Author's Note: I think it is safe to say that canonically, Loki has some self-esteem issues and all that he truly wants is some love and acceptance. I would go so far to say that he also has a guilt complex. Why do I bring this up? Because I plan on exploring it more in this chapter.
Also, nobody hit me because I'm making everyone suffer a little, especially Loki. And also I'm going on vacation so I won't be able to publish for a while.
Please don't hit me! Enjoy the chapter…?
"" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" ""
Chapter Six: I'm Here, but I Don't Want to Be
What had just happened, could not have just happened.
And yet, there was Thanos, still down on one knee, wincing from the pain of Thor's axe deep in his chest, looking slightly smug proving that it had happened. He had snapped his fingers. The Infinity Gauntlet had become burnt and cracked in places along where the stones were placed. After all of that intense amount of power that had surged through the Gauntlet, it was amazing that the whole thing hadn't broken into a million little pieces of gold metal.
Thor shouted again, "What did you just do?" Thanos didn't answer. He just smiled and eyed Thor with the same look an overbearing parent does when glancing at an annoying child. Then he formed another blue portal behind him and disappeared through it, Thor's bloodied axe fell to the ground with a soft thump.
It had become eerily quiet just before Thanos had arrived, but now it was worse. Now there was an anxious, static feeling in the air accompanied by an overwhelming sense of dread. It had become a waiting game. How long till Thanos's action took effect? The dear Captain slowly stumbled into the clearing, his face still covered in blood from his resent encounter with Corvus Glaive. He met eyes with Thor, who was standing where Thanos had been a second ago looking lost. Then he met eyes with Bucky, who still was holding up the completely drained Loki. Thor saw Steve's gaze shift from looking at him to looking behind him and turned around. He saw Loki and instantly started jogging over with that classic worried look of his written all over his face.
"Loki? My God, what happened to you?" Thor reached out, grabbing Loki by the shoulder.
"I'm fine," Loki whispered, trying not to go into another coughing fit.
Bucky scoffed slightly and shook his head. "Boy, if I had a bruise that looked that bad, I wouldn't be fine, but I guess you-" He suddenly stopped talking and his eyes widened as he stared down at his right hand, the flesh and bone one. It was slowly starting to disintegrate into tiny bits of what looked like dust or ash. He glanced up at the dear Captain. "Steve?" All of Bucky's confusion and fear were laced through that one word and then he completely vanished, the dust blowing away in the light breeze.
Loki gasped, not only because the man was completely gone but because Bucky had been supporting all of his weight. He started to fall down, but Thor was right by his side and caught him. He pulled him close to him as they both stared where Bucky had been. Steve had rushed over and stared too. The dear Captain was breathing deeply and he obviously did not understand. He appeared so lost. It was almost frightening to see the brave soldier look so helpless. Loki shook his head in disbelief.
This could not be happening.
But it was and it was far from over.
Loki checked his own hands, so far he was still here and solid and Thor's tight grip around him told him that his brother was still here as well. Wanda. He had to make sure Wanda was okay. He spotted Vision lying flat on his back underneath a tree nearby the clearing, Wanda was on her knees next to him. At first when he had seen Vision still in one piece, he had thought that he was still alive. But then Thanos placed the Vision's stone in his Gauntlet. Now he could tell that the intelligent and kind android was gone. He was void of all color except for a deathly dark gray and his artificial eyes no longer had that remarkable spark of life that they once had.
Loki was trying to make his legs work and move away from Thor's protective grip to the poor crying girl next to Vision. Thor was saying something. Probably asking him what he was doing or where he was going, but Loki didn't hear him. It was like he was in a hypnotic daze and all that mattered was ensuring that the people closest to him were okay. Bucky and Vision were gone and Thor was fine for now. That meant his priorities were on Wanda, Bruce, and the kind king of Wakanda.
Somehow he had broken away from Thor and made it to Wanda and Vision. Thank the stars that they were only a few steps away, because Loki wasn't sure if he would be able to go much further than that. He dropped to his knees right next to the dead Vision and looked at Wanda. She was so upset. Her flawless raven eyes were quickly becoming red rimmed from all the tears and she looked as if she was on the verge of screaming. Nobody would blame her if she did.
There was nothing he could say, nothing that would bring about any kind of comfort. Nothing that would bring her Vision back to life. "I'm so sorry, Wanda. I…" He started coughing again and he had to rub his throat slightly because of the pain the coughing had caused.
Wanda stared at Vision's face and she said in a hollow voice, "Thanos didn't even think twice about it. He just came up and plucked the stone from his head and tossed him aside like he was nothing." He knew what it was like to lose those that you love the most in this world and his heart bled for her. He was going to try and say something comforting, even though he knew it was a moot point, when he saw that she was starting vanish in the same way that Bucky had.
"No," he whispered.
She looked up from Vision to meet his eyes. She was afraid and still reeling from the resent heartbreak, but the emotion that stood out in her was some sort of determination. It was like the kind that a teacher has when they are about to confront a group of misbehaving students. It was also strong. "Don't blame yourself."
Loki squinted his eyes in confusion. "What?"
But she didn't repeat herself. She didn't have time to. Wanda disappeared and blew away in the same manner as Bucky had.
Loki shook his head, almost frantically, not believing it. He suddenly started feeling light headed. He wasn't sure if it was because of the blood loss or because he was borderline hyperventilating. The familiar strong grip was on his shoulders again and Thor was telling him that he needed to breathe normally. He shook his head again. He couldn't think past the thought that none of this could really be happening. It was impossible. It had to be. Or he hadn't been saved by Natasha. Thanos had cracked his neck like a walnut and this was Hell. But just like all those years ago when he had first had the idea in his shadowy cold cell, that he was in Hell instead of still being in the plane of living, a creeping feeling started in his stomach that told him that this was real.
This was real.
It…it was…this was really…
Oh, stars no.
…
The entire day had in all reality been slow, it just felt fast because the plan kept changing. First it was save the Asgardians, then it was fight Thanos, then it was convince Strange and Stark to believe him and Bruce, then it was fight the members of the Black Order, and then and then and then. So on and so forth, until finally he was here in Wakanda fighting alongside his newfound friends and his brother. But after the snap the hours just seemed to fly by. A lot had happened he supposed.
Vision, Bucky, and Wanda were not the only ones who were gone: T'Challa, Sam, and Thor's new friend Groot all had slowly turned to dust and vanished completely. The rest of the group collected themselves up and left the wooded area to head back to the field and then Shuri's lab. The dear Captain carried Vision's lifeless body and Thor had his arm around Loki, helping him to walk. The Outriders were vanquished but now it felt like a hollow victory. The remaining Wakandan warriors and Dora Milaje members all stood in a daze on the field. Half of them were gone.
