"One is all. All is one."
Ed stood in front of his pupil with a stern expression.
"This is the most important thing you will ever learn. You are not allowed to speak until you figure it out."
Van blinked a couple of times, uncertain if he heard correctly.
"What?" he asked stupidly.
"No talking!" Ed barked and Van closed his mouth immediately. The alchemist crossed his arms and explained: "When my brother and I asked our Teacher to study under her, she left us on a deserted island with only a knife and gave us a month to- I said no talking!" he pointed at Van's face threateningly when the teen's jaw dropped in surprise. "-to figure out what it means. Since I doubt there are any deserted islands in Xerxes, and I don't intend to drag you hundreds of miles to the west just to dump you on one, I decided to give you an entirely different exercise."
Van, since he couldn't speak, cocked his head in silent question.
"I'm sure you don't have problems with talkativeness. After all, slaves aren't allowed to speak unless they're ordered to, am I right?" Van nodded. "Well, the reason why I want you to abstain from talking is simple. I want you to think." Ed tapped his own forehead to emphasize his point. "Not just do 'every day thinking', I want you to learn how to focus on thinking. Until you figure out what 'One is all, all is one' means, you're going to do only that and nothing else. Also, you're exempt from all the other lessons, including sparring sessions."
The teen gaped at his teacher. He was exempt from the sparring sessions?! No way. Ed was joking, wasn't he? He enjoyed beating up his student too much for it to be true. This had to be some sort of a trick…
"Remember: until you figure it out, not a word to me or anyone else. And you're not allowed to ask other people to help you." Then abruptly, Ed turned around and waved at him without looking as he left. "Good luck!"
Dumbfounded, Van watched him go and wondered what the hell just happened. Ed didn't give him any warning that he would be given a task like this. When he told him to come, he expected to be given another physical exercise or something. He never thought Ed would just give him some riddle and leave him to do whatever he liked, for how long he wanted.
But as the minutes passed, boredom crept into his mind and Van wondered just what he was supposed to do. It was too early for lunch, he wasn't hungry anyway. He had no chores. He couldn't go to the market because Ed had forbidden him to say a word to anyone. He knew Ed couldn't supervise him all day, but cheating didn't even cross his mind – it would mean he wasn't up to the challenge, and Van refused to admit defeat.
Quickly, he made up his mind. "One is all, all is one"? It didn't sound too hard. He was going to figure it out. And he was going to do it all by himself! He was going to show Ed just how smart he could be when he wanted to!
WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MEAN?!
Van sat on the ground, drawing with frustration in the sand. He'd been thinking for five hours straight and he still had absolutely no idea what "One is all, all is one" was supposed to mean. He analyzed the sentence over and over again, but came up with nothing.
It doesn't even make sense, he thought angrily. What does it refer to? What 'one'? What 'all'? Is it like 'one thing' and 'all kinds of things'? But one thing isn't all kinds of things! One thing is one thing and that's why it's called a thing, right? Or is it the other way around…? Gah, can't even make sense of my own thoughts anymore…
Van laid on his back and stared at the cloudless sky. The days were still unbearably hot, but the nights had been becoming cooler lately. This summer passed faster than any other he recalled. One would think that with all the exercises Ed had put him through would make the time drag, but the opposite was true. Could that be because Van enjoyed learning alchemy? Or maybe because Edward was his teacher? He couldn't imagine studying the science under anyone else but the stubborn Fullmetal Alchemist. He wondered if he would feel the same with Roshan teaching him.
What am I thinking, he scoffed. Master Roshan would never teach a slave, at least not without a benefit for himself. The only person who would ever do something like that is… well, Ed.
Yes, his best and only friend, Edward Elric. After Ed revealed a glimpse of himself and his past a week ago, Van became aware of some new things about him. First, Edward possessed two distinct expressions of nostalgia. One when he remembered Alphonse, getting sad because of it (but was it just sadness… or something else?), another when he compared Van to his younger brother. And then, he looked a tiny bit happy. It was bittersweet happiness, but happiness nonetheless.
Van thought about it and decided that he didn't mind at all. It was true, he and Edward really looked like brothers – the reflection he had seen in the mirror, which stood now in the living room permanently, proved it. He supposed it would have bothered him a little if Ed had chosen him to be his friend solely for that reason, but the alchemist told him already that it wasn't the case. Ed freed him and took him in and taught him, but never treated him like a replacement for his late brother.
Another thing he noticed was how Ed, despite his loneliness, was utterly devoted to those he loved. Yes, Van knew since the beginning that Ed must have missed his family a lot. Yes, he admired the strength his teacher had shown, being left alone in the world. But only when Ed said those words:
"I'm glad, honestly… That you remind me of him. Because that way, I won't forget. I will never forget."
It was only then that Van truly realized it. Edward would do anything people he cared about; absolutely anything, and he would never abandon them. So, Van Hohenheim concluded – somehow, unbelievably – he became one of those people too.
Van had been right. Edward was the very definition of a true friend.
I can't let him down, his furrowed his brow in determination. One is all and all is one. I'm going to figure out what it means and become an alchemist. Then I'll work with Ed and help him take care of the gold debt he told me about… and maybe one day, I'll pay for everything he had done for me. Equivalent Exchange.
This idea provoked some other observations he hadn't considered before.
For an alchemist, Ed doesn't care much about Equivalent Exchange. It's so strange… Losing a mother, a father and a brother, traveling to a different country all on your own… that's harsh. What happened? Why doesn't he have more friends? I bet he could befriend anybody if he tried… A smile crossed his face …as long as they don't call him short.
All of a sudden it occurred to him that until he solved the riddle, he wouldn't be able to bicker with Ed and the thought caused him to frown in displeasure. That won't do. Somebody's got to tease him about his height! I hate seeing him sit around sulking… not to mention that his reactions are just too entertaining.
The sound of footsteps interrupted his musings and Van turned his head to see that the shorty himself had returned for him. He expected Ed to finally call him for lunch (his growling stomach informed him it way past the time), but the alchemist just smirked at him and left again.
Van watched him until he disappeared from sight, baffled by his teacher's unusual behavior. Ed wasn't going to talk to him either? That was… not exactly unexpected, he supposed, but it still surprised him.
