Boats Against The Current
This chapter wasn't uploaded completely for starters, so here's the whole thing.
For the last year I gave up on this story. Not because I didn't think it had potential, or because I lost inspiration, but
because of a series of personal tragedies that made me want to shut off for a while.
The last few months have been the hardest of my life, and the worst is yet to come. But when I came across this fic on my
computer a week ago, I fell in love with it all over again. And for the sake of who I was, here is the rest of it.
Hope you have fun, sorry for that little snippet of angst, and I PROMISE, there's more to come :)
Ethan's POV
"I love you too", she said clearly, looking at me square in the eyes, and I felt something primal and almost predatory rear within me, kicking up a raging storm of emotion - of joy and of exaltation, of relief and of triumph.
And at that moment I just knew that, come heaven or hell or Marduke's raging armies all in one, there was no way I was going to let go of the girl before me, let go of her mystery and her strength and the sheer joy of unlocking that impenetrable wall she had built around herself.
I bent my head down again, our foreheads and noses touching. Her eyes fluttered shut as she let out a soft sigh as I claimed her lips yet again, a smile on my face. It was heavenly.
That was just about when she pushed me away.
I frowned quizzically at her, wrapping my arms around her in stubborn retaliation. A small smile on her face, she shook her head softly.
"No. We need to talk." she said resolutely and I frowned more. Smiling, she planted a small kiss on the tip of my nose and then continued. "As lovely as that was, I'm dying, pardon the pun, to know why I'm not…well…dead"
"Lovely!" I spluttered with feigned horror. "That's all you have to say?! Lovely?! You wound me, love."
She took the bait, shaking her head and laughing.
"Oh I'm sure you'll get over it" she answered with a wide smile, hands coming up to my shoulders. "Besides, I've only ever been known to tell the truth"
"That is it!" I answered firmly, albeit with a small smile, tightening my hold around her waist. "Now I'm duty bound to change your mind."
Leaning forward, I placed a small kiss on her jaw, and she tilted her head slowly.
"Duty bound to whom?" she gasped and I smiled against her skin.
Taking my time, kissing a leisurely path up to her lips, I stopped for a moment to answer her.
"Why my ego, of course" I replied seriously.
She let out a laugh and I took the opportunity to kiss her thoroughly again, revelling in the way her hands almost instantly twined around my neck to pull me closer.
And when she least expected it, I abruptly pulled away and walked towards a towering tree at the edge of her clearing. Turning by head back at her nonplussed expression, her dark hair in wild disarray and her face flushed pink, I smirked at her.
"Thought you wanted to talk?"
Rochelle's POV
The absolute bastard! My mouth fell open at his last words, fists balling as he threw me a lazy wink and sauntered over to the edge of the clearing.
Gathering my wits and smoothening my hair and clothes down, I followed him, sitting cross legged besides him before turning to face him.
He sighed and took my hand in his, and I got the distinct notion that it was more for his reassurance that mine. I covered his dark hand with mine, my lips quirking up. God I don't believe I've smiled as much as I have the last 15 minutes.
"So now we talk" he whispered, dark emotions flitting across his face, worrying me. Squeezing his hand in mine, I took the plunge.
"You've changed" I said, raising my hand to his chin to scrutinize his face. Forcing him to meet my gaze. "You're skinnier and leaner…and…tougher…and stronger, not just physically but mentally… like you've faced the worst the world has to offer to come back alive. You're face looks gaunt…as though you haven't eaten or slept in weeks. What have you done to yourself?"
He looked up at me, his expression held stoic with fragile control and I felt my heart clench. Ethan was never so controlled…so pensive…so guarded. Hell the barricades he held around his mind right now were almost impregnable, kept firmly in place.
"So much has changed. Isabel's eyes are purple! I know something big has happened. I just don't know what it is. And then there's the biggest question, I'm bloody alive."
It was as though I couldn't stop.
