Peter didn't leave his room until he was notified by May that dinner was ready. As he waited he sat in silence and tried to make sense about what he almost did.
He was going to kiss Lydia.
In that moment Peter was going to throw all caution to the wind. He was so tired of feeling alone and he just wanted some form of human contact.
Lydia standing so close to him didn't help much either. From the window above the kitchen sink the setting sun's rays basked half her face in a warm glow. It only helped illuminate her features. The slightly red tinge in her hair was more prominent and her eyes seemed even more blue thanks to the close proximity their faces were at. Her lashes fell in shadows across the tops of her cheekbones giving her an alluring look.
Just like that Peter began to lean in. He was thankful for Aunt May's arrival as it pulled him out of the trance Lydia held him in. As soon as he comprehended what he almost did all he could think about was Gwen. He could practically feel her standing next to him, but he knew she wasn't there in the physical sense.
He knew Gwen wouldn't be angry with him, in fact she probably would want him to be happy, but he just couldn't allow that. Bad things always happened to the people he cared about.
Peter removed himself as quickly from the room as possible and prayed that Lydia wouldn't follow him. He needed time to clear his head.
When he reached his room he went straight for his desks top drawer. He grabbed the last picture of Gwen he had taken before she died. He sat on his bed with the picture in the palm of his hand.
"I don't know what to do," he said to the picture Gwen.
He knew what she would say to him if she were here. Gwen would tell him to do what would make him happy, and that he should move on. She was gone and she wasn't coming back. She would say that she has been gone for almost six months now, and holding on to this grief wasn't healthy for Peter at all. Peter couldn't help it though. He loved her so much and everyday she wasn't here just reminded him how incomplete his life is going to be. Or at least that is what Peter currently thought.
That's why he loved spending time with Lydia so much. She took his mind off of everything and he needed that. He needed that to survive otherwise he would just be stricken with grief at all times. He would have a better chance at dying from sorrow versus the green goblin. Peter knew he had to move on eventually, but he wasn't ready to just yet. Maybe if Lydia wanted to stick around maybe one day they could give it a shot.
Peter groaned at his thought and banged his head against his wall.
Even if Peter wanted to possibly pursue something with Lydia he knew the repercussions that could follow. He had told himself the night of Thanksgiving that nothing would come out of this for her safety and he intended to keep his word. After all the last time he went back on it the girl he loved payed for it with her life.
Peter laid on his bed staring at the ceiling until he heard his name being called from the bottom of the stairs. He didn't know if Lydia had gone home, half of him wished she did just so that he wouldn't have to face her. No such luck for him because as he turned the corner to the kitchen he saw Lydia setting the table.
Damn it, he thought.
Lydia raised her eyes from the plate she was placing down and looked right at Peter. He could tell that she was trying to keep calm but she wasn't succeeding. Lydia, whose cheeks were flushed, took a deep breath and became much more fascinated with the utensils she was setting on the table.
Peter walked the rest of the way into the kitchen and up to Aunt May giving her a quick peck on the cheek.
"Hey Aunt May," he started, "sorry about earlier. I wasn't feeling well."
Lydia felt a slight jab at the comment. Was he truly disgusted with the fact that he almost kissed her?
May at this point was used to his odd behavior and just said, "That's alright. Help yourself to what you want."
After they had all taken a seat at the table Aunt May attempted to start a conversation.
"So Lydia how has the internship going," she twirled her fork in her plate of spaghetti.
Lydia made sure to chew her food before answering, "It's going good," she told her honestly.
"Your mom mentioned that you are in the IT department," May took a sip of water.
Lydia nodded and took a sip of water herself. She caught a quick glimpse of Peter to see if he had any reaction about this conversation. It appeared he was too preoccupied with his plate of food.
"So what do you do?" May asked genuinely interested.
"I keep track of important files, and other information that's in Oscorp's system. Also if something goes wrong within the system we are in charge of trying to fix whatever their issue is. Whether it be a virus or if someone is trying to hack us," Lydia explained.
Aunt May nodded her head, "Sounds like a great deal of responsibility and slightly risky if you ask me," she said.
Lydia furrowed her brows at the comment, "How so?"
"Well I feel Oscorp would have to be extremely careful who they hire. You have all the access to their important files correct? With how people are now in this day and era for all you know they may hire someone who would try and bring the company down," May stated.
Lydia had never thought of that before. She couldn't imagine a whistleblower making their way into the company. In general it's very hard to get a job or internship there and the head of Oscorp, which happened to be Harry Osborn had the final say in who was allowed to work there. Lydia really couldn't imagine that happening. The system is very highly protected and even if someone attempted to send out private information the police would be there before they even had the chance to.
"Everything is extremely protected, even from employees. If anyone even attempted to give someone access to information from the outside we would be severely punished. I don't think anyone would be willing to risk that, and if they did they would be a fool," Lydia told May.
"Well anything is possible dear," May said.
