6. Awake
The sun was shining directly on me, sparkles shimmering on my own skin. It amazed me though even I was half human, I still glittered. I would have thought I would just have a soft glow like Renesmee. But no, here I am, sparkling like a gay kid. I hope I wasn't turning into one. That would be really awkward.
It had been a full day since I left the Cullen's house. Once I got to the spot where Claire had been, I hadn't moved. I still smelled her scent. It had a sickly sweet smell to it as did the other vampires, but since I was one it didn't bother me much. It was the same for the werewolf smell.
Dang, I was my own worst enemy. How funny.
I heard soft feet moving quickly towards me. The wind was going in the other direction so I couldn't smell if it was a friend or an enemy. But was anyone my friend right now? The vampire was getting closer. I heard the soft thuds that were too graceful for a werewolf's. It was neat to be both monsters put together.
Taylor was standing in front of me then. Her blonde curled hair was blown by the wind, pointing out in different directions. I watched her face, looking for anything that might tell me she was here to fight, but it looked sad.
I jumped up fast. "Is Claire…?" I asked quickly. What if she had died? Then why shouldn't she be ready to fight me? Was she too far in her own sorrow for the loss of her sister to be angry.
"She's fine." Taylor said, reading the emotions on my face. She must have saw something she liked because she smiled, but only slightly.
"Oh." I said, sitting back down on the soft ground. I sighed and put my face in my hands. What was Taylor doing here then? She hates me, why would she come?
"I bet you're wondering why I'm here." she stated. I lifted my head to see her face. It was as beautiful as any vampire's, but not as pretty as my vampire's, or was it human? Sure Taylor was wonderful, but not the one I loved.
"Does everyone is this family read minds?" I joked. Taylor chuckled a bit, but it wasn't enough to make me feel better.
"Not really, but with Syd around always talking about what's in peoples minds, you learn to be able to read expressions." Taylor looked away from me, her eyes drifting off to look at something that wasn't there. Her skin was also glowing like mine. We looked like Christmas lights.
"I believe you, you know." Taylor said, pulling my face up to look at her. At first I didn't understand what she meant, but after a while you could even hear the click in my brain as I put her words and actions together.
"Why?" why would she believe that I hadn't actually harmed Claire? Why would she believe me that something had controlled me? Why wasn't she ripping my head off about almost killing her sister?
"Mostly because I know what its like to have someone control your body. It feels weird and abnormal, but its not something you can just pull off like a needle or something. I was trapped in my own body, a prisoner to myself. There were moments when my body did something that made me have such a strong reaction that I was able to over power Keith. But not even with my strength could withstand his.
"Keith even tried to control Claire, but that didn't work. He wasn't strong enough to wrap around her mind and pain. It cause him to hurt as well. The only was able to cope with her dangerous mind was Cody. That the only way she could be trapped too. That's why the Volturi couldn't hold her."
I've never heard the story about her and the Volturi. I mean I know she was a part of them, but I didn't even know who they were, other than nobody liked them.
"Oh and I see the way you look at her." Taylor said. She had a certain charm to her, something that made you want to listen to her. But maybe it was more powerful for Skylar, because at this point I didn't really care.
Taylor looked down like she was going to say something that made her uncomfortable. "I also don't want to lose another brother." her words were hushed, but they shocked me. Nobody other than Skylar had actually called me that. I didn't think the others really liked me, but I've really only met half of them. I didn't really know this girl right next to me. "I mean I don't really know that Sam's dead, but I've known Keith since he came. I never thought he had it in him to do that kind of thing. Or maybe I just didn't want to think about it."
"Um…thanks." I didn't know what to say about it. She called me part of her family, even though I almost killed her sister.
"Hey I forgot to ask while I was getting the life pounded out of me," Taylor's laugh chimed like bells, but it wasn't nearly as alluring as Claire's. could I ever love anyone other than Claire? It hurt to think about it. "Where's Lukas?" I hadn't seen him. More importantly I wondered why he hadn't killed me.
Taylor stopped laughing. Her face got all confused as if she was still wondering the same thing. Like she wondered why he hadn't killed me yet either. She pushed her hair behind her ear and I saw her play with a piece of clothing at the end of her shirt. She was nervous.
"He left like thirty seconds before Jacob came with Claire and you. He was all fidgety the whole time and he kept looking out the window like he was waiting for something to happen. Syd didn't pick up anything and neither did Edward, so I just brushed it off. Then he just got up, said that he had to leave, and then he just ran. The way he left was what puzzled me the most." Taylor stopped to take a breath. She looked off into the trees again, not moving.
"What did he do?" I asked, tired of waiting for her to pick back up on her story. I seemed to bring her back by the force of my words. She smiled and mouthed "Sorry" before she began again.
"Lukas said 'Elle a commence'. And I'm pretty good in French, but I was never as good as Claire and Skylar so I can't tell you what it means.
"After that he had the weirdest expression on his face that looked almost like a sneer. But even with our eyes, he was gone too fast for me to see." she paused before saying something that lightened the mood. "He's definitely Claire's brother." it may have lightened the mood, but I still scowled.
"You don't like him." it wasn't a question. I couldn't believe how well everyone was at reading faces, but then again I don't think I've tried to hide my dislike for him.