Despite the shock that no doubt everyone was feeling, priority number one was getting all the wounded to Shuri's lab. And there were a lot of wounded. If you took away all of the warriors and Dora Milaje and just took in account their little group, they had several bruises, cuts, scrapes, a few fractured bones, and a handful of mild concussions. They must have been a sight: the slightly broken survivors who were all shell shocked by what they had witnessed. No order had been given but everyone started migrating back to the city and Shuri's lab and when they were still walking through the yellowed field, the preppy girl greeted them.
"You're alive. Good. I thought that-" She saw Vision. "Oh no…" She walked closer to Steve carrying the now gray android. She shook her head, deeply saddened and then suddenly her head popped up. She glanced around the group with a wild scared look in her eye. "Where's T'Challa?"
Nobody answered her with words, but the dear Captain's deep sigh, M'Baku's slight dip of his head downwards, and General Okoye's soft, "Shuri…" were enough for the girl to understand that her brother was gone.
"No," she said, tearing up. She took several steps away from the group and only General Okoye made an attempt to calm her.
"Shuri, listen to me."
"No, I don't believe you!" She started to run but the General caught her arm and pulled her into a tight almost motherly embrace. Shuri broke down right then and there, loudly sobbing into the other woman's shoulder. And the fierce General kept her tears at bay but only barely. Despite Shuri's great intellect and ability with technology, she was still just a child. A child who had lost her brother.
It wasn't fair.
Eventually, General Okoye calmed the girl enough for her to break from their embrace and walk with the girl with her arm protectively around her shoulders. The group all wearily continued across the field and to the sleek black building that held Shuri's lab. And to think that Loki and their smaller group had all gone there less than two hours ago. Time was being cruel again.
The severely wounded, the unconscious, were set down on the wonderfully crafted gray tables, while everyone else sat to the sidelines. The dear Captain who had so much dried blood on his face and a still bleeding nose said that he wished to have a conference with all those who were willing. Of course. They all needed to plan their next move. They were The Avengers after all, despite their feelings of devastation they needed to keep their level heads about them. M'Baku, Rhodey, Bruce, who was out of the Hulk Buster suit with only a few minor bruises, and Natasha all stood up and went with Steve to regroup. Shuri went around with a handful of small metal beads, placing them on the injured warriors, and then activated them with her big beaded bracelet. The beads were some sort of healing technology. Shuri told General Okoye, "You should go with them."
The General blinked a few times, unsure if that was a good idea. "You will be alright?"
Shuri nodded with no sense of being sincere. "I will keep busy, helping to heal the wounded. I will be fine."
General Okoye frowned but bowed her head. "Yes, my Princess." And with that she left.
Loki and Thor sat to the sidelines, the talking raccoon close by. "I guess…" Loki started and then stopped to softly cough. "We should go, too."
Thor turned to him and looked at him like he was crazy. "What? No. You are staying right here and getting yourself fixed up. I know you. You used too much of your magic and now you are drained and can't heal yourself."
"Thor…"
"And I can't stand seeing the sight of you hurt."
"The others…they were hurt…they didn't stay…to be healed." Damn, he really sounded terrible didn't he?
The raccoon who was standing off to their right with his arms crossed scoffed, "Those guys didn't have a giant black and blue bruise on their neck, man. They also could speak without sounding like a sad frog." The raccoon was an interesting blunt thing, wasn't he? "But I think I might go and see what they're talkin' about. See what our next move is. See how we track the monster man down."
Loki scoffed, but then started coughing again. Thor gently patted him on the back. Thor turned to the raccoon. "Go, my friend. I will be here, with my brother."
Shuri glanced over at the two with a sad shine about her eyes and then quickly went back to what she was working on. Loki felt himself starting to feel guilty for still having Thor at his side. Here there was this poor girl who had lost her brother and it was like he was showing off because he still had his. Obviously he wasn't, but at this point Loki was feeling guilty for just about anything. And on top of this new guilt, he felt that he did not deserve Thor's deep affection and attention.
No.
He didn't deserve it.
He had known about Thanos and his quest to find the stones and he never told anyone. Not when he was brought back to Asgard, not when he was locked away in the dungeons, not when he was king for almost four years. He might have been a good, fair king that helped allow Asgard to prosper, who did not take too much advantage of the power of the throne, but he could have warned the people or somebody. But no. He just kept his mouth closed and naively and probably hopefully thought that Thanos would forget about him and would never gain all six Infinity Stones. They could have had all this time to plan, to prepare, but instead they were all blindsided by the ruthless power of Thanos even without all the stones.
"Don't blame yourself." Those were Wanda's last words and now they made sense. She must have been in his head or she just knew him that well after so short a period of time. She knew that he would blame himself for this failure and the loss of his friends and the others. But how could he not blame himself? How could anyone not blame him for all of this? Even Thor? If it had come to light that someone else had known about Thanos and his insane plan for all this time, they would be just as guilty as the mad Titan.
He was guilty and he certainly didn't deserve Thor's soft and affectionate filled gazes.
He rubbed his head and muttered, "For star's sake…if you aren't going to allow-allow me to go then…at least you should go."
"Brother, I am not leaving-"
"You need to be a part of their planning. I'm fine."
"Loki-"
"Just go." His tone had a more bitter bite then what he had intended, but Thor seemed to finally get the message.
"…Well, if you're sure you will be alright."
"Yes. I'm fine."
Thor nodded quietly and stood up from where he sat. The muscular man seemed sad and confused.
I can't do one damn thing right.
Loki just wanted Thor to go and help the others because they deserved to have Thor be at their little regrouping conference and he didn't deserve to have him by his side. He didn't mean to make it come across that he did not want Thor around. He did. With all of his heart, he wanted his brother to be with him and even comfort him, it was just…he didn't deserve it.
"I'll be back later and tell you what we talk about. Okay?" Thor said, his eyes still sad and confused.
Loki nodded weakly. "Fine." With that Thor and the raccoon both left Shuri's lab, leaving Loki to sit by himself and dwell in his own self-loathing and guilt. After all those who were unconscious were taken care of, Shuri started making her way around to the ones sitting to the sidelines. She approached Loki first, to which he sent her away to take care of the others first. There were so many others. Maybe about forty or so. She needed to help her people first before the man who knew and did nothing for years. He didn't deserve to be healed up by the sweet girl who had lost her brother because of him.