So I need to solve the riddle to speak with Ed at all? He wondered as he got up from the ground and followed Ed into the house. I don't think I like this…
When Ed said earlier that there wouldn't be any sparring sessions as he was solving the riddle, he thought it was more a reward than a punishment. But now, he was starting to change his mind. He had a hunch that Ed being quiet and avoiding any contact with him would quickly get on his nerves…
…I hate this so, so much, Van thought bitterly on the tenth day.
Who would have thought that Ed could be so persistent? His teacher saw him only three times a day, never speaking a word to him, just showing up to make Van realize that it was meal time. And gods, Van was so sick of it. It wasn't just that he couldn't talk to anybody, rather that Ed was ignoring him and seemed completely fine, like Van didn't even exist.
He wanted nothing more but to shove the riddle down the alchemist's throat, he was so annoyed, but at the same time, he felt determined to figure it out by himself.
I can do it, he tried to reassure himself. He said that he had a month to solve it, right? And it's been only a week and a half. I still have time.
It's just that he didn't want to wait a month to talk with Ed again. Hell, he'd gladly have a sparring session with him at this point!
One is all, all is one. Think, think, think, think!
His head felt like it was going to burst, but he still couldn't understand. Such a simple phrase, yet it was driving him insane! Just what did it mean?
That's it, I can't take it anymore, Van determined as he paced in front of the mirror, frustrated beyond belief. I've got to figure this out, and I need to do it now.
It was the twelfth day and he felt like he hadn't done any progress. So far, he had only concluded what "One is all, all is one" didn't mean. Currently he was willing to admit that he was desperate to find an answer, however, not just because he wanted to talk with Ed again.
Edward wasn't... well today.
It wasn't the usual strangeness that Van already got used to – no, that wasn't it at all. Ed was always upset at least a little bit, no matter how well he was hiding it, but today was different. The worst case of different.
In the morning, Van wasn't suspicious when Ed didn't come early to 'announce' breakfast time with his trademark smirk. He thought that the alchemist just got caught up in his work again. But as the sun crept higher and higher in the sky, the teen slowly became worried. Eventually he came to Ed's room and knocked on the door.
The only answer was silence.
Van, not surprised by the lack of response, opened the door without hesitation and peeked inside, fully expecting to see his teacher at his desk working furiously, totally lost to the world. What he didn't expect was to find the room in absolute chaos, with papers and writing utensils laying on every possible surface. There was also a strong scent of oil in the air, although Van deemed it irrelevant – it was hard to pay attention to details like that when Ed curled up on his bed, his expression so lost and hopeless as if the very will to live had been drained from him. His face was grey like ash, dry but traces of tears where clear on the dirty cheeks. To sum it up, he appeared to be the embodiment of utter misery. He had never looked this bad, not even when he cried three weeks ago. Van's throat clenched painfully at the sight so he wouldn't be able to say anything, even if he tried.
As soon as Ed realized his presence, he calmly got up and without even a glance in his direction passed him, disappearing in the hallway, a glint of silver shining between the clenched fingers of his left hand. Van was seriously tempted to disobey his teacher and call after him, but he had a feeling that even if he did, it wouldn't do much. Ed made it clear the last thing he wanted right now was his company.
Still, he had to do something. Considering that they didn't communicate at all for almost two weeks, he had no clue what could have happened to cause this, much less how to help.
Van cursed mentally and fastened his pacing. One is all, all is one. Dammit, think, Van Hohenheim! It's sounds so simple, so it probably is simple, right…? Unless… it's a trap and you're supposed to think it's simple while it's not… He stopped and rubbed his temple tiredly. Well, all things considered, Ed's exercise was working; he did more thinking in twelve days than he had done in the past twelve years.
He looked at his reflection, absorbing the features while scrutinizing his own thoughtful expression. "The most important thing you will ever learn", he have said. It's got to do something with alchemy, right? But… alchemy's main principle is 'Equivalent Exchange'…
"Humankind can't gain anything without giving something in return," he whispered to himself what had been hammered into his brain over the months. "To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. This is the first and most important law of alchemy." There's got to be a clue there… just what is it?
His fingers trailed the cold, sooth glass.
Fifteen days.
Ed was better now, luckily. After he left that day he was gone for so long, Van actually started preparing to go into town to look for him. His test be damned, he couldn't let his friend stumble around the city, alone and in the dark, while he was like this. Something bad might have happened to Ed. Even with his fighting skills, Van sincerely doubted he was able to fend anyone off in such state of mind. But just as he headed towards the door, Edward himself showed up, soaking wet for some unfathomable reason.
"Hey…" he smiled weakly at him. At least it seemed to be an honest smile. "Sorry it took me so long…"
That was all he said. Before he headed straight to his room. An hour later, Van quietly sneaked in and much to his relief, the small alchemist was snoozing peacefully.
This event scared Van quite a bit though. He started thinking what would have happened if Ed didn't come back.
I'd be lost. I wouldn't know what to do. I'd be lonely. It would hurt a lot. Ed's my only friend. I don't want to lose him. If something happened to him, I would never forgive myself that I couldn't have helped him…
…but…
Van watched the city through his window. The weather was lovely today. A couple of clouds came, decorating the light turquoise sky with feather-like smudges. Ed had long informed him that clouds where just water, however he imagined reaching out for them and discovering they were soft under his fingers. A lone bird soared in his vision, making a hasty return to his nest on the nearby roof. An understanding gradually dawned on him.
…the world would still be going, he realized with a slight surprise. No matter what happens to us, everything else is going to remain just the way it is. The world is so big while we're so tiny and insignificant. All things… made out of smaller things…
His eyes grew and he stood up with a cry: "I got it!" He ran out of his room, shouting excitedly. "Ed! I got it! Ed!"
Van burst into Ed's room. "I got it, Ed, I got it!" he exclaimed happily like a little kid.
"Hm?" Ed looked up from his work and put his chin on his fist. "You did? Well, let's hear it then."
The teen took a deep breath. "The 'all' means everything, the world. The 'one' means the other things. Like people. One is all because we're a part of the world, everyone. All is one because the world is made out lesser things – people included – and without them it wouldn't exist. All things are…"
"…connected," Ed finished for him, a proud expression on his face.
"Yeah," Van breathed out, his grin growing wider.