Lydia couldn't argue with that. Anything truly is possible.
"Do you two have any plans for the night," May asked shortly after.
Lydia focused her attention on Peter, "I'm not sure. Do we Peter," she asked curious as to what he was going to say.
Peter looked directly at Lydia for the first time since their almost kiss. Lydia raised her eyebrows slightly as if to show that she was indeed challenging him.
Peter shrugged. Lydia tried her best to hide the disappointed look that crossed her face.
"Why don't you guys go see a movie," May suggested with enthusiasm.
Lydia didn't say anything. She wanted Peter to answer this one.
Peter shook his head, "I don't know about that. I have some homework that I need to finish," he looked to Lydia, "and I think Lydia and MJ need to resolve an issue back at their apartment."
Peter didn't have to say what he wanted to directly. Lydia knew exactly what he was trying to get across to her. She heard it loud and clear. He didn't want to be around her right now.
She gave a short nod and tried to finish the rest of her pasta.
"Oh what issue," May asked her concerned.
Lydia turned to her, "Um it's nothing major, just issues with our Wi-Fi."
"I'm sure if anyone can fix that it's you," May told her confidently.
"Hopefully," Lydia said focusing her attention on her almost empty plate of food.
The rest of dinner went by with almost little to no conversation. Peter barely contributed so it was mostly just Lydia and May making small talk. She was sure by the end of dinner May had figured something was off between the two young adults, but May being respectful of privacy didn't push the issue.
Lydia had stayed after dinner to help May clean the dishes and put the leftovers away. By the time they finished it was a quarter to eight o'clock.
"Thank you for having me May, dinner was really good," Lydia gave her a hug.
"Anytime dear. You are always welcome in our home," Lydia wanted to comment but she held it in.
May placed a hand on Lydia's shoulder and lowered her voice so Peter who sat on the living room couch wouldn't hear what she was about to say.
"Lydia sweetie, I just wanted to say thank you for coming into Peter's life. There was a good time within those months," May had to pause, "well you know what happened. I was so scared for him. I had never seen him so broken, and I still see it, but not as much since you have been here. He actually seems happier now. Just thank you for bringing pieces of my boy back," By the time May finished she had tears in her eyes.
Lydia was truly moved by May's words. She didn't think that she had that much influence over Peter but if May could see a difference then to Lydia that made their friendship that much more worth it. She didn't know what is to become of it after today with their almost kiss happening, but Lydia wouldn't be the one to walk away from her friend. Peter would be the one making that choice.
Lydia pulled May in for another hug, "There's no need to say thank you May. Peter means a lot to me and I'll always be here for him," she said and pulled away.
Lydia began to talk in normal tones now that the conversation was over, "I really need to get going now. Thank you once again," she said and began to walk into the living room to try and say bye to Peter. She honestly wanted to get out of their just as much as he wanted her to. They would talk about what happened earlier when they both had time to think about it.
Lydia stood next to the couch. She didn't know if she should lean down to hug him or touch his shoulder. Peter wasn't making any moves to stand up so she just settled on standing by the arm of the couch.
"Bye Peter, see you later" she said more so as a question because she genuinely didn't know if he even wanted to see her after all this.
Peter looked up from the TV, "Yeah, let me walk you out," he stood and gently placed a hand on the small of her back.
When they reached the front door Lydia turned, "Do you want to talk about what happened earlier," she asked him.
Peter shook his head, "Not right now," he reached behind her and opened the door, "You should probably go. It's getting late."
Lydia nodded her head and walked out the front door but before he closed it she turned once again, "Just text me when you are ready to talk."
He nodded, "Goodnight Lydia and be careful," with that he shut the door.
As Lydia walked to the subway she couldn't help but feel a stinging in her chest from Peter's short responses. He hadn't acted so distant from her well since they first started spending time together. This wasn't even her fault! He was the one who attempted to kiss her. Deep down though Lydia knew he wasn't upset with her, but rather he was upset with himself.
All the way home Lydia kept replaying their almost kiss in her head. She didn't want to admit but if they actually had kissed she would be the farthest thing from mad. In that moment she wanted him to kiss her. She wanted that more than anything, but in the end she was glad they didn't. A kiss would have complicated everything, and she didn't want that. She liked the way they were now as friends and nothing more. At least that's what she decided to keep telling herself and maybe it would become true.
Lydia made it to her apartment in what felt like no time. Before even walking into the building she took a deep breath and tried to give herself a pep talk. When she felt like she had a good enough talk with herself only then did she make her way into the apartment.
Taking another deep breath with her key in the lock she prepared herself for whatever was on the other side of the door.
When she walked in she could see MJ sitting on the couch with a pizza box in front of her. She didn't even acknowledge Lydia's presence and she didn't expect her to.
"MJ can we talk," she began and took a seat on the opposite side of the couch. MJ didn't take her eyes away from the stupid reality tv show she was watching.
