An Ounce of Restraint
By: karacullen23
Rated: NC-17
WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. If this isn't your cuppa' tea, don't read.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.
A/N: Yeah, I'm sorry that I left off that last chapter so suddenly… for some reason, the entire chapter didn't upload? It wasn't until I got online the other day and had all these reviews and messages asking for Clark to do something about Lionel and I was like, "wtf, I thought I'd set that up" then I realized that only half the chapter uploaded. So anyway… soooo sorry about that, here's the rest of the chapter…..finally.
Chapter Seven: (chapter six; part two)
Lex's POV:
"You know, I've been cleaning and stitching you up for years. When's it gonna end Lex?" Toby's voice is hard, angry. Angry for me. He cuts the end of the thread and ties it off. He's just finished stitching up my brow.
"I thought it had ended." My voice sounds flat, small.
"People like that never change Lex. That sick bastard deserves to be locked away and the goddamned key thrown away. At the very fuckin' least."
"No one would dare try to throw my father in jail, Toby. He'd have anyone who tired simply, erased. Besides, it's my word against his."
"I'd testify on your behalf. Let that bastard try to do away with me. I'm not that easily spooked."
"Thanks for the offer, but his bark is nothing compared to his actual bite. I couldn't risk putting you in that position."
"I'm not afraid of that old goat."
"You should be."
He dabs iodine over my freshly stitched cuts. And checks, and then double-checks all my injuries thus far. Five stitches on my brow, two small stitches on my bottom lip, and an impressive amount of butterfly stitches over the cut in my throat. We are both silent. Moments tick by in tense silence. Toby's done all he can for my more superficial, less 'private' injuries. It has been years since Lionel actually raped me, and the last couple of times that Toby's seen me, all I had was a couple of broken ribs. The time before that, Lionel had smashed a brandy glass into my face and Toby pulled the broken shards from my flesh and stitched my upper lip. Maybe Toby will just assume that the busted brow and mouth, the swelling and bruising to my face and torso was the extent of my injuries. I know that's wishful thinking. Toby's no idiot.
Toby clears his throat. "Anything else?"
"Nope. What do I owe you?" I try to keep my voice level, nonchalant. It doesn't work.
He sighs, he sees right through me as if I were crystal. "Christ." I try to look menacing, but I feel the heat rising in my face and it's damn near impossible to look menacing while blushing. "Take off your pants and lay on the bed, let me have a look."
"I'm fine."
"Lex..."
I do as he asks, and try to imagine myself somewhere other than laying completely naked on my hands and knees, my legs spread, my ass in Toby's face. "Jesus." He mutters under his breath. Even with latex gloves, his hands feel cold on my delicate skin. "I'm afraid you're going to need quite a few stitches. That sick fuck really did a number on you this time."
I bury my face into the mattress and try to stifle the sobs that want to escape me. The shame, the loss of my dignity, yet again, is too much. I'm Lex fucking Luthor goddamnit. I don't cry. I don't fucking cry. Though I seem to be doing alot of crying lately. A great, hitching sob escapes me, followed by another, and another and I can't stop. I feel Toby's hand on my shoulder, it's not like he hasn't seen this from me before. But it was different before. I was still a kid the last time Lionel sodomised me, kids cry. I'm fucking twenty-three years old, I'm not a kid anymore. Lionel shouldn't have been able to do this to me again. And I should be able to take it like a fucking man instead of breaking down like the scared fourteen year old I'd been the last time. I wish I could just die right now. "I'm sorry, Lex. Do you need a few minutes?"
I don't answer, I can't answer, I'm too busy crying like a little bitch. He pats my shoulder reassuringly and starts to head out the door to let me suffer through this disgustingly shameful sobbing in private. "Hey, do you want me to get Clark for you?"
That snaps me out of it. I practically jump up, panic taking the place of self-loathing. "NO."
Toby looks shocked at my outburst. His eyes narrow and he looks at me calculating. "You didn't tell him?"
"Of course I didn't tell him, and I'm not going to. He doesn't need to know."
"You shouldn't keep something like this to yourself Lex. It'll sit inside and eat away at you from the inside out. In all the years I've known you, you've never had anyone in your life who loves and cares about you more than that kid does."
"No. He doesn't need to know Toby. It's bad enough that he's seen me and knows that 'somebody' hurt me. If he knew it were Lionel that did it...my own fucking father...my own fucking father fucked me and has been fucking me since I was nine years old! Again and again, and I can't do anything to stop it, I haven't done anything to stop it. I keep letting it happen. How the hell do you think he'd react to something like that? The boy practically grew up with the Brady fucking Bunch. He couldn't understand something like this. Don't you see? He'd run screaming."
"I don't think he would, Lex. But hey, it's your life. Do as you will."
"I can't risk it. I'll be fine. I've been through this before by myself, and I'll get through it again."