About twenty or thirty minutes later, Shuri came back to him. "You are all that is left." He glanced up at the girl and then around the room. There were only a handful of the warriors and Dora Milaje members still in the room, either still being healed or just resting up. He tried to tell her he was fine, because he was holding fast to his belief that he shouldn't be healed. But Shuri insisted, "You are not fine. I'm fixing you up whether you like it or not."
Loki sighed and followed her to an empty gray table. She motioned to the table and he figured that meant, "get on it", so he did. He laid on the table, taking note how surprisingly comfortable it was for being a hard slab of metal. She told him to lay on his uninjured side so she could put the metal beads on the three painful cuts. He did what he was told and allowed her to put the beads on his injury, about three beads on each cut. She waved her bracelet over them and they all glowed a faint blue. He didn't understand the science of the metal beads but at this point he didn't care. Then she got another handful of the beads and was preparing to put them on his neck but he shook his head. "Just the side. The neck is fine."
"Please, it is not."
"It's fine."
Shuri gave up arguing and left him alone to check on the others that were still being healed up. It had taken a little less than an hour for the beads to heal his side as good as new. He had to once again be impressed by Shuri's and Wakanda's science advances, they were just as good as his magic. He reached for his side and grabbed up all of the beads in his hand. He then sat up and swung his legs over the side of the table. Shuri was off in the corner talking with an older African woman, whose white hair was in braids similar to Shuri's. The older woman had a regal and elegant appearance that one could not explain and she appeared to be deeply saddened.
Shuri noticed Loki sitting up and left the woman to approach him. "All better, then?" she asked as she took the beads away from him.
"Yes. Thank you." He glanced over at the white haired woman. Shuri caught his glance.
"That is Ramonda, my mother. She was with the rest of the people when T'Challa had the city evacuated. I am just thankful that she is still here." There was a slight crack in her voice when she said she was thankful that her mother was still here. Loki nodded solemnly. T'Challa had spoken about his and Shuri's father in the past tense, no doubt he was gone. And now T'Challa…besides from the people of Wakanda, the only family Shuri probably had was her mother. And all her mother had was Shuri.
He was libel to start getting emotional if he stayed here with the mother and daughter, so he decided he would leave and go search for Thor and the others. Thor had never come back so the little regrouping conference must still be going on. He was slowly making his way through the beautiful, shiny halls with their projections on the walls when he could hear the remaining Avengers, General Okoye, and M'Baku all talking in an opened room. "Talking" was being nice.
"All I asked was, do we even understand what has happened? I did not need the sarcasm," M'Baku snapped. Loki approached the doorway leading to the slick black room with cushy chairs, but he stayed out of view so he could listen without being seen.
"And I told you," Natasha snapped back. "On a scientific level not really, on a crazy magic-god level yes."
"And we're back to the sarcasm," M'Baku grumbled.
"The real question we need to be asking ourselves is not what is happening or do we understand what is happening, but what do we do now?" That was Rhodey. It was one of the few times since Loki had met the War Machine that he heard him with a take charge tone.
"What can we do?" Steve asked miserably. "According to the news, people have disappeared all over the world and I doubt that it stopped after that. We…we need all communications back online and we need to prepare to help where we are needed." There was a short moment of silence, no doubt someone or maybe everyone was eyeing the dear Captain with a look of confusion. "There is going to be mass panic. Hysteria. We need to be there to help calm the public."
"Calming people down? So, what, we're shrinks now?" At first Loki didn't recognize the voice but then he realized it was the raccoon.
"Calm the public so there is not a wave of panic induced crime," Steve reiterated.
"And what of Thanos?" Thor asked, his gruff voice unreadable. "We just let him go and do nothing to search for him?"
"And if we did, then what?" Natasha asked sounding lower than ever. "With all of the people we had to fight we still lost…now we are only half of that."
"And I will not allow any more Wakandan lives to be sacrificed in this endeavor," M'Baku said firmly.
General Okoye whispered, "You are not the King of Wakanda. You cannot make that decision."
"Tell me General, if these people here all knew the exact location of Thanos and had a way to get there, would you rally your Dora Milaje and go to have the rest of them taken away from you?"
The General was silent. That probably meant she wouldn't. It was quiet all around the room for a moment before Bruce sighed and said, "So, the plan is to help the remaining people on Earth to prevent mass hysteria."
"Yes," Steve said quietly.
Natasha sighed, "Guess we should call Clint and Scott to help. See if they're even…still with us."
"Excuse me," the raccoon started, "but I thought you people were "The Avengers" not "The Public Controllers"." Had Loki not been in a black and depressed mood, he might have half smirked at that comment.
"What's your point?" Rhodey asked.
"My point is you should be doing what the god man said. You should be huntin' Thanos down and ya know, avenging the people you lost." The raccoon brought up a valid point, as did the dear Captain. It was something that needed to be carefully thought over and discussed.
Instead Rhodey scoffed, "Why is he even here? He's not a part of-"
"Of what? Your stupid band of super-heroes?" That raccoon was feisty.
It seemed like the group would be "talking" for a while and Loki grew tired of standing by the doorway anyways. He wanted to go somewhere and be alone. Alone. What an interesting concept. Being alone, a loner, was a painful existence but now he honestly did not know which was worse: being alone with no friends and no chance of acceptance or having friends that actually cared about you that were stolen away much too soon. Too soon. What made this moment too soon? His own words came back to haunt him: "This day, the next, a hundred years, it's nothing. It's a heartbeat. You'll never be ready."
He had said that to Thor in reference to Jane Foster's fleeting mortal life, but now he realized it was meant for him as well. Even if Wanda, Vision, Bucky, and T'Challa were still here, he would never be ready for their deaths. He had only just met them and already he had clung to them and acted like he had known them for years.
He needed to walk away from the doorway and go somewhere else, anywhere else, now. He stepped away and went back in the direction he had come, but turned down a different corridor instead of going straight back to Shuri's lab. Millions of lives had been lost, not just his first friends and he knew that, but…it was so easy to just focus on the small picture. And the small picture was only the people who were lost in Wakanda. And he couldn't stop thinking about them all.
Half of the remaining Wakandan warriors and Dora Milaje members. They all had been brave and steadfast in their fighting against the Outriders. And for only having swords and spears against a vicious alien race, they held their own.
He continued walking down this new corridor until he came to an area where he had to turn left or right. He went to the left and was walking alongside a row of giant windows looking out to the city. Those who were evacuated were starting to slowly come back, so the city was more alive then what it had been when he and the others had arrived.