"I remember dying Ethan", I said forcefully. "I remember the pain and…and the blinding relief that you were alive and safe. That I had saved you. I remember seeing that arrow in me, glinting and shining and sosharp. I remember feeling the poison take over. It bloody hurt. And I remember seeing your face. It was the last thing I saw. You were crying. I know for a fact that I didn't survive that. And now I'm alive? What…what in hell happened?"
My voice had reduced to a whisper, and I took a moment to look up at Ethan.
A surge of emotion washed over his face now, and he looked almost pained. I covered his hand with both of mine, holding on as tightly as possible. Trying to let him know that I was there and real and not going away for a long, long time.
"Ethan you know you can tell me anything", I pleaded.
There was a moment of silence, as he stared at our entwined hands. And then he looked up at me straight in the eye, and for a moment, I was taken aback by just how strong and raw and real his agony was.
"You died Rochelle", he said, the anguish echoing through the hoarse timbres of his voice. "You died in my arms, right before my eyes, taking an arrow that was meant to be mine! You died because of me. Because of my enmity with Marduke. And I couldn't do anything about it."
He got up now, running his hands in his hair in anxiety, pacing before me,
"You have no idea how…painful that what", he said, his quick steps letting on his agitation. "I ran through this very forest to try and find Isabel, but it was too late. You had already started turning cold and … and you're eyes had shut and… amd...the blood on your shirt… "
He stopped pacing and balled his fists as emotion swept over him. I felt my heart break at his loss, at how he must have felt. I didn't even notice that my hands had flown to my mouth.
"You weren't supposed to die", he said, devastated. "I finally had you…I was there holding you… we were supposed to be together and live a normal life. The life that had been denied to both you and me since we were born. You have no idea how angry I was…how devastated. I found Marduke in the forest, and I couldn't even kill him. I said he wasn't worth the effort of my revenge. I don't regret that decision Rochelle, but... in a world where ethics and morals didn't exist, Roh I wouldn't have ripped him limb from limb with my bare hands."
I was spellbound by his words, horrified by the pictures he painted by the sheer passion in his voice, rage, sorrow, pain, relief all ebbing and flowing into one another. I was holding my breath unknowingly, and a small part of me felt so proud of the man before, of the immense strength of character he had shown at the hardest moment of his life.
"I lived three weeks without you…with you dead" he said slowly, almost unbelievingly. "They were the worse three weeks of my life. Everything I saw reminded me of you. Of your eyes and you face. Of the way you smiled… so rarely. Of how loyal and fierce you were on that battlefield. God, I couldn't eat…I couldn't sleep. I was camping out in the forest…near that lake you love being by, just because I couldn't fucking stand being around people. People who still had something good and pure in their lives that hadn't been taken away from them. I didn't just hate myself for letting you die, but hated the Order and the Guard and thefucking prophecy and every other thing that in any way contributed to you having to die."
He stopped pacing and walked over to where I sat, slumping down against the tree, knees pulled up. Staring out in front of him, with his hand about his knees and his hair falling over his eyes he had never look so vulnerable.
The words fell from his lips like words of a memorized song, scenes that he's probably gone over in his head over and over again. Unknowingly, tears had started falling from my eyes. Tears, not just for his anguish and painful journey, but tears for the aftermath of the war. For the death of our Tribunal, Lady Arabella, Lord Penbarin, King Richard. I didn't even realize that I had been crying till my vision blurred. Ethan had been describing, in almost agonizing detail, Lord Penbarin's death.
Pausing for a moment, he look at me and his expression softened. Pulling me into him, I rested my head against his shoulder and he continued.
I don't know how long we sat there, as bits and pieces of the enormous, incredible, terrible adventure they had fell into place. Isabel gave a bit of her life for me. Maduke was alive. Tears fell unbidden from my face, even though I barely made a sound, and Ethan simply clutched me harder against him. All these emotions he was holding in exploded out into words, and I was glad. Glad that he was letting go of it all, of the past. At that point of time, with me in Ethan arms and his hands almost desperately holding mine, I didn't know who needed the support more. And then there was Isabel. I didn't know what to think… or what to tell her.How to tell her how loved and wanted she had made me feel in a matter of hours.