He lets out a quiet sigh and turns to his medical bag. "Are you ready to get stitched up or do you want a few minutes?"
"I'm ready."
He slips on a fresh pair of latex gloves, fills a syringe with novocaine and walks over to me. I close my eyes and try to envision myself anywhere...but here.
Clark's POV:
I know I shouldn't have. Lex requested privacy. Lex deserves privacy. But I hear him crying, I can't stand it and rush upstairs to be near him. It's not like Lex to keep me from him. We've always had a very open, very close relationship. Even before that day at the lake when our relationship changed forever. We were best friends and shared everything with one another from every tiny little embarrassing or intimate detail to the stupid little inconsequential things. I don't understand why he was so insistent that I not be present while Toby examines him. I've sat in with Lex before while Toby's had to patch him up, more times than I'd like to think about.
And I've certainly seen him in worse shape than this before. But there's something about the hollow look in his eyes that's been bothering me. The desperation on his face this morning in the bathroom. It was something more than just the sex, I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I don't know what it is, but something is off. It doesn't make sense to me. No matter how bad I've seen him hurt before in the past, Lex has always maintained in control for the most part of his emotions. Lex is strong, confident, and doesn't let anyone or anything affect him, and if it does, he keeps it inside. Locked up tight. Even from me. Lex doesn't sweat it. If the world were falling down around us, Lex would simply stay calm, assess the situation and think up some brilliant plan to save us.
Lex doesn't panic, and he sure as hell doesn't cry. Except that this isn't the first time in less than twenty- four hours he's been reduced to a sobbing mess. Something is wrong, very wrong, and I need to know what it is that has Lex so upset. If I don't know what is wrong, how can I fix it?
So I'm standing outside the door. Lex is behind this closed door and he's in there sobbing. I want to run in and hold him and rock him and make the hurt go away. But I can't. He practically begged me to stay away from the room while Toby's here. I'm torn between wanting to respect his wishes for privacy and busting down this damn door to get to him.
"NO!" Lex's voice is panic stricken, terrified.
I instinctively reach for the doorknob, but then I hear Toby's voice, "You didn't tell him?" I stop and focus my super hearing.
Lex is no longer crying, and his voice is quiet, but there's still a trace of panic. "Of course I didn't tell him, and I'm not going to. He doesn't need to know."
Tell who? Me? Tell me what? What didn't you tell me Lex?
Toby's talking. "You shouldn't keep something like this to yourself Lex. It'll sit inside and eat away at you from the inside out. In all the years I've known you, you've never had anyone in your life who loves and cares about you more than that kid does."
"No. He doesn't need to know Toby. It's bad enough that he's seen me and knows that 'somebody' hurt me. If he knew it were Lionel that did it...my own fucking father...my own fucking father fucked me and has been fucking me since I was nine years old!…" Lex is still talking, but I can no longer seem to focus to keep my super hearing working. My head feels fuzzy, and I slide down the wall to the floor and try to wrap my head around what I just overheard.
Lionel? Lionel did this to him? Lex's words echo in my head, "…If he knew it were Lionel that did it..." Oh my God. "…And has been fucking me since I was nine years old…" Oh, God. Now I know why Lex didn't want me in there. He didn't want me to know that he'd been raped. Raped. The word clicks hard into my brain. RAPED. Lex was RAPED! Oh that BASTARD! He's been raping his own son for years and Lex has been keeping it a secret. Of course he's been keeping it a secret! Oh my God…Lex! Poor Lex! His own FATHER? Confusion and horror swell within me. I knew Lionel was a sick, twisted, evil man…but…this?
I feel hot and cold and sick. I'm trembling and I feel the heat building behind my eyes. An image of Lex dances in my head. Little Lex, so young, so innocent, so…so alone and completely at the mercy of a very sick, twisted father. Little memories flash in my head…an almost imperceptible flinch here, the strange, almost hollow, fleeting shadow in his gray-violet eyes…and all the pieces fit together. How could I have not seen it before?
Rage hits me like a truck and my fists clench tight. I stand up on trembling legs and try not to scream. He's NOT going to EVER hurt Lex again. My mind races with rage induced mania. I could super speed to his Metropolis Penthouse, snap his scrawny fucking neck…so easily, like a dry twig. I could ensure that he never has the chance to ever touch Lex again. I could go kill the sick mother -fucker and be back before Lex even knows I'm gone. He'd never have to know. His father would be dead and he'd be free. He would no longer have to live in fear.
I press my palm to the door and think of Lex on the other side with Toby. I don't want to leave him. But I won't be long. I won't be long at all. And besides, I know he's safe with Toby. I know what I have to do. My mind is made up. Lionel Luthor is never going hurt Lex EVER again. Because Lionel Luthor…is a dead man.