Groot, the odd tree creature. He knew virtually nothing about him, only that he was a new friend of Thor's and that he had shown no fear when facing Thanos. That was enough to make him respect him.
He paused at one of the windows to stare out of it. He could feel the lazy half setting sun beat down on him through the glass, but he didn't care.
Sam Wilson, the man with the winged jet pact. Loki had said he was annoying, but he was a good soldier and fighter and a force to be reckoned with.
The sun was a bright yellow orange ball in the sky. It would not be too much longer till it was dusk. Then this day would finally be over.
T'Challa, King of Wakanda and the Black Panther. A calm, kind, and peace seeking king who was prepared for the battle at a moment's notice. And if he held any ill will against Loki he had never said so, in fact he had been generous enough to open his kingdom up to the Asgardian refugees.
He had to stop thinking about these losses. There was no point in tormenting himself over something that could not be changed. But…he probably deserved the torment too.
Bucky Barnes, the metal armed man who knew what it was like to have your mind stolen away and be seen as the villain. The deep understanding that flashed in his eyes and his abilities as a fighter made him one of the few people that Loki felt like he could actually connect with.
This was too hard, too much. Loki kept walking, further down the hall, trying to escape his own cursed thoughts. But he couldn't get away.
The Vision, the extraordinary android with the Mind Stone set in his forehead. Artificial or not, he was a wise individual, whose easy acceptance not only shocked Loki but probably was what turned the other Avengers to trust him.
Now it was like he was frantically running away, but the thoughts were internal and he could not run from the internal. There was an opened door off to the left that he didn't even hesitate in going in. Not a soul was in there. That was good. The room had the same décor as the whole building and no doubt the whole city, with elegantly crafted furniture throughout the room, but unlike most of the rooms it was one of the few to not have any windows. He didn't really pay much attention to any of it, he just shut the door behind him and walked to the center of the room.
Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch. The friend and sister he never realized he had wanted. She was young and powerful and was full of mischievous spunk. She had seen his whole life and had said that she wanted to know him better. She did not mock, she did not run away. She wanted to know him. And now she was gone, in a flash, along with the others.
It had been a couple of hours since the end of the battle and his magic had slowly started to come back along with his strength. Healing always took the most amount of strength and concentration and if he really wanted to, he could have healed his bruise right here and now, that is how much his magic was back. But he didn't want to. The thought never even crossed his mind.
All Loki knew was that he was in the middle of this grand little sitting room feeling the weight of guilt, self-loathing, and most of all loss. And then he clenched both fists and all the furniture, a couch, three wooden chairs, a small polished table, and two yellow lamps, flew back away from him crashing into the walls. Both lamps broke to pieces the second they made impact and two of the chairs lost two of their legs. Everything else just slammed into the walls and then fell to the ground with loud crashes. It wasn't enough. He still had so much anger and pain locked all up in his heart and in his mind and he was sick of not reacting.
He clenched his fists together again, feeling his fingernails bite into his palms, and squeezed his eyes shut. All the fury and rage at Thanos, at himself, at the fact that his friends were lost was unleashed. And his magic tore that room apart. He hadn't reacted like this since the news of his mother's death was given to him. This was not that different from then, the little acceptance that he got was snatched from him and all because of his…his…he couldn't think of the right word.
Because of me. Me. That is a good enough word.
His anger started to simmer down, leaving only depression and a deep emptiness. And of course the guilt. The guilt would never go away. It would just be a remaining presence that it was his fault and it would stay and consume him. He slowly unclenched his fists, both hands were shaking from the pain that his nails had inflicted, and he opened his teary green eyes and saw all the damage he had caused.
Everything was in pieces now. Shattered bulb shards from the lamps, splintered wood from the table and chairs, and feathers from the couch cushions were all scattered on the floor. It was like the whole room had been hit by a bomb or a whirlwind. A few pieces of table or maybe it was the chair had been hit with enough force to be jammed into the walls. The wood just sat there protruding from the black and gray painted wall. Loki sighed. What had any of this accomplished? He didn't feel like he was going to scream anymore. Great. But he had completely destroyed a room and he had drained himself of some of him powers. And for what? For nothing.
He stepped over a chair leg and a torn open couch cushion and went to the wall across from the shut door, there was a shard of glass and a hunk of wood protruding from that too. He leaned his back against the wall, slid down to the floor, and curled his legs to his chest. He wanted someone to tell him everything would be alright, even though it obviously wouldn't be, and at the same time he knew he did not deserve to have somebody waste their time consoling him. Those tears in his eyes were threatening to spill over.
Loki didn't hear the door creak open but he did hear a voice mumble, "Holy shit…" His head popped up and he saw that the talking raccoon had walked in and was looking around at the destruction in an almost speechless kind of way. "Well, this is intense."
Loki quickly wiped at his eyes and didn't know how to even try to explain himself. "What do…why are you…?"
Thankfully, the raccoon knew the answer to his poorly spoken question. "Ah, your brother wanted to talk to you. Although, now I'm thinking that wasn't such a good idea." The raccoon walked in further, watching where he stepped so not to cut his foot or get a sliver. "Anyways, he went searching for you and I said I would help him out since this place is so freakin' big and ah, yeah."
"Did he say what he wanted?"
"No. I assume it is to get you to get your neck healed up by that kid…" The regrouping conference must have been over and Thor must have gone to Shuri's lab and seen that he wasn't there. Shuri would have told him that he refused to have her put the beads placed on his throat and neck. And classic Thor would get all worried and overprotective for no reason. The raccoon picked up one of the couch cushions that wasn't completely destroyed and threw it to the ground about three feet away from Loki. "We never met officially before. I'm Rocket." He sat down on the cushion.
"Loki."
"Yeah, I know. You, um, you alright?" Rocket asked the question in a way that made Loki think that he regretted asking it in the first place. He knew that it was a dumb and obvious question and yet he felt obligated to ask it.
Loki should have been nice about or at least tried, but now was the time to continue the facade. To be the God of Mischief and to be better than everyone else. "Oh, I'm absolutely excellent. I only just lost basically all of the friends that I had. My first friends." And as quickly as he had put on the mask of sarcasm it had started to fade. "They were the brave heroic ones, the ones that deserve to live, and yet here I am alive and they're all just…gone."
"Yeah. Tell me about it."
Loki glanced up at the raccoon and noticed his own sadness. "You lost your tree friend."
Rocket nodded and sighed, "Groot. Yeah. He's been dead before, but…I don't know. It still hurts…" Wasn't that the truth? "Least you got your brother. Bet there are some people out there in the universe that lost everybody."
