A/N: Happy holidays, I tried to do a holiday themed one shot to at least give you something to tide you over till my exams were done but I'm not very good at the whole holiday cheer so it didn't exactly translate well into paper. Oh well, so to celebrate the holidays you get the only chapter that I have finished of Psychobabble and Tenth Street Red, don't worry the muse hasn't left me people I just need to study for exams, so I barely have time to write.
She was shivering as she let the cold water run over her naked body, her wet hair in her eyes as she forced herself to calm down. Forcing the rage back down into the metaphorical bottle that she generally kept tightly sealed. But it was different now, the seal had slowly become undone after Miranda had left and it had exploded when she had gone after the Illusive Man. It was so difficult to put the pieces back together and to regain the control that now seemed long gone. She shouldn't have just lost it like that, not with Kelly anyway. She knew why she was angry at Ashley. She pushed her hair out of her face as stopped the flow of water and reached for her towel. Wrapping the towel around her chest loosely she grabbed another towel and began to dry her hair. She stepped out the shower and stepped into her room and headed to her bed.
She stood her back to her door as she dried her hair flipping through her several causal outfits, lost in thought. She would at least apologize to Kelly she wasn't a child anymore. Tantrums because she didn't want to hear what Kelly had to say because it hit a little too close to home was unacceptable, especially since Kelly was only attempting to help. She didn't turn around as she door to her cabin hiss open, there was only one person who could enter her door when it was locked. Her body tensed expecting and her voice turned cold and hard, "Come to check up on me?" she asked not turning around as she kept her back turned. "Or have you come to tell me that what I did was childish and beneath me Ms. Lawson?" There was no answer and Jade finally looked at Miranda, "Or is it something else that you want? Perhaps something more intimate?"
Miranda rolled her eyes at Shepard's behaviour and turned around allowing Jade to put some clothes on, though she wanted to look it would only serve to send Jade the wrong message, and besides the reflective surfaces gave her plenty of opportunity to stare without getting caught. "I've seen Ashley's Williams records Commander, it would be a waste to not utilise her skills to the fullest potential."
Jade frowned as she pulled on her shirt and began to button it up she changed her mind and tossed the shirt onto the bed, "I only use people that I trust and who I can rely on to have my back, surely that is a reasonable explanation why Ashley is a crew member and not a member of my squad. So no she won't see any action and will for all intensive purposes have a desk job."
"You're taking it personally and you are acting like a child. You've seen her file Shepard and this is her mission to be of use to you." Jade pulled off her towel and for a moment Miranda lost her train of thought, "The squad is severely lacking the firepower, now isn't the time to be upset about what happened on Horizon. She was in shock from seeing you again and she probably said some things that she didn't mean."
"If Ashley wants to apologize for what she has done then I might look the other way and she can move up on the squad for a probation period, if she can't perform to the level that I want then she's back to the crew. Until then she has limited access to the ship. I don't have time to baby-sit her, and it would be wise for her to stay out of my way."
"Shepard what exactly was her crime that you think that attacking her would be the best course of action?"
Jade finished putting on her casual uniform, "How is Garrus and Joker taking Ashley's return?"
"Given the fact that you attacked her, and possibly would have killed her if we had let you I think they know better than to engage with her, because both are afraid of accidentally being pushed out the airlock," Miranda retorted.
"I don't care what they do or who they talk to in their personal time, if they want to talk to Ashley they can go ahead. It's my issue to deal with; I don't need them fighting my battles. I actually trust them." Jade was quiet for a moment as she took a seat on one of her couches, "You know, if you had wanted to see me naked all you had to do was ask," she added motioning for Miranda to take a seat as she poured a drink for Miranda.
Miranda froze for a moment before quickly regaining herself, "Shepard..."
Jade waved her off, "I wasn't implying anything, everything on your own time after all, strictly professional," she said picking up her own drink.
"And I can trust you to keep that attitude with Ashley?" Miranda asked ignoring the drink in front of her. She no longer drank, not anymore, the loss of control no longer appealed to her.
Jade sipped on her drink, "Strictly professional? As long as she does her job and stays out of my way then I can and I will. I can promise you that at least." There was silence after that statement and Miranda was quiet for a moment, and Miranda finally got up to leave the room. "Next time you want to talk business it can wait till I have clothes on, you wanted to keep our relationship professional and I'm struggling to do everything in my power to not chase you away and give you the time you need."