"Congratulations, Van. You passed." The alchemist's smile became teasing. "Took you long enough though."
"What?" Van looked at him indignantly. "What's that supposed to mean?! You said it took you a whole month to figure it out!"
"I never said it took me a whole month!" Ed laughed. "Al and I figured out what it meant before the time was up, but we couldn't leave the island before Teacher came back for us. It was a part of our survival training after all."
"I'm still pretty sure I did it faster than you!"
"You didn't have to deal with extreme hunger at the same time. All I told you to do was to keep your mouth shut. Wasn't too hard, was it?"
"It was horrible! Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to call you a runt and couldn't? That was pure torture!"
"WHAT!" Ed jumped to his feet, red-faced. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SPEC SO TINY IT COULDN'T BE SEEN UNDER A MICROSCOPE!"
"YOU, THAT'S WHO!" Van replied unintimidated. "And what's a microscope anyway?"
"Oh no, I am not telling you that, you empty-headed idiot!"
"IDIOT! I SOLVED YOUR STUPID RIDDLE IN HALF THE TIME YOU DID, SHORT STUFF!"
"DID NOT! AND I AM NOT SHORT, DAMMIT! I'M YOUR TEACHER AND YOU'RE GOING TO RESPECT ME, GOT IT?!"
"WELL, I JUST SPOKE THE TRUTH, DIDN'T I, MASTER?"
"THAT'S IT, HOHENHEIM! YOU, ME, SPARRING GROUND! NOW!"
Even when he ended up all covered in dirt and bruises barely an hour later, Van had absolutely no regrets.
Van Hohenheim thought Ed had been pushing him hard before he solved the riddle. He was proven wrong very quickly.
Immediately after he was made aware of what Ed called 'the ultimate truth of alchemy', his teacher decided it was high time for his mind to be trained at the same pace as his body, if not faster. In the following weeks, Van was taught Xerxesian alphabet, the periodic table, all kinds of symbols and structures used in alchemy and also – the basics of Ed's mysterious native language.
Ed explained to him that Amestrian had the same roots that Xerxesian had, but the language itself – especially spoken Amestrian – was a bit more complex. Some grammar structures were completely altered, making it very hard for the student to grasp. But Van was just as stubborn as determined and bit by bit, he learned and memorized everything.
It didn't take much observation skills to notice that Edward was immensely proud of him. Van started to catch his discrete, impressed looks more often and they filled him with warmth inside. It almost felt like… being a part of a family – something he never had. Admittedly, it was a strange, two-member family where a person barely a year older than him acted simultaneously as his mentor, big brother, best friend and at times, even father. Yes, a father. That one took Van longer to realize than the others, but after some consideration, he figured that if Ed was a few years older than him, he could easily picture him as one. How else to describe someone carefully watching over him, providing a home without demanding anything in return? Ed might have been just a teenager just like himself, but even with his predicable outbursts at his height being insulted or childish disgust of all kinds of milk (something Van really didn't understand at all), his skills, knowledge and melancholy made him seem a lot older most of the time.
He never mentioned it to Ed though. He had a feeling his teacher would either laugh at the idea, feel insulted and rant for hours at Van for insinuating that he was 'an old man'… or worse. Ed could become upset again, which was the last thing Van wanted.
Still… It was a strangely nice thought. Having a father. What was it like?
Van knew he shouldn't desire such things. But gradually his curiosity about the subject grew, until one day he gathered his courage and asked the unsuspecting alchemist at breakfast:
"Hey, Ed… What was your father like?" Van worded his question carefully.
Apparently it was a very lucky coincidence that Ed wasn't drinking at the time, because if his startled expression was anything to go by, he would have surely spit-taken.
"H-HUH…?!" He gaped, completely dumbstruck. 'Where did that come from?' was written all over his face.
Van sighed. He had a feeling this wasn't a good idea, but he just couldn't help his need to know.
"I was just wondering. You remember your father, right? You said he… 'left'. But what was he like before that?"
Ed finally got over his shock and closed his mouth. Then he blinked and frowned.
"Why do you ask?" His tone was very cautious.
Van looked at his plate thoughtfully. "I'm curious, that's all." He took a bite of bread. "I was thinking what having a dad is like... since I never got to meet mine. But if you don't want to tell me, I understand."
Ed's eyes became wide in some realization.
"Um…" He shifted in his seat. Then he took a bite of his sandwich and chewed slowly, probably thinking over what to say. Finally, he swallowed and spoke: "I don't remember much from that time, to be honest. I was only four years old when… that happened and my mom died two years later."
"So, you haven't seen him in… what, twelve years?" Van asked with slight disappointment. It seemed Ed didn't know what it was like to have a dad either.
"Not exactly." Ed looked very uncomfortable and he was avoiding eye contact. "I met him recently."
Van was surprised. "He's alive?"
Ed snorted. "Oh yes, he's very much alive." He took a sip of water from a glass. "Our 'reunion' was… well, it was really, really awkward. We met at mother's grave."
"Huh." Even Van had to admit that it presented a very awkward scenario. "What did he say?" Instantly, Edward's face darkened. Van quickly backpedaled: "You know what, never mind. I don't need to know…"
"No, it's fine." In spite of his words, Ed seemed tense. "What he said… it hurt, but there was some truth to it." His head lowered over the table, making it impossible for Van to see his expression as he continued to speak. "I didn't see it at the time, I was so angry with him. I mean, the father who abandoned us over a decade ago returns like nothing happened, like there's still something for him to come back to even though our family had long been torn apart, what else was I supposed to feel? And he was acting just as cold and distant as I remembered him." A visible shiver ran through his shoulders. "I couldn't… I didn't know how to feel. All this time I was mad at him for not being there, not just for me but for mom and Al too. She died waiting for him and he didn't come. Not even for her funeral! I hated him so much because when we needed him most, he just… wasn't… there!"
Ed's right fist punched the table at the last syllable, making all the dishes clatter. His glass of water, standing on the edge, fell off and shattered loudly, water and bits of glass spilling over the floor. Van flinched, but didn't say anything, guessing that it would be better to just listen and let Ed spill what he must have been keeping in for a very long time.
