*THIS IS A CHEAT FIC*
Apov
It's been about a month since Luke and I started this little affair. I love Christian, but this is so much fun and exciting, the thrill gives me an adrenaline rush. Luke and I only mess around if Teddy and Christian are not home so it's few and far between, but this weekend Grace and Carrick wanted to take Teddy on their new boat and Christian is gone on a business trip. Taylor is with Christian and since Gail isn't needed, she's with her sister in Portland.
Luke and I are alone all weekend.
Luke and I are not 'playing house', I have a family, we're just having sex. I'm no longer hiding behind a smile. I'm not happy, but it's not a fake smile anymore. And now when anyone asks how I am, I don't say 'fine'.
We don't have sex in the main apartment, it's usually in Luke's room, though we did have sex in the security office a few times, and in the SUV parked behind some abandoned building.
I still haven't told Christian about the pregnancy, Luke doesn't know either, nobody knows, but I am showing a little bump now so it wont be long before my hand is forced for me. I can't hide it much longer. Christian is the only one who has said anything about my weight gain, but I used the excuse that I haven't been working out anymore.
I had the craziest dream last night. I dreamed this was all a nightmare, this whole thing with Luke never happened in reality, I woke and told Christian about the pregnancy and he was overjoyed. Christian and I expressed our love for each other and then we made love.
With my eyes still closed, I smile when I feel him run his hand across my stomach and pull me close to his bare chest. He doesn't mention anything about my bump, nobody's mentioned it to me except for Christian, but that man notices every little change about my body.
I push back against his body enjoying the feel of him as he kisses my bare shoulder, slowly moving up to my neck.
I roll over to face him.
"Good morning, beautiful." He looks so happy and carefree. "I love waking with you wrapped in my arms."
"Morning, Luke," I don't share his sentiments. I enjoy the excitement of what we are doing, but that's about as far as that goes. Call me a whore, I don't care.
He leans down, and I know he's going to kiss me, but I turn my head away.
"What's wrong?"
"I haven't brushed my teeth." I tell him.
He chuckles, running his finger along my cheek.
I rush out of his bed and run my naked behind in his bathroom so I can use his toothbrush. It's still wet so I know he's recently used it.
I look over my shoulder at him still in bed; huge smile on his face, hands behind his head, and I wonder how long he's been awake.
Was he watching me sleep? Like Christian does?
Pushing that thought out of my mind, I brush my teeth in double time.
When I'm done I rush back to him giggling and excited.
Now that I have fresh breath, we kiss.
He pulls me underneath him, and continues to kiss me. He caresses my body softly. I spread my legs for him and he easily sinks into my warm, wet core. I moan when he pulls back, but instead of pounding into me like he usually does he continues at this slow, gentle pace.
"Faster, Luke." I complain. "Harder."
"I want to make love, Ana."
My body is immediately tense at the word. Love.
"What?" I can just barely get the word out.
"I want to make love." He repeats, continuing to be gentle.
"No." I push him away so he's forced to pull out.
"Why not?" He asks confused.
"This is just sex, that's it."
"It's not just sex and you know it." He accuses me.
"It is just sex," I correct him. "I'm married."
Oh gawd that sounded awful. It shouldn't be 'just sex' because I'm married.
"I want to show you how good it can be."
"I know how good it is." My tone is firm and almost accusatory.
"Good." He leans down, but I stop him, putting my hands on his shoulders, arms straight.
"Stop!"
"Ana-" He tries to reason with me.
I do the self defense move he taught me, but without kicking him, and climb off the bed.
"What is this?" I ask him. "Why are you doing this?"
I'm standing naked before him and he's kneeling naked on his bed.
"I'm not blind, Ana, I see the way he treats you."
"You don't know what you're talking about!" I growl at him.
"Do you really think he loves you?"
"How dare you! Of course he loves me, and I love him!"
"Does he love you, like I do?"
"What?" I breathe.
Please no.
"I love you, Ana."
Oh god, no!
"I know you love me too." He accuses me after a long pause of silence. "You told me you loved me."
"No I didn't." I wouldn't, and if I did I would've remembered.
"In your sleep."
Great, he was watching me.
"I want to be with you," He continues. "When you leave Grey, we can be together."
"I'm not leaving him, I never said I would, why would you think that?"
