Jack's story: Part 1
Jack was sitting on the couch in Ianto's apartment in the dark. It had been six months since he'd been in Cardiff, six months since the 456 had come back into his life with a vengeance, six months since his heart had been broken into a thousand pieces and he'd had to run as far and as fast as he could. Six months to think and brood and drink and fight and die again and again. It hadn't made him feel better though. He knew now that staying away from Cardiff wasn't enough, he was still plagued with the memories of his lost team, his lost life.
He hadn't wanted to take on the role as leader of Torchwood 3 in 2000 but he'd been left no choice. He'd carefully built a team up around him and he had only brought in people as broken as he was, people who could dedicate their lives, for however long that would be, to Torchwood. Suzie, Tosh and Owen, all dead now, all gone. Then Ianto had come into his life. As an ex Torchwood London operative Jack had been determined not to hire him, he had no love for Torchwood London and its practises, plus there was something about Ianto that told Jack that he was more than just broken, that there was something deeper and darker in his soul. In the end he had overruled his gut instinct and taken the boy into the fold, had he just been thinking with his dick?, maybe as the boy had been cute and Jack had definitely found him attractive, but it was more than that, Jack had felt a connection and understanding, here was someone with secrets, someone hiding them away behind a calm, organised exterior as much as Jack hid behind his loud, chaotic exterior. He'd enjoyed flirting with the boy, trying to get behind his barriers to work out what was going on and then there had been that first time when Ianto had dropped his barriers and they had shared that kiss. Jack had been surprised at his own strong reaction, he'd had no intention of actually making a move on the boy. Flirting in the office was a way of life but he liked to keep his personal life separate, he didn't want the complications in the office. When he'd felt Ianto press his hands to his own bare chest he'd felt the shock of desire take hold, then Ianto's pale blue eyes had gazed into his own, vulnerability and desire had been shining in them like a beacon. Ianto's lips had been swollen with desire and inches from his own. He had been unable to prevent them from touching and the power and passion in Ianto's response had stolen his breath and then tongues and teeth had been fighting for control. He had felt Ianto's desire in the hardness pressing against his own groin and he hadn't been able to resist moving his hand down to feel the power contained in that response, which is when Ianto had suddenly pulled away, a look of horror on his face and he'd run. Jack had felt a little guilty then but he had also known Ianto would be back, that response had been too strong, and Jack had been prepared to wait. He had a suspicion it would be worth it.
Suzies death had hit him hard and forced him to re-evaluate his whole team though. He recognised that they were all hiding themselves away in one way or another. They were becoming distant and closed in, unable to interact with normal society. Then Gwen had come into their lives. She was not brilliant in the way the others were, but she was bright, courageous and she wore her heart on her sleeve. Everything she thought or felt was immediately expressed. She couldn't hide anything, not her initial attraction and growing hero-worship of Jack, which he had to admit he had rather enjoyed, or her affair with Owen as a coping mechanism or her strong heart-felt belief that the world was black and white, that there was always a right and wrong answer. She never forgave him fully for letting Jasmine go with the faeries. He had known that she would never be able to fully accept the darker parts of his soul and his history, with Gwen he would always have to play a part, the part of dashing hero. Although he knew some parts of Gwen's personality grated on his team, and on occasion himself, he also knew she was forcing them to all open up a little and that was good. She was their connection to real-life which is why it was so important she retained that life.
It was Gwen who had opened his eyes to Ianto's pain when Lisa, the Cyberwoman, had been discovered. He'd been so angry that Ianto had lied to him so effectively, he'd just wanted Ianto to prove his loyalty to him, Jack, over and above the abomination and he'd been cruel. It was Gwen with her innocent, romantic view of the world that had made him realise that at heart Ianto was far from the calm, rational, unemotional being he presented himself as, and that it was just a thin veneer trying to hold back a raging tide of emotion, that far outpassed even that Gwen expressed so easily.
Jack had been horrified to find Ianto in an almost catatonic state when he'd gone to visit him after the suspension. He could see Ianto was trying to hold everything inside and failing so he had deliberately provoked the boy until he'd lost control. It was the only thing he could think of, like opening a pressure valve on a boiler. He'd been impressed and also a little scared by the level of violence that was released and even if he had tried to defend himself Jack wasn't sure it would have been effective. The boy had known how to fight, Torchwood London had obviously trained him before putting him down in the archives and it seemed Jack had been underestimating his abilities.
Jack was even more sure that he had been underestimating Ianto when he had recovered to find himself staring into the composed face of the young man who had carefully admitted he had worked out Jack's secret in the 3 months he had worked there, when Owen and Tosh had, had years. He realised that this quiet unassuming man saw and registered everything. Ianto's Torchwood file had told Jack that the young man was intellectual gifted and was suspected to have an eidetic memory. It seemed the files were right. Jack had determined there and then he was going to spend some time with Ianto to get to know him better during his suspension and the more he learnt the more impressed he had become.
Jack had begun to feel quite protective of the young man and when he'd finally returned to the office, Jack had been determined to offer him whatever support Ianto needed. What he hadn't expected was Ianto offering him support in return. It was after the incident with the young girl Jasmine, Jack had, had to make the decision to let the girl go to save the world as a whole. Gwen had not been able to see past the immediate picture, that a young girl was being sacrificed, even if the girl herself wanted to go. She'd accused Jack of making the wrong decision. He expected that from Gwen but when she also influenced Tosh and Owen, that had been hard. He'd brought Gwen in to encourage the others to show emotion but he just hadn't expected the emotion to be used against him. He'd been back at the Hub, alone he'd thought, sitting at his desk just wondering how he could have done it differently, when he had been aware of a small noise and Ianto had been standing in front of him, a cup of coffee in his hand.
"I didn't think you'd still be here" Jack had muttered surprised and a little embarrassed to be found in obvious distress. Ianto had sat the coffee down in front of him. "I heard what happened, I thought you might need to talk". Ianto had replied softly. He had then moved up behind Jack and pulled at the shoulders of Jack's coat, which up until that point he hadn't been aware he had still been wearing. "Let me hang this up?" Ianto requested and Jack had stood obediently to allow Ianto to remove it from his frame. "Don't you want to tell me I made the wrong decision too" asked Jack a sarcastic tone creeping into his voice despite himself. Ianto had hung the coat on the hanger before turning and looking straight into Jack's eyes. "I don't think you would have made that decision unless you had no choice" he had replied. "I think the others know that too, they just need someone to blame, at least for a while. It makes it easier to blame someone else…" Ianto's voice trailed off and Jack knew he was thinking about Lisa at the point.
"You don't think I'm a monster anymore then?" Jack had asked the young man lost in thought in front of him. Ianto had looked up suddenly at that, a blush staining his cheeks, then he'd stepped forward towards Jack and had put one hand up to Jack's cheek. "You didn't blame me for that heat of the moment comment then, don't blame them now. They'll get over it too…." Then Ianto had brushed his mouth against Jack's not in the heat of passion, but gently, reassuringly. Jack had gently wrapped his arms around the young man and deepened the kiss slightly and Ianto had briefly responded before pulling away. "Good night, Sir" he'd said as he left the room and Jack had been left with a small smile on his face instead of the frown that had been there before.