"And then the bastard had the audacity to tell me that I ran away! Like he had not been doing that for years! And that I acted like a child! And dammit, he – he left again!" Ed was seething so much it was starting to scare him. "He didn't even bother to say where he was going! Not that I cared. I was happy to get rid of him. I was! It's not like… it's not like I needed him anymore… not like I ever needed him!" Even Van couldn't overlook the clear contradiction in Ed's speech, but he kept quiet. "I never wanted to see him again. But I did and-"
Suddenly all anger evaporated from Ed, his shoulders sank and his head fell even lower, almost touching the surface of the table. He was dead still for ten seconds, before he spoke again.
"He wasn't… He was nothing like I expected him to be." His voice was thick with some emotion Van yet again couldn't identify. "I thought… I just wanted to hate him, to have someone to blame for everything, but… I c-couldn't…" He buried his head in his hands. Van felt so awful seeing his friend in pain, but he knew it wasn't the time to comfort him. He just sat and listened. "Because I realized that he… he actually… cared. And now, especially now… Goddammit this is so freaking ironic it's not even funny…!" He took a deep breath. "Now I understand and I can't hate him anymore. All this time I wanted to hate him because it was so much easier to blame someone else for my mistakes – but it's nothing compared to-"
His voice broke and he couldn't talk anymore. He wasn't crying – at least he didn't seem to be, Van couldn't tell for sure with his hands covering his face – but it was too much for him.
Van quietly stood up, took his chair and sat next to Ed. Without hesitation, he gently grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug.
Ed stiffened in surprise at first, even though it wasn't the first time, as apparently he hadn't been expecting this. Slowly but surely, he relaxed, melting into the compassionate embrace and wrapped his arms around his friend. His head on his shoulder, he murmured something in his native language.
"What was that?" Even with his basic knowledge of Amestrian, Van didn't have a clue what Ed just said. Although, he wasn't sure it was directed at him at all.
Ed sighed. "Nothing…"
Van didn't press the issue as something else caught his attention. He'd never held Ed as close as this, not even that one time when he cried – not that it bothered him. But it occurred to him that he hadn't touched Ed's right shoulder before and now that he did, there was something… wrong with it.
Ed's shoulder didn't feel right – his whole arm didn't. Of course he'd noticed how stiff and hot it was compared to the other one (how could he not notice), however, until now he didn't realize just how huge the difference was. His two hands were placed on his friend's back and the contrast was a bit shocking. Van's left palm could feel the warmth of skin under Edward's robe, the strong muscles beneath barely yielding, but it was undoubtedly flesh. His right hand though, what was under it, that couldn't be flesh. It was… he didn't know what exactly, but it was hard, it was rigid and it felt just wrong – like it wasn't a part of Ed's body (his nose caught the scent of oil… again. What did Edward use oil for?). Van didn't dare to further examine the shoulder blade, although he could tell that the shape was off too. He wondered what could possibly had happened to Ed to cause something like this.
The teen opened his mouth to ask about it, then abruptly he changed his mind. He would ask someday – just not now. Ed didn't need to be questioned about his body, he needed a friend just to be there for him. Besides, with the way Ed's past weighted on him, Van wasn't completely sure he wanted to know.
Just as Van pressed his lips together in the silent decision, Ed shifted and pulled away. Van had been right – Ed didn't cry this time. His eyes were dry. But his expression…
"Thanks," Ed said with a ghost of a smile on his saddened face. "Sorry about this, I'm being so pathetic over something like that-"
"Pathetic?" Van repeated with disbelief. Never had the word crossed his mind when he thought of his teacher. Even in his most vulnerable moments, Edward Elric was the exact opposite of such term. "Ed, you're not pathetic!"
"Yeah, whatever…" The alchemist shrugged, but his tone was too bitter for it to be a convincing show of indifference. "It's not like I can't even talk about this stuff without losing it…" Ed laughed humorlessly. Then he looked away. "I hate how weak I've become… especially around you…"
"But you are the strongest person I know!" Van exclaimed honestly. Upon Ed's doubtful look, he added: "Not just physically, you're strong on the inside too. 'To train the mind one must train the body', right? And I've never seen anyone who trains more than you!"
Ed smiled, really smiled. "Thanks, Van."
The teen beamed, pleased to see his teacher acting more like himself.
"Sooo…." He looked down and noticed his foot was standing in a puddle of water, mixed with broken bits of glass. Good thing he didn't walk barefoot inside the house, it wouldn't have ended well.
"Oh." Ed kneeled down to examine the damage. "It'll be a quick repair. Although…" He lifted his gaze and met Van's, an idea shining brightly in his fiery-golden eyes. "Would you like to try fixing it yourself?"
Van gasped in surprise. This was the first time Ed offered him a chance to use alchemy himself. "You serious?"
"Sure!" Ed grinned. "If you manage to draw the array, I don't see why not." The light in his eyes turned into a mischievous glint. "As long as you remember that there's a difference between an oval and a circle, that is…"
"Hey!" Van crossed his arms indignantly. "I've been practicing, you know!"
"Suuure you have. Let's see it, Mr. Crushed Partridge Egg."
Van growled angrily and snatched the piece of chalk from Ed's extended hand. You want a circle? I'll show you a circle!
With newly-found determination, he crouched and began to draw in a dry spot next to the puddle. Ed watched his every movement, but instead of becoming nervous under the scrutiny, Van progressed faster – I'm going to show him, he thought, too busy to notice that his hands weren't shaking at all, or the lack of worry that he wouldn't get it on his first try.
After the circle was done, he looked it over and with great surprise, he observed no distortions or quivery lines. He glanced at Ed for confirmation. The Fullmetal Alchemist actually looked pleasantly surprised.
"Good job," he said, blinking twice to make sure his eyes were seeing correctly. "You actually did it. On your first go, too."
A grin spread over Van's face. "Yes!" He cheered, raising his hands in victory. "I knew it! I'm so awesome!"
Ed rolled his eyes. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that kid."
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
Ed chuckled in response, but Van didn't miss the proud glimmer in his eyes. He began explaining what kind of array was needed to fix this kind of glass. After the careful instructions and from the master-alchemist, Van began drawing and connecting the lines inside the circle. Fortunately, that part was much easier so be wasn't scared he'd mess it up and would have to start over. Fifteen minutes later, the array was ready – and so was Van, his eager hands waiting on the edge of the circle.