"He's brainwashed you, manipulated you into believing what you have is love, don't you see that?"
"Fuck you!" I bite back.
"Ana," He finally climbs off the bed to stand in front of me. "We don't have to live this way."
I can't speak, I just stand here gawking at him. I can't believe what he's saying. We agreed no emotions.
"I'm falling for you." He tells me
"Well, I'm not falling for you," I snap out of it to tell him, "I love Christian, I will only ever love Christian!"
"You don't mean that."
"I do!" I insist.
"So you don't love me?"
"No!" He looks broken so I try to appease him a bit. "I mean, not like that."
"Do you think of me when he's holding you, kissing you, fucking you?"
"NO." I tell him firmly.
"Don't you know what kind of monster he is?"
I don't think, I just react. I slap him hard across his face.
Before he can do or say anything, I'm gathering my pajamas from last night.
"Please stay." I hear him beg me as I quickly dress in my bottoms and my tank top, but I ignore him.
After I'm dressed, I storm towards his bedroom door, throwing it open.
"Ana." He calls to me before I walk out.
"This is over!" I tell him, slamming the door as I leave.
I make my out to the main room of the apartment, but just as I make it to the kitchen, I freeze.
Christian is coming out of our bedroom, still dressed in his signature grey suit.
What is he doing home so soon?!
Dear, meet headlights.
"There you are." He sounds relieved when he sees me.
"You're home early." I comment. Oh god, what he could've walked in on.
"We finished negotiations sooner than I thought we would." He explains.
We walk towards each other, meeting in the middle, but as we get closer his face morphs from happy to pure rage in seconds.
He's not looking at my face, it almost looks like he's looking over my shoulder. I flush when I think he could be looking at Luke.
Fuck! I hope Luke didn't follow me! He's naked!
I quickly look behind me but there's nobody there. We're alone. I look back at Christian and now he looks murderous.
"What's wrong?" I ask him gently. He was happy seconds earlier.
"What the fuck is that?"
"What?" I don't know what he's talking about.
"On your neck, Anastasia." He growls at me between his teeth.
I instinctively reach up, touching my neck, but I don't feel anything.
He roughly grabs my hand and drags me to our bedroom.
He shoves so I'm standing in front of our floor length mirror.
"That, Anastasia!" He yells at me, while I stare in horror at the hickey on my neck.
Oh my god, why would Luke do this?! He must of done this last night because he didn't have the chance to do anything this morning.
"It's not what you think." I weakly explain the unexplainable.
"Not what I think?!" He roars my question right back. "I think it's exactly what I think, because I sure as hell didn't give that to you."
I can't see Christian, he's not in view of the mirror, but I do hear a crash behind me. It causes me to jump, however I don't turn around to see what he's throw.
"Who?" He asks quietly now.
"It doesn't matter," I tell him. "It's over."
"You're damn right it's over!" He's shouting again. "I want to know who the fuck it is, Anastasia, and I want to know now! I'm going to fucking kill him!"
"Christian-" I finally turn around to face him.
He's pacing the floor, hand ripping his hair out. His suit jacket is off now and thrown on the floor without a care, his shirt sleeves are rolled up and I can see the veins popping out as his hands grasp his hair. He's panting like a caged lion ready to strike. His tie is next to come off and then he loosens a few buttons near his neck, pulling at the collar as he does.
"And you!" He stops to glare at me. "How could you do this to me?! Don't I give you what you need?"
Before I can answer he continues.
"I give you everything, Anastasia, everything! You want for nothing, I gave up my lifestyle for you!"
"I know."
"Are you punishing me?"
"What?" Why would I be punishing him?
"Answer me." He demands. "Are you doing this to punish me?"
"No," I begin cry. "No, I wasn't doing it to punish you, Christian."
"I tried so hard to be all that you wanted," He tells me quietly now. "You knew, and I told you, I don't do hearts and flowers, romance, it's not who I am but I tried for you. I asked you for patience, Anastasia."
"It wasn't like that, it wasn't emotional." For me, at least.
"What, you weren't getting enough from me?" He asks angrily. "My god, Anastasia, we have so much fucking sex it's nearly constant. Why the fuck would you look elsewhere, it's not like I'm neglecting you."