Lydia tried again, "I'm really sorry MJ," her voice began to wobble, "I don't know why I said what I said, but I didn't mean any of it. You such a strong person who is independent and doesn't need validation from anyone. I was stupid to even try and accuse you of otherwise," MJ still hadn't looked at her but her head was tilted which Lydia took as an indication that she was listening so she continued, "and maybe I lashed out because I'm afraid. Afraid that there's some truth in what you say about what I feel towards Peter," MJ was looking at her now.
Lydia wiped away tears that were falling down her face. She cried because she knew how badly she hurt her friend all because she didn't want to admit to her feelings. She cried because she was admitting to those feelings and with everything in her she wished she didn't feel the way she did, but Peter almost kissing her now solidified what she wanted but didn't want at the same time. She thought that maybe if she acknowledge the feelings that were there would make it easier on her not to act on them and make them go away.
"Okay, okay," MJ finally said. "I forgive you," Lydia was on the other side of the couch in a split second and pulled MJ into a hard hug.
When they pulled apart Lydia noticed that she was still crying as she could see the tear drops on MJ's grey sweatshirt.
"Sorry," Lydia sniffled.
MJ looked her over, "Why are you crying anyway?"
Lydia shrugged, "I told you. I'm upset that I hurt you and I'm scared that you're right."
"Look I know that I may be pushy with the whole Pydia issue," Lydia was confused at the use of the word 'Pydia'.
"Who's Pydia?" MJ rolled her eyes at Lydia's question as if the answer was obvious.
"Your and Peter's couple name," she elaborated and Lydia had to suppress a gag, "but with that said if it makes you upset I'll stop bringing it up," MJ finished.
Lydia started picking at her already raw cuticles, "Peter almost kissed me today," she mumbles.
MJ sat up completely straight at the new information, "What!" she practically yelled.
Lydia sighed, "Yeah."
"Well what stopped him," MJ was completely invested in this conversation now.
Lydia laid back on the couch, "May showed up. It was so weird MJ. One second we were laughing and dancing. The next it's like nothing else mattered. He was so focused and then he started leaning in. Next thing I know he's across the room and May is in the kitchen doorway."
MJ couldn't help the grin that spread across her face, "Did you want him to kiss you?"
Lydia paused, "No," MJ just looked at her, "maybe," MJ tilted her head to the side.
Lydia let out a heavy sigh, "I don't know," she settled on that for an answer.
"I think you did," MJ stated.
"It doesn't matter because nothing is going to come out of it," Lydia sat back up.
MJ audibly groaned and leaned her head on the back of the couch.
"Why not?" she asked pulling her head back up.
"Because I like where Peter and I are now. Being friends is great I don't want to complicate things. For all I know he may not even want to be in a relationship either. After all Gwen's only been gone for a short while," Lydia tried to explain.
MJ couldn't believe the excuse Lydia was trying to sell, "Most people don't try and kiss people they don't want to have a relationship with, and sadly Gwen has almost been gone for half a year! God rest her soul," MJ looked up in the direction towards the heavens, "It's healthy for him to go on with his life. Gwen would want that and everyone knows that. What did Peter say?"
"About?" Lydia asked.
MJ smacked her hands on the sofa cushion, "About almost kissing you!"
Lydia shrugged, "Nothing. All three of us had a slightly awkward dinner together. I helped May clean up while Peter ran into the living room. After we finished I said my goodbyes and Peter walked me to the door. I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he said not really, so I just told him to text me when he wanted to. He said goodnight and shut the door in my face," Lydia still was upset about that.
MJ sucked in air through her teeth, "Ouch."
"Yeah," Lydia nodded.
MJ pursed her lips, "Maybe he is scared just like you. He could be scared to move on just like how you are scared that if you allow yourself to be with him he'll hurt you by leaving like your dad did."
The color drained from Lydia's face at the mention of her dad, "What?" she asked.
A sad smiled graced MJ's lips, "Come on Lydia. You and I know what you are afraid of the most."
Lydia's voice just above a whisper asked, "What am I afraid of most?"
MJ placed a hand on Lydia's knee, "That you'll end up with someone like your dad. I can tell you this with complete honesty. Peter is not that someone."
For what seemed like the hundredth time that day Lydia could feel her eyes fill with tears. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and willed them back.
"Well it has been a long and emotional day," Lydia smiled, "I think I'm going to go to bed. Besides I have to make it to Oscorp early in the morning. Rumor has it Harry is coming in to observe our department and I want to make a good impression." Lydia said standing.
MJ gave her a smile, "Okay. Well if you need to talk or anything I'll be in the room next to you."
"Alright," Lydia turned and made her way to her bedroom.
She was glad that she hadn't worn any makeup today as that made her night time routine go by quickly. All she had to do was put on PJ's, wash her face and brush her teeth.
When Lydia got comfortable in bed she replayed all of today's events in order. As she began to drift off the only thing she hoped was that her and Peters friendship wasn't ruined.