"Focus. Remember the three steps – Understanding, Deconstruction and Reconstruction. If you become distracted, there could be a rebound."
"Rebound, right." Van repeated obediently. "But it's not common, right? You said that there shouldn't be any rebounds in small transmutations like this…"
"True, there shouldn't be any harmful ones, but just because it won't chop off your limb doesn't mean you shouldn't be extra careful. Also, when you're inexperienced, you must always take all possible risks into account – there's nothing more dangerous for an alchemist than underestimating the power of his own reaction."
Van paused, then looked at Ed.
"Rebounds can chop limbs off?" he asked in mild shock. Ed hadn't told him that.
Ed frowned. "It's rarely the case, but like I said, you must take all possible risks into account. And I mean all of them." He lifted his hand in what seemed like an unconscious movement and rubbed his right shoulder. "I wouldn't let you do anything dangerous like that, but trust me – in alchemy, plenty of unpredictable things can happen, in the last moment you expect them to." He looked at Van very seriously. "That's why you never, under any circumstance, perform a transmutation unless you thought everything through and you're confident you know the limits of your array. Is that clear?"
"Y-yes sir!"
"Good. Let's get started, then."
Van directed his eyes onto his circle, his heart beating faster in his chest. This was it. His very first transmutation. Today, he was truly becoming an alchemist.
Focusing on the round, perfect shape of the glass before it had shattered, he focused his energy, calculating the ratios and elements just like Ed had taught him. Immediately he felt a distinct, unpainful tug in his gut and blood rushed in his veins with excitement. Blue sparks erupted from the circle and he had to use every bit of restraint he owned not to lose his grip over the reaction in his exhilaration.
He watched the bits of glass deconstruct one by one, then reconstruct together, forming a transparent cylinder. Sweat poured over his forehead but he paid in no mind, focused solely on his transmutation.
Finally, it was done and the light faded. Van was still for a moment longer, before he sat on his heels and exhaled deeply.
"It worked," he said in a daze. "It really worked."
"Quite nicely, too," Ed agreed, gently picking up the newly-transmuted object to examine it up close. "No transmutation marks."
"Really?"
"See for yourself."
The teacher handed the product of a first transmutation back to his student, who grabbed it with his slightly trembling hands. Ed was right, it looked perfect. Round and thin and smooth, there were no visible defects. Van looked in awe.
"I did it, didn't I…? I actually performed a transmutation. I'm an alchemist." He turned to Ed with a grin. "I'm an alchemist!"
Ed grinned back and patted him on the shoulder, the conversation they had before all forgotten now. Van thought it had to be the greatest day of his life.
He really was an alchemist now.
Those who had known him as slave number Twenty Three, they wouldn't recognize the young man who strode confidently through the market.
His hair was nicely pulled back together, a couple of stray bangs still hanging in front of his face but in a more dignified way than in the past. His robes, even if mid-class citizen, were new and clean. His stature and posture were now impressive for his age – the once slim, tall body became muscled over the months of hard training. The dust that had been always covering him due to sweeping was gone, revealing a handsome face and eyes shining with knowledge and insatiable curiosity. Twenty Three was no more. He was now Van Hohenheim, a free man, a scholar, an alchemist, the student of Fullmetal Alchemist, one of the greatest – if not the greatest – alchemists that had walked the earth.
He was a person with a bright future ahead of him, one who eagerly awaited it.
"Good morning, ma'am," he greeted the vendor he recalled to be the very same woman who was selling pomegranate soup the day he met Ed.
"Hello, dear boy," she smiled friendlily but there was no recognition in her eyes. It was only the testament of how much Van had changed over the months.
"No pomegranate soup today?" he asked with a wink.
"No, I'm afraid not…" she said a little surprised, scrutinizing him in confusion. After a long moment, she blinked. "I've seen you before, haven't I?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"I am not sure I remember where, though… I'm sorry, dear boy, age does affect your memory sometimes."
"My friend and I came to you once and bought some pomegranate soup," he reminded her. "You mistook us for brothers."
"Oh!" She put a hand to her mouth in understanding. "I remember now! You're Ed's freedman, aren't you?"
"Ed's?" Van repeated curiously. He was surprised that the woman remembered the name after all this time. Also, there was strange familiarity in the way she spoke his name without hesitation.
"Yes, isn't he just wonderful?" she smiled warmly. "I've seen him twice since then, actually."
"You have?"
"Of course! And what a generous person he is! He asked me how was my business going and I told him about my daughter, Caiya. My poor, sweet child, she already has so much on her head with raising two kids practically on her own – her husband is always so away, although I'm sure he doesn't want to be. Caiya is a florist, you know. She grows the most beautiful flowers in all of Xerxes, in my opinion, but her business had been going slow for a while. When I told Ed – gods bless his soul – do you know what he did?"
"What?"
"He went to her shop immediately and bought almost half of it! Can you believe it?"
Van stared at her. Even he didn't think Ed would do something random like that. "He did? But… what have he done with all the flowers? He never brought any back home."
"I don't know. All I know that Caiya and I are in his debt. I insisted on paying him back somehow, and you know what he told me? 'Don't mention it, ma'am, it's nothing really.'"
"That does sound like him," Van mused, while thinking: Seriously, a half of a flower shop? What did he do with the flowers? Ed doesn't seem to be the sentimental type, but I'm pretty sure he didn't just throw them away…
"And that's not the only thing he did," the vendor continued. "Have you heard of Gidalush? He used to be a chef in the royal palace for a while. They fired him after he gave food to a starving Xingnese traveler for no charge."
"That's too bad…"
"I know! How is that fair? I'm sure I would have done the same thing, but they threw him out and he was jobless. But I heard that about three weeks ago, one of the His Majesty's councilmen hired him. Any guesses who's responsible for that?"
The teen's eyes widened slightly. "No way."
"Yes, it was him again! I only know about his involvement because Gidalush's father is a good friend of mine. But I also heard some interesting rumors going around… about a dangerous mugger caught by 'a mysterious individual', a ruined house miraculously rebuilt, a scamming trader exposed… People don't believe me, but I have a feeling Ed's behind all of those as well."