Loki shrugged, "True, but…it still…" He couldn't begin to try and explain all the emotions he was feeling right now. And even if he could, he wasn't sure he wanted to. Opening himself up was what made this all so much more painful than it had to be. The last thing he needed was to befriend someone else and then turn around and lose them too. But he already started asking a question that could lead to conversation and conversation could lead to friendship. "You have others out there, then?"
"Yeah, this dumb little group I'm in called the Guardians of the Galaxy. Quill, Drax, Gamora, Mantis…Bunch of morons. But they're my morons…" Rocket was quiet for a moment before saying, "What are the odds that they would all disappear? A few of them are still out there I know it." It was like he was trying to convince himself that what he had said was true.
All Loki could do was blink and wonder if he had heard the raccoon correctly. "Did you say Gamora?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"She wouldn't happen to be a green skinned woman, with a step-sister named Nebula?"
Now it was Rocket's turn to blink. "Uh, yeah."
"And she's step-daughter to Thanos?"
"Are you psychic or something?"
"Hardly. It's just…I used to know Nebula and she would speak about her step-sister in an ill manner." "Ill manner" was being nice. The way that Nebula had spoken about Gamora, the few times she did, it was in a spiteful and loathing way. He had never met Gamora face to face but he had caught glimpses here and there. And he had to wonder how did the, according to Nebula, favorite daughter of Thanos end up with a group that at least two of its members were willing to fight Thanos.
Rocket said, "You knew the blue chick?" Loki nodded. "Hmm. What are the odds that two people who have never met before would know or know of two other people?"
"People?" Loki had said it before he could stop himself.
Rocket growled, "Fine. What are the odds that a mangy little beast and a guy who's acting like an ass even though I'm just trying to be nice, who have never met before would know or know of two other people?"
Well, obviously I offended him.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to insult, I just…" he took in a deep breath, "No. There is no excuse. Stars, I…I hate being made to feel like less than others and here I am doing it. So, I am sorry."
Rocket crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at Loki. "How could you be made to feel like less than others? I saw you on the field. You're good with the knives. And you're the tall, dark, and handsome type. Girls are probably all over you."
Loki half laughed, half scoffed, "Hardly." Rocket raised his eyebrows, wanting an explanation. And despite that fact that Loki knew this was treading dangerously close to opening himself up again he was willing to give the raccoon the explanation he was seeking. "I've always been, I've always felt like I was less than Thor. That I could never be his equal. It's all I ever truly wanted. To be acknowledged in the same way as he was for his gifts and abilities. It's…it's not important anymore." He had stopped himself before going too much further. He couldn't go on without completely falling apart-
"Why were you pushing your brother away earlier?"
"I wasn't-" He glanced up at Rocket and met his dark brown black eyes. Loki hadn't even said the whole lie yet and the raccoon already knew it was a lie. Not only was Rocket feisty, but he had a sharp perceptiveness to him. If Loki hadn't been so broken from this day he probably would have continued with the lie, but as effortless as lies came to him, he was tired of them. "Because I don't deserve his affections. Or anyone's for that matter. I should just stop trying and just-just die alone somewhere."
Rocket stared at him for a few seconds before rubbing his forehead in a tired way and sighed, "Oh boy…" He shook his head. "You and your brother really do have issues. Whole time Groot and I were traveling with the guy all he kept talkin' about was how he had survived the encounter with Thanos so he could kill the purple chinned jerk, like it was his destiny or something. And then he went on and on about you and how if it turned out that you hadn't made it and he lost you…boy. Kinda got scary there for a second."
Loki didn't understand. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, you idiot, that if you died he would go completely ballistic. And here you are crying how you don't deserve his love or whatever. Is it because you people are from this Asgard place that makes you both so damn dramatic?"
That was a good question. One that he didn't have an answer for. He could only imagine Thor going "ballistic" at his loss. It shouldn't have been surprising because Thor apparently cared about him no matter what he did, but for some reason it did. He truly did not think that highly of himself at all, did he? Then the gruff, muscular, short haired man that Loki was thinking about stepped hesitantly into the room and spotted both Loki and Rocket. "Loki," Thor started and then he stopped and examined the room with wide worried eyes. "Brother?"
Loki started to open his mouth to explain but Rocket cut him off. "Well, I should leave and let you two discuss your family problems." He stood from the couch cushion and started to leave, again he carefully watched his step to avoid stepping on something sharp. When he was past Thor and almost out the door he turned back around. "Loki, you're okay." Loki blinked at that not really sure what to say. Rocket turned back to leave but before he did he told Thor, "Also your brother has got some major self-esteem issues and a massive guilt complex. Good luck with that." And then the odd raccoon was gone.
Loki could feel Thor's concerned gaze hit him, but he did not look up to meet it. Thor sighed and started to walk closer. "Bruce told me the events of both of your days. He said you had started to become friends with some of the people who, uh, well…" Loki took a deep breath but didn't answer. Thor stepped over some of the discarded furniture and ended up sitting on the floor next to Loki. He placed his strong hand on Loki's shoulder. That caused Loki to finally turn and meet his gaze. "Brother, I am so sorry."
Loki paused for one second before asking, "Why?"
Thor blinked in confusion. "What?"
Loki shook his head and felt the tears come back to his eyes. He whispered, "I don't understand you. Or-or Bruce or Wanda or anyone who started to trust me. You should not trust me. You should not care." His voice was starting to crack. "I am and will always be a monster and y-you should hate me. You should-"
Thor didn't hesitate in pulling Loki into a tight hug. Loki completely froze at the feeling of Thor's arms wrapped tightly around him. "Even after everything that has happened, I could never hate you, brother. You hear me? Never. And you are not a monster, you never were one and you never will be one."
And then Loki completely broke down.
Every emotion from every fiber of his entire being just poured out of him and before he knew it he had his own arms around Thor, clinging to him like his life depended on it, and he was sobbing into his shoulder. This wasn't just because of his friends' loss or his never ceasing guilt, it was everything. The stomach clenching fear, the miserable feeling of the loss of Thor that he had sent the whole day hiding, the selfish relief that his brother was in fact alive, the deep dark and consuming depression and emptiness.
It had all been there just beyond the thin veil of sarcasm, mischief, and the egotistical demeanor, and even though he would let others sometimes see through the cracks of his disguise, this was the first time in a while that he let anyone see his true self, the utter mess that he was. And in doing so, he made himself feel weak and ashamed that he couldn't keep it together. Loki held himself to an impossible standard that when he failed to meet it, which was quite often, it was just another reason confirming his self-loathing.