As he finished, the last few words falling out of his mouth, he just closed his eyes and buried his head in my hair, like he was tired of reliving that nightmare. I felt exactly the same. Turning a little so that I could hold him properly, we just stayed there for a while, calming ourselves in each others arms, holding each other as tight as we possibly could.
And then I spoke. I had to.
"I love you Ethan" I started softly and he just held me tighter, if that was even possible. "But there is nothing you could ever have done to prevent my death. Nothing."
I could feel him stiffen. He raised his head and looked at me, sapphire eyes rimmed red and jaw held tight.
"You don't know that", he said harshly. "There is so much I could have done."
"Ethan you were the one person who were always there for me. Even when the Guard distrusted me. You were probably one of the only reasons I kept going on. You fought Lorian and Matt and God knows whom else for me. Ethan you were willing to drown with me so that I wouldn't be alone in death. There is not a moment in my stay with the Guard when I truly believed that you hated me. Whatever you said with words, you contradicted with actions. Always."
He looked at me desolately, almost begging of that to be the truth,
"And how many ever times you go back into the past, I will always take that arrow for you. There is nothing you can do to stop it or prevent it to happen", I added resolutely and a pained look came onto his face. "What would you have done in my place?"
I could see that he understood then, despite his guilt and I brought my hand to his face,
"You have nothing to be guilty about Ethan", I said, "Nothing at all. You were my rock. I don't know if you know this, but you were the reason I even woke up from the today."
He looked surprised, and a bit relieved as though a heavy burden had been lifted off his shoulders. Smiling softly, he buried his head in my neck, and I brought my hands around his neck.
"Never ever go away again" he whispered, so softly that I could barely hear him, "Ever"
"I promise" I said softly, not really knowing how long that would last, but sensing that he needed that right now. "I'm back and you're here and we're going to be together for a long, long time."
He looked up and grinned wolfishly, before kissing me yet again. I completely surrendered, like I always do, revelling in being surrounded and engulfed by everything that was him. There was no way I was ever going to get tired of this.
"What did you mean you woke up because of me?", he asked suddenly, blue eyes glinting.
"Well, I don't quite know…", I started off, a little uncomfortable. I mean if anyone told me that they heard voice amid a sea of blue in their subconscious while in coma, I'd think they were crazy."Well everything was blue. I don't know how. And I sort of felt compelled to just… letting go. I couldn't move or open my eyes or talk. And everything hurt. All I felt like doing was getting rid of all the emotion and pain. I was very close to just…succumbing to the sleep, as odd as that sounds. But then I heard your voice. You were saying all sorts of things. I didn't recognize you then. But I do now."
He grinned and got up, pulling me with him. Kissing me lightly on the top of the head we started walking off towards Arkarian's chambers.
"So you heard everything?" he asked me, and I could sense some trepidation.
"Well no…" I started. "But it was when you said we'd beat up Dillon that I absolutely made up my mind"
Neriah's POV
I busied myself by materializing enough chairs for everyone who's going to be here today, trying to fit in enough chairs for everyone in Arkarian's chambers. Now almost completely full with devices salvaged from the Citadel, it looked cluttered, yet in a homey, cosy way.
Matt walked in and hugged me from behind. I smiled and leaned into his embrace.
"It's a big day you know?" I reminded him softly. "You ready?"
"Am I ever?" he sighed. "I swear this job is not for me."
I laughed. I knew as much as he tried to convince himself that Arkarian was better of being the leader of the group, he knew somewhere deep down inside that it was in his blood to do what he was doing right now.
"Have they left yet?" he asked suddenly, flopping down on one of the cushioned wooden stools. His brown hair fell over his eyes, shadowing his gold-brown eyes.
