If she had known that the kiss they'd shared on the steps would have been their last one, she might have held on a bit longer. She might have stared into those emerald eyes for even one moment longer, she might have gripped his hand a little bit tighter. She would have recommitted to memory every single thing about the way it felt to have his lips upon hers, the feel of his hands in her hair... She would have listened a bit more closely to the way his voice fluctuated when he said her name and she would have pressed her ear to his chest to hear his heart beat one last time.
But now he was gone and now all she was left with was the mere memory of him.
Ginny closed her eyes against the tears welling within them and turned to face the vast expanse of the Great Hall. Gone were the House tables, replaced by the bodies of those fallen in the battle that night. Her own brother lay feet from where she stood, her family gathered around him, mourning his loss. She felt cold and unsteady, almost unaware of the world around her though on it went despite the losses of life that night. The world couldn't just stop, she reasoned to herself as she focused her eyes upon the form of her brother, still and silent upon the stone floor, looking as if he were merely asleep. The sound of her mother's sobs no longer stung her heart as they had done for the first few minutes, in fact, she felt rather numb to it.
She felt numb to everything.
Harry lay beside Fred, though she would not allow herself to look at him. She couldn't bring herself to look upon his face and know he'd never open his eyes again, that he'd never reach his hand up to brush a lock of hair from off her forehead, his lips curved into a smile. It hurt like a punch to the stomach, so deep and strong that it nearly took her breath away. That was when she staggered, a hand on the wall to keep herself upright as the world began to spin around her, faster and faster until she thought she was going to scream.
And then she felt it, the softest touch of a hand to her elbow, a soft but warm voice speaking her name as the hand guided her towards the closest chair. She faded in and out for only a moment more before regaining control and she raised her eyes to thank the person who had come to her rescue. But, there was no one there. Blinking in surprise, she glanced left and then right, certain she would see someone there, but still... There was no one. She touched her elbow with her other hand and she rubbed circles against her own skin, craving the warmth of his touch she'd known all these years. But it was gone... Just like that, Harry had come back and been her savior one last time.
[ The Next Morning ]
When she opened her eyes, for a single moment she had believed it all had just been a dream. That she would roll out of bed and downstairs he would be, already at the breakfast table with her mother fussing over him for not eating enough. It would be as it always had been, wouldn't it?
But then she remembered the truth of it all and she slid her hands over her face, pressing the pads of her fingers into her temples. Across the room, Hermione was snoring and Ginny was glad she was finally asleep, as the brunette had spent the better part of the night softly sobbing into her pillows. Hermione had tried to talk to her last night, but Ginny had feigned sleep because she just wasn't ready for that conversation yet. She wasn't ready to say the words out loud or to hear anyone else say them. Maybe part of her believed that if she avoided the conversation or the topic at all costs, then it simply wouldn't be real.
Rising from her bed, she changed quietly into jeans and a tshirt she knew belonged to Hermione, and then exited her bedroom. Avoiding the squeaky step, she stepped into the kitchen, expecting it to be empty so early in the morning, but to her surprise it was anything but empty. At the kitchen table sat George, a mug of tea gripped between his palms, still wearing the clothes he'd been wearing the day before. And that was when Ginny realized, he'd never even left the table, he had been there all night with that same mug gripped between his hands. A sinking feeling took over as she quietly approached her brother, reaching out a hand to settle upon his shoulder. George jumped at the touch and she felt a new sort of heartbreak when their eyes met. "Ginny..." He murmured as he focused his brown eyes upon her own, his grief evident. Confusion then settled upon his features as he opened his mouth only to close it again, turning away from her as he tried to find the words to say. "Didn't realize what time it was..." He mumbled as he pushed the mug of now ice cold tea away, glancing at her only when she took the seat beside his own, the one Fred usually would have sat upon.
"Have you been here all night?" She asked quietly despite already knowing the answer. When George looked up at her she could do nothing but slide her hand into place over his, feeling his grief for the loss of their brother. "You should go to bed, George." She said softly, giving his hand a squeeze. "Mum's gonna freak if she sees you down here like this." At her words, George's eyes widened slightly and then closed as he gave one, single nod. When he opened his eyes, he offered her the smallest of smiles and reached his hand out to tenderly touch her hair. He drew her closer, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head before he rose up from his chair and slipped away, leaving her alone in the silence of the kitchen.
It was only a few minutes later when she heard the footsteps above her, telling her that her mother was awake and on the move, and she supposed she should take her own advice and get out before her mother found her. Rising up from the table, she dumped George's undrunk tea into the sink and left the mug to wash itself before escaping out the side door and into the yard.