Van was overwhelmed. He had no idea… Ed never told him any of this. Sure, he was gone almost every day for a couple of hours to meet Roshan and all, but he never suspected Ed to be doing things like that while away and never mention them to him. It wasn't like Ed was too shy or modest to brag about his achievements – he had told him about the time he defeated a group of bandits with unhidden glee.
Although, now that he thought about it…
Ed never made a big deal out of it. He always acted like it was nothing. "It wasn't that hard, there were only five of them"… yeah, right. And I bet that he bought 'only' a half of a poor woman's store, 'only' found a ruined man a job at the home of one of the most influential people in the country, 'only' got a dangerous criminal arrested, 'only' fixed some people their house with alchemy… He shook his head in disbelief.
"You're right," he said aloud. "He is incredible, isn't he."
"I bet you know better than me, don't you," she smiled at him. "I remember you saying he bought you for a talent of gold and gave you freedom for nothing in return."
"Yeah… And not just that. I actually live in his house now. He's teaching me how to read and write and… he…" His eyes became distant as he thought about everything Ed had done for him. And he wasn't the only person he had helped, it seemed. It only made him admire his teacher more. "I can't even begin to describe how much I owe him. But he doesn't want any gratitude."
"I wonder who his family is," the woman said thoughtfully. "I know many people in the city, but I've never heard about him before… He has to be of royal blood, hasn't he?"
"His family…" Van sighed sadly. "His family is all dead. Except for Ed's father, but if I understood correctly he's gone off to somewhere far away and won't be coming back for him."
The vendor gasped in horror. "No…!" Van nodded slightly to confirm the tragic truth. "I can't believe this… But… I guess it makes sense, after what he said that one time…" she trailed off uncertainly. Seeing Van's inquiring look, she continued with slight hesitation: "I wasn't planning on telling anyone about this, but since you're his close friend, I guess it won't hurt. You see, I bumped into him a couple of weeks ago. I didn't even recognize him at first, he was all wet from top to bottom." Something stirred in the teenager's memory. "I asked him what happened but he didn't want to tell me. I offered him my shawl to at least dry his face. Eventually he said that he jumped into the river."
"What?" Van said incredulously. "He jumped into the river?! Why?"
"That's exactly what I asked. He mumbled something under his nose that he 'just went for a swim' or something, but I didn't believe him. I invited him to come to my house to dry off, but he seemed to be in a hurry. Said something about being late. But before that, I heard him muttering… I don't know what exactly, I didn't understand most of it. Something about 'it's all my fault, couldn't keep the promise' and things about his brother. I thought he was talking about you at first, but then I remember that you're not really related, are you? I admit you could have fooled me, you two look more alike than most siblings I've seen…" Realizing she was getting off topic, she shook her head firmly and finished: "Still, he looked really sullen that day. I was worried about him."
He remembered it. It was clear to him like yesterday. It was the twelfth day since he Ed had given him the riddle. Ed disappeared for an entire day and he was worried sick about him.
He jumped into the river? What the hell? He rubbed his forehead. I guess that explains why he was wet. But I don't understand… why would he even…? A feeling of dread slowly filled his stomach. No, no way… it's not possible…
"Thanks for telling me," he spoke not looking at her anymore. An icy fear spread in his insides and he knew he couldn't stay here a minute longer. "I… I need to go. I have to talk to Ed."
The woman smiled approvingly. "You do that, dear boy, and please tell him hello from me and Caiya."
"Sure thing," he said quickly and left the market, dark thoughts buzzing in his head.
"Van, you're back! You got the ham?" Ed greeted him, cutting the bread for their breakfast.
Van shook his head. "No, sorry. I need to talk to you."
"What?" The alchemist looked up at him in surprise. "Wait, what happened?"
The teen walked over to the table and leaned on it. He took a deep, calming breath before turning to his teacher.
"I met someone one the market. A friend of yours."
"A friend?" A confused frown creased Ed's forehead.
"Yes, and we talked for a bit." He pierced the alchemist with a glare and cut straight to the chase. "She told me you jumped into a river."
Ed parted his lips in shock and stood still for a moment.
"Ed," Van strained out, struggling to keep his composure. "Why did you do something stupid like that? Don't you know how dangerous Euphra is? You're lucky we're still in the dry season, you could have drowned!"
Edward closed his mouth and turned away with a scowl.
"It's none of your concern," he said angrily.
"Like hell it isn't!" Van snapped. "Tell me, did you do it willingly? Did you jump into the river on purpose?"
"So what if I did?" Ed asked challengingly.
"Why would you do that?!"
"I said, it's none of your damn business!"
"You are my friend and apparently you tried to kill yourself – of course it's my business!"
"I didn't- I wasn't-! I could never do that!"
"So why the heck did you jump, Ed?!"
"BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT, OKAY!" he screamed, leaning into his face. "I knew how to save myself! I didn't die!"
"But you still jumped, you idiot! You could have died!"
"But I didn't!"
"What if you did? Did you think for a moment what I would have done if I found out that my best friend killed himself and I didn't prevent it?!" Van yelled, momentarily shocking Ed into silence. "For the rest of my life I would be blaming myself, that I didn't help you, just because of some dumb test! You have no idea how worried I was, do you? You looked like a dead man walking that morning and you left without telling me where to or why! Were you planning on killing yourself in secret so I wouldn't be able to stop you? You think I don't care about you? Didn't you think about me at all? How could you be so selfish?!"
"You're the only reason I couldn't do it, you moron!"
The world was dead still for the moment. The two golden-haired teens stared at each other, both startled by the words that had been said.
"Damn…" Ed interrupted the silence. "I wasn't supposed to tell you this."
"What?" was all Van managed to say.
"I… I'm sorry. It's just… I…" Ed clenched his teeth in indecision.
"What do you mean, I'm the only reason?"
Ed shot him a wounded, desperate look, silently begging for Van to drop this. But it was too late for those words to be taken back.
"I don't understand…" Van grabbed his head to process this. "So if it wasn't for me waiting for you to come back… you would…?"
The alchemist took a sharp breath and quickly shook his breath. "Van, listen." His voice was hoarse. "I would never do that to you. I made a promise to teach you alchemy and I intend to keep it. Just because I…"
"Do you wish to die, Ed?" Van interrupted him with a terrified whisper.
