's hands feel on his waist and shoulder, and how Jude's feel under his hands. Jude's waist his slime, but Connor's hand seems to fit perfectly on it. Connor thought he'd never been happier than in that moment. Butterflies were fluttering in his stomach, and his heart was beating steadily. He just wanted to hold Jude. So, he started inching slowly closer. He moved his hand around to the small of Jude's back, feeling Jude adjust his hand on Connor's shoulder. He presses his hand against Jude, hoping Jude understood Connor wanted him closer. He eyes the ground as he moves himself closer. Then lifts them, seeing Jude look at Callie. He smiles at Jude when he breaks the contact with his sister, then pulls Jude against him, feeling Jude relax completely against him, resting his head gently on Connor's shoulder.
Jude's arm wrapped all the way around Connor and his other bends as he is pressed against Connor. Connor tightened his grip on Jude's shoulder and presses his hand against Jude, bringing it up and down his boyfriend's back in a calm motion and rested his head against Jude's neck, closing his eyes lightly as they swayed. All the anger, sadness, fear, and annoyance was completely gone from him, feeling Jude's body against him, relaxed and content. Connor's sure Jude feels as happy as he is in this moment.
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Connor squeezed his eyes shut tightly, feeling tears fall through his eyelashes and onto his cheeks. He missed the closeness he had with Jude that night. He knew in his heart that was the night he had fallen in love with Jude, even though it had only come to his realization the day they'd been caught. He breathed a sigh and shook his head, steadying his breathing and allowed himself to fall asleep to the thought of holding Jude close, their breaths and heartbeats in time to the music and to each other.
Oh god, that gave me a cavity to write that last line. BTW, Jesus and Connor's flashbacks will have extended versions posted in Family Bonding and Hold Onto Me. I have a surprise for y'all next week!
Follow me on Tumblr at jonnorlandfill.
I don't own The Fosters or anything your recognize.
-HJ
