Me: Chapter seven and the first chapter of the grown-up arc.

Jack: Hey, where's the psycho?

Mike: You mean the other one?

Jack: What?! Mike actually insulted me?! This is precious!

Me: Don't get exited and think about it. You and I are two psychos and we're both here so you had to be asking about our third resident psycho. Damian is getting ready for this arc of the fic, so he'll probably join us in the closing A/N. Say the fucking disclaimer and let's allow chaos to rule!

Jack & Mike: He only owns the third psycho.

Me: CHAOS! COME UNTO ME!


Link has awoken after seven years of being sealed. Let's see his reaction after finding he has grown…

"HOLY FUCK!" Link screamed and started to scan his grown up body. "I'm not so bad looking, if I do say so myself." Link said. Navi shook her head and sighed exasperated.

"Yeah Link, you're a real hunk. Now pay attention to the fat old man." Navi said. Link nodded but continued to study his own body. After the fat old man introduced himself as Rauru he told Link to awaken the Sages and gave him the Light Medallion he sent Link back to the Temple of Time. There Link was met by a "guy" (yeah right) wearing some strange clothes that reminded Link of Impa.

"You must be the Hero. I'm Sheik, the last of the Sheikah. You must travel to Kakariko Village and go to the Graveyard; there is an item there that you need to enter the Forest Temple. But be careful, Ganondorf has filled Castle Town with the living dead." Sheik said and stood on the pedestal of the Master Sword. "I won't allow you to return to your original time until you have awakened the Sage of the Forest."

"Damn, zombies. Just lovely." Link said shivering and left the Temple. Upon exiting the first thing he noticed was the dead atmosphere and the ring of fire over Death Mountain. Still shivering at the thought of facing zombies again Link stepped into the square of the town. He got massive déjà vu. The guts and limbs of several zombies were thrown carelessly around, some of them were still moaning in what Link thought was pain and some were burning with familiar black flames. Link heard some moaning and the sound of flesh being ripped coming from one of the alleys and ran towards the source of the noise. He was greeted by a familiar sight. A man in black was tearing a zombie apart limb by limb. The man finished by ripping the zombie's heart out and crushing it with his hand. "Damian?" Link asked and the man turned to look at Link.

"Link?" The man (Damian) asked with eyes slightly wide in surprise. Suddenly his eyes narrowed in rage. "YOU BASTARD!" He roared charging at Link. Link barely avoided the punch Damian threw at him and stumbled back. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU ALLOWED GANONDORF TO TAKE THE TRIFORCE!" Damian roared while he continued to throw punches at Link. Damian stopped and glared at Link. "Do you have any idea how much people has died?! Do you have any idea how much your friends have suffered?! I trusted you, I thought you were my friend. I was planning to tell you about myself, about your past. What's worse is that, because of you, Malon has suffered worse than many. Her father lost the ranch, Ingo took over and beats the animals and threatens to rape her. And it's all your fault!" Damian said pointing a finger at Link, Link noticed he was wearing a black metallic gauntlet. "What do you have to say, before I unleash all my powers against you?!" Damian asked.

"I didn't know this would happen. I assumed Zelda would keep the stones safe and that Ganondorf would never get the Triforce. I'm sorry." Link said and Damian lowered his arm.

"I see…I, uh, I guess I should apologize as well. It was unfair to blame you for something you had no control over." Damian said. He approached Link and stretched his hand. "Wanna travel together again?" Damian asked. Link beamed and shook his hand.

"Sure! You're one of my best friends!" Link said and Damian actually smiled. "Besides I wouldn't know what to do without you." Link said and Damian hit him on the top of his head.

"Stupid asshole." Damian said while Link rubbed his head.

"Why were you killing zombies right now?" Link asked Damian still rubbing his head.

"It's my job. As the…last Son of Darkness." Damian said with shifty eyes. "Anyway, I promised Malon I would return as soon as possible. Let's go to the ranch." Damian said and began to walk away.

"Hey! I still remember you promised to tell me about yourself!" Link yelled at Damian. Damian stopped and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I did, didn't I? I guess I could tell you…But first there is something that I must do with the last inhabitant of Castle Town." Damian said and smiled that sadistic smirk Link had learnt to fear. They walked to the old guardhouse near the bridge. "Wait here." Damian said and entered. Link could only wince when he heard the guy inside screaming in agony and Damian laughing maniacally. After five minutes of screaming Damian opened the door and Link saw the guy, a guy wearing a purple robe, twitching in the ground and foaming by the mouth. "You should have chosen someone else to scam, you asshole." Damian said over his shoulder and walked away, Link following close by.