Above her, the sun was shining unusually bright for the early May morning, but it felt nice upon her exposed skin and so she didn't turn back to the house. Instead, she walked along the yard, skittering gnomes as she went, recalling the first time Harry had witnessed them. A smile came to her face as she thought back to those days so many years ago, days that had felt so much simpler than the ones they'd been living lately. She had always hoped to live more simple days with Harry when the battles were over, because she had always believed they'd end eventually. Perhaps it had been stupid of her to dream, but she had always thought that one day they'd get to live out their days together without the threat of war and death. She had believed they'd finally get to be happy.
She walked until she reached the edge of the yard where the protective spells still stood, casting their barrier around her home, despite the death of Voldemort. Not all (in fact, not many at all) of the Death Eaters had been captured so there was still the threat of them. And so the barrier would remain, at least until her parents felt safe again. She stood there on the edge for several moments before heading towards the near by willow tree, one which had stood there for her entire life. Dropping onto the ground beneath the tree, Ginny was reminded of the hours and hours she and Harry had spent together out on the Hogwarts grounds. It was only then that tears began to fill up her eyes and she found she simply could not contain them, no longer could she avoid the inevitable though she had tried with all of her might.
Drawing her knees to her chest, Ginny wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her face against her kneecaps, crying harder than she'd ever cried in all her life. The sobs came so relentlessly hard that she couldn't even catch her breath. She cried for the loss of everything she and Harry could have- no, should have had. She cried for the loss of him, something she felt deep within her very soul, the pain indescribable. She cried for the unfairness of it all, for the dreams Harry would never achieve and for all the others he had left behind. It wasn't just her that was hurting from the loss of him- hadn't she just listened to Hermione cry all night long over him? Gone were the days of lounging out by the lake at Hogwarts (not that she'd ever expected him to return to school of course, but he had promised to come to visit her and Hermione) where they did anything but lounge. Never again would she feel the warmth of his skin against her own, whether it be his hand in hers or their bodies entwined beneath the sheets of her bed. There would never be another grin flashed in her direction from across the room, never again would she meet his eyes over Ron's head as he tried to wedge himself between them on the couch or at the dinner table.
There had been so many moments she thought they'd have together, never for a second had she thought it would come to this. His life had always been in danger, how many times had he almost died already? Six? Seven? More than that? But he had always managed to scrape by, to get out of any and every attempt on his life. Why did this time have to be any different? Why did he have to sacrifice himself so Voldemort could be defeated? After everything he'd gone through in his life, seventeen years of pain and suffering, had he not deserved a happy ending? And to think about a life... A life without Harry... It honestly didn't make any sense. It didn't feel right and she wasn't so sure she would ever get used to it. Nor was she certain she wanted to.
Ginny sat there beneath the willow tree for what could have been hours, honestly she wasn't even sure how much time had passed when her tears had finally begun to subside. The sun was a bit higher in the sky when she raised her head from her knees, the sound of her name being called in the distance. Over her shoulder she looked and there she saw them, Ron and Hermione coming towards her with concerned looks upon their faces. "Ginny... There you are." Hermione spoke as they approached, both coming to stand above her, the brunette's face pale with worry. "Everyone was getting worried about you." She went on, biting her lower lip as she took in the sight of Ginny's tear-stained face, though she could tell the redhead had tried to wipe away any evidence of her tears.
"C'mon, Mum is making treacle tart," Ron offered his baby sister a grin, his own heart hurting more at the sight of her there on the ground. His own pain was nothing when he looked at her, so small and broken, though she was trying hard to not let it show, and the grin he was trying so hard to give her vanished. Crouching down before her, he reached out a hand to brush the hair away from her face, wishing to find the words to say to make her feel better. He had lost a best friend in Harry, but Ginny... She'd lost her future. There was nothing that could make that better. He would always have the memories and Ginny would have to live with all the might have beens. "Gin..."
He spoke softly but it sounded like a scream. She drew back only slightly, brown eyes widening as she looked into her brother's clear blue eyes. Those eyes were so full of pain, the same sort of pain she felt, the same pain she knew everyone must have been feeling. The amount of lives affected by Harry Potter were immeasurable and she supposed all of the wizarding world felt the loss over him, whether they knew him or not. Ron stood back up and offered her his hand, Hermione at his side with a small, but encouraging smile of her own. Without another thought, Ginny put her hand into her brother's and let him help her to her feet, where they then exchanged a tight embrace. Hermione came next, enveloping her into her warm arms and holding onto her for a moment longer, needing that embrace as much as Ginny had. And then both Ron and Hermione slung a single arm around her waist, guiding her back towards the Burrow and the people who would help her along the rest of the way.