"That's what the fight was about, I'm assuming." again it wasn't a question. Why did girls always have to know everything? Jeez, it always gives us such a disadvantage.
"Yeah." I said unwillingly.
Taylor smiled. She combed her hands through her hair. I couldn't believe how she made me feel. She had like something around her that made you trust her, make you want to just tell her everything. I wonder if that's why Skylar is so in love with her.
"She loves you, you know?"
"She shouldn't, but yeah, I do." more than Taylor would ever know. I couldn't ever explain how Claire made me feel. I couldn't describe it for her. Isn't that what love was about anyway? To feel so deeply about someone and not ever wanting it to stop, or was that just lust? Yes, Claire I'm a teenage guy. Of course I've thought about Claire like that. From the hotel room to the night she had kissed Skylar and then I had tried to without even thinking about it. Yes, Claire was beautiful. Yes, Claire was beyond sexy. Yes, she had a great body that I had imagined so many times undressed, but I didn't let that control me. If Claire knew-and she probably knew I had thought about it-she would be saying I was only human. Sort of.
I didn't love her only because I wanted sex, I wasn't like that. My mother had raised me to respect women and I'm sure if she were here also she would have told me to wait and be responsible and make sure I loved the woman for her, not just the things that came with it.
"You should have seen her at lunch the first day she ran into you. I thought it was funny to see Claire fall so hard for one simple human." what she said hurt a little bit, but I didn't let it show. Or maybe I did. "Not that you turned out to be simple. How Cliché that Claire not only falls for a human, but a future werewolf.
"Then when you asked her on a date for that game she was going crazy. She didn't know what to wear and she was so worried you wouldn't like her. I'm telling you, I don't think I have ever seen her act so human other than that night and the morning she woke up and she was literally human." she laughed again, more like a fond breath like when you think about pleasant memories.
"Claire is truly one of a kind." I breathed, picturing her in my mind, smiling and not bleeding. Holding her in my arms and kissing her deeply.
I jumped up. I had to go back. I needed to see her.
Taylor smiled and waved me off.
"Thanks." I told her before flying away like I was never there. I laughed breathlessly when I ran fast. No wonder Claire loved running on foot. It was beyond exhilarating. Speed was everything at this point.
The picture was different when I returned to Forks. Everyone in the house wasn't as tense and it only took me a second to figure out why.
"Jeez I look like I went through a meat grinder." Claire laughed, her voice sounded normal. "Look at my hair! Did nobody bother to brush it?"
I took the stairs ten at a time and it took me no time at all to knock on the door. Nobody was in the room, but she was talking loudly. She must have been complaining to them downstairs.
"Come in." her voice was a little rough, but no human would notice unless they had hearing like us.
I stepped in slowly, letting her register it was me. When she looked up from the mirror she was holding in her hand her face was surprised. When I saw her face again, knowing that I did that to her, I grabbed the trash can again and puked. It wasn't as bad as last time I did it, but it still made my stomach twist.
"What's wrong?" when I looked into her blue eyes, they were guarded. Like she was afraid to let me seen how scared she really was. She had gotten really bad at that.
I could have lied and said nothing, but I didn't want to lie to her. "I don't like looking at your face." but that sounded wrong. She looked offended so I back tracked. "I mean I don't like seeing what I did to you." that sounded much better. It was the truth. That was the most important.
Claire looked down.
"I don't really know if you want to hear it, but I'm sorry. Nobody believes me about what happened and I'm sure you won't either, but I just want you to know." I took in a big breath, pushing my hands through my hair, normally like I did when I was about to do something that was difficult.
"I want you to know I wish I could rot in hell for what I did to you. You'll never understand how much I hate myself for putting you in harms way. I know it's no excuse for what I did, but I am truly from-the-bottom-of-my-heart sorry."
Her face was unreadable. I didn't know if she forgave me or not. It took me a moment to realize that her bones weren't broken. She was using her arms and legs. Her face was still bruised, but her body seemed intact.
When she looked up her smile was warm, but it faltered sometimes. It seemed like she was with me here and with me the day I beat her. I wanted to hold her again, but I knew that wouldn't help.
I took a step closer, hesitating when I reached my hand to her face. The smile disappeared and she flinched a bit. When she looked back at me her face was hurt. She looked like she wanted to say sorry to me for hurting me a bit. Yes, it hurt to see her fear me, but it hurt more to see that she still wanted to make me feel better. I wish she would yell at me or something. That would be better.
Tears rimmed her eyes as they got red. I moved quickly and wiped them from her eyes. Again she cringed, but she relaxed after I stepped back some.
I turned around to walk out the door.
"Jason?" a shock jolted through my body making me stop. I turned around as she spoke my name. It made me smile when her voice wasn't full of fear when she addressed me.
"Yeah, Claire?' her blue eyes locked with mine. It that single moment I knew she still loved me. Without her saying a word I knew what she meant.
This was going to be hard. This was going to take some time. This was going to some thing she had never dealt with before or I for that matter. In that same moment I knew she was scared, not for her own life, but for us. She wanted what we had to last, forever. Believe it or not, she wanted me.
"I know. It's going to be ok." I walked out the door.
I hoped it was at least, but I wasn't going to say that to her.