Ed flinched violently. "I…"
Van stared at his friend like he was seeing him for the first time and honestly, he felt like he was. This unintended confession showed Ed in a whole different light. He had thought he understood Ed's hurt and sadness to an extent, but apparently he didn't. He heard stories about people taking away their own lives… But those people were mad, completely and utterly insane, sick to the point that they couldn't control their actions. However Ed wasn't crazy. He strong, vibrant, brilliant, wise, kind-hearted… How could he wish for death? Why wouldn't he want to live? Why?
Finally, Ed's broken voice interrupted the silence.
"I don't want to die…" Van perked, listening to him with a ray of hope shining through the darkness of his frightened confusion. "But living… hurts so damn much." Ed pressed his eyes closed, looking like he was in pain.
Van wasn't sure what to say. He knew he had to say something though. "It doesn't have to," he tried.
Ed sighed. "I know."
"Ed, you can talk to me when you're hurting, okay? I… I may not understand everything, but I'll try. I promise," Van said awkwardly. He didn't know how to deal with emotional stuff – he only wanted to help Ed. To fix the shattered pieces, like the glass he transmuted for the first time.
The alchemist opened his eyes and attempted to smile at him, but it looked more a grimace than a smile. "I'm really sorry, Van. I don't think it would help."
"Is it because you miss your brother?" he asked quietly. "Because he meant so much to you?"
Ed's expression twisted with pure, uncensored grief. He covered his eyes with his left hand.
"It's not that I just miss him, Van. It's my fault he's dead. It's all because of me."
Van forgot to breathe for a moment. Suddenly, all pieces of the puzzle came together, everything became clear. The deep, dark, unidentifiable emotion that was always lurking behind Ed's eyes, the expression of sadness that never quite left him, his painful nostalgia, the broken fondness that could be heard every time Alphonse's name fell from his tongue. Suddenly, it all had a name.
Guilt.
Ed had been living in guilt all this time, drowning in it, never free of it, even in his most carefree moments. All his smiles, the mask he had put on his face, their only purpose was to hide it from him. From the stories Ed told, Van knew how much he cared about his brother. They used to be inseparable. If Ed was to blame for his only brother's death…
It made so much more sense now. Van had a vague idea now why Ed would welcome death, something he couldn't comprehend at all just a moment earlier. This wasn't something Van could understand, never having killed anyone in his life. Especially an innocent person.
But, he refused to believe that Ed would intentionally hurt his own brother in any way. Ed told him himself – Alphonse had been kind and caring and smart… and Ed loved him fiercely. This had to be a mistake, or an accident… or something.
"No." The calm, confident tone of his voice perhaps surprised Van himself more than Edward. "I don't believe it. It couldn't be your fault."
Ed peeked through his fingers. "Van…"
"You think after months learning from you I haven't learn anything about you? You're not that kind of person. You couldn't have hurt your brother. Not on purpose."
Ed lowered shook his head slowly. "On purpose or not, it's still my fault. I was supposed to protect him, but I failed him. I'm… I'm a sinner, Van."
"Sinner?" Van actually laughed at the claim. "Ed, I don't know if you're aware, but I just came back from the market hearing the old lady sing praises about you. You fixed somebody's house. You helped a man who lost his job. You bought flowers from a woman who had trouble selling them. You helped catch a mugger who's been terrorizing the streets."
As he spoke, the alchemist slowly lifted his head, a blank expression on his face.
"You bought a slave and set him free," Van added, smiling at him softly. "You gave him a home and made him realize what it means to be free."
"Which I did for selfish reasons," Ed quietly murmured to himself, but he still caught it.
"Selfish? Ed, you're not selfish. You're amazing. You're a hero."
"Hero?" Edward snorted almost angrily. "Yeah, right. I am not a hero. I'm just a human. A pathetic, insignificant human. I can't even save people who matter most to me. Who I'm supposed to be able to save."
"One is all, all is one," Van stated calmly, causing Ed to blink in surprise. "Isn't that 'the most important lesson you ever gave me', my teacher? All human beings have flaws, sins. Everybody has them buried in their hearts, but they're necessary. They make us human and learning how to live with them is how we win against them."
Ed was completely taken aback by having his own words thrown into his face like that. Taking advantage of his surprise, Van stepped closed and enveloped him in a powerful hug.
"I can tell that to you ten times a day," he whispered into his ear "Every day, to the rest of your life, until you believe me because it's true. You're not a bad person, Ed. You're the greatest person I ever got to know and you're my best friend."
It seemed his reassurance was working because soon Ed returned gesture, shivering a bit.
"Just promise me…" Van couldn't stop himself from speaking, "Please, promise me you won't be thinking about death anymore. I may not know your brother, but I'm pretty sure if he were here right now, he would tell you to live and be happy. You can try for him, can't you?"
Finally, Ed gave in. With a sob, he buried his face in Van's shoulder and wrapped his arms around him forcefully.
"I know, I know…" he cried. "A-and I'm t-trying, I r-really am. It's just s-s-so hard sometimes…!"
"You're doing just fine," Van comforted him softly, ignoring the mysterious stiffness of Ed's right arm. "Just no more jumping into rivers, okay? Or you'll be the death of me."
Ed laughed through the tears. "S-sure thing. I feel l-like our roles are re- reversed, y-you know. I'm supposed to- to lecture you about s-stupid th-things. Idiot."
Van rolled his eyes. "My thoughts exactly, pipsqueak."
"S-stop calling me that." Despite the anger in his voice, Ed didn't pull back.
"Stop calling me idiot."
"No p-promises."
Three days later, in the middle of the night…
"Van. Van! Wake up!"
Slowly, Van resurfaced from the depths of his peaceful slumber. The teen rubbed his eyes sleepily and sat up. "Huh? Ed?"
"Van, I don't have much time, I need you to listen to me carefully."
The urgent tone of his voice woke him up instantly. "What is it? What's going on?"
Ed was dressed in clothes Van hadn't seen before. They were entirely black, tightly covering his hands and feet, slim against his body unlike robes. On his head, there was something that looked like a bag that revealed nothing except his eyes. Van blinked at the get-up with confusion. If it wasn't for the voice he would have no idea this was Ed.