"Matt they're seeing each other after three weeks" I reminded him and he chuckled softly. "And yes, they have left. The shields are activated."
Matt and I had created a rather intricate shield over the ruins of the Citadel, to protect it from people stumbling on it. The stuff lying there amongst the rubble was priceless, machinery that my father...no…Mardukewould die to get his hands on.
Die. My father had died. A long time ago.
Matt nodded and beckoned me over to him. With a smile and a dramatic sigh, I flopped right down besides him, his hand coming around me.
"Its going to be all different now isn't it?" he said sombrely and I smiled despite is desolation.
"Nothing you can't handle" I assured him.
"Neriah I'm taking over Lo-" he started but I cut him off.
"Matt we're all fumbling about here" I told him seriously, trying to calm his insecurities. "No one expects you to be Lorian in a day. But of there was anyone who could ever really fill up his shoes, it's you. And you're doing a brilliant job so far. So you have to believe you can do it."
He looked like he was going to argue, but then just nodded slightly, just as Arkarian walked in, Shawn and Dillon in tow.
Minutes later, Isabel and Jimmy arrived, and I stifled a laugh as Matt stiffened when Arkarian kissed the top of her head.
He glared at me and I glared right back, till he relented grudgingly.
And then finally, like the climatic unfurling of a drama, Ethan walked in, holding Rochelle's hand. I could literally feel everyones eyes slide up to her, as did mine. She looked breathtaking, in a peaceful, content way that I had never seen on anyone before. Except perhaps Ethan, standing protectively beside her.
There was a moment of silence, before everyone in the room burst out into warm cheers and applauses. I winked at Rochelle as she flushed bright pink. Before anyone could say a thing, Dillon literally leaped across the room, his face paper white and hugged her in a grand, sweeping motion.
"Thank GOD you're back!" he started, little realising that Rochelle was literally dangling off his embrace. "I am so sorry Roh I'm so sorry. I should never have said those things. I'm-"
"Dillon you're choking her!" Matt pointed out, grinning slightly at the dark looks Ethan was shooting Dillon. Lucky for him, Dillon pulled away.
"Dillon it's not your fault. It never was!" she tried to tell him but he cut her off.
"I was a complete asshole. I didn't mean it. You're my best friend in all of Austrailia. Well, the rest of the world too but…and I'm so happy you're back. God knows what I'd have done without you." He let on in a jumbled mess, eyes wide, before Rochelle slammed her hand over his mouth.
"What is it with everyone going on a guilt trip when I died", she smiled and Dillon finally relaxed, stance visibly slackening, before grinning widely. My eyes were riveted elsewhere though – Rochelle's hands. They weren't sparking their characteristic purples. I was slightly surprised.
One by one everyone went over and hugged her, and it would take an idiot not to see the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. When Isabel came over Rochelle whispered the most heartfelt thank-you I've everprobably heard.
And when I walked over to her I smiled widely.
"Welcome back", I told her. "You can't believe how messed up everything was without you"
She smiled and hugged me for a moment.
"I'd hope so" she joked. And mind you, Rochelle never jokes. Or cries for that matter. Things have certainly...changed.
"You're hands aren't sparking" I pointed out casually and a look of surprise graced her face.
"Oh…I…I um…didn't even realise myself" she said in genuine surprise, glancing over at Ethan.
"How could that happen?" wondered Matt, before smiling warmly at Rochelle and hugging her.
"How do you feel Rochelle?" I asked her, a seed of an idea in my head.
She looked confused. "Feel? I dunno….well enough. Isabel said I'd be a tad tired but…?" she said, a frown between her eyes.
"No I mean emotionally…" I asked.
"Oh", she said softly, at then it hit her, and she started with wonder at her perfectly undestructive (for the moment) hands. Ethan looked at her quizzically.
"At peace. I feel at peace." she muttered, barely loud enough for me to hear her, and I felt Matt squeeze my hand.
"Thought so", I told her, walking away so that Shawn could talk to her.