"What did you do to that guy?" Link asked, Damian looked and him and smirked sadistically.

"I gave him a mental trip to the land of fluffy bunnies, pretty flowers and singing little woodland critters." Damian said still smirking.

"What?! That was overkill!" Link said feeling sorry for the robed guy.

"He deserved it. He had me looking all over the plains for ten Big Poes. And when I got them, all he gave me was a stinking bottle." Damian said. "Anyway didn't you want to hear about me? I'll tell you a little bit…the scar I have was given to me by one of my best friends; she did it because we were competing for a weapon of great power, she died then. I may show the weapon to you later." Damian said. They reached the ranch and the first thing Link saw was the sign with Ingo's face on it. "Son of a bitch took over after Ganondorf killed the king. Chased Talon out when he saw a chance. Kept Malon only because he knew the ranch would collapse without her." Damian said and walked to the stable. There Link saw Ingo dressed in a fancy suit. "Link, tell him you want to ride the horses and pay him to do so. When you are inside the stable, play Epona's Song and ride her. Once you get the hang of it, challenge Ingo to a race and keep racing him until he bets Epona. I have a plan." Damian told Link and Link did as he was told. He won and Ingo betted Epona, he won yet again and Ingo threw a tantrum and locked Link in the area of the stable. Damian approached Ingo. "So, scumbag, you lost the offering to Bitch-dorf? How about a bet?" Damian said and took out a guitar, he played a song Link had never heard and a black horse with glowing red eyes and black armor galloped towards Damian. "This is my steed, Ktulu. I challenge you to a race, when I win you'll hand me the ranch and if you win I'll give you Ktulu. What do you say? Surely Bitch-dorf will like him better than Epona." Damian said and Ingo accepted. Two races later Ingo was hitting the ground.

"How can this be?! I lost?!" Ingo was screaming. Damian simply stood over him and sneered at him.

"Yes, you did. But don't worry, I won't keep the ranch for myself nor will I fire you. I'll do this…Malon, come here for a moment." He called and Malon came out of the barn. Link noticed she had grown nicely.

"Dark Boy you're back!" She squealed with delight and hugged Damian.

"Yeah, I'm back Farm Girl. I have good news. The ranch is yours." Damian said and Malon looked up at him.

"Really?" She asked.

"When have I ever lied to you? Of course it's yours. Just as much as I am." He said and kissed her. Link could not believe what he was seeing.

"Dude, did I really miss enough for you to become a romantic?" Link asked, ruining the moment.

"What are you talking about Fairy Boy? He has always been a romantic." Malon said. Damian blushed, broke the embrace and started to walk to his horse. "Is that the famous Ktulu?" Malon asked.

"Yes, he is the last one of his kind. A proud steed, he is as old as Epona." Damian said patting Ktulu's flanks. "The song that calls him is called the Call of Ktulu." He said still patting Ktulu. "We should get going, Link." He said to Link and turned to look at Malon again. "If I see your father I'll tell him to come back. See you later, my love." He said and kissed Malon again, he the mounted Ktulu and left. Link snickered a little but followed Damian out.

"So, have you and your Farm Girl, uh, "rolled in the hay"?" Link asked smirking. Damian stopped Ktulu and turned around to glare at Link.

"Don't. Ever. Say. That. Again." Damian said through clenched teeth. "If you so much as suggest that I have tainted Malon like that I'll make sure not even your precious goddesses are able to recognize you, you hear me?!" Damian asked, still glaring at Link. Link nodded, noticing a massive killing intent in that glare. "Good." And they rode the rest of the road to Kakariko Village in silence.


Me: There, seventh chapter up.

Damian: So, I nearly killed Link?

Me: Yep. And get ready, your past will be revealed soon.

Damian: Damn.

Me: Hehehe. Oh, that's right! The Phlegethon is a river of boiling blood that appears in The Divine Comedy. In the fourth circle of Hell. Just as cultural knowledge. And JtheChosen1 there's your price. Keep reading and reviewing. Am I forgetting anything?

Damian: Description...

Me: Right! Damian is about 6'6" tall, his hair is at waistlenght, he wears black leather armor and a black metallic gauntlet on his right arm. He still wears his black cloak.

Damian: Read and Review.