But Thor did not find his display of emotions as weak and pathetic. He just held him tighter as if he was trying to protect him from his internal conflict.
You don't deserve his comforting.
But Loki couldn't make himself pull away from his brother's embrace.
So damn weak…
If he could not punish himself by denying Thor's affections then he would just have to do it vocally. "It's my fault," he murmured. "It's all my fault. I knew about Thanos and his plan and I did nothing."
Thor patted his back in a sympathetic manner. "Loki, you're not the one who snapped his fingers and erased half of the universe."
"But I knew and I should have done something."
Thor sighed, perhaps realizing that he was getting nowhere this way. "Alright, fine. Why did you not say anything?"
Because when he first came back to Asgard he was still under Thanos's spell and blamed Odin for everything. Because he was arrogant enough to think that Thanos would never gain all the stones and be able to manipulate their power. Because he had naïvely hoped that Thanos would lose to someone else. But Loki didn't say any of those excuses, instead he said one that even surprised him. "Because I knew if I did we would have to go after him and the idea of confronting him…" He started shaking, more then what he already was.
"Brother?" Thor asked softly.
"He scares the hell out of me, okay? And after my failure in New York, who knew what his plans were for me. And I couldn't-I can't-"
"Shh. It's okay." And just like in the dark world, Thor's words filled him with some sort of comfort that everything was okay. So he just stopped talking and went back to crying, although this time his sobs were silent like those of an abandoned and unloved child. "Loki, I doubt that you were the only person in the whole universe who knew of Thanos's plan. You cannot put this all on your shoulders. It is not your fault."
Loki almost believed that. He wanted to believe it, but…he just couldn't. Thor just didn't understand. If he knew everything he wouldn't be so willing to comfort him.
What Loki didn't understand was if Thor knew everything he would have held his brother closer still and vowed to murder the Titan who had dared to lay a finger on his brother.
…
Bruce sat at a smoothly polished silver table that was in the middle of a dimly lit room, facing a rather large window. It was funny how this place was filled with large windows. He just sat there staring out of the window in a sort of exhausted trance. The sun had set by now and the already dazzling city had come to life with thousands of white and golden lights. Bruce was vaguely aware of the spectacle but mostly he was just staring in a thoughtless type of way. The events of the day had taken its toll on him and the rest of the team. At the very least the events were stressful, at the most world halting intense. The sting of failure was heavy on everyone, Bruce knew that, but it was obviously was affecting others more than the rest. Even without having a PhD in psychology, he could see that.
He knew Natasha well enough to see that she was hurting beneath her toughness. More then what she would let on and more than the remaining Avengers. And it was clear that the poor genius girl, Shuri, was taking the loss of her brother incredibly hard. But the one that actually frightened him, was Loki. The always wisecracking, trickster god had fallen deafeningly silent. Bruce had seen him when they all had been in Shuri's lab just before Steve had called together their little meeting. The bruised and bloodied man just sat there staring hopelessly at the floor, Thor close at his side. It truly was a frightening sight. Thor and Thor's new friend, Rocket Raccoon, had gone searching for Loki when their meeting had broken up and they found out that Loki had left Shuri's lab without having his neck and throat healed up.
He probably should've helped them, but he was just so zonked. All he wanted to do was take a whole bottle of aspirin and drift to a restful sleep. Instead he just stared out the window waiting for Natasha to come back into the room. She was with Steve calling Clint Barton and whoever this Scott "Ant-Man" person was. Bruce knew the importance of ensuring that there weren't mass panic induced riots all over the globe because of what had happened, but…he had to agree with Thor and the raccoon: They should be hunting down Thanos or at the very least be finding a way to reverse the damage that had been done.
The former redhead walked in and put her hand on his shoulder. He glanced up at her. "Hey," she whispered.
"Hey. Did you call Clint? Is he okay? And the other guy?"
Natasha sat down next to him and didn't meet his gaze. "Clint's alive, but all three of his kids disappeared." Bruce sighed and rubbed his pounding temples. It shouldn't have been a shock anymore. All of this loss. But it was. Every single time it was like a punch in the stomach. "He has to get Laura somewhere safe and then he said he would come and help us out. He said he would pick up Scott."
"So, he's alive too then?"
"Yeah. I think he lost a few people, but not his daughter. That's good."
"Yes," Bruce nodded in agreement. He looked at the blonde woman sitting before him and saw the deep well of sadness that was written all over her face. "Nat."
She sniffed and looked up at him. "Yeah?"
What were the right words to say to someone who lost members of their team? Not just members of their team, members of their "adoptive" family. There were no right words or right actions, but Bruce thought he found something that could work. He reached for her hand and held it in his own. "Natasha, this all, well, it sucks. But there is still hope. As long as there are people out there who are willing to stand up against people like Thanos, we'll always win. And I don't know how long this will last, but there has to be a way to figure this out."
Natasha seemed to relax slightly and the sadness seemed to dial itself back a bit. And then she half smiled. "Did you write that down first? Because as motivational speeches go, I think that could use some work."
He chuckled, it felt weird to do so. "What can I say, I'm not a poet."
The two of them just sat there in the dim room, holding each other's hands, staring into the other person's eyes. It wasn't so much romantic as it was reassuring. They still had each other. They were some of the lucky few.
Rhodey practically ran into the room, startling both Bruce and Natasha. The man looked both winded and worried. "Rhodey, what is it?" Natasha asked, standing up from the table. Bruce stood up too.
Rhodey took a few deep breaths before mumbling, "Shuri and some of the other Wakandans saw something unusual on their radar or heat imagers or whatever it is that they have. The point is they're picking up something that looks like a small space ship coming our way. And not just one, about fifty of them." Any color that Natasha had gained back from talking to Bruce she instantly lost.
Bruce's head was starting to spin. Fifty ships? That was the equivalent to a small army. And why? Thanos had already won. He had already snapped his fingers and wiped out half of the universe, so why would he send-? Natasha was already running out of the room back to Shuri's lab. Bruce ran after her, Rhodey slowly jogged behind him. After several turns and up an inclined plane they were back in Shuri's lab. Steve stood behind where Okoye, M'Baku, and Shuri's mother Ramonda all stood and watched the genius girl tap her fingers across a screen. Natasha went to Steve. "What's happening?"
"They're trying to make contact. See if they're friendlies or not."