"Except you aren't, you think I don't notice that you treat me like I'm a delicate flower; or the fact that you stare at me when you think that I'm not looking. Let's not forget that you avoid me daily. Any sense that you're uncomfortable and you bolt, which probably is telling me that the only time that I can count on you is when we're under fire. And the only reason I entered your cabin was simply because I needed to make sure you weren't going to attempt to kill Ms. Williams again. " She paused and glared at Shepard, "And I wasn't staring, unlike some people I actually act professional."
Jade rolled her eyes, "Most people ogle you when you're not looking, or when you are looking, it's hard not to. I don't think anyone can blame me for staring," she said dismissively. She finished her drink and poured more. She paused, "I keep myself away because it is very hard to keep myself professional around you, there are times when I want…need more than our current relationship allows," she stated without thinking as she raised the glass to her lips. This thing with Kelly wasn't working and she needed someone familiar to help her sort out her feelings to help her regain control of what was left of her sanity. To bring her back down to earth and who actually wanted to hear her personal thoughts because Miranda had never seen her as a guard. In fact most of their early relationship had been antagonistic, and they had spent more time figuring out who was the alpha between them. The banter between the two of them generally ended up with Miranda winning, and she was generally left in awe of Miranda. It was amusing that Miranda had been jealous of her, when she wished that she could be as strong as Miranda.
Miranda froze for a moment, that was all Sheparad saw her as; a fucktoy to be used and possibly discarded when she was no longer needed. And it was already happening she was damaged goods. Even if she managed to seal up the cracks things would never be the same, Shepard had seen what they had done to her. She was just like them, her father the Illusive Man. Jade was like them, she wanted something from her and it was quite clear what that thing was. "Of course you can't," her voice was cold and unfeeling.
A frown crossed Jade's face, as she realized what it had sounded like, "Despite popular opinion, sex isn't always on my mind, in fact with everything that I have to do it's the farthest thing on my mind." Jade shifted her gaze settling it on her unused bed, she hadn't used it since Miranda had left the first time. There was too much space, and she seemed to have considerably more nightmares without Miranda by her side. "That being said, my door is always open to you. If you ever need anything Miranda no matter what it is you know you can come to me." Jade finished her drink and placed the glass down as she stood up and took a step towards Miranda quickly entering her personal space.
Miranda immediately took a step back; a moment of panic crossed her features before disappearing as she quickly reigned in her emotions, "Did you have to do that?"
"You're scared of me," Jade said immediately putting some distance between her and Miranda, a thoughtful expression on her face, her eyes flicked over to Miranda, ""You do realize that I'm not him, that I would never do what he did to you…at least not intentionally. You know what I'm capable of and what I would never do."
"But you nearly did," Miranda's voice was cold. "And don't even give me the excuse that you didn't know you had inclinations you've fought people who were under the control of cerebral implants before. You know the signs."
Jade's name sake eyes met Miranda's, "Have you forgotten of the fact that I was dead for two years?" she asked, "When I fought them, they were all so incredibly broken. You were here functioning normally and I truly believed that it was you to a certain extent. Even with the indoctrination process these people were clearly insane, I had no clue that indoctrination and cerebral implants were this high functioning. Your actions could have easily been explained as you being mad at me, it wasn't until we started getting…intimate that I noticed a drastic change in how you reacted." Jade reached for Miranda's hand, but she withdrew her hand, "You know me Miranda, you know exactly what I am capable off, I am not the Illusive Man, I am not Saren. Yes I may not be the most stable person in the galaxy but you of all people should know that I am not them."
Miranda turned to leave Shepard's cabin, "I have seen what you're capable off and honestly Commander it scares me." Miranda looked at Jade's old helmet seeing the red stripe that ran down the middle of the helmet, it didn't signify the blood that Shepard gave to save the galaxy it was stained with the blood of her enemies. "The fact that you refuse to acknowledge that you are him are similar is probably a case of you deluding yourself. True you may not fancy having your juvenille fantasies brought to life because the thought of rape does not appeal to you. But tell me you wouldn't do anything in your capability to save the galaxy. And remember he didn't throw you away because he still needed you, and you didn't throw him away because you still needed him. You would do anything, sacrifice anyone to get the job done." With that Miranda left the Commander's cabin before Jade could respond.