"It was just sex." I weakly explain.
His face morphs and he looks pained. It's breaking my heart seeing him like this. I knew it would hurt him.
"In my bed?!"
"No," I shake my head, but then I remember, it started here. "Well, yes, but-"
"But nothing, Anastasia! For fuck's sake, in our fucking bed?!"
He continues his pacing, panting, hair pulling, while I continue to cry.
"And here I thought I would be the one to fuck this up, but no, you've proved me wrong."
"I'm sorry, Christian." I cry.
"It's a bit late to be remorseful, Anastasia!" He roars at me now. "I thought we were in love! We had magic, baby, you and me, and now, I don't know what to think... I never suspected... I mean, how could you?"
I can barely get anything out, I'm crying so much. I knew this would hurt him if he found out, I never wanted him to know and I didn't want him to find out like this.
"Tell me." He's quiet again. His tones are frightening, both when he's loud and quiet, I'm not sure which I'm more afraid of.
"Why don't you love me?" His voice cracks and it makes me cry further. "Why?"
"I do!"
"No you don't." I can tell he's on the verge of tears but he's holding back.
"Yes, I do, Christian, I do!"
"I want to know who it is, and I want to know NOW!" He growls at me. "You better fucking tell me or so help me, I'll ask Sawyer."
My eyes widen at his name.
Realization hits him like a ton of bricks.
"SON OF A BITCH!"
Christian takes off like a bat out of hell, nearly ripping the door from the hinge when he throws it open. I have to run just to keep up with him.
"No, Christian!" I pull his arm trying to stop him, but my attempts are useless. He's dragging me with him on the way to the staff apartment.
I have to stop him, Christian will go to prison for killing Luke.
"It's not his fault."
"The fuck it isn't, he knew you were married!"
"Christian, please," I beg him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"You're not sorry," He tells me, continuing to walk. "You're only sorry because I caught you."
"I am sorry, I'll even let you punish me."
"Oh, baby," He finally stops. "You wouldn't want me to punish you, I would never let you cum again."
I swallow hard. With the way he's glaring at me, I know he means it.
He's punished me with orgasm denial before, it's the only time I called 'Red' in the Playroom, but I'd gladly take the punishment if meant he'd forgive me. I'd even take the bite of the belt again, anything, but him leaving me. But I know it wont be that simple.
"I ended it." I tell him desperately.
"I don't give a shit if you ended it, do you really think that fucking matters?!" He glares at me in disgust. "It should've never happened, Anastasia."
I'm about to respond, but a voice on the other side of the room stops me.
"Ana-"
Christian and I both turn towards the hallway that leads to the staff apartment when we hear Luke.
He walks into the main room only wearing his boxer briefs and when he sees Christian, he freezes.
"Fuck!" Luke breathes.
It takes Christian less than a second to knock Luke on his ass.
"Christian!" I try desperately to pull Christian off of Luke. I don't want Christian to get into trouble if he does end up killing Luke.
They continue to exchange punches, ignoring me and my desperate attempt at keeping them apart.
At this point Taylor has come running into the room from the security office so he can help me separate the two men.
Christian shoves me off of him. I end up on my bottom, sitting on the floor. Whether it was intentional or not, I don't know.
"Don't fucking touch her like that!" Luke growls at Christian.
"She's MY fucking WIFE, I can do whatever the fuck I want!" Christian throws another hard punch.
I've lost it all. There's nothing left. I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain. It's over, it's all over. The high I got wasn't worth it.
I'm still sitting on the floor where I landed, Taylor is still trying to keep Christian from killing Luke with his bare hands, and everyone is yelling.
Just then I feel a flutter deep within my stomach. I'm not sure if it's the baby but-
"I'm pregnant." I whisper, although it seems like I yelled it.
Suddenly it's silent.
When I look up, they all have a different expression; Taylor has a look of concern, Luke looks ecstatic, and Christian... Christian looks just how I feared he would. He looks even more upset than when I told him about Teddy, though my memory may be unclear at the moment and his reaction could be mixed with learning about the affair. I don't understand why Luke looks so happy. And then I realize, the reason Luke looks so pleased is because he probably thinks it's his.
"I found out BEFORE the affair." I tell them, only looking at Christian.
Christian shakes his head at me.