And just as if on cue, Shuri pressed a green circle in the middle of her screen and said, "This is Shuri, Princess of Wakanda speaking. You are approaching Wakanda without permission, identify yourself now." For five terribly long seconds there was nothing but silence. Shuri turned to the three directly behind her. "They have stopped about thirty feet away from the barrier and they just sit there."
"We should attack," M'Baku said.
"And if they are not our enemy?" Ramonda questioned.
M'Baku shrugged. "They would have answered by now if they were not hostile."
A static noise came from the screen. Shuri spun back around. "Someone is trying to make contact over this frequency. Hello, hello? Does anybody copy?" The static noise continued and grew louder until it abruptly stopped. Steve and Natasha gave each other a look. Shuri tried to reach them again. "Hello? Is anybody out there?"
The static came back full force this time and a British sounding woman called out over the radio, "Yes! We're all here. Sorry, I couldn't get this stupid transmitter to work and then I dropped it. Bloody thing…"
Bruce's eyes widened with realization. He knew that voice. "Oh my God."
"What?" Natasha asked turning to him.
"That's-that's Valkyrie."
…
Loki had fallen into a teary eyed sleep in his brother's arms. Thor only noticed this when he realized that Loki wasn't crying into his shoulder anymore. At first he had thought that Loki had finally calmed down, but when he started to pull away, Loki fell against him. It was understandable. From what Thor could see, his poor brother was utterly exhausted and after the extreme release of emotions, both in destroying the room they sat in and in sobbing his heart out, it made sense that he would drift asleep.
Thor carried Loki to a room that was across from the broken up room. There was a cushiony couch in that room and Thor had laid him down on it. Loki stirred slightly but didn't wake up. Thor grabbed a wooden chair and sat next to the sleeping Loki. He was utterly exhausted too, but he felt obligated to sit and watch over Loki. He stared at his brother, who looked so calm and peaceful in comparison to what he had been before. If there was anything Thor could wish for in this world it would be that he could make everything better for Loki. His brother's words were still echoing in his head: "I am and will always be a monster and y-you should hate me."
Was that what Loki truly believed? It obviously was, but Thor couldn't believe it. All that guilt, shame, grief, and fear that was written all over Loki's face was so heart wrenching for Thor to see that all he could think to do was pull him into a tight embrace. They finally had that hug.
"If you were actually here I might even give you a hug."
"I'm here."
They were both here, but neither of them wanted to be here in this cloud of depression and failure. But back to the point, it was the fear that really got to Thor. It was like he saw that Loki had some deep fear and he wanted to know what it was so he could protect him from it. And the cause of Loki's fear? Thanos. Thor already hated the man, the Titan, but now…he wished he had splint Thanos down the middle when he had had the chance.
And why was Loki this frightened by Thanos? Because Loki was no coward, a little less apt to fight maybe, but no coward. Before Thanos's attack on their ship, all the color Loki had drained completely away and he had been shaking like a leaf in the breeze. And he had been shaking again when Loki told Thor that he never told anyone about Thanos's plan because he was scared of him. But Thor heard Loki's voice, so soft and so frail. Loki wasn't afraid of Thanos, he was terrified of him.
Thor sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. He needed to know what had happened between Thanos and his brother. He just needed to. At the same time he had this unusual sick feeling in his stomach that told him maybe he didn't want to know. But that worry that what had happened had been that dreadful just strengthened Thor's resolve. If the remaining Avengers wouldn't track Thanos down, then he would himself. Thanos would fix this problem of everyone disappearing, he would tell Thor what he had done to Loki, and then he would pay for everything he had done and meet his end by Thor's axe.
There was a light tap on the door and then someone opened it a crack. "Thor?" Bruce asked as he opened the door all the way.
Thor stood up and carefully walked away from the sleeping Loki. He motioned for Bruce to go back out into the hallway. He did and then Thor was close behind him, pulling the door back shut. "What is it?"
Bruce seemed more awake and lively then what he had at their discussion of what they would do next. In fact he looked like he was on the verge of laughing or jumping for joy. "Thor, you'll never believe it, but Shuri and some of the others, they spotted a whole bunch of ships and-and its Valkyrie." Thor froze, from both shock and disbelief. "Thor? You okay?"
"What? Yeah, I…my God that means that the Asgardians…they're alright." Bruce nodded his head happily. Thor could feel the foreign sensation of a smile start to form on his lips. "Well, let's go! I-I have to see them all and…ah…" He was so overcome with an odd sense of happiness that he didn't know what to say.
"Should we tell Loki?"
Oh, right. Loki would want to know, but Thor shook his head. "I will, but later. Let him sleep for awhile and gain back all of his strength. He's taken all of this pretty hard so-"
"No need to explain. I understand." Bruce had such a level of understanding in his tone that it made Thor smile more. It was difficult to try and explain to people that Loki wasn't as bad as he had once been or seemed, but Bruce just seemed to get it. He got Loki. Maybe Loki hadn't lost all of his friends after all. "Come on. They should be through the barrier by now." And they both took off running in a direction that would lead them to the outside.
…
A large group of Wakandans, Shuri, her mother, the fierce bald woman, the man dressed all in blue, and the remaining Avengers were all already standing outside along the edge of the city when Thor and Bruce came running over. At least fifty small ships were hovering in the air and then landing in the beginning of the field. It was a glorious sight to see. The work and emergency pods that had been sent out into space and into safety, they were all here. A few of the pods opened up, there doors sliding open and the ramps being lowered, and out came families and shaken up groups of Asgardians.
Thor had never thought he would see his people again. Shuri approached him with a slight smile. It was odd to see any look of happiness on the girl who had so recently lost her brother, but he could tell that she was happy for him. She glanced at him and then the Asgardians who were being greeted by some of the Wakandans. "My brother told your brother that if the Asgardian refugees had nowhere else to go, they could stay in Wakanda as long as they liked." Thor turned in surprise. "I am now giving you the same offer."
He opened his mouth to say something but he was speechless. So instead he shut his mouth and patted the girl on the shoulder, his way of saying thank you. One of the closer pod ships opened up and out of it came the beautiful and strong woman in her Valkyrie white armor and blue cape, carrying the small purple Miek under her arm. Both Thor and Bruce called out to her and ran over. Valkyrie looked up at them in a sort of mild surprise but then she smiled slightly.
Bruce reached her first. "Hey, you're okay!"
"Of course I am. And you're not the big guy right now."
"Well…no."
Valkyrie saw Thor and handed Miek over to Bruce, who took the small creature with wide eyes. "Your majesty," she muttered.