"I didn't think it'd be so soon," Ed spoke in a hurry. "I thought I would have time to explain things to you before it happened, but there isn't any time left. I need to leave now but I hope- no, I will come back, alright? But, just in case I don't-"
"Wait, what?!" Van leaned forward, becoming scared now. "Ed, where are you going?"
"I'm going to the palace. Now-"
"The royal palace? Why are they calling you to the palace in the middle of the night?"
"They're not."
"They're-" Only now he understood the meaning of Ed's clothes. "No way. Are you-?"
"Breaking in – yes. Is it safe – no, of course it isn't. Is it necessary – what do you think, I'm not doing this for fun. Although I admit sneaking past the guards can be quite entertaining sometimes, but that's hardly the point-"
"Why the hell are you going to break into the palace in the middle of the night?!"
"It's not important, long story and we don't have the time right now. If something happens to me, the money is in my room. You can take all of my research notes if you want – I taught you some Amestrian so I think you'll get it. Just remember it's coded and it's not easy to break my codes. With everything you've learned you're capable of learning more about alchemy on your own."
Van was terrified right now. He couldn't believe this was happening. "Ed, you can't!"
"Sorry, I have to."
"Let me come with you then!"
"Are you crazy? I've been making preparations for months to plan this break-in. You don't even have the floor plans of the palace memorized. Sorry, kid, but that's not an option. You're staying."
Van wanted to protest, but Ed put his hand on his mouth and said sternly:
"Look, it's not a suicide mission, so calm down. I'm only telling you just in case. I didn't want you to wake up and think I abandoned you in case I couldn't come back. If everything goes according to plan – which I hope it does – we're going to have a new roommate by tomorrow."
Roommate? Van had officially no freaking clue what was going on.
"I doubt you'll like him, but hopefully you'll get along. Now, I really need to go. I'll see you in the morning, got it? Stay safe."
Before Van could utter a word Ed was gone. The teen ran after him.
"Ed!" he yelled on the top of his lungs, not caring if he woke up the whole neighborhood. "EDWARD!"
When he reached the door, Edward had already disappeared in the impenetrable darkness of the starless night.
"Ed…" he whispered, aware that it was too late.
What for all the gods' mercy are you doing, Ed?
Quite predictably, Van didn't go back to sleep that night. He paced nervously around the house, trying to figure out just what the hell Ed was thinking, breaking into the royal palace, it sounded like he'd been planning this for a while – what in the name of all things holy was going on!
It'd been obvious Ed didn't hold much respect for authority, but this was pure insanity. The punishment for such crime was death. If Ed was caught… no, he couldn't even think about it.
Calm down, Van. Ed is a skilled fighter, right? And a powerful alchemist. He took down five men singlehandedly! He can handle a couple of guards if something goes wrong, can't he?
He sincerely hoped so. To think they had the confrontation about Ed pulling off dangerous stunts only a couple of days ago. And he had thought that jumping into a river was bad…
Please, please come back safely… you crazy alchemist.
It was just before the dawn when he heard Ed's voice at the door.
"Alright, we're here. Remember what we talked about. One word out of line and I swear I won't hesitate to kill you on the spot."
"Your insatiable thirst for violence, even though it's purely verbal, is truly delightful Edward Elric," came an amused response.
Van froze at the door, frowning. Whose voice is that? It sounded strange. It seemed to be muffled by something and he couldn't tell if it belonged to a male or a female.
"…However," the voice continued "We both know that's an empty threat by this point."
"Alright then. I'll lock you up in a metal chest and throw it into the river instead. That would work just as fine. I know from experience how fast and nicely heavy things sink in there."
Van, too curious to eavesdrop anymore opened the door.
"Ed?" He smiled in relief when he saw the familiar silhouette at the doorstep. "You're back!"
"Yeah, we made it," Ed smiled back. His head was no longer covered, and there was a large bundle of cloth in his hands.
The teen blinked and looked around. "We?"
"You didn't inform him of my arrival?" The strange voice spoke again, but Van couldn't detect its source. There wasn't anyone in front of him except Ed. "Really now, Fullmetal Alchemist, you hurt my feelings."
Ed rolled his eyes and stepped inside. "I did, I just didn't tell him who you were."
"Very well. I suppose an introduction is in order." Van kept looking around, confused as to where the voice was located. It seemed to be coming from Ed, but the alchemist had his mouth closed and it didn't sound anything like him. "Would you mind telling me your name first, young man? I must have asked Edward a hundred times by this point but he never told me."
"And for a good reason." Ed muttered.
"Yes, well… Young man?"
"My name's Van Hohenheim... But who are you? Where are you?"
Ed sighed and removed the cloth in his arms with one hand. Underneath it was… a flask. A round, glass flask with two tubes, both blocked with plunges at the ends, similar to the ones Van had seen in Roshan's laboratory as he used to sweep there. Inside the transparent container was a black… Thing. He didn't know how else to describe it. The 'Thing', it appeared to be floating inside the flask. Van watched without fear, but he had a weird feeling about this 'Thing'.
"Van, meet the Dwarf in the Flask…" Ed said slowly. "The Homunculus."
A big eye with red iris opened and the 'Thing' looked back at him with curiosity.
Author's Note:
Cliffhangers. They're the loveliest thing :3
Good news, everyone: the next chapter of "Harry Potter and the Alchemist Brothers" is coming SOON! And by SOON I mean really soon. The soonest I can. I was writing these two things at the same time and it just so happened I finished this one first, but I'm almost done with Chapter 10. I'm not going to apologize for the delay, I told you my reasons and I really couldn't do anything sooner. Sorry. (Darn, I just said I wasn't going to apologize! Well, whatever…)
I'm so glad I finally finished Van's point of view. I know you're probably thinking: "What the hell is going on?! Why is the Homunculus there?!" Too bad – that was my intention xD This is the longest chapter so far but honestly, I'm just as surprised as you are. I promised the next chapter would be "A Flashback" so I had to wrap everything up in one go… it turned out much longer than I thought it would. Well, I hope you're happy, with all your lovely reviews I think you'll enjoy a longer chapter :)
Thank you for all the support, you guys are awesome! Please review, add to your favorites, follow and check my other stories! But most importantly – read on and enjoy.
And Happy Birthday to Whoever's Birthday It Is Today! :D