"Get him out of here." Christian orders Taylor.
"Ana." Luke begs me but I don't respond, I keep my eyes on Christian.
"Taylor, if you don't get him out of here right-fucking-now," Christian snaps. "I'm going to fucking murder him! And you're going to help me hide the body!"
"Let's go, Sawyer." I hear Taylor's disappointment in his tone and then I see them move, Luke a bit reluctantly.
Needless to say, Luke lost his job.
"How long?" Christian asks me, his tone the quietest he's ever been.
"Just over a month." I suspect he's asking how long I've been sleeping with Luke, but I don't want to add that detail.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"
"I was terrified of your reaction." I answer truthfully, not able to look at him anymore. "Because of how you acted when I told you about Teddy."
He's still quiet, but I can't look at him.
Maybe he's asking how long I've been pregnant?
"I'm about 15 weeks along." I tell him.
"For fuck's sake, Anastasia." He breathes. "I wanted another baby."
"What?!" I quickly look up at him.
"We talked about it after Teddy was born, don't you remember? We agreed to wait until he was at least 2 before we started trying."
"I just gave birth, Christian, I thought you were just saying that to make me feel better about how you reacted."
"Didn't you notice we haven't been going to your shot appointments?"
"Well, no, I just thought-.. I-.. I don't know what to say. I mean, you didn't tell me. I guess with everything else, like us moving, I just forgot."
"What do you mean, us moving?"
"Well, you forced us to move back here because that neighbor wouldn't sell you his house, so you made us leave our home. I know you were jealous-"
"Anastasia!" He growls my name frustrated. "Why the fuck would you think that? I told you the move back to Escala was temporary."
"Temporary?" He never said that.
"The neighbors were remolding, demolishing their whole house and building from the ground up like I wanted to do with ours. I didn't want you or Teddy to have to see such a site, I didn't want your view to be of construction, and I worried about it being around Teddy."
"But you went over there, trying to talk him into selling?"
"I went there to tell him about Elliot's company." He says, explaining, "They've never been to Seattle and were looking for a construction company to rebuild their new home. His family was still in New York until the house was complete. It makes no fucking sense for me to want to buy their home, it not like the houses are all that close, Anastasia."
His family?! That's not what Luke said.
"Christian-" I don't know what to say, but at least Christian is calm now. And he wants the baby.
"What now?" I ask him.
"Now? You leave. Better yet, stay here, I don't want anything to do with this place anymore. It holds too many memories and now my bedroom is tainted."
"Chr-is-tian." I gasp, stuttering his name. "No."
"Yes, Anastasia."
"I love you," I'm desperately pleading. "I'm sorry."
"How can I ever trust you again?" He asks then answers, "I can't."
"We have a family-"
"That's right, we have a family. I can't believe you would do this to us." He says, "What the fuck did you expect? You fucked another man, in our fucking bed, Anastasia. How do I know you're pregnant with my baby?"
"It's your baby, Christian, I can prove it." I tell him, "You can't leave me."
"I can and I will. You know, before I thought I didn't have a heart and you proved me wrong. And then there was a time where I was terrified you would leave me, but now... I'm no longer broken, so thank you, Anastasia, you've made me stronger."
I can never tell when Christian is lying but the way his voice it cracking, I know he's not telling me the truth. I've hurt him.
"I'm sorry, Christian, please-" I start to beg him again but he interrupts me.
"No, it's done."
"If you leave me," I begin my threat. "I'm keeping Teddy."
"The fuck you will." He laughs, but not in a funny ha-ha type of way.
"You didn't even want him!"
His face turns cold.
"That's a low blow, Anastasia," He growls. "But I guess with what you've done, that's expected."
He turns on his heal and stalks towards the foyer.
"Christian!" I scream his name.
He doesn't stop so I finally get up off the floor and follow him.
"Christian!"
"It's too late." He casually says as he calls the elevator.
"No," I don't believe that. "No, it's not, please."
"It is," He steps inside the elevator once it arrives.
When he turns around I can see the pain I've caused in his eyes as a single tear escapes.
"You've lost me."
I can't lose him, I can't!
"No!" I cry out.
The doors close, he's gone and I fall to my knees.
"No!" I gasp for air, I can't breath. "Please, no!"
Oh god, I've lost him.