[ September 2, 1998 ]
When Ginny woke that morning, it was long before any of the other girls in her dormitory. It was as early as it would be for Quidditch, though that certainly wasn't what had her awake so early on her first day back at Hogwarts. Slipping from her sheets, she pulled on her uniform in the darkness of the room, pausing only when one of the girls murmured in her sleep across the room. Once she had fully dressed, she tiptoed from the dormitory and down the stair case into the common room, her hand trailing across every surface as she went.
Memory after memory hit her as she stood there in the common room, from late nights beside the fireplace, to the first time Harry had kissed her. Closing her eyes, she could picture it now, the memory as clear to her as it had been the night it had happened. Pivoting on the spot, she faced the table where she had watched Harry do his school work all those years, Ron and Hermione always at his side. A small smile graced her lips and then she turned back, climbing through the portrait hole and out into the hall. The Fat Lady mumbled in her sleep but did not wake as Ginny came through and so she went on her way, taking to the darkened corridors with no real destination in mind.
Everywhere she went, she could see him; in the halls as they changed classes and only had but a moment to speak... The trophy room where they talked for an hour about who his dad truly had been... The Room of Requirement where they had spent an entire afternoon that last year they'd spent at Hogwarts together. Even the Great Hall, where at every meal all she ever had to do was glance to her left and there he would have been. Like a ghost, Harry haunted her, and she could not help but to wonder if coming back here had been a bad idea. Her parents had told her that she didn't have to come back, not yet if she didn't want to, not ever too, it didn't matter to them now. But Hermione was going back and she wasn't about to let her go alone and so that was how she had found herself packing her trunk to return for her last year at Hogwarts.
As she approached the main corridor, Ginny heard footsteps and she turned, surprised to see Professor McGonagall standing there in the doorway that led towards the hall that held the Headmaster's quarters. The headmistress was entirely impossible to read, with her dark eyes piercing from behind her spectacles. She was bound for a detention for being out of bed without reason. "Professor," Ginny greeted softly as the older woman stepped all the way out into the hall, her emerald robes swishing with her movements. "I'm sorry for being out of bed, I just..." She silenced herself, knowing she was not about to unveil her hundreds of rampant thoughts to this woman. Without another word, Ginny turned to go, but that was when Professor McGonagall spoke, catching her attention.
"On your way, Miss Weasley."
Turning back to face the woman, Ginny could not help but to allow her eyes to widen in surprise. McGonagall's features had softened considerably and she gave a quick nod as she met Ginny's eyes. And then she was gone, sweeping along past her towards the kitchens where she undoubtedly would be checking in on the house elves who would have begun their morning duties by then. Ginny offered the woman a silent thanks and then went on her way, pushing out the double doors and down the stone steps. The morning air was still warm but a little crisp, a reminder that fall was soon to be on its way.
She walked as she had done within the castle, with no clear destination in mind; but her feet carried her the familiar pathway towards the lake, a place she thought she'd avoid this year. But, she found herself standing there at the edge of it, just beneath the tree she and Harry had sat beneath hundreds of times throughout their time together. Her chest tightened and she sank down upon her hunches, reaching out a hand to dip into the water. It felt strange to be there beneath that tree without him, though she'd done it often the year he'd been out hunting horcruxes. Those times had been different because she'd known he was out there somewhere... This time... He was gone.
Scooting back, Ginny pressed her back to the trunk of the tree and stared out across the lake. She sat out there, watching as the sun began its ascent into the sky, tinging it pink and then staining it yellow as it rose beyond the horizon. Before she knew it, she had missed breakfast and she knew she had to get going, before everyone came looking for her. Rising up from the ground, she brushed off the seat of her skirt and turned to face the school. For a moment, she could do nothing but stare up at the school that was like her second home, the place that had brought her everything she loved in this life. There was no way she could have not come back here, she realized then, despite the pain it caused. This school and its memories meant everything to her.
A smile twitched on her lips as she hefted her bag over her shoulder and made her way up the grassy slope towards the steps, where sure enough both Hermione and Luna already stood, on the move to search for her. "You missed breakfast," Luna said by way of greeting, before the blonde extended out a hand, offering her a muffin. Hermione came next, thrusting at her flask full of pumpkin juice. Tears filled her eyes, though these were not tears of sorrow, but tears of gratitude for the two girls standing before her. Taking what was offered to her, she linked an arm through each of theirs and together they made their way back into the castle, down the hall towards their first class of the day. As they walked, she listened to their chatter and to the voices all around her of students as they walked the halls. Harry may not have been there with her anymore, but she had other people to help her along the way.
And for the first time since that dark, dreary day in May... Ginny felt at peace.