Thor half waved. "Ah, hey, you uh, good to see that you are uh-"
He was interrupted by her abruptly throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him. He certainly wasn't expecting that. "I'm glad you're alive," she said in a soft voice.
He hugged her back. "I'm glad that you're alive, too." And then as fast as she had hugged him, she pushed him away from her and slapped him across the face. "Ow! What the hell-?"
"That's for having your stupid brother send me away like I was some sort of second class citizen! I could have helped you with the fight if you hadn't been such an idiot!"
Thor rubbed his sore check and muttered, "I make sure you and Loki get to safety, away from the fight and what do I get for my troubles? You both yell at me."
"And that's another thing," Valkyrie said placing her hands on her hips. "Where do you get off on deciding that you get to protect me? I can protect myself! I have already proven that I am an expert fighter. I'm better then you and your pain in the neck brother."
"Look-"
"I'm not finished!" Thor kept his mouth shut. "I've never been to Midgard before, neither has most of the refugees so we were just flying around in space like a bunch of idiots not knowing where we were going! If you had told me from the beginning that you wanted me to go with the others, then you could have made sure I had coordinates or something, instead of sending the God of Mischief to do your dirty work!"
Thor nodded, hating that he was being yelled at in front of everyone, but he knew she wasn't wrong. "Alright, I didn't think it all through."
"No kidding."
"And I know you can take care of yourself but I just wanted to make sure that you would, you know, live." Valkyrie blinked her brown eyes at him and sighed. She didn't say anything else, but she wasn't yelling at him anymore. That meant she wasn't mad at him anymore but she still wasn't happy.
"Guys, I don't mean to interrupt," Bruce said, still off to the side. "But one, could someone take him," he motioned to Miek, "because he's all slimy and two, weren't there more refugees then this?"
Valkyrie took back Miek and patted his head sadly. "When we were wandering around something happened. People they were just…vanishing. They turned to dust." Thor and Bruce gave each other a look. "We are only half now."
Thor breathed deeply and glanced around at the Asgardians. The small population of his already dwindling people had been cut in half. Again. He should have known better. Thanos's snap did not just affect Wakanda. "Korg?"
Valkyrie shook her head. "He's gone." She seemed to hold Miek closer to her.
The remaining Avengers along with Shuri migrated closer to where Thor stood. Natasha stepped over to Bruce and placed her hand on his shoulder. Steve was the first to speak. "Thor, I'm sorry." Thor nodded slightly, not really hearing him. It was such a shock and yet it shouldn't have been. But he always did seem to have a knack for losing things, didn't he?
Shuri walked up to Valkyrie. "Hello, I am Shuri. We talked over the radio frequency. I want you and all of your people to know that you are welcome to stay here in Wakanda for as long as you want." Valkyrie smiled a tight smile and nodded her head.
Rhodey cleared his throat. "I don't mean to pry, but you said that you" he pointed at Valkyrie, "and the others have never been to Earth before."
"Yeah," she said.
"Then how did you get here? And more specifically, how did you know to go to Wakanda?"
Thor turned to face the fierce warrior expectedly. That was a good question. Valkyrie sighed, "As it turned out when we were wandering we were able to pick up a distress signal coming from an abandoned planet. I guess it's good we were out there because I don't know how else those two would have gotten off the planet."
"So, wait," Bruce said. "You picked up two more refugees from another planet?"
Valkyrie nodded. "It was just after we had lost half of everyone. I wasn't going to do anything about the signal because I thought it might be a trap. But then they said they had lost most of their team that had been fighting this Thanos guy, so…" Everyone was silent and they all gave each other glances. Valkyrie continued on, "Point is, we picked them up and the two of them both knew how to get us to Midgard. Then the guy had this odd rectangle devise that had all of these projections on it and he said that someone called "The Media" was talking about a battle between aliens and these people called Wakandans so he directed me and the rest of our ships here."
"This guy you picked up told you how to get here?" Thor asked.
"Yeah. Annoying guy. It might be because he's slightly injured but, the one who fascinated me the most wasn't the guy but the girl."
"The girl?"
"Yeah! She's all blue and has a metal arm and I think she knows your brother."
Thor blinked several times in confusion. "Loki?"
Valkyrie nodded. "I told her who I was and where I was from and about you and immediately she asked me if you were the Thor, Prince of Asgard, brother of Loki."
"Brother of…" So that's what that felt like. To only be described as someone else's brother and not your own person. He didn't like it much and this was only the first time it had ever happened. Now he could see why Loki had hated being referred to as "Brother of Thor" so much.
"Actually, I think the guy knew your brother too and you," Valkyrie said.
Thor said, "Take me to them."
"No need," she said turning around to look at the ship she had exited. "Here they come now."
A bald blue woman with a metal arm came walking out, supporting the bloody and severally injured Tony Stark.
After a day like this, nothing should have surprised anyone. But what could they say? This was a surprise.
"" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" ""
Author's Note Again: I know, I left it on a cliffhanger, but most of my chapters are kind of cliffhangers anyways so…
I should note, for my current readers and to anyone reading this in the future, that this is written before Ant-Man and The Wasp and before Avengers 4. Anything that happens in the movies will probably not be reflected in this story and I am not changing the story at this point to go along with the canon of any future films. This is its own independent thing. Thank you.
Anyways, somebody tell me if I am doing justice for Bruce/Natasha and Thor/Valkyrie because I really don't ship either of them that much (I low-key ship it but…) and so I don't know if I'm doing it right. And yes, I know there is no "right" way to do anything in writing but, you know.
I apologize to every and all persons who loves Loki for making him suffer. But it just made sense that he would blame himself (unjustly) for the events of what happened and would break down. Loki is by far one of the most complex and fascinating characters to write for because he has so many layers and emotions to him. There is a song by Maria and the Diamonds called "Oh No!" which I highly recommend you all listen to and there is a lyric in the second verse that describes Loki perfectly: "I feel like I'm the worst, so I always act like I'm the best." And that's what makes Loki so interesting. He can go from this self-hating tortured person to this sarcastic, egotistical person and that is a character I love. (Probably why he has such a giant fan base)
God bless Rocket Raccoon for saving this chapter from being completely one hundred percent depressing. He's definitely one of my favorite Guardians. And speaking of Guardians, Nebula's in Wakanda. Can't wait to write her and Loki's reunion!
As I said before, I'm going on vacation and won't be able to upload any chapters for a while, but I do plan to write in my spiral whenever I have a chance, so…Maybe the next chapter will be done by the time I get back home and all I have to do is type it up. Maybe? Thank you as always for all your lovely reviews! Have a good day!
